Bound by Love's Gravity (3 page)

Guilt cut into Deke. He was so tired of the void between him and his partner. It had become this yawning space he couldn’t even begin to cross. And he felt helpless to the distance, helpless to fix it and helpless to stop it. Seventeen years together, and their relationship had been reduced to fighting and cold silence.

Frustrated, Deke raked a hand through his hair as he took one last look at the man in the mirror. He didn’t know that person. That man, the one staring back at him, had bags under his eyes and stress lines that stood out. He had a thinner face, and he had sad eyes. Surely to God, that wasn’t him. If it was…he didn’t even want to think about that.

“Damn it,” Deke growled. “I’m just torturing myself.”

Angrily, Deke spun on his heel and stalked across the cool marble tiles. He swung open the shower door then turned on the water and adjusted the temperature. As he stepped inside the glass stall, hot water pelted him, but he ignored the small annoyance and sighed heavily.

He was driving himself crazy, and over what? The fact that he wanted a woman he couldn’t have, a woman he would never have. That was insane. Most people would be thrilled to be in his shoes. He was rich and powerful and had a loving partner. That would be enough for them. But no, he had to be greedy. He had to have more. He had to have Sarah.

Guilt assailed him again, the pain twisting his gut. “Fuck me.” He needed to get a grip. Life was what people made it. And he’d made his into a catastrophe a long time ago. Standing here, wasting time and sniveling over how bad life was, was useless and pointless. He had better just suck it the hell up. If he’d survived his shitty past, he would survive this.
But at whose expense? Mine? Adam’s? Or even worse, Sarah’s?

Deke didn’t know who would pay for the sins of his past. But he had the most horrible feeling that he would find out—and soon.

Eight weeks later, January in Serenity, Kansas…

With a wistful sigh, Sarah Matthews glided her right hand across one of the lavender curtains hanging in front of her. She skimmed her fingertips along the old, worn-out window covering before slipping them between the slit dividing the two panels and opening the wool fabric just wide enough to see through.

As she peered out of her apartment window for the last time, a half smile spread across Sarah’s face. “I did it,” she whispered to no one in particular. “I made it to the first day of my new life.”

Staring down two stories at the four men piling the remnants of her belongings into the trunk of a shiny blue Mercedes Benz that would officially move her to Kinky, Kansas, Sarah felt a surge of electric energy whip through her veins. She immediately recognized the feelings assailing her senses. She was excited. And she was more than a little scared. But mostly, she was proud of herself. In that moment, she was prouder of herself than she’d ever been before.

Standing alone in her barren apartment watching her foster brother, Landon Tolliver, place the last item she was taking with her in the sedan, the impact of the moment rushed over Sarah. She realized that she’d finally managed to take one small step in a new direction, in the right direction. She’d made her first move toward the life she’d given up hope on, toward the life she’d only dreamed of. And she could barely contain her delight.

When she’d had her epiphany at Thanksgiving dinner last November about starting her life anew, she’d had no clue what she was going to be up against. The uphill battle hadn’t looked so dangerous or so steep. For her, it had been ridiculously easy to sit down surrounded by loved ones and say to herself,
Hey. I’m tired of living life like a china doll in fear of breaking. I want to be rough and tough and ready to take on the world.
But doing something about it was a whole new ball game.

“Sweet Sarah,” Katie-Anne Jacobs murmured unexpectedly, using the nickname all of the women in Serenity called her. “Are you ready to go? The guys are waiting.”

Yanking her hand from between the curtains, Sarah spun to face Katie-Anne. Not surprisingly, her sister-in-law wasn’t alone. As always, the willowy woman was accompanied by her two best friends, Jaycee Blakemore and Shannon Dalton. The two women flanked Katie-Anne’s sides, showing off yet again how different all three women were. The pint-size blonde Jaycee, the curvy redhead Shannon, and the dark-haired Katie-Anne couldn’t be more different if they’d tried.

