Breaking Beautiful (33 page)

I hope after I’m dead I can do a better job of shutting his voice out of my head. With my luck it won’t be just be his voice, but the actual Trip. His soul will be bound to mine, tormenting me for eternity.

I’m definitely losing it.

The water is coming closer. I can hear it spilling over the rocks I climbed to get here. It’s only a matter of time. I lean my head against the wall to the cave. Maybe if I sleep.

My body starts to shake; the damp on the bottom of my pants and the damp all around me seeps into my blood. My teeth chatter. I wrap my arms around my chest to hold myself together.
I wonder if I’ll freeze or drown first. Freezing would probably be better. I think when you freeze to death you fall asleep.

I close my eyes again. Squeeze the tigereye tight in my hand. I know it’s cutting me. I can feel the edges against my palm. I might even be bleeding, but I’m so numb that I feel no pain.

“Allie.”

I’m hallucinating. Hearing voices. Maybe I will freeze to death first.

“Allie!”

It isn’t really him.

“Allie!”

His hands are on my shoulders, shaking me gently, bringing me back. He holds me against him, kisses me.

“Blake?” My brain is so muddled that I’m not sure where I am.

“Allie! Thank God.” He leans back. It’s so dark I can barely make out his face. “What the hell are you doing? The tide’s coming in. It’s too high. You’re going to drown.”

I touch him like he’s not real. “How did you escape from jail? Why are you here? How did you know where to find me?”

He laughs. “I didn’t escape. Chief Milton released me to Grandma’s custody. With the storm coming, he has worse things to worry about than a kid who brought a knife to school.” He cups my face. “I went looking for you. I was on my way to the clinic when I saw your mom’s car. I knew you’d be here.” His face goes dark in the fading light from the crack. He looks away from me. “Did you get my note?”

I nod and pull the ring out of my pocket so he can see it. “You have to let me take the blame. You have to leave me here.”

“No!” He grips my arms, hard. “We can talk about that after we get out of this cave. The tide is supposed to be really high tonight. The cave is going to fill up with water and we’ll both drown.”

“Go away!” I push against him. He doesn’t understand. “You have to leave me.”

“I’m not leaving without you!” he yells back. “Either we both make it out or we both die.”

I’m trapped again. My death means nothing if Blake dies, too. And he won’t go without me. I’ll have to come up with another way. Maybe once we’re out of here and his back is turned, maybe then I can—

He pulls on my hand, hard, ready to carry me out of the cave. For his sake, I stop resisting. When I slide off the ledge, I land in thigh-deep water and realize how much trouble I’ve gotten him in. If the water is this high in the back of the cave, it’s probably already filled the mouth. And the tide is still coming in.

He takes his keys out of his pocket and loops them over his thumb. Then he starts to undo his belt.

“What are you doing?” I scream at him over the sound of the water coming in.

“We’re going to have to swim. We need to take off our jeans and our shoes so they don’t weight us down.” I take off my shoes. Then I grip the tigereye through my pocket, and the ring. I can’t just leave them here. “I can’t … I’m fine.”

Blake is already in his boxers and T-shirt. We don’t have time to argue. He reaches for my hand. “Hold on to me. Whatever you do, don’t let go.”

I nod, even though I know he can’t see me. It’s already dark,
but we plunge forward into a blackness that’s so thick I can feel it press around me. He squeezes between the rocks first and drags me after him. I stumble on my last step and slip down underneath the water, like in my dream, except there’s no red satin seaweed covering my face.

Blake pulls me to my feet. “You have to stay up! You have to keep your head above water!”

But in the next few feet that’s hopeless. The floor of the cave slopes sharply and I slide, staying on my feet, but my head is still underwater. I kick against the rocks, but my jeans are too heavy. I let myself sink back down. Blake will see that it’s hopeless. He’ll give up on me and leave me here. He’ll be safe.

I barely feel it when he unfastens my belt and slides my jeans over my hips. As they slip away into the darkness, I reach for the tigerseye, but instead I touch Blake’s hand.

He pulls me up so my head breaks through the water. “Breathe, Allie,” he yells in my face. “You have to breathe, you have to try.” His voice is pleading. “I’ll help you. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together. You have to trust me.” His voice, his hands holding me up, and his breath on my face bring me back.

I take in a breath and choke. Then I breathe with him. “Okay.”

