Breathless (16 page)

“Lydia. Lydia.” Sheryl touched Lydia's hand, bringing her attention from her thoughts. “It's not true. You know Matthew. He'd never kill anyone.”

“He used to be with the DEA. It was part of his job. Besides, how do we know what he was like before he came to God?” Tears filled her eyes.

“James isn't happy unless everyone's as miserable as he is.” Sheryl grabbed Lydia's hand. “I'm sure Matthew had nothing to do with Charlie's death.”

“There's only one way to find out, isn't there?” Lydia shoved out her chair and threw a twenty on the table. If Matthew was the person who killed her brother, she would never be able to forgive him.

 

****

 

Matthew pulled the book from the upper tier of the bookcase. He nearly toppled off the ladder when his door opened and someone stormed in. When he turned around, Lydia was there. Sheryl stood behind her, pale, and for the first time since he'd met her, quiet. His excitement quickly turned to anxiety as his stomach knotted from the look on Lydia's face. Her jaw was clenched and tears stood in her eyes.

“What's wrong?” Matthew said. “Did something else happen?”

“Did you shoot my brother?” Lydia's words came out harsh and quick.

Matthew's stomach hit the floor. Every nerve in his body trembled. “Calm down. Here, sit.” He pointed to a chair in front of his desk.

“I'm not here to sit and chat. Just answer the question.” She stared during his silence. “I guess by not answering, that tells me what I came here for.” She grabbed the doorknob to leave.

“Lydia, wait. I can explain.”

“Explain? Explain? How do you explain killing my brother, an unarmed man?” She whirled around, her eyes a mixture of anger and pain. “And how could you not say anything about it? Did you think I would never find out?”

That's exactly what he'd hoped. Now his worst nightmare was occurring. The woman he had grown to love stood before him, hate in her eyes.

“I'm sorry. I should have told you.” Matthew folded into the chair he had offered her seconds before. All his energy drained.

Lydia ran a hand under her right eye. “You're sorry? Sorry doesn't cut it in this situation.” She turned and marched out the door.

Matthew rose to follow, but Sheryl took him by the arm.

“Don't.” Her eyes held sorrow. “You should have told her.”

Matthew pushed past Sheryl and rushed to catch Lydia as she raced out the front door. He hated the look of pain in her eyes, and he'd caused by not telling her about Charlie.

“Lydia, please wait.” He caught up as she reached the car.

“I thought I could trust you,” she said. “I can't help but wonder what other secrets you're hiding from me.”

Grabbing both her arms above the elbows, he turned her and forced her to look at him. “Lydia, I have only one secret. I'm crazy about you. Sometimes I catch just a brief glimpse of you, and it's all I can do to remember to breathe.” It killed him to have caused her such pain. “I'm sorry I chose not to tell you about Charlie. It was stupid of me, but as time rolled on, and the more I grew to care for you, fear of losing you kept me from saying anything.”

She remained silent, her eyes narrow, as he tried to make her understand.

“We can work through this,” Matthew pleaded. “I know we can.” He caught a glimpse of Sheryl walking to the passenger side of the car.

“How do we work through the fact that you shot and killed my brother? Do you honestly think I can ever forget that?” She pushed away, dropping into the driver's seat.

Matthew stared after her. He swore his heart crashed through his ribcage and landed on the ground with a thud.

 

****

 

Lydia brushed the tears from her eyes. How could she fall for the man who killed Charlie? She picked up the phone, then placed it back down. Should she call and tell them? What if it brought back all those sad memories? At least she hadn't told them about the phone calls. That was one less thing for them to deal with. Maybe she should just keep this to herself also. But how could she? This was a secret she couldn't keep. She picked up the receiver and dialed the number.

“Hello,” her mom answered.

“Mom.”

“Darling. How are you?”

“Not too good.” She tried to force back the sob.

“What's wrong?”

