Breaking Rules (23 page)

“Oh my goodness, that’s fantastic, Mandy!” Georgia squealed, and then she dropped the notebook and leaned over to give me a one-armed hug. The rest of her friends, all of the girls I’d yet to learn the names of, chorused a flood of
congratulations
and
good for you
cheers
.
“What changed his mind?”

I
wanted to spend the remainder of our lunch period explaining what happened leading up to my speech at the park. I wanted to tell Georgia about how scared I’d been standing there, spilling my guts to Gabe. I wanted to tell her how much it had broken my heart to watch him turn away from me. And then try to explain Dad, and how he said that he’d been waiting to see that side of me again for so long, how he said that he couldn’t take something like this away from me.

I wanted to tell her, and I knew that I would.
As soon as the time was right.

Managing to keep the conversation off of myself for the remainder of lunch, w
e cleared our table and dumped our trays twenty minutes later. As a group, we left the cafeteria and headed for our next classes. One at a time, each of Georgia’s friends turned into their next class or at their locker, and eventually it was just the two of us walking toward English class.

“I’m sorry if they made you uncomfortable,” she said, looking back to make sure none of her friends were within earshot. “They can be a little
nosey.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “They’re not so bad.”

“So…” she said, pursing her lips together as if she had a nosey question of her own to ask. “What are you going to do?”

“Meaning?”

“Are you going to keep going with the RI program after what happened with Gabe?” she asked. “After the way he blew you off?”

“Of course I am,” I said. “I made a commitment
.”

“But that was before
—”

“Listen,” I said, taking her arm. She stopped walking, and we turned to one another. “
My involvement in this program was never about him, okay? It was always about something else, something bigger. Yes, Gabe hurt me back there at the park, and sure, I’m still trying to get over it. But I’m not going to stop now just because of what happened with him. I don’t know why he did what he did, or why he said what he said, but I’m not going to cower away just because of a man. I’ve never been that girl, and I’m not going to start being that girl now. He made his decision, but he’s not making
my
decision for me.”

Her eyes trailed up as she looked over my shoulder,
as though she caught someone else’s stare. I wasn’t even sure she heard half of what I said just then. She was distracted by someone behind me. She looked back to me with a small smile and nodded.

“I’ll let you two
talk,” she said, squeezing my arm before she quickly ducked into the next classroom.

I turned to find Gabe coming down the hall, deep in conversation with Mr. Davies. They stopped in front of Mr. Davies’
s door and talked, keeping their voices low, and I watched both men as they nodded, in agreement about something. When my teacher disappeared into his room, leaving Gabe alone in the hallway, I thought to follow Georgia into class. But then Gabe’s eyes snapped up and met mine, and there wasn’t enough willpower in the world to make me walk away.

We stood half of the hallway away from one another,
both of us surrounded by dozens of students scurrying to make their next class before the bell, but neither of us seemed too fazed that we were standing in the way of traffic. I looked over my shoulder again, knowing that if I didn’t get to class soon, I’d be tardy. But if I walked away from Gabe, never saying my peace, then I’d never have the chance to get the last word.

I took a few steps forward, fighting the flow of traffic, and stopped only a few feet short of Gabe. He winced as I opened my mouth, and I simply held my hands up.

“I’m not going to yell at you,” I said, and his shoulders relaxed at my gentle tone. “I’m not coming over here to scream at you or push you away. I think I’ve already done that enough for one lifetime. I just wanted to say that I’m not sorry.”

“You’re
not
sorry?”

“No, I’m not,” I said. “I said what I meant, and I meant what I said. I’m
not sorry that I upset you, and I’m most certainly not going to apologize for making you uncomfortable. If I embarrassed you, then that’s your problem, I suppose. Yes, I think I misunderstood a lot of signs and read into a lot of mixed signals. I thought that you liked me, and for being stupid enough to think you’d ever admit it, then fine. For that I will apologize. I was stupid. But I will not stand here and say that I’m sorry for feeling the way I feel. That’s all.”

I turned on my heel to walk away, and Gabe’s hand landed on my arm. I turned back to him, and he dropped his grasp immediately.

“Mandy,” he said, lowering his voice to a near whisper, and his eyes swept across all of the students who turned to watch our conversation unfold. “It’s more complicated than you could understand.”

“Funny, I’ve been hearing that a lot from the men in my life lately,” I
said under my breath. “I understand complications just fine, but please don’t think that I need your explanation. I don’t. I get it, Gabe.”

“Do you?” he asked, dipping down to steal my gaze before I turned away again. “Because I don’t think you do.”

“I have to get to class—”

“I was talking to you
r dad before the ceremony on Monday. He told me that he turned down the job in California. I know you’re not moving.”

His words stopped me dead in my tracks, and I turned back to him and lowered my brow.