Ahead the ceiling is lower and completely submerged. “Do you have your phone?” Blake yells.

“No.”

“We need light. Hold on.” He lets go of my hand and pulls a tiny flashlight from the key ring he looped over his thumb. It doesn’t give much light, but enough to see where we’re going. I grab the sleeve of his shirt. A wave crashes into my face.

“Breathe,” he commands again. “Now go down.”

I take one deep breath and dive under the low ceiling. The saltwater stings, but I force my eyes to stay open and on the light he’s holding. I feel Blake’s grip on my shirt, sometimes holding on, sometimes pulling. The light fades as the water ruins the flashlight. My lungs are about to burst, and my brain is screaming for me to take a breath. I ignore it and kick harder. Inky blackness fills my mind. The flashlight goes out. I feel myself sinking with it to the bottom. But I can’t let Blake die. I kick hard, one more time, and bump my head on the roof of the cave.

I lift my chin and breathe in putrid, sea-stink air. It fills my lungs and makes me choke. I realize Blake isn’t holding on to my shirt anymore. I take another deep breath and dive back down again. Frantically, I paw the water, no longer sure which way is up and which is down.

My hand brushes against something soft. I grab a handful of Blake’s shirt and pull with everything I have left. Miraculously, I find the pocket of air again. I force Blake’s head up. He gasps in a breath. His arms move.

“This is crazy,” he chokes out. “We’re going to die in here.”

“No!” I yell at him. “We are not going to die. We’re almost out. I know where we are.” My lie almost makes me feel better.

He gasps again. “I have to tell you. One thing. I didn’t kill him.”

Suddenly, I know he’s telling the truth. “I believe you.” Relief floods through my body.

He holds my face out close to his. “Whatever happens, we face it together, okay? No more secrets.”

I nod, but I’m not sure he can see it through the dark.

“One more big breath, and then we swim for it.” He presses his lips against mine in a long, salty-wet kiss. “I love you.” He doesn’t give me time to answer before he ducks back under the water.

He’s dragging me—I’m dragging him. The water pushes against us until I don’t know if I’m swimming forward or back. But I keep going. Finally, impossibly, my fingers brush the edge of the cave. The tide is so high that it’s almost completely submerged. I try to scream to Blake that I found it, but a wave washes over my head and tries to suck me back inside. I pull myself up and rest my arms on top of the cave so my head is out of the water. Blake bobs beside me, gasping for air. He doesn’t see the next wave.

“Look out!” My voice is hoarse from swallowed saltwater. He pushes me up, so the wave lifts me and carries me to the top of the cave. He gets the full brunt of it. It slams him against the rocky ledge. His arm twists and his face disappears under the water.

“Blake!” My scream rips my throat like sandpaper. I search the inky-black water, ready to jump in after him. When the wave rolls out, his fingers are still gripping the edge of the rocks. I lie on my stomach and grab his arms in both of mine. “Fight! Climb. Kick against the rocks!” With the next wave, I heave him onto the ledge.

He lies there still and silent.

I crawl over to him and lean my head against his chest. His throat gurgles. He rolls over and vomits ocean water again and again.

“Are you okay?” My body trembles and my mind feels numb.

Blake stays on his side, facing away from me. His voice is hoarse when he whispers, “I’m alive.”

“We have to get out of here. We have to get warm.” I force myself to my feet and turn around to help Blake. When he twists to get up, he gasps and falls back against the rocks. I lean over him. His chest is caved in just below his shoulder. I swallow my horror. “You broke something. Your collarbone or—” My brain isn’t working enough to finish that sentence. “We have to get to the clinic.”

His face pinches in pain as he struggles to his feet. I want to help, but I’m afraid I’ll hurt him worse. “I’m sorry, so sorry.” I gulp back tears.

“It’s okay.” He touches my face. “I’d do it again. Even if I died. I’d go in after you again. As long as you’re okay.” I bite my lip and nod, overwhelmed by what he feels for me and what I feel for him.

We stumble, crawl, and drag ourselves to the top of the hill where I left Mom’s car. I remember my jeans, the keys in the pocket, sunk at the bottom of the cave. Despair crashes into me. Then I see them dangling from the ignition and remember—I hadn’t planned on coming back.

