Breathless (20 page)

Chaseyn and I drove in silence for a long while. We didn’t need words to know what the other was thinking. Had we made the right choice? Should we have rented a room for the night, as well?

“
No,” Chaseyn said, finally breaking the silence. “Not yet.”

I didn’t need to ask what he was talking about. And, I knew he was right. Especially now, with all of the doubts my grandma had placed in my head. As we pulled into the drive outside my house, I tugged Chaseyn into a tight embrace. For that one instant, I wanted to be happy. After all, I wasn’t sure what I would feel the next day.

Chapter 20 - Pause

In the wee hours of the morning, after Chaseyn had dropped me off at home and we had said a long goodbye in the warmth of the Hummer H3, I searched Google again for Vladimir Strigoy, and this time, I paid closer attention to the details. “Strigoy” pulled zero matches, but a slight variation of the spelling opened up a vast wealth of information. “Strigoi” was the Romanian word for
vampire
.

Shock and fear ran through my veins as I stared at the words written across my computer screen. The logical part of my brain began working overtime, reasoning with my imagination to come to a rational conclusion. Finally, I realized that there was still no evidence to suggest that Chaseyn Lear was, in fact, Alexei Strigoy. And, even if he was, he had never once given me reason to fear him. Only the opposite.

I tried to sleep, but my pulse was throbbing, and my mind swirled with wildly irrational thoughts. I watched every hour, every minute tick by on the clock, waiting for the moment the sun would rise, and I could see Chaseyn again. He would laugh at the ridiculous accusation, I was sure. I must have dozed off in the wee hours because, when I awoke, the sun was shining bright in the morning sky. The sounds of laughter and cutlery scraping against porcelain rose up through the stairwell from the kitchen. Looking at the clock, I noticed it was 10 a.m. I hadn’t slept this late on a Saturday in years—especially since I had taken the early shifts at the bakery. Being New Year’s Day, I could relax and take my time.

“
Lia, we were getting worried. Are you feeling okay,” my mom asked.

“
I’m fine, mom. I just didn’t sleep well.”

“
Well, we waited for you, but we got hungry,” she said with a slight shrug. “There are leftovers in the fridge.”

But, I wasn’t hungry. Anxiously, I waited for Chaseyn’s distinct knock on the door; he normally arrived around this time. Nothing. Hours passed, and still, Chaseyn had not arrived. I tried calling his cell, but there was no answer. When I called his house, Mina told me he had left early this morning. He told her he would be back in time for school on Monday, but not to expect him before then. I was confused and scared. Since that first Friday night we danced together at Hannah’s party, Chaseyn and I had never been apart, not for one day. I spent the entire weekend in my room, curled up in a ball under my thick duvet trying to figure out what I had done to make Chaseyn leave. I came up with nothing.

Addie came by on Sunday afternoon to try to get me out of my funk, but it was no use. She crawled under the covers and lay face-to-face with me, like we used to when we were kids, telling ghost stories and making silly faces in the dark. Now, she just tried to console me, but it was hopeless. I wasn’t in the mood to talk; besides, there wasn’t really anything to talk about. Until I talked to Chaseyn—
if
I talked to Chaseyn—I had no idea what to tell her. She tried so hard to make me smile that I felt a bit guilty for not relenting, but my mind was numb, and my body ached all over. I just wanted to be alone. It seemed to lift her spirits a tiny bit when I asked her to pick me up for school in the morning.

My grandma left that afternoon. It was all I could do to come downstairs to say goodbye. I tried to put on a show, a happy face, but I knew she could see through my thin façade. Maybe she felt guilty, like she was to blame, but she didn’t force me to make the drive to Denver. Instead, she hugged me gently and got in the car with my mom and Kevin. As much as I loved her, I was glad she was leaving. I didn’t want to hear any more of her ridiculous theories.

Once they had left, I waited for the tears to come, but they never did. Maybe that was a good sign—that I wasn’t ready to mourn lost love yet. I would know soon enough if I should. I lay in bed alone and awake until dawn on Monday morning.

Addie pulled up to my drive at 7:45 a.m. She seemed impressed to see me waiting. I’m sure she thought she would have to drag me out of bed and help make me presentable. Everything seemed surreal, fuzzy as I walked down the path to her waiting car. It had been months since I had driven to school with Addie, and a sadness swept over me. Just then, a streak of red came speeding around the corner. Chaseyn’s Mustang screeched to a halt beside Addie’s car. He jumped from the car and ran to my side.

“
Please, please Cordelia, come with me. I can explain,” he begged.

Now, the tears came in waves. They streamed down my face like waterfalls. I could barely see two steps in front of me, but I managed to make my way to Addie’s passenger door, pull up the handle, and step inside. She just shook her head at Chaseyn as she drove away. My breathing broke into sobs as I fought to keep the tears from falling. Addie held my hand in hers.

Chaseyn followed close behind us; I could see his lights in the passenger side mirror. After parking in her usual space, Addie turned to me.

“
What do you want to do,” she asked. “Do you want me to yell at him? Or, may be you would rather do it. Or, we could ignore him. Just tell me, Lia. I’ll do whatever you want.”

I wiped the last of the tears from my eyes and dabbed at my face with powder, trying unsuccessfully to hide any evidence that I had been crying. After another minute or two passed, I finally spoke.

“
Give me a few minutes alone with him.”

“
Are you sure,” Addie asked. “I can stay if you want.”

“
I need to do this alone. You know, closure,” I said, shaking my head. “I love you, Addie. You’re the best friend a girl could have. Now, go find that cute, sweet boyfriend of yours and stop worrying about me. I’ll be fine eventually.”