“What do you mean he told you on Monday?” I asked, distinctly remembering that Dad said he changed his mind
because
of my speech. “He told you that before I showed up?”

“Before you showed up,” he said.

That couldn’t have been right. Dad said he hadn’t made up his mind to stay until after he’d seen the smile on my face, after he’d seen how much it meant to me to stay in Sugar Creek. If he told Gabe that he turned the job down before I’d ever showed up, then that meant that my father lied to me. And I’d known it. I sensed his lie as he was telling it, but I just didn’t know what he was covering up.

“I think that it’s
incredible that you’re staying, Mandy,” he said, widening his stare. “And I’m glad you’re going to be here, but that doesn’t mean that you can act on any of your feelings.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re staying.”

“Right
.”

“And do you have any intention of quitting the program?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Of course not. You know I can’t do that.”

“
Exactly,” he said. “And that’s why I have to walk away. That’s why we have to act like that little stunt you pulled at the park never happened. If I even entertain the idea of being with you, your team will have to forfeit. You and the other ten members of your district’s group can’t compete in the competition. If we’re together, and I let your group continue, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone involved, especially if you ended up winning the scholarship. It would look like favoritism, and it would be terrible exposure for everyone involved.”

“You’re worried about bad exposure? That’s all this is about?”

“We’re trying to expand the group, Mandy; I told you that,” he said. “We can’t start our in-school programs with scandal straight out of the gate. It wouldn’t look good for RI, it wouldn’t look good for you or the school, and it definitely wouldn’t look good for me.”

“So you’re walking away?” I asked
, remembering how close Gabe and I had gotten in the past weeks.

We were so close
; we were almost there. He held me, he comforted me, and I returned those sentiments. But then he pulled away so fast, and I should’ve known he was running scared. I’d watched my parents do the very same thing for years. When things got too hard, it was easier to run and hide from the problems than to face the complications head-on. But Gabe’s explanation had taken me by surprise just then. I never pegged him as the fleeing type. He’d just proven himself to be like every other coward I’d ever known, including myself.

“I know you feel something for me, Gabe
,” I said breathlessly. “You can’t stand here and deny that.”

“Regardless,” he said, raising his shoulders again
, “your speech ruined everything, Mandy. It raised a lot of suspicion, and now everyone’s watching and waiting for something to happen. If it looks like I’m playing favorites to Sugar Creek, and it
will
look that way if we’re seen together again, then that’s that. It’ll jeopardize everything.”

“So that’s it?” I asked. “I like you, and you like me, but we can’t be together?”

“That’s how it has to be; I’m sorry.”

“But that’s not fair.”

“Sometimes,” he said, closing his eyes, “sometimes it
is
about doing what’s right and not what’s fair.”

“Are you kidding me right now?” I yelled. “
Now you’re going to listen to me?”

“I’m sorry, Mandy.”

“Wow,” I said, shaking my head. “Okay, sure. If that’s what you want, and that’s how you feel, fine.” I turned to walk away, but this time I made it all the way to my classroom before turning back. “But you need to know something first.”

“Okay
?”

“
You told me to keep fighting for what I want. You said that. So I stood up, and I fought, and you clobbered me. I should hate you for making me feel the way I feel, but I don’t, okay? I’m here, Gabe. I’m standing right in front of you, and I’m not going anywhere. So when
you’re
ready to finally stand up and fight for what
you
want…just know that I won’t clobber you.”

He closed his eyes again, and a slow breath passed between his half-parted lips.
Long seconds passed without a response, so I simply nodded.

“I guess I’ll see you around.”

I turned into the classroom, leaving Gabe silent and stunned behind me.

It was crazy to believe that a
ll along I’d thought that things were finally looking up, but between my father, my sister, and now Gabe, it suddenly seemed that I had a lot of work ahead of me if I ever wanted to get my life in order.

It w
as time for some serious change, and I knew just where I needed to start.

See, I’d already broken my number one rule. I’d fallen in love with Gabe, and
if he was going to run away from me, I had to make sure he knew where I stood. I couldn’t keep resisting the urge that I’d been fighting since the day we met. I had to give into those feelings. Gabe had done so much for me, and he opened my eyes to all the wonderful things I’d been missing. I owed him the very same.

He could
stand there and pretend that this was about protecting the life and foundation that he’d built. He could lie to me and say that it was all about doing what was right and what was fair. But I knew Gabe better than that. And while I knew that there were still so many things I needed to learn about him, I knew that the best thing for both of us would be time and patience.

He was
running from something, but he couldn’t run forever, and I planned to be right there waiting when he stopped.

He’d see it in due time; I had faith. He’d see that there was something between us he couldn’t run away from.

So I’
d wait as long as I had to because Gabe was one worth waiting for.

###