He"d always associated that position with femininity and submission. As much as
he dreamed of getting fucked, he had never imagined he"d find himself pinned
beneath another man, spreading himself wide open, offering his body to someone.
Lincoln rocked, and his cock slipped between Jay"s ass checks. The next slow
thrust put pressure where Jay wanted it, but he wanted more. He gave Lincoln one
last kiss, lowered his legs, and rolled to his stomach. He stuck his ass in the air, his
elbows on the bed, his head down. Vulnerable. Exposed. Natural. “Is this okay?”
“Jesus.” Lincoln"s breath hitched. “You"re gonna kill me.” He rubbed a hand
along Jay"s spine and reached for the lube on the nightstand. He stroked Jay"s balls
and cock, working the slick lubricant all over Jay. Except the one place they needed
it most.
Every one of Lincoln"s touches had Jay panting harder, writhing more. Lincoln
kissed his lower back and pushed his fingers into him, slowly, gently thrusting. So
new. Foreign. Hot.
The stretch, the fullness didn"t diminish Jay"s desire. It had him wanting
more. Everywhere. His cock. His ass. Pleasure spiked in his balls. “You"re gonna
make me come.”
“No.” Lincoln pulled back. “Not yet. Not until I"m inside you.” He opened a
condom and rolled it on himself, adding more lube. “Last chance.”
“Linc!” Jay startled himself with his own impatient scream. The whimper that
followed didn"t sound like him. When had he gotten so desperate? So wanton? So
turned on by another person he had no thoughts of sex with anyone else? Could
Lincoln see that? See how crazy with need he was?
Lincoln pressed his cock against Jay"s ass. Who knew that pressure would be
so erotic? Such a turn-on? Jay clenched the sheet in his fists, trying to focus on
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breathing. In. Out. Lincoln nudged his cock in, so gradually it had to be killing him,
stopping every other second and waiting a moment before continuing.
Jay dug his fingers into the sheet more and groaned. Despite the care in
Lincoln"s movements, the stretch burned as the head of his cock nestled inside. Jay
panicked, and his body seemed to tighten of its own accord. Then Lincoln"s hand
was on his lower back, caressing, rubbing. Jay could breathe again. He
relaxed…everywhere. Lincoln moved, shifting farther inside, and the burn eased.
“Okay?” Lincoln asked, the one word grunted out.
“Yeah. It"s better now.” So much better than anything he"d felt before.
“It gets even better.” But Lincoln held still, his hands digging into Jay"s hips.
The burn was gone. Jay wanted something, anything. He"d never felt like this
before. Aching. Out of control. Like he"d explode if Lincoln didn"t move.
“Touch yourself,” Lincoln said.
“Huh?”
“Touch your own dick, Jay.”
He did. He wasn"t as hard as in the bathroom, but the slide of his hand on his
lubed cock had him barreling toward release with just a few strokes. Before he
knew what he was doing, he began to rock, his movements timed with his grasp on
his dick. But his own touch wasn"t what thrilled him. It was the slide of Lincoln"s
cock in and out of his ass—no, more like the slide of his body on Lincoln"s cock.
The more he moved, the more he craved.
Fucking Lincoln had been amazing. He understood the appeal of topping, but
now that he"d experienced the flip side…why wasn"t every gay man begging to be on
the catching end of sex? Something about every team needing a pitcher sped
through his mind, but it was gone when Lincoln thrust for the first time. Every
nerve in Jay"s ass felt connected to his own dick, the flesh more sensitive than ever
before.
“Fuck.” He let go of his cock and gripped the sheet again.
Lincoln"s movements halted. He released his firm hold on Jay"s hips and
massaged instead. “Fuck good? Or fuck it hurts?”
“Fuck, would you please fuck me.”
“Yeah. You"re gay.” Lincoln grabbed Jay again and pulled him back with each
thrust, grunting with the drive of their bodies coming together.
