I gaze up at Drew underneath my lashes. “I want to touch you, but I want you to touch me first. I want to feel your hands inside me and come apart all over you.”
His eyes ignite and he wraps a hand around my neck, pulling me up to him. Our mouths join and his fingers immediately dip underneath my lace boy shorts. He groans, “You are always so wet for me. Fuck, you don’t understand how hot that is.”
He pushes inside of me and I arch my back in pleasure. I’m kneeling over him and my legs are shaking from the intensity of the situation. After he’s brought me to the edge twice today, without any relief, I’m almost there already. He moves his mouth from mine and kisses a slow line across my jaw and down my neck.
I pull back and look at him. “No marks.”
He laughs but doesn’t answer me. He continues to kiss me, tracing the cleavage created by my bra. His fingers begin to move faster and I can feel my whole body tighten. “Now, I want it now.”
I come apart yelling his name. I can hear his zipper coming undone and he lifts himself off the couch a little. Before I can open my eyes, he pulls me down hard on top of him. The instant feeling of fullness and my oversensitive flesh almost causes me to come again. I place my hands on his shoulders and take the initiative to try to maintain the small amount of control I’ve had. I slide up him and then let myself crash back down on him, each time sliding up more and coming down harder.
“Fuck, yes. Now ride my cock and make my come, baby. Show me what you can do.” He says it like a challenge.
Challenge accepted.
I move frantically up and down, side to side, then rest my arms on his knees and arch my back while I ride him. This angle makes the feeling so much more intense and he feels like he’s going deeper into me. His hands grab my hips and he lifts me up and down on top of him while also driving into me. It feels amazing and I come once more.
My body feels like jelly but he is still relentlessly fucking me. I feel his whole body tense beneath me before he groans and I feel his warm release fill me. I collapse against his chest, feeling like I might never regain the energy to move again. That’s when Drew acts like himself and ruins it. He lifts me off of him, depositing me on the couch, and stands up. “You did good.” He smacks my ass as he walks toward what I can only assume is the bathroom.
Ugh!
I tried to assert myself and take control for once, and somehow I feel like I never had it at all. I grab my clothes that are on the floor and pull them on. Am I an idiot for putting up with his shit? I would have certainly never taken anything like this from anyone else. So why is it okay when he does it?
Because he can touch you. Because he makes you feel alive. Because you’re an idiot and you care about him.
I know that all of that’s true and it really scares me. Thank God that his band is doing a fifty state tour because I need some space from him to figure out what the hell I want.
He walks back out of the bathroom and smiles at me. “I can get used to that, James, although we will have to start locking the dressing room doors.”
Get used to it? Isn’t he leaving town tonight?
He must see my confused expression.
“What I mean is, I’m always so wound up after my shows, that having you here and doing
that
will be fucking amazing.”
“I thought you were leaving town tonight.”
“I am.” He walks over to the rack of clothes in the corner and peels off his shirt in exchange for a fitted black t-shirt. He turns back around and seems baffled by my confusion. “You’re coming with me.”
What?!
“No, I’m not. You never even asked me to come! I barely know you!”
“Remember the conversation when I told you I wanted to be able to have you whenever I wanted.” He walks closer to me. “Well, I meant that. I also meant it when I said I wasn’t done with you. I want you to come on the road with me; you’re mine and I’m not letting you go.”
“I am NOT coming with you on tour!”
His face darkens. “Why the hell not?!”
“Because of the reasons that I just told you! We barely know each other but have already gotten into numerous fights! And you are constantly ordering me around and expecting me to follow your orders!”
“So the fuck what?!” I can see the veins in his neck bulging. He’s really pissed off, but did he really think that I was just going to run away with him?
It makes me so damn mad that he thinks I’m just going to drop everything and take off with him. If he wants to act like an asshole all the time, I can, too. “You know the number one reason that I won’t come with you?” I walk slowly and seductively over to him. I can tell he’s confused and turned on at the same time. When I reach him, I run my nose up his neck, inhaling his scent and driving him crazy at the same time.
