They went to the park manager and asked for help
in locating the phone.
“I heard about you two,” she said. “You are the
ones making it so hard for our janitor today. If you want to find
your phone, you have to help him clean the trash out of the
way.”
They each got a broom and joined the zombie, who
kept whistling even while sweeping up piles of litter. The
teenagers were grumpy about the chore, but the zombie always seemed
to be in a good mood.
The longer they worked alongside the zombie, the
more their spirits rose. Soon, they began to have fun with their
work.
Finally, the whole park was clean. As the boys
swept away the last pile of trash, their dustbin started ringing.
They had found the phone.
As they left the park at the end of the night,
they said to the janitor, “We’re sorry we called you a dirty
zombie. You do an excellent job of keeping this park clean.”
****
Jumper
A crowd had
formed at the base of the building. They were watching with morbid
fascination at the figure perched on the edge twenty stories
above.
Meanwhile, a police officer stood in the room
behind the teenage boy. “Come on in here and let’s talk about it,”
he said.
“I don’t want to,” the young man said.
“Then can I come out there with you?” the
officer asked.
“I don’t care.”
The man went to the window and sat on the edge,
with his feet on the ledge next to the boy’s. “What’s your name
son?”
“Don’t call me that!” he yelled as he leaned
closer to the edge.
“Whoa, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it,”
the cop panicked.
“I’m not your son!” said the teenager, but he
leaned back towards the window.
“No, I’m sorry.” He sat quiet for a minute,
giving the kid a chance to calm down. “So, what’s your name?”
“I’m Sam.”
“Nice to meet you Sam. I’m Officer Raymond
Dougherty, but you can call me Ray.”
Sam just nodded.
After a bit, Sam said, “You want to know why I’m
up here, don’t you?”
“Only if you want to tell me.”
“My dad died.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
The kid was crying. “He wasn’t like most dads.
He could be stupid sometimes, you know? But he was a cool dad.”
“How’d he die?” asked the cop.
“Car crash,” said Sam. “Fucking drunk
driver.”
“Tell me something about your dad,” said Officer
Dougherty.
“One time, he took me water skiing. He’d never
been before, and neither had I. But I said I wanted to try it, so
we went. And he crashed so much.” He laughed. “He was so sore the
next day, but he said it was totally worth it. It was so much
fun.”
“He does sound like a cool dad. My dad was a
pretty good guy too. We never went skiing, but we would go hunting
a lot.”
“Yeah, that’s cool,” said Sam. “How’d your dad
die?”
“He hasn’t. But he’s not really my dad anymore.
He’s got Alzheimer’s, can’t even remember me. And he’s really sick,
can’t even get out of bed. I know that’s not how he wanted to go.”
Officer Dougherty sighed. “Didn’t expect I would go before
him.”
“Wait, you’re not...” the kid looked at him,
actually looked at him this time. “You’re a zombie?”
“Yep,” said the man. “But I take good care of
myself. It can be hard to tell.”
“How’d it happen?”
“I got hit by a drunk driver too, but I didn’t
die. The ambulance came and got me, but in the ER, I got a bad
blood transfusion.”
“Oh,” said Sam, and they sat in silence for a
little while. Then he asked, “Do you have kids?”
“Nope,” said the cop. “Never got the
chance.”
“Do you want kids?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I guess I’d like to
have kids, but I don’t really think about it. It’s just not
possible, you know.”
“You could adopt.”
“Yeah.”
“Would you be my dad?” asked Sam.
Officer Dougherty smiled. “I would be honored to
have you as a son.”
And they walked out of the building
together.
****
Christmas Necklace
December 23rd is one of the worst days of
the year.
I’m a Scrooge, I hate Christmas. Therefore, I
leave all my Christmas shopping until the last minute. So pushing
through other shoppers, trying to get the last fuzzy whatever for
my nephews and nieces, doesn’t help my attitude any.
Every year, I resolve to order everything
online. And every freaking year, I wait too long and end up going
to Mega Mart for everything.
To top it off, this year it was snowing like
crazy, and nobody knows how to drive in that crap. So by the time I
pulled into the improperly plowed parking lot, I was already
grumpy.
