Authors: Maya Banks
Chapter Thirty
Seth walked into his bedroom, though he knew he wouldn’t sleep. Too much was going on his mind, and it was too late to stop the chain of events he’d started from unfolding.
He froze when he saw Jasmine curled up in his bed. His bed lamp was on, and he could see that she’d fallen into a troubled sleep. He stepped closer, surprised to find her here. In the past, she’d always gone to Zane for comfort, a fact that made him jealous though he never admitted as much. Until recently.
Her face was crinkled, her brows drawn together in tension. Her bottom lip was drawn between her teeth, and he could see red blotches on her cheeks from crying.
With an odd catch in his chest, he sat down on the edge of the bed and reached out to stroke her cheek. She stirred and opened her eyes to stare at him.
“Do you think you could ever love me?” she asked in an aching voice.
As complicated as it made things, he knew he couldn’t lie to her. It would be easier, easier for all of them, if he just said no, that he didn’t love her.
“I do love you, Jasmine. Maybe I always have.”
“Then why don’t you want me?” she whispered.
“I want you, Jasmine. That’s the problem. I want all of you, and I can never have that. I can’t…I can’t accept having just a part.”
Jasmine felt her heart crack and crumble around her. The quiet resolve in Seth’s voice told her that he’d made up his mind.
“I’m sorry, Seth. I’m sorry to have caused trouble between you and Zane. That was never my intention. I left here a year ago because I couldn’t resolve my feelings for both of you. While I was in Paris, someone opened my eyes to the possibility of a relationship that involved both of you. I took an exception and tried to make it the rule, and for that I’m sorry. I couldn’t see beyond my own needs and desires. I had hoped…I had hoped that maybe you could both love me the same way I love the both of you.”
She pushed herself into a sitting position and then eased off the bed, her heart breaking with every single movement. When she was standing, she turned back around to where Seth still sat on the bed, his eyes haunted.
She leaned down and brushed her lips across his, closing her eyes as she savored this last moment with him. “I love you. I will always love you.”
She straightened back up and took in a steadying breath. “I’ll leave with Cody in the morning. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t belong here anymore. Maybe I never did.”
Turning around was almost the hardest thing she ever did. Walking out of his room, out of his life, nearly killed her.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jasmine didn’t sleep. She stayed up to pack, and the rest of the time she spent worrying over her imminent departure. The idea of leaving Sweetwater scared her. It had been her haven, her sanctuary, for six years. Even when she’d lived in Paris, she’d known that this was home, that she would always be safe here.
Now she was poised to leave. This time for good. She would embrace a new family, strangers to her. The idea nearly sent her into full-fledged panic.
She waited until six-thirty, and then she went down the hall to knock on Cody’s door. When she heard his call to come in, she opened the door and hesitantly eased inside.
He’d obviously just come from the bathroom. His hair was wet from a recent shower, and he was wiping his face as if he’d just shaved.
“Jasmine, hello. You’re up early.”
He looked surprised but happy by her intrusion.
She approached him nervously but still maintained her distance. He sat down on his bed and patted the space beside him. She stared for a moment then sat down.
“If your offer still stands, I’d like to leave with you,” she said.
“Of course it’s still open,” he said gently. “Jasmine, I meant every word. Tara is very anxious to meet you. And I’d love the opportunity to spend time with you. Catch up on the last six years and hopefully make up for the time we lost.”
“I’d want to leave today. This morning,” she blurted out.
He blinked in surprise. “We can leave whenever you like, but are you sure?”
She nodded. “I’m sure.”
“Okay. I only need a few minutes to get my stuff together. We can leave just as soon as you want.”
Her chest squeezed with pain at the idea of leaving, and yet she knew she didn’t have a choice. She couldn’t stay.
“I’ll meet you downstairs then. I need to bring my things down, and I want to say goodbye to Zane and Carmen.”
“And not to Seth?” he asked gently.
She swallowed painfully. “I’ve already said my goodbyes to Seth.”
“Leave your things in your room. I’ll bring them down for you,” he offered. “You go and have your time with Carmen and Zane.”
She leaned forward and hugged him, albeit awkwardly. He seemed surprised but pleased by her overture. She pulled away abruptly and stood, anxious to be away.
