Breathe into Me (28 page)

I took the small stack of mail from her hands, staring at the one on the top. “My GED results,” I said hoarsely, suddenly uncertain.

“You going to open it?”

I looked at her, then down at the letter. With shaky hands, I slid my finger under the flap and tore it open, pulling out the letter. Relief coursed through my body as I read the results. “I passed.”

“I’m proud of you.”

It occurred to me that, in our whole conversation, I’d never once heard her apologize to me. A part of me wanted to hate her, wanted to tell her to leave and never come back into my life. Her apathy the last four years had made my life a living hell; waiting for her to rise to my defense like a good mama bear was an exercise in futility. She’d lost every ounce of my respect, yet looking at her now, I began to understand why she’d done it. She was just too weak to stand up and fight for herself. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever forgive her completely, but what I saw now made me only pity her. She’d suffered in the same life I had, albeit in a different way.

When nobody said anything, she cleared her throat. “Anyway, I thought I’d bring by your mail,” she said, stepping back.

“Mama?”

Gretchen St. James looked back at me, hope in her eyes. That look made it harder to say what I needed. “Was Diana the only one hurting my baby brother?”

My mother hunched in on herself, face going pale, and I had my answer. A cold spot settled in my soul as I stared down at her, watching as she tried to find the right words to justify herself. The mother of my childhood was a different person; the woman standing before me was pathetic. “Never mind,” I said harshly, but she still wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“See you around, baby.”

I didn’t answer, just watched as my mother walk away, a hunched figure moving up the gravel driveway. Only when she’d disappeared did I look down at the letter in my hands. Slowly, a wan smile moved across my lips, and I turned back toward the trailer, moving inside to sit at the small kitchen table. Setting the paper down, I laid my head on the back of the chair and stared up at the ceiling, reminiscing about my life.

Before this summer, I’d been a mess, partly of my own making. Now, I had a place of my own, a kickass job doing something I loved, and a decent paycheck each week. No more having to worry about my grandmother’s smothering rules, or whether my little brother was getting the love and attention he deserved.

It was more than even that, though. The notion that family was blood had been drilled into me since moving in with my grandmother, and believing that had made my life miserable. Benjamin St. James had raised me from before I could remember, been a real father to me, and to forget that the last four years was an insult. I closed my eyes and could still hear the loud sounds of his machine shop, watching in awe as he created incredible things from a block of metal.

He was my father, and I owed it to his memory to never forget that fact.

Everett’s face flashed through my mind again, and I closed my eyes. None of this would have been possible if he hadn’t been there for me in my darkest moments. Despite everything I knew, despite all he had done in the past, I missed him fiercely. It felt as though something was missing in my heart. More than once, I’d started to text him about something wonderful, only to have reality come crashing down on me. I wanted so badly to forgive him, to call and ask to get back together, but I couldn’t let myself do it.

Pulling my cell phone out of my pocket, I keyed in digits I knew I’d be calling very often, and settled the phone against my ear. “Hi, Grandma Jean? Yeah, I’m doing fine. Can I … Can I please talk to Davy?”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

Clare was quiet for a moment, and then twisted in her chair to look at me. “She really … ?”

“Yup.”

We were lounging outside the trailer, staring out at the pine forest that made up most of Cherise’s property. I’d just finished telling her about Macon’s visit, and Clare couldn’t seem to grasp that my landlady had offered to deal permanently with my ex. “And you’re sure she wasn’t …”

“Joking? Didn’t sound like that.”

“Huh.” A smug smile tipped her lips. “Wish I could have seen his face.”

“Trust me, it was epic.”

Clare gave a sigh and tilted her head toward me. “Now that you’ve got your GED, any plans on how to use it?”

I shrugged. “I’d like to take a few college classes.”

“And Everett?”

I didn’t answer, just stared out at the forest. Hearing his name made my heart hurt. There had been no word from him, and I knew he was due to leave for New York soon. I should have been happy to see him go, but the thought of him not being around anymore still made me want to cry.

“I saw him a few days ago at the club, you know.”

