Authors: Lilli Feisty
But no matter what she was doing, she always felt like there was something missing. And it didn’t take a Jungian therapist to help her figure out exactly what that thing was.
“Call him!” Meg had said on Wednesday over breakfast at Savor. “Emmett says he had a really good reason for blowing off the cocktail party.”
Ruby had to admit she was curious. “I don’t know. What would I say?”
“That you miss him. That you can live with phone sex.”
“Here ya go, girls.” Bree placed a basket of croissants on the table. “I just wanted to thank you again for inviting me to see the Riders last weekend. Getting to meet Yvette after the show was… pretty fucking cool.” She ran a hand over her spiky black hair.
“No problem,” Meg said, crossing her legs. Today her tights were bright green, which went nicely with her short plaid minidress.
“So, what’s going on today, ladies? More business stuff?”
Meg glanced at the server. “I’m just trying to figure out why Ruby has decided to go celibate.”
Bree looked astounded. “Why the hell would anyone want to do that?”
“I have no idea,” Meg said. “But our friend here is pushing two men away, and I’m not sure why.”
Bree brought a chair around to their table. “I can understand the pushing-men-away thing, but the sex part? Not so much.”
“You guys don’t understand. The things I said to Mark the last time I saw him…” Ruby shook her head. “I was awful.”
“That’s what makeup sex is for,” Bree said.
Meg’s brows quirked above her sunglasses. “Okay, so you were a bitch to Mark, and now you’re afraid to call him. But why haven’t you gone out with James? You’ve been pining after him for months, but you have yet to take him up on his offer of a date. Why is that?”
Ruby slumped into her chair. “I don’t know.” She couldn’t admit that after being with Mark, she just couldn’t settle for anyone who didn’t make her heart race like he had. Or grinned like he did. Or wielded a flogger like he had.
“I’m fucked up, aren’t I?” she said, ripping apart the croissant and shoving a huge bite into her mouth.
Bree and Meg nodded.
“But you can do something about it,” Meg said. “Go see Mark. Let him explain. Emmett wouldn’t give me details, but he seems to think you’ll forgive him.”
Ruby shook her head. “We’re too busy right now.”
“Work can wait. I can handle everything.”
“I know, but come on. I don’t even know where he is. Germany or somewhere.”
“Ya, ya,” Bree said in a horrid German accent. “Go to Deutschland an’ spank heez monkee.”
Grinning, Ruby gave Bree a playful slap. “Stop it. Really. It’ll be fine. Hell, he’s probably forgotten all about me by now.” The thought made her heart hurt.
“No way,” Meg said. “He’s totally into you. All you have to do is say the word.”
She had said the word. It started with C and rhymed with wawa. “I’m sorry, Meg. I just can’t take the instability of being with him. It just wasn’t meant to be.”
On Friday night the doorbell rang and Ruby’s heart did a little leap. Would she ever hear the damn bell without thinking of Mark?
“Yes?” Ruby said into the call box.
“Surprise!”
“Claire? Is that you?”
“Yes, and I’m freezing in this damn fog. Let me in!”
Ruby buzzed her in, and a second later Claire was crushing her in a bear hug. “I’m so happy to see you!”
“You too!” Ruby said, pulling Claire even tighter. “I can’t believe you’re here!”
After a few minutes they pulled apart. Ruby eyed her sister’s small bag. “Where’s the rest of your luggage?”
“You’re looking at it.”
“God, I couldn’t even fit a weekend’s worth of shoes in that thing.”
“I guess that’s the one thing I learned from Mom. Remember what she always said?”
“If you don’t use it every day, don’t bring it!” They finished the last part together and burst into laughter.
Smiling, Ruby stood back and gave her sister the once-over. Designer jeans enclosed Claire’s long, supermodel legs, and she wore a T-shirt with lots of sparkles. She was much taller than Ruby, but her four-inch brown boots added even more height, and Ruby had to tilt her head back just to make eye contact. The only physical characteristic the sisters shared was their blue eyes.
Ruby touched a lock of Claire’s hair. “You have highlights.”
“You can never be too blonde in Hollywood,” she said.
Ruby laughed, smoothed back her ponytail. “Which is why I choose to live here in San Francisco, where anything goes.”
“Well, San Francisco really is the best place to be an individual, I’ll give you that.”
Ruby lifted Claire’s suitcase and walked to her bedroom, where she dropped it on the bed. “Make yourself at home. You want anything? Coffee? A glass of wine?”
