Boxed Set: Rocked by a Billionaire – Vol. 1-3 (14 page)

What kind of armor had he built up so he didn't have to admit his wounds were still raw? But I didn't say anything; I didn't let him know my doubts about his ability to manage his pain. It must have been hard for him to confess to some of his past ... He wanted to be stronger, always stronger ... but deep down was he really that strong?

Although I was dying to know a little more about the details, to forage deeper down, I restrained myself ... I felt he would be annoyed if I asked for a few more snippets of his past. And he'd changed the subject, reminding me that my flight to Paris was in the morning and that I could stay in France for as long as I needed to.

As sometimes happens, unhappiness unites and problems get forgotten. This was the case with Sacha. We didn't talk about our heated argument and we hadn't really "sorted" out our differences ... I knew a little more about him, but there were so many grey areas. Why was he so angry with his brother - I mean, his half-brother? What role had his mother played in all this? He remained very vague, very mysterious. And I wasn't very reassured about my role in his life
"Don't ask me for you more than I can give you."
Those were his words ... Not very reassuring at all. At the same time, could I blame him for not giving me more? We had only known each for a few weeks. I never confessed my feelings to him. My feelings? What feelings were those, exactly? I'd never really dealt with this question to be honest. Everything was going so fast. And I was admittedly afraid. Afraid of getting lost, afraid of losing him and afraid of being hurt.

We fell asleep fully dressed and the next morning, after a quick shower, we made love. It was not sex for sex. It was different and, for me at least, there was a feeling that together our bodies had sealed something new.

Sacha took me to the airport and I boarded the plane with a knot in the pit of my stomach ... I was horrified at the thought that my life could still swing in the wrong direction ... that now Maddie could leave me and that Sacha might also disappear from the scene.

I went straight to the emergency room when I got to Paris without even dropping my bags off at the apartment. The latest news when I got off the plane seemed promising ... Maddie had had a stroke and was in a coma ... but the clinical signs showed that she could wake up in the hours that followed. There was no way I wanted her to wake up alone in a hospital room.

I stayed at Maddie's bedside all day and all night. She was no longer in intensive care, so I could stay with her as long as I wanted. I read to her, spoke to her and sang to her as well. After a while I fell asleep. When I opened my eyes after a short nap, I saw that she was looking at me, smiling.

"Lisa, darling, how lovely to see you..."

Her voice was not quite the same, which might have been due to extreme fatigue, but it was Maddie, my Maddie. I was so afraid of what might happen during the never-ending wait, but the mere fact that she could speak and that she recognized me was a huge relief.

"Oh, Maddie, I was so scared..."

"Life wouldn't be as funny if there were no surprises, would it?" she said, smiling. "What happened to me?"

"You fainted at the opera! They brought you straight here and you fell into a coma. The doctors told me that you had had a stroke..."

"Oh yes, I remember ... the opera singer sang so badly. ... That must be why I ended up here!"

I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Oh, Maddie, even when lying in a hospital bed, she was still herself!

Reassured by Maddie's awakening and the latest test results, the doctors advised me to go and get some rest ... I took the subway and returned to Maddie's apartment - my Parisian apartment before this whole adventure began.

My God, how long had it been since I last took the subway? My life had changed dramatically in just a few weeks ... The frumpy girl who went to university on a bicycle, was that really me?

Now I had a car with a chauffeur to drive me around or, at the very least, a taxi! My student life in Paris seemed to date back to the last century, at least...and yet, I still looked the same, only my clothes had changed ... But deep inside me I felt profoundly changed... And not just because Sacha had introduced me to a world full of luxury and glitter ... I also felt like I had aged ten years ... but not in the negative sense of the word ... rather -matured, yes that was it, I had matured. I definitely felt more feminine, more sure of myself. I knew this was due to my relationship with Sacha, even though he baffled me, even though I never knew where I stood with him and always felt as if I was skating on thin ice.

When I walked into the apartment, I felt that particular comfort of coming home. It was my home and I had only one desire: to sit in an armchair, serve myself a glass of wine and put
The Nutcracker
on, as I had done so often with Maddie. But what I really needed was a good shower! I felt so tired when I got out of the shower, though, that I went straight to bed without drinking a glass of wine or listening to
The Nutcracker
. The next day, I was well rested and I left straight for the hospital. Maddie was in great shape! She had asked the nurses for a radio and the newspaper, thinking that maybe this was a hotel. She had also complained about the breakfast service, which she had found to be of very poor quality. There was no doubt about it, Maddie was much better!

"The service in this hospital is appalling, my darling," she said, kissing me. "I hope I can get out of here soon!"

"Maddie, please, I said with a stern look ... don't start, OK ... You're going to listen to the doctors and wait patiently for them to give you the green light. This is not something minor that has happened and you're bound to be tired..."

"Apparently I'm not the only one! I think you're very pale, honey, and you look like you've lost weight! Is everything going well in New York?"

"Oh ... yes ... yes ... but actually, I was in Hong Kong when I heard about your accident, not New York. Jet lag, which explains the dark circles!"

"Yes, of course, darling ... I hope your lawyer doesn't make you work too hard?"

"Don't worry ... everything is fine."

"Alright, but be careful, Lisa! Okay? And I'm not talking about the job!"

I spent the whole day with Maddie ... The doctors were quite confident she would be able leave at the end of the week. Three days. I decided to return to New York once Maddie was back home, but in the meantime, I fussed over her and made the most of my stay in Paris to see my friends. I spoke to Sacha several times on the phone and we exchanged e-mails, only very professional emails. Anyway, I didn't really expect any messages steeped in love!