“Yeah,” Shannon said, rubbing her barely swollen stomach that housed the twins she’d just found out she was carrying. “The men are getting antsy. I think Adam’s afraid you’ll change your mind and stay here with us.”

“Heaven forbid that should happen,” Jaycee mumbled.

Adam Stanton.
Sarah couldn’t stop the sigh that formed on her lips.
Mr. Suave.
That’s what the girls in Serenity called the beautiful man. She probably shouldn’t say he was
beautiful
. But goodness, he was.

With chestnut hair that begged her to run her fingers through its thickness and celestial blue eyes that entranced her, Adam was to-die-for delicious. His incredibly male, rock-hard form was enough to make her heart go pitter-patter in her chest. But even the sleek lines and hard contours had nothing on his heart-stopping, panty-melting smile.

Oh shish kebob. His warm, caring smile.
And then, he opened those delectable lips and spoke like the kind, generous human being he was. He just had to be sweet and loving…and absolutely perfect. And to top it off, he was meant for her. She knew it, just like she knew she was destined to be his.

But of course, life was too cruel to allow them to meet, fall in love, and live happily ever after. No, Adam had to be taken. He had to be committed to another. And irony of ironies, his partner was the other man Sarah loved, the other man she was meant to belong to. He was the one man who could keep them all apart.

Deke Andrews. Mr. Cool.
That’s what the girls called him because of his ice-cold persona. Unlike his long-term partner, Deke wasn’t the perfect man for her. He was intimidating and filthy rich and cocky as all get out. And sheesh, he was seriously sexy, too. The Dom had tall, dark, and handsome down pat.

At several inches over six feet, Deke’s powerful frame dwarfed hers. His rippling muscles and larger-than-life body overwhelmed her every sense. The nearly black hair he cut dramatically short and his insanely intense brown eyes whispered
wicked
whenever she saw him.

Naturally, Sarah’s heart was a lost cause with Deke. She had loved him and worshipped him since she was old enough to toddle around. Her body had craved him, his possessive touch and his dominant nature, since she’d learned what hormones were. Everything in her body wanted him, just as it did Adam.

“Sarah?” Jaycee asked. “Are you in there?”

Blinking, Sarah realized that her mind had slipped away.
Oops.
“Yep,” she croaked. “I’m ready.”
I think
. “Why don’t you guys head down? I want to…say good-bye to the place.”

With mumbled agreements, all three of her friends disappeared out the door. Happy to have one more minute alone, Sarah took a shuddering breath. It was odd. She’d thought she would feel sad when she left her apartment and drove away from her hometown. But she didn’t seem to be. Even with the fear of the unknown, she felt better than she had since the attack that had ripped away the woman she’d been, the attack that had stolen her very innocence.

Sarah shook her head.
No. I don’t think so.
She refused to even think about that night. She wasn’t going to let the past overshadow the prospect of her future. So rather than dwelling on all the bad things or continuing to overanalyze every emotion she felt, Sarah strode across her empty living room then walked out the door without looking back. She merely pulled the door closed behind her before locking it and turning away.

Before she realized it, Sarah had descended the stairs and was at the apartment building’s exit. Not hesitating, she stepped out the door and into the cool Kansas day. Despite the fact that it was winter, the weather seemed warmer somehow. But it could have been her imagination. At the moment, everything seemed a little bit better, a little bit brighter.

“Sweet pea,” Adam called out when he spotted her. “We need to get moving. I want to get you settled in your new place before dinner.”

My new place. That sounds so exciting.
Sarah had recently rented an apartment in a building a few miles from Deke and Adam’s BDSM club. The two men had not been thrilled that she wanted to live in downtown Kinky rather than with them at The Edge. Actually, they’d been downright irate because they’d wanted her to stay in the club, exactly where she’d been living for almost a year.

After her attack last February, the two men had set her up in a private wing of the club. They’d insisted she stay there so they could take care of her. But she wouldn’t allow them to baby her any longer. She wasn’t their girlfriend or wife. Goodness, she wasn’t even their sub.
Yet.