“I’ll see you downstairs,” she said as she hurried for the door.
She went in search of Carmen, and when she found her, she couldn’t even get the words out. Carmen held her close, stroking her hair as she shed torrents of tears.
“
Mi
niña
, I will miss you so,” Carmen choked out. “You are truly the daughter of my heart. Swear to me that you will call.”
“I love you,
mamacita
,” Jasmine said as emotion grew thicker in her throat.
“
Te amo, mi niña, te amo
.”
“You’re going,” Zane said quietly.
Jasmine wrenched herself from Carmen’s arms and turned to see Zane standing in the doorway to the kitchen. His eyes were hooded and wary, his entire stance tense.
Carmen gave her a little push. “Go on,
niña
,” she whispered. “He is hurting too.”
Jasmine walked like a jerky puppet across the kitchen floor until she came to a stop in front of Zane. He yanked her to him, hugging her close. His heart beat in a frantic cacophony against her cheek.
When she finally pulled away, there were tears in both their eyes.
“Please understand, Zane. I can’t stay here. Not when…not when he’s here. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us.”
“I love you, Jaz. I’m not letting you go so easily.”
She tried to smile, but she faltered. She sucked in her breath, determined not to break down. “Give me time, Zane. I need some time to figure this all out. I love you so much. I’ve made such a mess of things, and now I have to straighten it out.”
Zane slid his hand down her hair and then over her cheek. “I’m not giving up on us. You take your time. You think about what it is you want, what you need. And then I’m coming for you, Jaz.”
He pulled her to him in a long, breathless kiss. So much sadness welled between them. It was tender, heartbreaking, a goodbye that neither of them wanted to say.
Cody cleared his throat. “I’m ready when you are Jasmine. I’ve loaded your stuff into the truck. Take as long as you need. I’ll wait for you outside.”
Jasmine pulled away from Zane’s lips and laid her forehead on his chest. Her fingers dug into his waist, and she held on for dear life. Never had she thought she’d be leaving like this.
“I love you,” she whispered.
Zane held her close and kissed the top of her head. “I know you’re hurting right now, Jaz. And that you need time to get over your hurt. But know that I love you. I’ll always love you.”
She closed her eyes, pressed her forehead a little closer into his chest, and then she pushed away, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
“I should go. I don’t want to keep him waiting,” she croaked.
Carmen and Zane walked with her outside and watched as Cody ushered her into his truck. As they began to pull away, Jasmine gave a half-hearted wave as she saw Zane pull Carmen into a hug.
All the way down the winding driveway of the ranch, she stared out the back window. Her home. Her one safe place. So beautiful. So full of love and warmth. She was leaving, and she’d probably never be back.
Her nose stung, and she swallowed back tears even as they gathered in her eyes, making her beloved landscape swim in her vision. As she let her gaze pan out from the ranch, there on a hillside, silhouetted by the early morning sun, was a huge buck. Old Man. He stood staring at her as she stared at him, and then he turned and bolted away, disappearing over the next rise.
She bowed her head and cried.
Chapter Thirty-Two
“You look like one screwed-up mother fucker.”
Seth scowled and looked up as J.T. sat beside him at the bar. “Gee thanks, I needed that.”
J.T. shrugged. “That’s what friends are for.” He sat down and motioned to the bartender for a beer. He glanced sideways at Seth. “So how’s Jasmine?”
Seth closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead with his hand. “Gone.”
“Gone? What the hell? Where’s she gone?”
“She went to stay with her brother,” Seth said bleakly.
He opened his eyes to see J.T. staring at him, an odd expression on his face. “Why did she go?”
Seth looked straight ahead again. “Because I didn’t ask her to stay.”
“Uh huh. Any particular reason you didn’t ask her to stay?”
“She loves Zane.”
“Uh huh.”
“Zane loves her.”
“Yeah.”
“She says she loves me.”
Seth waited but all he got from J.T. was silence. He turned to stare at his friend but found only bland disinterest on his face.
“You don’t think that’s fucked up?”
J.T. shrugged again, a gesture that was fast getting on Seth’s nerves. “I don’t figure it’s any of my business.”