When I walked into the store, the greeter smiled
at me and said, “Merry Christmas! Is there anything I can help you
find?”
How dare he be so cheery when I was so pissed
off? I gave him a weak smile and said, “No thanks.”
While I was paying attention to Mr. Shit Eating
Grin, I stepped on the foot of some poor kid. I dropped my angry
demeanor for a second and sincerely apologized to him. He said he
was sorry back to me. Good kid.
As I walked away, I heard his dad say, “Go look
around in toys. I’m going to go get your mom’s prescription.”
I made my way around the store, filling my cart.
I expected to see the kid in the toys section, but he wasn’t there.
For some reason, I kept an eye out for him as I shopped, but he
wasn’t in the sports section (would a football for my nephew be too
cliché?), and he wasn’t playing on the games systems in electronics
(what type of music would my teenage niece like?)
After I had given up seeing him again, I was
surprised to run into him in the jewelry department. I was picking
up a ruby pendant in the shape of a heart for my girlfriend. He was
looking intently through the costume jewelry. Before I continued
with my other shopping (Would it be tacky to get my mom Archer
cookies? She loves those things.), I shot the kid a quick
smile.
When he smiled back in understanding, I found
that I wasn’t so grumpy anymore. Maybe there was some Christmas joy
in this world afterall.
Finally, I took everything to the checkout
lanes, and found myself behind the kid. He put a cheap gold
necklace that said, “MOM” on it in Australian crystal on the
counter.
As if she were being bothered, the clerk didn’t
even say hi to the kid, she just scanned the necklace. “Twelve
thirty nine,” she said in the most bored yet annoyed voice
possible.
She audibly sighed when the kid handed her a
Ziploc baggie full of change. I wanted to say, “Give him a chance,
he’s just a kid,” but I knew it wouldn’t do any good.
After counting through all the change, she said
to him, “There’s only eleven dollars and ninety eight cents
here.”
“I’m sorry ma’am, can you count it again?” He
could tell she was about to say no, but he interrupted, “See, my
mom is sick. We’re going to the hospital to see her tonight. Daddy
said she might not get to come home, and I want to get her
something special for Christmas.”
By the look on her face, I could tell she didn’t
care, and she was just going to give the change back to the kid and
tell him to ask his dad for more money. Before she could say
anything, I leaned down to the kid and whispered, “Don’t tell
anyone, but I’m helping Santa out this year. He told me to stop by
the hospital after this to see who needed presents. It would sure
save me a lot of work if I could buy that necklace for your mom for
you.”
The boy thought it over for a second then said,
“Well, okay.”
“Thanks buddy,” I said. Then turned to the
impatient clerk and said, “Ring that up with the rest of my
stuff.”
I walked to the exit with the kid, where his dad
was waiting for him, looking worried. “I looked all around for you.
You weren’t in toys. Where have you been?”
“I was buying a present for mom,” he said. He
took his dad’s hand, winked at me, and said, “Bye mister!”
“Wait a second!” I called before they got out of
my sight. Rummaging through my bags, I found the necklace for my
girlfriend. I took it out of its nice box, and handed the box to
the kid. “Put your mom’s present in that. It’ll be safer than the
plastic it came in.”
“Thanks!” he said, took the box, and ran back to
his dad.
As I was pulling out of the parking lot, I
noticed the two of them waiting in the snow for the bus. I pulled
up to the bus stop and said, “It’s a nasty night out tonight. Can I
take you somewhere?”
The dad seemed to think about it a minute before
giving in. “Thank you so much,” he said. “Can you take us to the
hospital?”
I suspected that was the answer I would get, so
I said, “Sure.”
We drove to the hospital in silence, but when we
got there, instead of pulling up to the entrance, I parked and
walked in with them. “Is your wife here?” I asked the man.
“Yeah,” he said in a tired voice.
“How about I get you a cup of coffee and come up
with you?” I suggested.
“That’s too nice of you,” he said. “Are you an
insurance salesman? Or a lawyer?”
“Nope,” I assured him. “I’m an IT guy. But it’s
practically Christmas, and you look like you could use some
help.”