Oh crab cakes. I just had to go there. Didn’t I?
Sarah knew what she wanted. She wanted to explore her sexuality. And she wanted to find a way to accept her submissive nature. That was the best way to take back her life. But there were only two men she trusted enough to take her on the journey to self-discovery.

Of course, she was too afraid to ask either of them. Every day, she attempted to work up the courage to approach Deke and Adam. And every day, she wimped out. The words
Will you introduce me to BDSM?
stuck in her throat when she opened her mouth to utter them.

It’s not like they’ll say yes.
She knew Deke well. The stubborn man wouldn’t agree to her proposal. No matter what she said or did, he would fight her until he was blue in the face. But she had to try. Otherwise, she would spend her life regretting it, wondering about what could have been. When Deke told her “no,” she’d think of an alternative then, preferably not the only one she’d come up with so far—finding a Dom to help her, a man that was neither Deke nor Adam.

Swallowing around the sudden lump in her throat, she forced back her fears and smiled up at Adam. “I’m ready if you are,” she said as he strode forward and clasped her hand in his. “Just let me say good-bye to the girls.”

“Sure,” Adam agreed, squeezing her hand gently. With a smile, he brushed a fleeting kiss across her knuckles. “Deke and I’ll get rid of your brothers. We don’t want them to come along for the ride back to Kinky.”

No joke. The overprotective brutes.
Sarah smirked. “Good luck.”

“I’m going to need it,” Adam replied as he turned and walked away, leaving Sarah ogling his luscious backside.
You’re not the only one who’s going to need it.

* * * *

Hell, Adam had been joking when he told Sarah he was going to need luck to deal with Shane and Landon. But damn, he’d been wrong. He needed luck and a fucking sledgehammer. The two men weren’t exactly being cooperative at the moment, especially Landon. Shit, Adam had dealt with brick walls that were easier to move than him right now.

Flicking his gaze across the parking lot, Adam quickly checked on Sarah. She was being passed between Jaycee, Shannon, and Katie-Anne, one after another of them hugging her. With each embrace, her little body stiffened. But her obvious agitation didn’t stop her.

Adam smiled. She was improving. Three months ago, she wouldn’t have been able to deal with someone’s touch. Outside of him and Deke, she hadn’t been able to touch or be touched. It was one of the many things that Gavin Holloway had taken from her.

Remembering the man who had hurt his Sarah, the man who’d nearly taken her away from him forever, Adam gritted his teeth.
That psychotic son of a bitch.
Even now, he could still feel the fear gripping him by the balls whenever he thought about the phone call from one of Serenity’s resident psychics saying that Sarah was hurt. In just a few, simple words, Brooklyn Sokolov had nearly destroyed his world.

But today was not a day for those memories. Today was a day to be proud of Sarah and to support her. Not dwell on her pain-filled past.

With a sigh, Adam continued to gaze at Sarah. He couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from her. She was so damn beautiful his heart throbbed. There wasn’t a handful of her, but she still had the power to weaken his knees every time he looked at her. Those eyes of hers, the color of storm clouds, were his downfall. All she had to do was peer up at him, her gray depths shimmering with innocence, and he was a goner.

It was rather amusing that a tiny scrap of woman with a charmingly girlish appearance and hair the color of smooth, creamy caramel would be the one he couldn’t live without. In his entire life, he’d never once been attracted to a woman like Sarah. Everything about her screamed
kind
and
pure
and
too-damned-good-for-him-or-Deke.
Yet he couldn’t walk away. He couldn’t bear to not be able to brush her bangs back from her face when they fell over her soft eyes. He couldn’t stand the thought of not smelling the scent of vanilla blanketing her satiny skin as he hugged her close. And he couldn’t handle the prospect of not being able to talk to her. Just the sound of her voice sustained him in a way he couldn’t explain.