Blake tugs at my arm. “We have to get warm.” I nod and for the first time I realize how numb I am and how tense and tired my muscles are from shaking. I want to curl up and fall asleep. Sleep seems so warm and safe. I open the door and Blake slumps in the corner of the car. I know he’s thinking the same thing.

I turn on the engine and crank up the heater. The first blast of cold air goes completely through me like an icy knife. Blake’s
teeth are chattering so hard I can hear them. My hands feel like cold rubber bricks, but I force them to put the car into gear and watch Blake as I back out. His head lolls to the side. He’s going into shock. I can see him slipping away.

“Talk to me, Blake. Don’t go to sleep!” I yell.

“Hmmm?” he mumbles.

“You said we needed to talk. Tell me about the night of the accident. I know you were there. Tell me why.” I’m trying to sound like I’m mad at him, hoping it will get him to answer.

“Andrew.” He shakes his head like he was clearing out a fog. “Andrew called me, hysterical, hard to understand, but I knew I had to find you. That something bad was going to happen if I didn’t. I followed you and Trip up the road in my car. It was muddy and slick, and he was in a truck. I couldn’t keep up.

“I should have gotten there sooner. I should have gotten there before he hurt you.” Blake leans forward and grimaces. He starts talking fast, like this is something that he has to get out now, as quickly as possible. “I wanted to tell you what happened. A thousand times. I was afraid. I was ashamed.” He shakes his head and his face crumples in pain. “I couldn’t stop him. I saw you run. I saw you fall. I saw him grab you. He hit you, hard. When you fought back, he slammed your head against one of those boulders in the woods. I couldn’t get there in time. I thought he’d killed you. I though you were dead.” He chokes on the last words and a groan escapes his chest. He leans his head forward and stops talking.

“Wake up, Allie! Wake up! You’re not going to leave me. I’m not going to take the blame for this.”

The heater finally starts pouring out warm air. The windows
fog up and I brush my hand across the glass. I want to comfort him, but with all he’s told me, the barrier is on my side now. I can’t cross it to touch him. “What happened after he knocked me out?”

His voice comes in a hoarse whisper. “He thought you were dead, too. He was kneeling over your body and crying. He didn’t touch you after that, but I did, so I knew you were still alive.”

“I didn’t mean to do it. She shouldn’t have said no. This is her fault.”

“Trip kept saying that it wasn’t his fault. That you made him do it.”

“I’m not going to jail!”

I can still hear him, his sobs coming out through clenched teeth. Trip was full of contrasts, sorrow and anger, repentance and justification, always in the same breath.

I grip the steering wheel. “I know,” I say softly. “I remember.” Blake looks up at me, shock registering on his face. “I could hear him. I was pretending to be dead so he wouldn’t kill me.” It all comes back to me—lying breathless, my blood warm and seeping around me. Reason told me that I was hurt, but there was no pain. I stayed still, waiting for the final blow, and then I heard Blake’s voice. Hope.

“I heard what he asked you to do,” I say.

“We can dump her off the cliff. We’ll tell everybody she killed herself because I was going to break up with her. I’ll pay you if you help me. Whatever you want.”

Blake picks me up. I feel his arms around me, carrying me through the woods. He’s going to help Trip kill me. I struggle to get away, but I’m too weak. So much blood. He pulls me tight against his chest so I can’t get away.

I look at Blake, trying to read his reaction, but he keeps his face down. “He offered you money to help him,” I say. “You picked me up and carried me to his truck. My blood was all over your shirt.”

I open my mouth to scream, but he covers my mouth gently and leans into my ear. “Shh, stay still. I won’t let him hurt you. I promise I’ll keep you safe. Trust me.”

Blake looks up. His face is so pale that it glows in the dim light of Mom’s car. “He was freaked,” Blake says. “Wouldn’t touch you. He told me he would pay me if I came with him. If I carried you, helped him get rid of—” He turns his face to me, but it’s too dark to see his eyes. “I wouldn’t have—I didn’t know what to do. Only that I couldn’t let him touch you again. Only that I had to stay with you.”

I turn away from him. The windshield wipers slap back and forth—loud in his silence. Finally he speaks again. “I held you while he drove to the cliff. He was driving crazy fast like he wanted to kill us all. I yelled at him to slow down. The guardrail was coming up fast. He slammed on the brakes, but nothing happened. I knew he wouldn’t make the corner. I opened the door. I held on to you and jumped.”