“It's about Charlie. I met the man who killed him. In fact, he's the new minister.” She hoped by telling her mother it wouldn't bring all her pain back to the surface. She lowered herself into a chair in her dining room. Silence held on the line. Lydia had no words to offer for comfort. Her heart was too broken to give any aid.

“We know,” her mother said.

Lydia's heart jumped to her throat. “What do you mean you know?”

“Honey, before we gave our approval to appoint him, we did a thorough background check.”

“And you still allowed him to take over the church? After what he did to Charlie?”

Her mother released a sigh. “At first we were mortified. But the more we researched him, the more we realized he was the man God wanted to lead the church.”

“But why didn't you tell me?” Another betrayal. A sob escaped from Lydia. “At least prepare me for it?”

“We told you to look into the candidates before a new minister was chosen. You didn't want to be involved. You just kept saying God would put the right man in charge. Maybe we should have said something, but you had every chance to look into his past also. Besides, we wanted the people in the area to make the decision of whether they wanted him to be minister based on him, not what he'd done in the past.”

Lydia didn't know what to say. Her world was falling apart, and her parents could have prevented the whole situation.

“So, is he a good minister?” Her mom's voice was low.

“Yes, he's a good minister, but he's also the man who killed Charlie. He shot my brother. Your son.” Lydia rose and paced the room.

“What else?”

Lydia paused. “What do you mean?”

“Do you honestly think we wouldn't have heard that you were dating him?”

“And you still didn't tell me?” She couldn't decide whose betrayal was worse, her parents' or Matthew's.

“If you two were meant to be, then it had to be your decision. Now, tell me about him? Better yet, tell me about you and him.”

The floodgates released as Lydia spoke of her feelings for Matthew. “I really thought I cared for him. How could I when he did what he did?”

“Lydia, I loved your brother with all my heart. I remember when he was just starting middle school. He had such hope, promise. But by the time he'd started high school he was different.”

“Different? What do you mean?”

“Do you remember the summer before he started his freshman year, we told you he had to go to camp? You were mad you didn't get to go.”

“I didn't think it was fair.” She recalled her anger upon waking one morning and discovering Charlie gone. All her dad would say was he would be gone all summer to a camp in Utah.

“It wasn't really a camp. It was a drug rehabilitation center. We were trying to get him free from the drugs.”

Lydia grabbed hold of the table, sorrow filling her at not knowing the depths of her brother's addiction. “Was he really that bad?”

“Yes. As time went on, it got worse. He was stealing and hurting others. We tried several other options, even a boot camp, but nothing seemed to work. No matter how we tried, the drugs just wouldn't let go of him. When we discovered he was selling to other teens that was the last straw.”

“That's no reason for him to have died. I overheard you and Dad say he wasn't even doing anything wrong when he was shot.” Lydia's heart ached for the brother she remembered.

“We don't know what he'd been doing. To be in that alley in the first place meant he was up to no good. His shooting was an accident. I came to terms with it years ago. I've forgiven everyone involved, including your brother.” Her mother let out a sigh. “You have to ask yourself, is this minister of yours really the type of man who would kill someone and be able to walk away? Or was it something that tormented him? Also, don't forget, God wants us to forgive others.”

“But how do you forgive someone who not only killed your brother but basically lied about it?” Lydia smashed a tear crawling down her cheek.

“That my dear is something you and God have to deal with together. I wish I could offer more help, but that's the best I can do.” She then added, “We have a few things we're committed to here, but we'll be up there in a couple of weeks. We'll discuss it then. If you need me or your father before, you can call or you can come down and stay with us so we can talk.”

Lydia declined the offer of a visit. The conversation did little to offer her any peace. After hanging up from her mother, Lydia prayed for God to help her understand. No matter how hard she tried, the anger still sat in the pit of her stomach.

 

****

 

Matthew hadn't gotten any sleep the night before. The angry look in Lydia's eyes raced through his mind. She had every right to be mad.