Claire glanced at her watch. “It’s almost five. How about some wine?”
“Sounds good. You freshen up, I’ll go open a bottle. Meet you in the living room.”
Ruby went about getting out the chardonnay and glasses. All week her house had seemed extra quiet, extra dead. Just her sister’s presence cheered her up immensely.
In the living room, the sisters sat on the sofa facing each other, resting their backs against the arms of the couch.
“Cheers,” Ruby said, holding up her glass.
“Cheers!”
“How’s L.A., anyway? Any roles lately?” Ruby asked.
Claire shrugged. “Not really. But I tried out for a part in an indie film that could be awesome. It pays shit, but it would be great name recognition.” Her eyes started twinkling. “Enough of that. What I really want to know is what’s up with you and Mark St. Crow.”
Ruby shrugged “Nothing’s up. I haven’t talked with him since last Saturday.”
Just then Ruby’s cell vibrated on the coffee table. Claire had never been known to respect her sister’s privacy, and she set down her glass of wine to pick up the phone. “Oh, look! A text message. From
Rufus
.” She looked up with one quirked brow. “Rufus, huh? It says, ‘In Munich. Miss you.’ ”
“It does?” Her heart leaped. This was the first communication she’d had from Mark since he’d left.
“Rufus wants to know if you want to come to Germany. On him.” Claire glanced up. “Come on him in Germany? Hell yeah, you do.” She started typing.
“What?” Ruby set her glass on the coffee table and lunged for her sister.
But Claire had always been the more agile of the two, and she managed to avoid Ruby’s grabbing hands.
“Rufus wants to know why you won’t talk to him.”
“Claire! Stop it right now!”
“If you don’t tell me who Rufus is, I’m going to start having text-message sex on your behalf.”
“You little… !” She rolled Claire onto the ground, but her sister just sat on top of her, pinning her to the floor with her freakishly long legs.
“Oh my God! Rufus wants to know what kind of panties you’re wearing!”
Ruby’s face burned, and she glared up at her sister.
Claire talked as she typed. “Rufus,
if
that is your real name, this is Claire, Ruby’s sister. Who are you?”
“I’m going to kill you,” Ruby said, through clenched teeth.
“I’m shaking in my boots.” Then a laugh burst out of Claire’s throat. “I’m talking to Mark St. Crow!” she exclaimed, her eyes on the phone’s screen. “Oh my God! Too cool. Love your code name, by the way. Rufus. Ha!”
“Seriously. Put the phone down.
Now.
” Ruby hadn’t been able to totally delete Mark’s number from her cell phone, but she’d changed his name to Rufus. In some kind of strange attempt to forget him.
“In a minute.” Claire typed some more. “Are you boinking my sister?” she asked the phone.
“Claire!”
Her evil sister gave her an innocent smile. “What? If you’re not gonna give me any details, I’m going straight to the source.”
Ruby reached up and grabbed her sister’s hand, twisting her wrist until Claire screamed and jumped off her. “What the fuck? That hurt!”
“Good.” Ruby picked up the phone Claire had dropped and turned it off. “You know I fight dirty.”
“What’s the big deal, anyway?” she asked, massaging her wrist.
Panting, Ruby pushed herself to her feet. “I’m in love with him. Are you happy now? I’m in love with Mark St. Crow!”
“You don’t want to talk with him because you’re in love with him? Okay. That totally makes sense.
Not.
”
“Listen. You know how hard it is for me to say good-bye. With him, I’d be doing it all the time. He’s totally unreliable. I can’t live that way.”
“Right. You’re looking for Mr. Perfect.”
“Not anymore. I’ve realized there is no such thing. But that doesn’t mean I have to settle, does it?”
“Most people wouldn’t consider Mark St. Crow settling material.”
“Most people couldn’t handle the lifestyle he leads. I mean, come on, Claire. Can you see me waiting for him to come home from tour? From parties and shows all over the world?” She shook her head. “And I refuse to give up my life to follow him. I refuse to…”
“Be like Mom?” Claire asked softly. She felt Claire’s gaze on her for a second before her sister asked, “But does he make you happy?”
Ruby dropped back onto the sofa. “On occasion.”
Claire crossed her arms over her chest and gave her a look. “On occasion?”
“Yeah, when he’s not blowing me off or running away to some interview or jetting off on a last-minute tour, yeah. He makes me happy.”
“So, when he’s not living his life, things are good.” She picked up her glass.
“It sounds so lame when you put it that way,” Ruby said, shaking her head.