“You did?” I said quickly, annoyed at the eagerness in my voice. “How’d he look?”

“Unhappy.” She eyed me. “You really won’t tell me why you two broke up?”

I shook my head but stayed silent. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t told her the truth about Everett. Maybe it was because I knew what it was like to have a secret you were trying to get away from.

Then again, my secret hadn’t killed a person.

“He was having lunch with his friends at the club,” she continued, “and I swear he kept looking at that piano as if hoping you’d magically appear.”

“Clare …”

“I just don’t get it. You two were so
happy
, and between one moment and the next it was over. What did he do to you that made you run like that?”

“He didn’t do anything to me.” Even now, two weeks later, I still didn’t know how many details to share with Clare. She still had a good opinion of Everett, and for whatever reason I didn’t want to tell her otherwise. That she might tell others wasn’t the issue, but I’d had time to think about it. There had been so much pain in Everett’s eyes when he’d spoken about the whole situation; I couldn’t get the image out of my head. The defeat I’d seen on his face as I fled, the complete radio silence since our fight, spoke volumes. He didn’t think he deserved forgiveness, but the more I thought about it, the more I desperately wanted to give it to him. It killed me to even think that way when a girl was dead because of his actions, but I wanted so badly to forgive him.

“So he hurt someone else? Come on, you’ve gotta tell me something. Should I hate him?”

The answer to that question should have been easy, but I couldn’t speak against him. “He was always good to me,” I said firmly, knowing that wasn’t really an answer to Clare’s question.

Clare made a frustrated groan. “Lacey …”

“Excuse me.”

We both turned around at the new voice to see Skye standing behind us. “Hey,” I said, surprised by her sudden appearance.

She gave a small wave, glancing between Clare and me. “Can we speak alone for a second?” she asked.

“Um, sure.” I looked at Clare, who was watching the other girl with some interest. “Would you mind getting us more tea?”

“Not at all.” Clare stood, taking the tall glasses off the small table. “Do you want some?” she asked Skye.

“No, thank you.”

I eyed the other girl as Clare moved away. She looked even thinner than before, her skin a sickly white, but was still overdressed for my current surroundings. I couldn’t imagine walking up the lumpy driveway in those heels, but she’d managed to do it quiet enough to surprise me. “I thought you’d be back in New York by now.”

“I was, but I came back for my brother. He’s leaving for home today.”

I bit my lip and looked away. Her words made my chest squeeze painfully. “So he
is
leaving,” I said softly.

“I…” Skye paused, then moved forward and sat in Clare’s seat. “I listened in on your conversation just now, and you’re wrong about my brother. So very, very wrong.”

I frowned. “How am I wrong?”

She looked away, her brow furrowing, then took a deep breath. “My brother didn’t spread those pictures of Emily. I did.”

Her words were like a sucker punch to the gut. “What?” I whispered, my mind reeling.

Skye swallowed. “I was young and stupid and … No, that’s not it, either. My brother was all I had in the world, or at least that’s how it felt at the time. I was jealous for his attention, but knew none of the other girls held his attention. At least, until Emily came around.

“I thought, when they first got together, he was playing some kind of game—two people couldn’t be less alike. He changed, became this alien creature who was totally into this nice girl. It only got deeper, and he spent more time with her than with me.

“I tried to sabotage their relationship, made it sound like he was just using her for laughs. It was pure spite and jealousy on my part, but I didn’t care. People told them I was spreading the rumors, though, and that just made my relationship with my brother worse. Then one night, I overheard a conversation he was having with his friend Bryson about pictures he took of them together. Naked pictures.”

My fingernails dug into the hard plastic of the chair as she continued, her voice suddenly strained. “All I could think about was breaking them apart and getting my brother back. I’d never do anything to hurt him, but I didn’t care about her at all. Bryse asked to see the pictures, but even though Everett said no, it planted the idea in my head. That night, I snuck into my brother’s room, took his phone, and sent those pictures to every single contact on his list.”

