Read Boxed Set: At the Billionaire’s Command – Vol. 1-3 Online
Authors: Lucy Jones
I want to unpack my bags before going to sleep and put the souvenirs of the weekend in a cupboard, so they would not the first thing I'd see when I woke up the next day.
Opening my suitcase, I saw an envelope placed on top of my clothes. My name was written on it, I recognised Daniel's handwriting. A break-up letter? Confession? I trembled, my heart racing. Inside the envelope there was a plane ticket for Paris, dated July 25th, and a few words scribbled on a card:
“Arrangements have been made with Mr. Guttierez.
D.W.”
I hadn't unpacked my suitcase from the weekend in Long Island. I hadn't put my things away. I couldn't think about the words “The End”.
That would have been easier. Daniel Wietermann had flown home: end of story. I would undoubtedly bear the stigmata of our encounter in my heart and on my body. There was no doubt that the ghost of Daniel would often come and haunt me. But that would have been easier. I would have written a very different story on these pages.
I didn't want to forget, but I didn't want to compromise myself by hoping. Telling myself that our budding relationship and our sensual adventures were over meant accepting it, making myself available and moving on with my life.
I knew that the Julia who returned home wouldn't be the same as the one who'd left. As well as feeling different, I felt more aware. I'd needed to leave in order to find myself. Daniel had brought me out of my shell and enabled me to discover more of who I was. He had taken me to the very depths of my being. I knew that this was just the start of the journey, but (to ease my suffering, to free myself from the weight of anger, to stop constantly bombarding myself with questions to which there were no answers, to stop imprisoning myself in remorse and regrets) I wanted to be grateful to him for this first step. I didn't feel any bitterness towards him, in fact I wanted to keep our adventure as a wonderful memory, or even enhance the memory, if that would make my heart happy.
Thank you, Daniel, for what you've revealed to me, for turning on the lights. I won't forget you. Good luck!
But all these positive resolutions were just imaginary apparitions. And what a reasonable mind produces, the body sometimes rejects. The mind cannot control everything. The body also expresses its opinion. The body protests and wants to have its say.
And my body was already missing him. My body did not want to be without Daniel’s caresses. My body wanted more. It felt bereaved, empty and unattractive so far away from Daniel’s gaze, and it felt dull without the touch of his hands. Everything Daniel lavished on me brought it to life, made it beautiful, made it blossom. My body intuitively told me that I couldn't avoid suffering, questions and conflicts. That it was pointless to try and be detached against such a strong attraction.
My body is still burning, Mr Fire, with the fire that you started. Don’t let it consume itself.
I hadn't unpacked my suitcase from the weekend in Long Island. I was sitting on my bed, staring at the plane ticket and the note from Daniel grasped in my hand. I read and reread them so many times, the letters all blurred together and I could no longer make them out.
When I'd discovered the envelope, my heart had leapt in my chest, my stomach had tightened and my limbs had trembled. Then, when I had taken out the contents of the envelope, I had almost jumped for joy and my whole being had smiled.
So Daniel Wietermann wants to see me again!
But the euphoria of the discovery had dissipated. Did I really have that many reasons to celebrate? Why was I so keen to see this man again? What did this envelope really mean? Should I really rejoice upon reading so few words:
“It has been arranged with Mr Gutierrez”
? Daniel hadn't written
“I can’t wait for you any longer, Julia, I’m missing you already”
or
“Come and join me, Julia. I love you”
or anything like that. No, Daniel had written,
“It has been arranged with Mr Gutierrez”
Admittedly, this sentence hinted at our liaison and suggested some kind of complicity. It was like a wink, and I could imagine the smile following it. But it said nothing about Daniel and about his deeper feelings. It was superficial and revealed nothing, intending neither to convince nor to charm. It said,
“What I want, I get”
,
“I control everything”
and
“Do what I tell you”
.
I stared at the aeroplane ticket and Daniel’s short note and I felt both happy (that he hadn't left without a word) and disappointed (by the brevity of those words). Would I get on that plane? I had three days to think about it…
I lay down, still clutching the pieces of paper which connected me to Daniel Wietermann, and I fell asleep fully dressed.