First thing that morning, he drove to Ringgold. He hadn't told his family about the shooting, and he knew there would be questions as to why he and Lydia were no longer together. It was better if they heard it from him.

“You should have told her, son,” Mr. Winters said from his plush recliner. “It might have saved you both some heartache.”

“I know. I didn't feel the need at first. Then the more I fell for her, the less I wanted to lose her.” Matthew leaned forward, his elbows on his legs. It had taken the remainder of his strength to face his family with his secret. But he felt it was better to get everything out in the open. Hiding had gotten him nowhere. “But that's exactly what happened.” Matthew plopped back. “It just never seemed like the right time.” His heart ached.

“Knock it off,” Brenda said. “You had no intention of telling her. You hoped she'd never find out. We're your family, and we just found out. So you can sit here and do the woe-is-me nonsense, but you and I both know, this is your fault, pure and simple.” Brenda crossed her arms over her chest. “I can only imagine how poor Lydia feels.”

Matthew stared at his sister. So much for support and kindness, even if was true. She was his sister. She should be on his side.

“You might never have a relationship with Lydia after this. But you have another problem to contend with.” Brenda stood. “How long do you think it's going to take that Newman guy to see to it you're fired? I'd be coming up with a good sermon about the virtues of being honest before you find yourself out of a job.” Brenda turned and marched out of the room.

Matthew knew she was right. But at the moment, he wasn't sure he wanted to continue in Lincolnville. The prospect of bumping into Lydia at least once a week and seeing the hate held in her eyes might be too much torment.

 

****

 

Lydia surveyed the primer on the wall. It had taken two coats before they were able to fully cover the red. The cleaning crew Riley had sent over did the best they could at removing the blood, but stains shadowed through on the white walls.

“I saw Matthew yesterday.” Sheryl stood back and reviewed her work. “He's as miserable as you are.”

“He should have told me about Charlie.” Lydia diverted her attention by repainting a spot on a nearby baseboard.

“It's been three days. You need to stop torturing him, and yourself. At least talk to him.”

Lydia let out a loud breath. “There's nothing to say.”

“What happened to Charlie is probably not something he likes to talk about. You know what kind of a person he is. It must have been hard for him to shoot an innocent man.”

Her mother's words rushed back at her. Was Matthew the type of man who could shoot an innocent man and walk away? Even in his days of being with the DEA? Each time Lydia asked herself those questions, she came up with the same answer. No. An ache lay deep inside Lydia's chest. It didn't help that she considered finding a new church to keep from bumping into him.

Sheryl wiped her forehead leaving a trail of dull white. “How about we break for lunch while we wait for the paint to dry?”

“I appreciate you coming over. Doing this alone would have been hard.” Lydia couldn't wait to apply the soft green color. The description at the store claimed the color fostered peace and comfort. She could use some.

“We've got more shopping to do. You still haven't replaced your bedspread.” Sheryl placed the roller in a nearby paint pan. “We can also get some new accessories while we're out.”

“I guess the walls do look pretty bland with nothing on them.” Lydia picked up the snapshot of Justin from the dresser in the hallway. The frame had been unsalvageable; however, she had the photograph repaired at a local studio. “How about lunch first, then we can go shopping?”

“Mail call.” Sheryl announced as they walked outside. “A gift in a small box. Maybe it's a present from Matthew. It looks like jewelry. That's one way to get a woman to forgive you.”

Lydia picked at the brown paper surrounding the box. There was no return address on the package. She hoped Matthew hadn't sent her a gift. It was better if he moved on with his life. She hesitated, contemplating opening it later. But it would only weigh on her mind the rest of the day. Better to get it over with. She pulled the tape, releasing one side.

“I can't believe how slow you're going. Most women would rip it open.”

Lydia got through the brown paper to a small white box inside. She sucked in a deep breath and opened the box. It dropped from her hand. A scream stuck in Lydia's throat as a bloody finger rolled across her porch.