I chased Sacha from my mind and decided to give Jess a call. I had spoken to her when I arrived in Paris and of course we'd promised to meet up. I made a time to meet with her that evening in the Latin Quarter. We fell into each other's arms. We hadn't seen each other since my pathetic escape to her aunt's in New York; we had a million things to talk about! We drank a glass or two, and then we went and had dinner in a small restaurant in the area. Jess was radiant. She had got a job at the European Court of Human Rights and was about to leave for Strasbourg. For so early in our careers, the two of us had not done too badly at all! We parted, promising to meet again very soon, even though we both knew that it would be a bit complicated. I took a taxi home and flopped down on my bed. I took out my cell phone. It was one in the morning, I had completely lost track of the time... Oh shit, I had five missed calls from Sacha; there must have been no signal at the restaurant. There was also a message. I listened, a little worried. He was definitely angry! Why didn't I answer my phone even though I knew very well he wanted to be able to reach me anytime, no matter where I was (
I had to justify myself now
) ... Basically, it was a general interrogation. I almost smiled except that in the last seconds of the message, I heard a different voice, that of Natalia, asking him why he was shouting at an answering machine!

My blood ran cold ... I wasn't going to call him at this hour as I wasn't sure I could control my emotions on the phone. I opened my mailbox and wrote.

I clicked on "send" and waited, trembling, for Sacha's reply ... I knew that I had ventured onto a very slippery slope.

I didn't have to wait long for his reply.

The time difference ... what an idiot! I had been blinded by my jealousy …

I was pathetic from all points of view this time. I waited for ten minutes in front of the screen. No answer ... this time I had gone too far ... I may have lost Sacha because of my stupid jealousy, this lack of trust that obsessed me and this fear of being left. I shut my computer, annoyed ... and literally didn't sleep a wink.

The next evening, I did some shopping after the hospital and went home with the firm intention of trying to put the record straight. I'd thought about it all day and decided I was not going to just let him slip away like that.

I turned the key in the lock ... but the door was open! I walked in slowly and keeping close to the wall, I grabbed an umbrella in the hall. I could always defend myself if I came across a thief ... my heart was beating at a hundred miles an hour when I entered the lounge.

I dropped the umbrella which fell to the ground. Sacha was sitting in Maddie's favorite chair.

I didn't have any time to ask him what he was doing there because he began his long-winded lecture.

"Before anything else, we need to get the record straight: firstly, Natalia is a very dear friend, we have strong ties that you could not even begin to understand... So yes, she's a part of my life, whether you like it or not. Secondly, as long as you are in a private relationship with me, you must promise not see any other man, is that understood? If you can respect these two points, we can move on and forget your conduct."

Respect? My conduct? I was flabbergasted by such arrogance...

"Can you tell me how you got into my apartment?"

He seemed disconcerted by my question.

"I went to the hospital and your aunt gave me the keys, but please don't change the subject."

"I think it's very much the subject..." I sat in front of him, my legs shaking so much I was afraid I was going to fall apart. "You let yourself into my home, you make me feel ... feel like a whore, ready to take on any guy, you dictate the rules to me ... and I ... just have to shut up, is that right?" Maybe I exaggerated a bit over Natalia, but you lied to me about her. Do I need to remind you of all your big speeches? And what about the others, huh? The ones you don't want to talk about! So I have to take a vow of chastity, tell you everything. I told you about my mother, and you in return - what have you actually got planned? I'm not an object Sacha ... I ... I ... I have feelings..." (This was all very incoherent, the words were buzzing in my head. I had gone over everything so much the night before that everything came out at once.)

"Feelings? Liz..." (He had become as gentle as a lamb.) Do you understand that I must also protect myself?"

"No, I don't understand! Protect you from what? Me?"

"No, not you. Oh, Liz, I told you, there is nothing premeditated with you ... I vowed never to relive something ... serious ... all that is beyond me! You drive me crazy! The idea of you with someone else drives me crazy..."

"But I'm not with anyone else, Sacha." (I got up and sat next to him.) "Why don't you trust women? Because of your mother? Because of Natalia? No, I know, because of Allisson Green? That's it, isn't it? Sacha? Enlighten me, please..."

"Liz ... stop ... please, stop," and to shut me up, he kissed me with such passion that I fell backwards onto the couch."

I obviously did drive him crazy! He was crazy, mad with desire. His hands crept under my T-shirt, his mouth kissed every inch of my face. I arched against him. No more long speeches, no more discussions. We put this latest argument behind us in exchange for a torrid night.

The next day, Sacha left at dawn. He had only come to France for 24 hours and had to spend the day at Courcelles Investments. The final agreement between the two firms were to be signed and the two companies would be bound forever. We parted with the promise to meet again upon my return to New York, two days later.

With Sacha gone, I returned to the hospital to see Maddie with a lighter heart than the day before ... although I knew that everything would always be very complicated with Sacha Goodman. And yet, I felt that I couldn't live without him. I was totally convinced that I would do anything to keep him and my knee-jerk reactions at the mere mention of the names of women who were important or had been important to him were a clear sign of this. And if necessary, I was ready to defend my territory. Yes, my territory, my Sacha. I was not ashamed to think like this. I had no intention of sharing him with anyone. But I would have to control my emotions.
"Natalia is a very dear friend, we have strong ties that you could not even begin to understand ... so yes, she is a part of my life, whether you like it or not."
Those were his words ... what could tie them together to such an extent? How could I fight? I felt pathetic next to her! And Allisson? Why did he refuse to talk about her? What did he mean when he said that he didn't want to get involved in something serious? Was he always going to hide me? Would I only be good enough for sex games (I suffered horribly at the mere thought of this). No, it could not boil down to that. I couldn't be that mistaken about him, could I? He had showed me several times that he cared about me. And so? So what? Always the same tangled web.