Jay clutched a pillow with one fist and his own cock with the other. The slap of
their bodies, the smell of their sweat, the grunts and moans that filled the small
room—it was intense, electric, hotter than any moment they"d shared. Jay loved all
of it. He either never wanted it to end or wanted to repeat it all as soon as humanly
possible. A tingle spread across his lower back. He quickened the erratic movement
of his hand over his cock. “Yes. Yes!”
“Jay.” Lincoln snapped his hips faster, slamming into Jay.
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That was all he needed. Jay fell forward and gave a couple of quick jerks of his
hips, his hand not even moving, and he came against the mattress.
Lincoln pressed Jay to the bed and kept pumping into him.
So this is what it’s like to get fucked into the mattress.
“Jay!” Lincoln shouted. He came, his balls slapping against Jay"s ass as he
jerked and rode out his orgasm. He dropped forward, his entire body covering Jay"s.
“Damn!” Jay had no other words and no breath left to speak with.
“Yeah. Damn.” Lincoln shifted and fell onto the bed, his hand still on Jay"s hip,
his palm gliding over the man"s skin. Jay rolled to his side and ran his fingers over
Lincoln"s tattoo. He traced around the feather first, then the wolf. He loved how the
wolf looked. In motion. Always running. Strong, powerful, like nothing could catch
it.
“You should get one,” Lincoln said.
“What? A tattoo?”
“You"re so fascinated with mine.”
“Nah. I promised—” Jay clamped his mouth shut. They couldn"t talk about her.
Not now
. But no one else eased his thoughts, made it seem okay to remember and
not have it be about pain and heartache. And that was crazy. Not only would it be
weird for him. It"d be a shitty thing to do to Lincoln.
“She didn"t like tats?”
“Nah.”
“Why not?” Lincoln settled his opposite arm behind his head.
“A buddy of mine from college has a ton. She was afraid I"d end up drunk with
him some night and come home with „Mama" tattooed across my chest. She said—”
God, he needed to shut up.
“What?”
“She said they were trashy looking.”
Lincoln laughed. He rolled to his side and faced Jay. “What would she think of
me? If I wasn"t me, just a guy you were seeing, you know?”
Jay stared at Lincoln. Why would he ask that? No one else talked about Katie
like she still existed, like death didn"t mean the end of her. The Shaws were
Christian, active in their church, and they never mentioned Katie"s soul or where
she was. He got off the bed, slipped on his jeans, and stood before the table of
frames. His parents. The Shaws. Katie"s younger cousin. His childhood dog. The last
picture was gone. Tucked away while Lincoln had left for the shower.
Jay cleared his throat as he focused on the empty spot on the table. “She was
the kindest person I"d ever met. She had a smile and a laugh for everyone. She
wanted to be a nurse. The plan was for me to finish college first, and then she was
going to go. She cared about people, and she never got to use that gift.”
He heard Lincoln sit up.
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God, please do something. Anything. Hold me.
No. Too much.
So he kept talking. “She"d want me to go on living.” Another long silence. He
faced Lincoln. “She"d like you. Like that you make me feel good for the first time in
a year.”
Lincoln smiled at him, his dark eyes a little sad, but the smile widened as he
made eye contact with Jay.
“I think…” Jay walked to the bed but didn"t sit. “She"d want me to go back to
school.”
“That"s a good idea. You should get on with your life.”
But how could he do that when everyone else he cared about couldn"t move on?
“Come here.” Lincoln tugged on Jay"s hand until they sat side by side, their
combined hands resting on Lincoln"s knee.
They didn"t say anything more.
Hearing about her had to have hurt Lincoln. Jay had never wanted to ease
someone else"s pain as much as he did right then. It was the first time anyone had
listened to him—really listened. And their hands clasped one in the other on
Lincoln"s knee felt like the first loving embrace Jay"d had since he"d lost her.
* * *
only larger than the one they"d shared at Nancy"s, but was also more comfortable.
The weight of Jay"s arm lounging over his back and the man"s body pressed against
his hip were a welcome reminder of what he and Jay had shared the night before.
