Brawler (34 page)

“I know, Captain,” she says, kissing me. “Now let’s get us fed before I have to hit the lab.”

On our way out, she sets up our next visit, we hit the elevator, making our way down to my truck. The entire time I can’t stop watching her. This baby shit is terrifying but she doesn’t let it faze her. She just smiles, rubs her belly, and keeps on going. If I could make a wish, it’s that our kid gets her strength, because she has that shit in spades.

H
e impressed me today. I know his struggle with anxiety is hard for him, especially when it comes out of left field. He isn’t used to the protocol; I am. I should have prepped him for the needle, be he rebounded well. I’m so proud of him. Watching him hold the Doppler perfectly still, eyes filling up; he was in awe. I should know; I am, too. Women “feel” pregnant, they feel the shift; men don’t. Sure they recognize their lives are going to change, but they don’t understand it on the same level we do. I wanted him to hear it, get as close as possible to it as he could, and he did. It was beautiful.

Pulling up to the lab, we get out and walk in together. He’s in cop mode now. He’s hyper-diligent about our surroundings. Almost like he thinks the threat could be here. I sign us in and walk down to my lab. When I open the door and see Ben there I ask Jonas for a couple of minutes to explain to him why I’m leaving, and that I can’t help him anymore. He nods reluctantly and waits outside the door. He advises me to keep my phone nearby as well, so I do.

Walking in, Ben looks up briefly then ignores me to go back to his work. Cleaning up my station takes minutes. Forwarding my data, even less. Uploading my resignation, I add the addresses it needs to go to and hit send. Grabbing the disc my notes are on, I put it in my bag and prep myself for the blow I have to deliver.

“Ben,” I say. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure,” he says, saving his work. “What is it?”

“I’m dropping out of the program for a while,” I tell him. “My resignation was sent in and I also gave you a full recommendation on your project.”

“That’s it?” he asks.

“I feel like I owe you an apology,” I explain. “But I hope the help I was able to give was enough. Now I need to focus on my family.” When he just looks at me with a blank stare it bothers me, so I continue, hoping he’ll understand. “Maybe one day I’ll finish it but for now, it’s just not a priority. I’m only going to be available in a conciliatory fashion. I want to focus on being a mom.”

“Then that’s what you should do,” he says.

“I got married a couple days ago,” I tell him. “So I want to prepare for the baby and —”

“Married huh?” he asks. “Big wedding?”

“No,” I tell him. “Very small, just a few close friends.”

“Is that right?” he asks, and at my nod he continues, making me feel like shit. “Yet I wasn’t invited.”

“It’s not like that,” I tell him. “It happened so suddenly and I didn’t have time to —”

“I get it, Macy,” he says. “It makes sense you’d want your
friends
there. So not only are you dropping the program and giving up on your dream, you’re also dropping me. I hear you, Macy, loud and clear.”

“Ben,” I try. “It wasn’t like that.”

“So you’re saying you wish I had been there? Stood there pretending to be happy for you, watching you marry another man? Trust me, you didn’t want me there anymore than I wanted to be there. You made a huge mistake, Macy, and one day you’ll see that. And you’ll resent your husband for making you do it.”

“He didn’t
make me
do anything,” I snap at him. “I can always come back; my resignation was left open for reentry. I’m still consulting, dammit.”

“Maybe he didn’t make you,” he snaps back. “But he certainly didn’t talk you out of it either, did he? The second the board gets that resignation, you’re done. They’ll never contact you, and why should they? You just gave them your work and their blessing to do whatever they want with it. They won’t consult you, ever.”

“I’m done, Ben.”

“Never pegged you for a quitter, Macy.”

“And I never pegged you for a dick, Ben,” I tell him. “You can’t be happy me for me? Fine. Personally, I think you’re pissed because you won’t have me to fall back on anymore. But guess what?  I have a husband and kid to think about, and neither of those things apply to
you
. That formula will always be safe,” I growl. “I didn’t give shit away. I made sure of it.”

“You’ve put me in my place, Macy,” he says. “I guess we’re done here.”

Packing up his things he makes a quick exit, he doesn’t look back, he doesn’t say goodbye, he doesn’t say anything.

Sitting there alone, I feel like the world’s biggest bitch. I’m not quitting, dammit. I wasn’t lying when I said maybe one day I’ll pick up where I left off, but right now isn’t that time. If I was honest with myself, had I not been pregnant, would I have resigned? No. I’d take danger on and laugh in its face. But I can’t do that now. I’m carrying a baby. My actions have an effect on my baby. I would never put my baby in harm’s way for science, no matter how much I love science. I love my baby more.

Mumbling to myself “I’d do anything to keep my family safe.” Packing up my things, I sling my bag over my shoulder and give a silent goodbye to the lab that has been a second home for me. I’m anxious to get back to the only home I ever want to know, my husband. A husband who also built a lab for me to use so when the time is right, I don’t even have to leave the house, and I don’t have to endure Ben crawling up ass every chance he gets, either.

T
his tracker is a blessing and a fucking curse. It’s not secret I have a problem with my temper. But so help me god, that motherfucker may not walk outta here. She was trying so hard to be nice, and he’s handing her guilt. My wife may have a will of steel, but she never hurts people on purpose, except for maybe Chyna. But I can’t fault her for that, she did that for me. Ben was a leech. She’s right. No, I didn’t talk her out of it, he’s right. But even still, he hurt her because he wants what he can’t have. He wants what’s mine.