I followed the two of them up to the Intensive
Care Unit and into an empty room. The dad gave a confused look, and
the little kid said, “Where’s mommy?”
The three of us went back out to the nurse’s
desk. “Oh, your wife has been moved,” said the nurse, and she got
the doctor.
The doctor led us to another floor, talking
along the way. “I have some bad news and possibly some good
news.”
“Give me the bad news first,” said the dad.
“Your wife passed away a few hours ago,” the
doctor said. Before the dad and son could react, the doctor
continued, “But she came back to life.”
“You mean she’s a zombie?” said the dad.
The doctor nodded, and opened the door to a
room. A rather haggard woman sat on a bed inside. “Mom!” cried the
boy, and ran into her arms. “I got you a present,” he said, but
stopped.
He turned to me. “Wait, can I still give it to
her?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Does Santa give presents to zombies?”
“Of course,” I said, fighting back tears. “Santa
gives presents to everyone, undead and alive alike.”
****
Lost Kitten
“Fluffy! There you are! I’m going to love you and
hug you and put your fur in bows!”
Four year old Sally Lou chased the long haired
white cat across the living room.
“Honey,” said her mom, “leave the poor cat
alone.”
But like usual, Sally Lou caught up with the
kitten. Well, at a year old, Fluffy was out of her kittenhood. The
cat wished only that the human child would be out of her kittenhood
too.
The cat lay like a rag doll in Sally Lou’s grip.
It was useless to struggle. Even if she hid well enough that the
girl wouldn’t find her, it would only be for a limited time. And
although Fluffy refused to admit it, she did like being brushed by
the child. It was the bows and barrettes that were annoying.
Sometimes it took forever for her to find them all and get them all
off.
And then, after Sally Lou was done torturing
Fluffy, her mom would put out a special tin of cat food, her
favorite. Sometimes she’d even let Sally give her tuna treats.
As much as she wanted to go outside, Fluffy
learned from her wild and free friends that she really had life
pretty good. She had a warm house when it was raining, and her own
plush cushion (which she rarely laid on, preferring the fleece
blanket on Sally Lou’s bed instead), three meals a day, and plenty
(or too much) of brushing.
How could she know how good she had it though?
She would often desire to go outside and live free, free to chase
the birds and mice. One day, Sally Lou’s mom left the door open
when she was bringing in the groceries, and Fluffy made a break for
it. She ran for the neighbor’s yard and hid in the bushes.
Sally Lou and her mom called and called for her,
but when they eventually gave up, Fluffy was free to roam. As she
stepped out of the brush, a chipmunk scurried by her. She chased it
across the yard, but it disappeared into a hole. So she climbed
over the fence into the next yard.
There she chased several squirrels into trees.
She followed the last one up and encountered her favorite animals:
birds. She chased them through the treetops, but when she was
tired, she realized she had no way down. Mewing for help, she tried
to walk from branch to branch, but the twigs were too wobbly.
An older lady walked out onto her back porch,
and Fluffy began meowing louder. The lady raised a bb gun to her
shoulder and yelled, “I’ll teach you to kill my birds!”
Fluffy ran away as fast as possible and landed
on the ground in another back yard. Stopping to catch her breath,
she decided it was time to go back home. She had only planned to be
out for a short time, but it was now getting dark. She realized she
had no idea how to get home. She was lost.
In the meantime, Sally Lou and her mom went
around the neighborhood passing out and posting flyers. They called
out, “Fluffy! Fluffy!” while shaking the treat can. Her mom called
the animal shelter and veterinarian to see if anyone had brought
her in, but she had no luck.
In the morning, the cat was startled awake from
her sleeping spot by the bark of a large dog. She had unknowingly
found a sleeping spot in the dog’s yard. It stood just a foot away
barking at her, and she hissed back. Since she was cornered, she
swatted at the dog’s nose, scratching it and drawing blood.
Instead of being scared like she expected, the
dog reacted viciously. It grabbed her around her stomach and tossed
her over the fence, breaking her back. She died slowly in the
neighbor’s yard.