“Why?” Even his damn questions sound like orders.
I run my fingers through his hair, kiss him once on the lips, then pull back an inch. “Because you’re a dickhead.”
His mouth drops open and I take the opportunity to walk out of the room. I’m probably the only girl in the world who would walk out on Drew Walker.
Chapter Five
I walk into the hallway and head for the exit. When I hear footsteps behind me, I speed up. I open the door to the parking lot, panicking for a minute because I forgot about all of the photographers. When I look around, though, no one’s there. As I’m trying to figure out where I am, I head for the street, figuring I need to catch a cab. When I hear a door slam, I look back to find Drew standing in the doorway, scanning the parking lot. Spotting me, he starts to come after me. It might seem crazy but I start to run. The thing is, I do
not
want to go away with him. Well,
maybe
I do. However, I’m definitely not
ready
to go away with him. I know, though, that if he catches me and tempts me the way he always does, I’ll give in. I can’t resist him and he knows it. I reach the gate and raise my hand to hail a taxi and one pulls right up.
I reach for the door handle when a hand closes over mine. I look up to see the man that I hate, want, like, and can’t stand all at the same damn time. “Will you stop running from me?” He almost growled the words and I would be lying if I said it didn’t turn me on.
It’s really pathetic that anything this man does turns me on. “I need to go, Drew. This isn’t something that I’m ready for and you’re not just going to force me into it.” I look around because people are staring at us. Drew must have grabbed a hat before he decided to come after me so I guess he thinks he’s incognito.
“What are you not ready for? I told you I don’t want this big fucking commitment.” He runs his hands up my sides, causing goose bumps to break out all over my body. “I. Just. Fucking. Want. You.”
With each word I’m coming closer and closer to giving into him.
No, I’m not ready for this.
“No.”
He slams his hands against the car, making me jump. “Have it your way, James.”
Drew turns his back on me and walks back toward the building. I want to go after him. I don’t want to lose him. I know I’ve only known him a friggin’ day, but I haven’t felt this alive in forever. As bad as he is for me, I think he does twice as much good. A tear escapes my eye and I quickly wipe it away. This is why I need to walk away. I’m already so attached and I haven’t known him that long. What happens after weeks or months?
I get into the cab, give the driver my address, and as we pull away I look back at the building. The door is so far away but I can see someone standing by it. Hopefully, I didn’t just make a really bad decision.
When I get home, everyone is in the living room but I don’t feel like making small talk and pretending my head isn’t screwed up.
I walk upstairs and fall face first onto the bed. I decide to let the tears that I’ve fought back since Drew turned his back on me flow freely. My door opens but I don’t want to look up at whoever it is. I’m not in the mood for company; I thought they would have figured that out. My bed dips and I decide to see who my visitor is. Carter.
“What happened?”
“Nothing, Carter. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Holls, I knew he would hurt you.” When I look at him he seems genuinely upset. Carter doesn’t know half of what actually happened to me that night, but he was the one who found me in the trunk. Ever since then, he’s tried to keep me from getting so much as a paper cut. I know he loves me and I’ve acted like a complete brat.
“I love you.” He wraps his arms around me and I immediately feel like I’m suffocating. My skin feels like it’s being stabbed with a million different needles. I roll away from Carter and his embrace, turning so that my back is to him. I know I’m probably hurting him, but I’m not ready to explain this to him. Carter gets up and leaves the room, closing the door behind him.
The tears flow again, not just because of what happened with Drew or Carter, but because I’m now back to the messed up girl who can’t function normally. You have no idea how much you take something as simple as human touch for granted until it’s taken away from you. I close my eyes, wishing I can wake up in the morning and have everything be back to normal.
I’m stuck in a metal cage with bars surrounding me. It’s so short that I can barely kneel without hitting my head on the ceiling. I feel around the cage looking for a latch or something to help me get out but there isn’t one. I start to panic and that’s when I hear his voice.