Sleeping on it did not help, as I was not thinking any more clearly on Monday morning. I dragged my body to reception, aching from being dressed all night.
I asked customers the same thing twice, made them repeat their questions, gave them the wrong keys and had no idea what I was doing. Daniel Wietermann obsessed me. What did I know about him? What did I feel for him? What should I say, what should I do? I felt defenceless; I knew so little about love, sex and relationships between men and women… I felt as if I did not know the codes or have the necessary weapons, and as if the stratagems were beyond me.
I took advantage of my mid-morning break to shut myself in my room and check my emails. I knew that telling Sarah all my problems would help clear my mind and that she would give me some good advice.
From
Sarah [email protected]
Date
Monday 23 July 2012 9:32
To
Julia [email protected]
Subject
Paradise on earth
My dear Julia,
It’s been a week since I last wrote to you – I’m sorry. But when you find out that my reunion with Luca was the cause of my silence, I’m sure you won’t hold it against me too much, not after your recent behaviour…
Luca and I have hardly been apart since we met up again. From isolated rock to deserted creek, from a small boat to an underwater cave, our bodies have been playing hide and seek, revelling in each other. We have nothing else to do with our days than cool our bodies in the water, gaze at each other, caress our sun-warmed skin and enjoy ourselves. We spend our time half-naked, free and relaxed. It’s paradise and Luca is an incredible lover.
Let me tell you about yesterday afternoon, as that will give you an glimpse of the sensual games we've been playing.
Just like almost every day, we decided to go for a ride along the coast in Luca’s little white boat, to find a quiet place or somewhere we hadn’t yet visited. We drifted along slowly, on a smooth, clear sea. Luca was sitting down steering the boat. I was lying down, basking in the sun. One hand was hanging nonchalantly over the edge of the boat and skimming the water and I was shading my eyes with my other hand so I could get a better view of Luca. The sun was in my eyes and his silhouette, like a majestic figurehead with blurred contours and faded colours, resembled an old colour photograph. His face, like a Greek statue, with its wavy hair, was bathed in a halo of light. His youthful beauty seemed eternal, almost unreal. Luca was like a star dazzling me, so much so that my head was spinning. I stood up, took off my bathing costume and dived in without warning. When I re-surfaced, I burst out laughing at Luca’s surprised face. The whole creek resonated with his laugh, as he quickly moored the boat to a rock and jumped into the water to join me. We were both swimming, naked and carefree. I adored swimming around him, under him, over him, brushing up against him as I did so. He tried to catch me by the ankle or by the waist, but I escaped and then swam back towards him. In the clear water, we could see the perfect contours of our bodies. I stopped swimming away from him, letting him reach out for me and get close to me.
We were getting aroused by the caresses of the water and our bodies brushing against each other and soon we found ourselves touching. I put my arms around his neck, pulled him towards me and kissed him on the mouth. He caught hold of my legs, wrapped them around his waist and held them there by squeezing my butt in his hands. I could feel his sex harden against mine.
Suddenly, I broke away to get my breath back and to see his desire for me in his eyes. We looked at each other for a moment, then he dived down and swam slowly between my legs, letting his finger slide down the line of my butt . I quivered with pleasure and began to swim very quickly towards the beach, with him following me.
We embraced, lying in the warm sand, radiant with joy and dripping with salty water and desire. We turned towards each other, driven by the fervour of our embrace and our kisses. Our tongues wandered over each other’s necks, breasts, thighs and crotches. We tasted of salt. We devoured each other hungrily. I was on fire. Something was screaming inside me. My body’s needs became more precise and more intense. I immobilised Luca, kneeled down, placed his body between my thighs and sat on his erect cock. He plunged into me, filling and completing me. I was transported by his tender, gentle movements and carried away by the harmony between us; I felt beautiful, strong and alive with a divine energy. As our limbs weakened, an inner tension rose inside us. We exploded in the same breath, clinging to each other.