He missed the mornings the most. The ease of waking up with someone, lying
in bed, talking, making love, kissing, caressing. Those memories with Paul were
fading. He had hurt him, but the man was moving on. Was it time for Lincoln to do
the same?
He turned to Jay. Sleeping on his side, his mouth partially open, Jay"s eyes
were closed, but scanning side to side. Dreaming?
Twenty-two years old. A widower. He had his whole life ahead of him. He
deserved to be happy. Lincoln wasn"t the right choice. He couldn"t be. He should
leave, and let Jay find someone else. Let Jay move past the accident. Have a lover
who wouldn"t remind him of the pain and loss and heartache every time they were
together. Lincoln rolled to his back and flung an arm over his eyes. He should get
up, get dressed, head out the front door, and never think about Jay Miller again.
He had left Paul to keep him away from the pile of shit his life had turned into.
How could he invite Jay in?
How could he not?
He turned back and ran his thumb along the length of Jay"s nose, over his
parted lips to his chin. He was falling for the man. He"d give almost anything to
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make Jay happy. Even if it meant he had to walk away from the best thing he"d
found in a long time.
Jay slowly opened his eyes and stretched. “I haven"t slept that good in forever.”
“Yeah? Me neither.”
“That could have something to do with the size of this bed. Or maybe it"s the
lack of robots on my sheets.”
Lincoln buried his face in the pillow. “Fuck off,” he mumbled with a laugh. He
faced Jay again. “Maybe I"ll redo that room over the garage.”
Jay smiled and leaned into him. The kiss was slow and sensual and unlike any
kiss they"d shared yet. Less tongue, more lips. Each breathing the other in. Lincoln
slid closer and brought their bodies together, needing to feel more of Jay. They
tightened the embrace, and together they rocked, a slow, steady sway of their
bodies.
A gasp came from the doorway behind Lincoln.
“Jesus.” A male voice. “What the fuck?”
Jay"s eyes widened. “Todd!”
Lincoln flipped over as the fierce close of the bedroom door rattled the walls.
Whoever Todd was, the stomping down the hall said it all. He was not pleased to
find Jay in bed with another man.
Was Jay getting more action than he"d led Lincoln to believe?
Jay shot out of the bed and fumbled for his jeans. “Shit. Shit.”
Lincoln threw back the blankets and sat up. “Todd is?”
“My brother.” Jay fumbled with the zipper on his jeans.
“Ah.”
Thank God
. Lincoln reclined against the headboard and let out the
breath he"d been holding. He didn"t have to consider punching Jay"s lights out—or
Todd"s.
“Shit. What do I say to him?” Jay worked a T-shirt over his head.
“He doesn"t know—”
“That I"m gay?” Jay froze, his hands still clutching the bottom of his shirt. He
sank to the other side of the bed, his back to Lincoln. “Shit. I"m… I mean… I"ve
never said that before.”
“It"s who you are.”
“Yeah. I just… This isn"t where I expected to be. Never expected to have to
explain to my brother, my parents.”
Lincoln shifted to sit beside him.
Jay jumped up. “I have to go talk to Todd. I don"t think he saw who…”
“Who you were kissing?”
“Should I tell him? I don"t know if I can.”
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“Don"t.” Jay looked about ready to fall apart as it was. No need to add to it. “No
one needs to know that part.”
“Okay.” Jay walked to the door. “Thanks, Linc.”
“Hey.” Lincoln went to him and kissed Jay hard, backing him to the door,
unsure what he was doing. Reassuring? Staking claim? “I like that.”
“What?”
“You calling me Linc.” He kissed Jay again and said, “It"s no one"s business but
your own.”
Jay"s gaze drifted to the doorknob and back to Lincoln. He nodded once and left
the room.
Lincoln got dressed and made the bed to keep busy. The screaming didn"t take
long to start.
“You"re a fag? Is that what you"re saying?”
“Don"t say it like that!” Jay yelled.