Listening to him cut her down prevented me from leaving this spot. I was going to snoop, but now I’m waiting for him. My wife is saying goodbye to her friend tonight; we’re having a small get-together at Lush to see Jules off. Miguel, one of Venessa’s boys, has info he wants to share, so yeah, this is the last thing she needs right now.

When Ben walks out the door I follow; as he signs himself out, I wait. I hear Macy mumble to the baby about keeping her family safe, and any thoughts I had of taking it easy on Ben go out the window.

“Yo, Ben,” I say, catching up to him as he clears the doors.

“What do you want?”

“I was going to say something like hey, better luck next time, or clearly the better man won, but I decided to go with you ever talk to my wife like that again I’ll break your goddamned neck. How’s that?”

“Clearly Macy’s taste in men has improved,” he says dryly. “So far you haven’t hospitalized her, but maybe you’re saving that until after the honeymoon?”

“Are you suggesting I’d hurt my wife?”

“I’m not suggesting anything,” he says. “It’s a matter of time until you
do
hurt your wife. Guys like you can’t help themselves. First, you get her to need you; then you get her to quit the one thing that gives her purpose. You’re that selfish because you know she’s better than you.”

“If I were you, I’d watch that mouth of yours,” I tell him, approaching. “The days of you attaching yourself to my wife are over. You think I’d hurt my wife? Imagine what I’m capable of when I think someone is trying to get between me and my wife.”

When we’re inches apart and eye to eye, I lay it down. “I remember you, Ben. Following my woman around like a goddamned puppy, willing to do anything for attention. Even while you were beggin’ for scraps she was looking for me to complete her. She wanted me. I ain’t perfect partner, no man is, but I’d kill for my wife, my kid. She gave you your walkin’ papers, so take my advice and run.”

“As much as I’m sure that works out on the streets, I’m not a criminal, and I’m not the enemy. Your threats mean nothing to me, because you have her brainwashed for a time, but should you put your hands on me it would hurt her, wouldn’t it?  She’s giving everything up for you, and you know you don’t deserve it. Don’t deserve her. You know it, and it eats at you. Lucky you, getting her pregnant so she’d have to marry you. Genius, really. How long until she resents you? She’s brilliant and meant for more. You, at best, are average. Your days with her are numbered, and we both know it.”

Grabbing him by the collar I turn, throwing him into the brick wall while he smiles. He fucking smiled because as soon as I heard “Jonas?” I knew the bastard set me up, because he knew my wife would witness all of it.

“So cocky.” He laughs in my face.

Showing him back into the wall even harder, I lean in “It ain’t braggin’, motherfucker, if I back it up.”

“Did you just quote Kid Rock?”

“Stay the fuck away from my wife.”

Letting him go, I take a step back. If I look at him again, I’ll crush his skull. Taking her hand, I lead her away from the building and back to the truck. Getting in, we don’t say anything. She doesn’t ask, and I don’t tell. Fuck me if in a fucked-up way; Ben isn’t right. I’ve always known she was too good for me. Is that why I’m feeling so on edge, because my days with her
are
numbered?

Pulling up to the house we have enough time to change and get ready to head out to Lush. My wife has other ideas, and as much as I want her, my head isn’t in a good place right now Turning her down was really fucking hard for me, but I had to do it. I’m feeling guilty for being average. I’m feeling guilty for not talking her out of dropping her work. Worst of all, I fear that had I not knocked her up, she’d never have married me.

Basically, I’m sitting here on the edge of our bed second guessing myself.

“Remember my showdown with Chyna?” she asks, and of course I remember, so I nod. “Right, well, remember when you wanted to know what she had said to set me off, because me being sweet and polite, I would never put my hands on someone if they didn’t deserve it?” she says, and I smile. I remember saying all of it.

“Why don’t you go ahead and tell me what Ben said to upset you, Captain.”

“Princess, I can’t, all right? My head’s just fucked up right now.”

“I get that,” she says, sitting next to me, and one hand goes for neck while the other goes to her belly. “But I need to know and you need to tell me. Otherwise it’s going to be there between us, Jonas, and I don’t want that.”

Taking a deep breath I tell her. “He said I shouldn’t have let you drop out, that one day you’ll resent me, and that had I not gotten you pregnant, you’d never have married me, that you’re too good for me, and the best I’ll ever be is average.” I finish and she just stares at me. So I look at my feet.

“And?” she asks.

“And,” I repeat, “I’m fucked up about it, because he might be right.”

Suddenly I’m on my back with a very pissed off, very strong, very determined wife on top of me.

“I’m in love with you,” she says, almost growling in my face. “I wouldn’t marry you just because I’m having your baby. I married you because you’re my one and only. You are a fucking detective. You solve murders, for Christ’s sake. You have a deadly and thankless job, but you do it so people are safe. You keep me safe, our baby safe, and you dropped everything to rescue Venessa and me. Ben is a spoiled brat. He’s always had everything handed to him. His father is wealthy and paid to get him into the program. The only reason he stayed in it at all was because of my help. You have street smarts, I have book smarts. We are both smart in our own way. Do you understand me?”

“Princess —”

“No,” she says, sitting up. “Don’t do this. Don’t let him get to you. I left the program because it was the smart thing to do, Jonas. My family and my family’s safety comes first. Do not let doubt creep in. You’re the first, last, and only male I will ever taze unless I’m provoked. You’re mine, Jonas. Tell me you get that.”