I got out of the car slowly and took a step toward the schoolyard. Chaseyn was waiting, leaning against a nearby tree, and the moment he realized I wasn’t going to run and that Addie was walking in a different direction, he began moving toward me. In khaki pants, a blue collared shirt, and a navy pea coat, he looked more beautiful than I had ever recalled seeing him, but I wouldn’t let that cloud my judgment.

After three sleepless nights, I decided it was time to take fate into my own hands. If my grandma was right, if Chaseyn was who she said, I needed to know. We were walking through a quiet corner of the schoolyard on our way to first period—away from prying eyes—when I turned to face him. I was tired of doubting him, us. My stomach did a flip as my mouth began forming the words I needed to ask.

“
Who are you,” I asked, turning around to face him. I was staring hard into his deep-green eyes, silently begging for an honest response.

“
I’m not like anyone you have ever met,” he said confidently.

He started to leave, but I grabbed his arm. For once, he was the one trembling.

“
You’re not going to walk away. Not this time,” I said angrily, my voice loud enough that the group of middle schoolers standing a few feet to our left looked harshly in our direction.

“
Isn’t it enough that I’m in love with you,” the words rolled off his tongue like creamy honey on a hot summer day. “Can’t you just let it go at that?”

Dropping his arm, I fell back a step. My eyes were wide as I considered the words that had slipped so easily from his lips, as if it were commonplace and obvious. I came to a complete standstill, breathless, as I watched him walk away quickly.

I thought about running after Chaseyn, but I knew there would be a better time to have this conversation. The schoolyard was not the appropriate location if I was going to get the answers I was looking for.

I didn’t see Chaseyn for the rest of the morning. And I couldn’t stop thinking about what he had said. If he really loved me, what difference would it make if he was
that person
? I could get past it with time, I was sure. But I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. What I really wanted was for Chaseyn to be honest with me, not just about his feelings but everything about him, who he was.

Before the beginning of first period, at least three, people asked me where Chaseyn was, and I caught a dozen others staring inquisitively in my direction as I walked between classes alone. Chaseyn and I were always together; they would be questioning if our seemingly indestructible union had finally crumbled.

“
I just heard. Is everything okay,” Addie came running to me the minute I stepped foot in the cafeteria. A look of genuine concern marked her normally perky face. “How are you?”

“
Confused,” was all I could say, at first. Addie just looked at me wide eyed. “What are you talking about?”

From the corner of my eye, I could see Stella, Chloe, and Britney stop talking to look at me sympathetically. A few others began whispering while shooting glances in my direction. I wondered exactly
what
people had heard, realizing that the entire school clearly thought something was wrong with me.

“
What’s going on,” I asked Addie. “Why is half the school looking at me?”

She wrapped her delicate arm though mine and marched me toward our usual table.

“
It’s okay, sweetheart,” she said as we were about to take a seat. “Max told Rob he saw Chaseyn walking away from you in the park earlier today. He said it looked like you were having a heated discussion that didn’t end well. Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. I know what he means to you.”

I didn’t know how to respond. Despite the torrid weekend I had spent fearing that Chaseyn had decided I wasn’t what he wanted, I knew that I would never be able to walk away from him. The minute I laid eyes on him in my driveway earlier in the day, I knew he still wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. We would sort through anything that stood between us.

I hadn’t given him a chance to say what he wanted to say. Instead, I jumped headfirst into accusations about his character. I couldn’t blame him for being upset. Sure, Chaseyn and I had an unpleasant conversation, but it wasn’t the end of our relationship. At least,
I
hadn’t thought so. Besides, hadn’t he tossed those three emotionally charged words in? Surely, his feelings were too strong to just walk away now.

As if on cue, I felt a familiar, warm weight around my shoulder and a moist pressure on the top of my head. Chaseyn was there, his arm draped loosely around me, kissing my brow as he took his usual seat next to me.

“
So, did I miss anything good,” he asked as if nothing had happened. “I’m sorry I took off this morning. I was sure I had left the iron on.”

“
Oh,” Addie said sarcastically, not willing to buy in. “Is that all?”

Addie pulled me aside to whisper something in my ear.

“
How do you want me to play this,” she asked. “No one else knows what happened this weekend, except Rob, of course, and he won’t say a thing unless I give him the thumbs up. Should I go along with this ruse, or are you going to call him out? I’m on your side either way.”

“
Let it go,” I said, a bit embarrassed that I was giving in so easily. Behind closed doors, I would take a different stance, but in public, for now, I would continue his charade. “Thank you, Addie. I promise to tell you everything later.”

I looked around, and everyone had gone back to doing whatever it was they had been doing when I first walked into the lunchroom. There was no news after all, at least not that concerned them. I was still curious—Chaseyn was playing coy, and I wanted answers once and for all.

I sat silent for most of the lunch hour, not sure what to think about Chaseyn. Three hours and four classes later, I was still uncertain. Only now, I was furious. He had disappeared all weekend and had made no effort to explain why or where he had gone. Worse than that, I still didn’t have any answers about who he really was. I was going to corner Chaseyn, and I wouldn’t let him get away with vague responses.

Addie was waiting at my locker after school. So was Chaseyn. Neither one looked at the other; they stared straight down the hall for me. It was clearly some kind of stalemate. Chaseyn was first to spot me, and he propped himself away from the locker by pushing his shoulder blades back into the metal behind him. Though her eyes scanned the hallway frantically, he had taken at least three steps before Addie clued in. She pushed past Chaseyn and ran to my side. Clipping my elbow in her palm, she whirled me backward and started gushing.

“
There’s no way you’re going home with that joker, Lia. You were a wreck all weekend because of him, and I know you asked me to play along in front of everyone else, but I know the truth, and I can’t just let it go that easily,” Addie poured out in one long breath.