“You look fucking perfect.” No. It’s not possible. He can’t be here. “I can’t wait to get you alone. Wait ‘til you see what I do to you.”
A hand reaches into the cage and I slam back against the opposite side. This is the game that goes on countless times until the hands are everywhere. They come from every direction, reaching out for me until there are so many that I can’t escape them. I scream as they rip at my clothes and scratch my skin with their ridged nails. I scream at the top of my lungs until my voice no longer works.
I sit up in bed, running my hands all over my body, searching for the marks I’m almost positive will be there. I’m fine, though, at least physically.
* * *
I wake up in the morning—at least I think it’s morning—and I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. When I get out of bed and check my phone, all I want to do is crawl back into bed. I don’t have any texts or calls from Drew. I know I basically told him to take a hike, but I guess I was hoping that he would fight me to stay. I shouldn’t have been so naïve, though. I always knew that he wasn’t that guy no matter how much I may have wanted him to be.
My door opens, and when I turn over, Madison is standing there. Even though she and Carter aren’t married yet, I already feel like she’s my sister. She takes one look at me and shakes her head. “Come on.” What? “Let’s go get lunch, I have a feeling you need some fresh air.”
“I really don’t want—”
“Nope, I’m not taking no for an answer. Let’s go. You have five minutes or I’m coming in here and dressing you myself.” She closes the door behind her and I grudgingly head over to my closet. If she’s forcing me to go out she’s getting the oversized t-shirt and sweatpants me.
I really am a brat.
I get dressed and head downstairs. She looks at me and laughs. “What? We don’t have to go if this isn’t okay.”
“Wear whatever you want, girl.”
We walk to Carter’s car and she drives down to the diner. The car ride is uncomfortable and it’s freaking me out because it’s never been like this between us. When we arrive, we grab a booth and start looking at the menus. The first time either of us talks is when we are giving the waitress our orders. After she walks away, I look up and Mads is staring at me. “Spill.” I don’t answer her. “Come on, Holly. You came in looking like shit last night. What happened?”
Gee, thanks.
“Nothing that I didn’t know would happen.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t get it. I mean, you only knew him for a
day
. I know he’s some big hotshot or whatever, but are you
really
that serious about him so soon?” Her phone beeps and she pulls it out.
I can’t tell her everything, but maybe it will help to talk a little. “No. I can’t explain it, Mads. He made me feel free, like I could do anything, and like—”
“Oh My God!” She meets my eyes and I can tell that this is not a good oh my God.
“What?”
She holds her phone out to me and I take it. When I look at the screen it’s a picture of me and Drew. He is hitting the car and I look terrified. The next picture is of that tear that I didn’t mean to let go. I look at the website, it’s
US Weekly
.
Shit.
As I scroll through the gallery, they have pictures of him running his hands up my body and even of us walking into the hotel. You can’t tell it’s me because of Drew’s sweatshirt but it’s an easy assumption. I hope this is the only site.
I go to Google and search Drew’s name. All the results that pop up make me sick; ‘Drew and his mystery girl’ ‘Is the Renegade losing it?’ ‘Drew Walker abusive?’ This can’t be happening. I head for the door immediately. I need air.
When I get outside, I feel a hand on my back and I jump. It’s Madison and she looks at me like I’m losing it. “What happened yesterday?”
“Nothing that they are saying is true!”
“Okay, okay. Let’s just go home, alright?”
I nod my head. The entire car ride all I can think about is Drew’s reaction to these stories. He probably hates me now. Everyone is going to think that he’s some horrible person. Should I make some sort of a statement in his defense? Would that only make things worse?
“Holy Hell.”
I look up and our entire front lawn is covered in reporters.
“What should I do?” I look at Mads and I have no idea how to answer her.
Just then, Jason opens our front door and walks out toward the car with Shawn. Madison and I get out of the car, and with the boys acting as a human barricade, we make our way inside.
When we get inside, I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding.
What the hell am I going to do now?
When I look up, everyone is just staring at me, waiting for an explanation that I don’t want to give them.