Seth blew out his breath in frustration. Beside him J.T. continued to sip at his beer, but then nothing much bothered J.T. A more laid-back bastard you wouldn’t find. The minutes ticked by and then out of the blue, “Do you love her?”
Seth turned sharply. “It’s not that simple.”
“Yeah, man, it is,” J.T. said calmly. “Do you love her?”
Seth felt his composure start to crack. “I’ve always loved her.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I think you must have been dropped on your head too many times as a baby,” Seth muttered. “The problem is self-evident. I’m in love with a woman who also loves my brother and who wants…us both.”
“And you don’t want to share her.”
The answer should have come immediately, but he sat there, the words difficult to form. “I’m not sure I can.”
“So you’re not vehemently opposed in theory.”
“You sound way too rational about this,” Seth said in irritation.
J.T. shrugged yet again. “One of us has to be. It seems pretty simple in my book. You love her. She loves you. I’m assuming Zane doesn’t have a problem because I don’t see him here drowning his sorrows in cheap-ass beer. You’ve probably both had sex with her.”
Seth glared at J.T. “And just how the fuck would you know that?”
“Dude, I’m the one who lent her the handcuffs. I doubt she would have had to fight Zane much to get him into her bed. That only leaves you.”
“You’re a twisted mother fucker,” Seth muttered.
“Yeah, well, I’m not the one who pushed away a woman I’ve loved forever, and in the process made not only me but my brother miserable, not to mention that little girl who’s probably off crying her eyes out somewhere.”
“We are so not having this conversation.”
J.T. stood and tossed a few bills onto the bar. “I’ve got to run. Early shift tomorrow. But if you want my unsolicited advice? Pull your head out of your ass before you fuck up the best thing that’s ever happened to you and to Zane. If your choices are living without her, which clearly isn’t working out for you, or sharing her with another man who loves her as deeply as you do, then the answer seems pretty damn clear to me.”
He walked away, leaving Seth there to curse him. He made it sound so simple. It could never be that simple. Could it?
* * *
Jasmine sat in her brother’s living room, playing with her nephew. He was just starting to pull up and stand, and he delighted in mauling Jasmine with sloppy baby kisses.
It had been a week since they’d returned to Louisiana. Cody and Tara both had done everything in their power to make Jasmine feel comfortable and at home, but she was grieving for the family and home she’d left behind in Texas.
She couldn’t stay here forever. The idea of depending on her brother and sister-in-law to provide for her didn’t sit well. She had skills. She had a job offer with
Wildscapes
. She just had to buck up the courage to take it.
“Jasmine,” Tara said as she entered the living room, “would you like to go out to eat with us? Cody just called from the jobsite, and he’s running a little late so he wanted to know if we’d meet him for dinner.”
Jasmine shook her head. “You guys go on without me. Would you like me to watch Thomas for you so you two can eat alone?”
Tara smiled. “You’re very sweet, Jasmine, but you’ve watched him all week. If I had any more time alone, I’d think I was childless. You should get out. You’ve been holed up in this house ever since you got here.”
Jasmine shrugged uncomfortably. How could she go out and have fun when she felt dead on the inside?
Tara knelt down in front of her and collected Thomas as he set to climbing Jasmine’s shoulder again. “Jasmine, I know you’re hurting,” she said kindly. “Cody and I are worried about you. We want you to be happy.”
Jasmine smiled but felt like it might well crack her face. “I’ll be all right,” she lied. Well, it could be the truth. Eventually she would be. One day.
Tara sighed and stood with Thomas gurgling in her arms. “I’ll see you later then. Be sure and eat something, okay?”
Jasmine nodded and watched as she walked away, babbling nonsense to her baby. An evening alone sounded heavenly. Tara and Cody had smothered her since her arrival. They meant well, but Jasmine was ready to scream. She just wanted a few moments where she could be alone with her misery. Close her eyes and just be alone.
She had a lot of decisions to make. For a short time, she’d allowed herself to believe that she just might be able to have a future with the two men she loved with every piece of her soul. Now that her dream had shattered in tiny, jagged pieces, it was time to pull herself together and dream about something else. If only she could.