I don’t know which one of us ran into the water first but we quickly plunged back into the sea, driven by an incredible life force. Then the small white boat carried us somewhere else…
Julia, I wanted to share a bit of my happiness with you. Perhaps make you smile and make you think about something else for a while. Try and ease the pain you seem to be feeling.
Did you find out who that Camille was? Do you have any hope of seeing this Daniel again? Would it not be better if you forgot him? I've never seen you like this. And I am a bit worried…
Write to me soon.
lots of love,
Sarah
From
Julia [email protected]
Date
Monday 23 July 2012 10:40
To
Sarah [email protected]
Subject
Uncertainty
My dear Sarah,
Thank you for your email. I was quite moved when I read it, and a bit of your happiness and cheerfulness has rubbed off on me. That’s just what I need at the moment.
Yesterday, just after I wrote to you, dejected at Daniel’s departure, I found an envelope. Daniel had put a plane ticket to Paris in it for me, for July twenty-fifth. There was also a hand-written note telling me that everything had been taken care of with my boss. My mind has been in turmoil since I found it. I feel both happy and disappointed, fragile and strong, confused and resolved, excited and scared. Undecided.
What should I do? Should I get on that plane or not?
My knowledge of love affairs is limited to the books I’ve read, the films I’ve seen and the women I’ve heard. What I know about them comes from other people, through listening and understanding. But I know nothing through experience, because I've lived through it and experienced the emotions. I've been able to figure out a general framework and paint an idealised picture, but the reality is different to what I imagined, the reality is beyond me.
It's not only because of my ignorance, but also because of the specific nature of Daniel Wietermann, because of this particular, magnetic yet unattainable, fascinating person. What would a man like that want with a girl like me? I am nothing like those models in glossy magazines, or those sophisticated, haughty, calculating heroines, those femmes fatales who have lots of money and experience and know how to manipulate men. On the surface it's a woman like that, who Daniel Wietermann needs…
However, I did sometimes believe that he really liked me and I don’t think there is anything deceitful about him, he seems honest and straightforward. Tortured (and torturer), cold, distant and authoritarian, unable to tolerate either contradiction or opposition, but honest.
I would like to hear him say something loving and verbalise his loving feelings – if he has any for me. Pride? Sentimentality? No, the need to be reassured, the need to be loved and to be told I am loved. If he wants me to join him, why not ask me outright, using affectionate words?
He became talkative during our most intimate moments, but he never opened his heart to me. He gave orders, complimented my skills, described his desires and talked about his pleasure. “Fuck”, “take”, yes; but never “make love”. Was his attraction purely sexual?
Daniel is a man of action, not a man of words. He prefers to act rather than linger over conversation. Fair enough. He gives orders, controls and dismisses, he has that power. And, whether in private or not, it changes nothing, he makes the decisions and his power applies to me too.
Getting on that plane means setting off on an adventure that I know will not be easy. Taking that flight means giving my consent and agreeing to submit to his rules. Is that what I want? Am I ready for that?
What do you think, my dear Sarah? Help me.
love,
Julia
P.S. Contrary to all our hypotheses, Camille is Daniel’s father
When I got back to the reception desk, Tom asked what I'd been worrying about all morning.
"
Is everything ok, Julia?
"
I thought it was time to tell him everything. His friendly support and male perspective would surely be beneficial.
"
Do you have any plans for tonight?
"
"
No…
"
"
Do you want to take me out for dinner?
"
"
Of course!
"
"
I’ll tell you everything…
"
After our shift, Tom took me for dinner in a small, unpretentious restaurant which made some of the the best hamburgers in the city. I told him everything (apart from a few, major, details). He listened attentively, without interrupting me. And then after I had finished, he said calmly,
"
Julia, thank you for trusting me and for your deep friendship. I’m very fond of you and I don’t want to see you sad. I hate predators, powerful men. But I can see that you’re addicted to this guy. I have no advice. You are the only one who can decide whether or not to see him again. Please don’t agree to anything that you don’t truly desire deep in your heart. Take care of yourself. Whatever happens, whatever you do, I’ll be there for you if you need me."