“I just think you have something with Rufus. I don’t want to see you throw it away because you’re scared. Now, I’m gonna go slip into something more comfortable, like my pajamas.” She sauntered off toward the bedroom.
Ruby stared after her, her pulse racing. Claire was right. She was so afraid of taking a chance with Mark, but was this any better? Why did it feel like not trying to make something work with Mark was the bigger risk?
A loud scream snapped her attention back and she ran to the bedroom. “Claire? What’s wrong?” Her heart thudded in her ears; it was too much like her dream.
But when she got to her room, she saw it wasn’t a dream. This was Ruby’s own personal nightmare.
Claire had Ruby’s black bag of toys on her bed.
“Oh my God!” Ruby ran over and tried to pull the bag away from her sister.
“I don’t think so,” Claire said, holding on to a nylon strap. She pulled out the leather cuffs and then the flogger. “Wow. So my big sister is a total perv!”
Ruby’s face burned with shame. “Claire, I can explain.”
Claire kept going. A paddle, left by Mark, was next. “You know, there are rumors of Mark being into this kind of shit, but I never, not in a million years, would have thought my own sister was so dirty.” She pulled out the blue butt plug. Luckily, Ruby had put it through the dishwasher before she stashed the thing.
Ruby collapsed on the bed and dropped her face into her hands. “I’m sorry, Claire. I’m so sorry. You must be disgusted by me.”
Claire just shook her head. “I… I don’t know what to think. I think I’m in shock.”
Ruby’s gaze landed on the remote-controlled vibrator. “So am I. I never thought I’d like… this.”
“But you do?” Claire asked.
Ruby rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands. “Yeah. I think so.”
Claire’s gaze softened. “Listen. This is a—” She stopped and laughed wryly. “A big surprise. But it’s not like I’m going to disown you. It’s not like, say, you’re a Republican or something.”
“It’s just that you always say I’m your role model. What kind of role model likes to be tied up and spanked?” She flung herself back on the bed and squeezed her eyes shut. “Oh God! I can’t believe I just said that! To my sister!”
She felt the bed dip and then Claire’s hand on her own. “Okay, that was TMI. But Ruby, as long as you’re happy, it’s okay. Frankly, I’m kind of glad I discovered this little secret of yours.”
Ruby opened her eyes and met Claire’s gaze. “What? Why?”
Her sister shrugged. “I dunno. It makes you more real somehow. Less perfect.”
“Oh, honey. I am anything but perfect.”
“I’m glad you’re starting to realize it,” Claire teased. “Anyway, have you always been so kinky? Or did Mark turn you on to the dark side?”
Ruby thought about it a few seconds. “I guess I always was, but he’s the one who really showed me it was part of who I am.”
“That’s cool. I’m glad you’re able to accept it about yourself, sis.”
“You know what?” Ruby asked, staring vacantly at the toys around her. “I don’t think I had. Until now.”
“You’re welcome. Now, let’s recap. You’re pervy; Mark’s pervy. You love him; he’s obviously interested in you. So tell me, sis, what’s the problem again?”
Ruby opened her mouth to speak, but no sound emerged. She had no answer.
* * *
Ruby had hired a taxi to take her sister to the airport and on Sunday morning they pulled up to the curb at the terminal. “I’m not going to cry,” Ruby said.
“Neither am I.” But there were tears spilling out of both women’s eyes.
“Give me a hug.” Ruby pulled her sister into her arms and held her tightly. “I’ll miss you.”
“You too.”
“Bye, Claire Bear.”
Claire pulled back, looking surprised. “You said good-bye.”
Ruby started. “So?”
“Yeah. You haven’t said good-bye to me since… well, you’ve never done it. Usually you just say, ‘See you next Christmas’ or something.”
“I don’t know, I guess it just came out.”
Good-bye is not forever, just a fleck of time.
The words of Mark’s song hummed their way into her brain.
Claire stared at her for a silent moment. “You know, you’ve changed since I saw you last.”
“You think so?”
“Definitely. You seem less edgy, more comfortable.” Claire chucked her on the shoulder. “Maybe it’s all that kinky shit.”
“Stop. Go or you’ll be late.”
“Okay. Bye, sis.”
“Good-bye, Claire.” She watched until the sliding doors of the airport terminal closed behind her sister. After, Ruby did what most women did when faced with a case of the blues. She went shopping. By noon she found herself in retail heaven, San Francisco’s Union Square. But she preferred the smaller shops over the department stores, so she made her way to her favorite side street, Maiden Lane.