I recoiled and Skye looked away, shame written on her face. “By the time he woke up the next morning, the damage was done. Everyone at the school had the pictures, and in a heartbeat everything changed. We’d always been popular, mainly because we were rich, but after that it was different. Nobody believed him when he said he didn’t send the pictures, least of all Emily. She’d been in the school on a scholarship, and when the dean was shown the images he revoked it, citing indecency.

“My brother had always had a reputation as a player, but it was worse after Emily left. Boys thought he was cool and came to him for advice, girls avoided him as much as possible, and Everett, well, he pulled away from everyone and everything. He blamed himself for being careless with his phone and telling his friend about the pictures. He felt like he set the whole thing in motion. Everything happened just before finals, and even though he failed most of them, it didn’t stop him from graduating. Less than a month later, we all found out Emily had committed suicide.”

I was shaking, my stomach roiling like I was going to be sick, but I had to know everything. “Everett mentioned a lawsuit,” I whispered when Skye was silent for a while.

She nodded. “Emily’s parents tried to sue Everett for wrongful death, but New York anti-bully laws hadn’t gone into effect yet. Everett said he’d be willing to plead guilty but my parents wouldn’t have it. He was shipped off to college while my parents put the lawyers on the case, and managed to get it thrown out of court.”

“Did you own up to your mistake?” I asked, not caring about the harshness of my words.

“I tried to but no one believed me. They all thought I was covering for my brother and that it was sweet. Even my parents didn’t believe Everett was innocent, and I think that was the last straw.”

Your pictures killed that poor girl, didn’t they?
My words to him echoed through my mind, as did the memory of his stricken expression. “Oh God,” I moaned, covering my mouth with one hand. My insides were roiling from panic and regret, and my heart threatened to burst free of my chest. I’d asked Everett all the wrong questions and made a terrible mistake. “Oh my God, I’m going to be sick.”

“Hey, what happened?” Clare came running from the house and knelt at my side, glaring at Skye. “What did you say to her?”

“I have to go,” I said before Skye could answer, and lurched to my feet. My mind kept replaying my last angry words to Everett, and tears streamed down my face. “You said he’s going to the airport?”

Skye nodded and that was all I needed. I raced to my Bronco and jumped inside, firing her up as quickly as possible. Clare hurried after me, the sweet teas in her hands sloshing around. “What’s going on?” she said.

“I have to go get Everett.”

“But I thought you said—”

“I made a mistake. I’ll tell you everything later, but I’ve got to go.” I didn’t wait for her to step back, jamming it into reverse. Gravel flew as I backed up, then peeled out of the driveway. My hands dug into the steering wheel as I turned onto the narrow road leading toward civilization. Maybe I should have asked Skye for more information, but all I could think about was getting to him before he left forever.

I just prayed it wasn’t too late.

Everett

“I really can’t change your mind about leaving?”

“No, but I appreciate the fact that you’re trying.”

Trent’s brow was furrowed, his hands stuffed in his pockets. “You going to at least come and visit?”

Everett didn’t answer, just continued packing his suitcase, and Trent groaned. “Why can’t you just call her?” he muttered for what felt like the millionth time. “Tell her exactly what happened, how it wasn’t your fault. She’ll listen, she loves you.”

“But it
was
my fault.”

“No, it
wasn’t
.” Trent threw his hands in the air. “Goddammit, I let you have your pity party, thinking you’d kick yourself out of it eventually, but now I see what you need is a swift kick in the ass.”

The argument was the same one they’d had for weeks now, and Everett didn’t bother participating anymore. “You don’t have to go,” Trent said quietly as Everett zipped up his suitcase. “You have a place here, you have a job here, you have friends…” Trent cut himself off. “You’re not even listening to me anymore, are you?”

“Hm?”

Trent snorted and shook his head. “You’re still an idiot,” he said, then clapped a hand on Everett’s shoulder. “I’ll meet you downstairs.”

Everett sat down on the bed after his friend left and stared at the wall. With Lacey gone, everything good left in his life had left with her, leaving him drained and broken. Everything reminded him of her, even work. The house wasn’t the same—gone were the memories of his childhood; now everything reminded him of Lacey, the new memories made in that one summer.