Breathless (Meadowlarks) (16 page)

“You just have to keep giving a little gas, rocking a bit, and eventually you'll get over that rut you're stuck in,” she had said.

I also vividly remember words like: “watermelon through a
lime hole”.

Eww.

Loud cries echoed through the small room; cries of brand new life wanting to be put back into the warm shell that was home for so long.

“You have a son, Riley, congratulations!” The doctor said, holding up a bloody and screaming baby.

My baby.

Addison started to cry and leaned in to cradle my head with her arms.
I stared with a stupid grin on my face at the baby and felt an emotion that was so unexplainable; I don't think I'd ever get it into words.

I was a mother.

I was
his
mother.

Flowers and balloons filled my hospital room. I should have got a guest book for all the friends and family that came to see my new son, each wildly reacting to his beauty and perfection.

Aunty Marielle couldn't stop gushing over him, while gently rocking him in her arms.

“Have you finally picked a name?” She asked.

“Isaac,” I said with a smile.

“It's perfect. And so his he,” she said, kissing his forehead gently.

My dad acted like he was carrying a bomb in the car seat instead of a baby. He took the tiniest steps and when he finally got the baby to the door of the house, I had already sprouted my first grey hair.

“We'll be celebrating his first birthday soon if you take any longer getting him into the house, Clive
,” My mother teased.

“Precious cargo,” my dad said.

***

“Ma'am,” someone said, while I was on my hands and knees looking under a big trailer. “You should go home and get some rest.”

“No,” I said, continuing my crawl on all fours.

“Ma'am, we've combed this place top to bottom. Your son is not here.”

“Oh no?” I glare
d. “Then where is he?”

“We're looking.”

“Actually, you're standing right here talking to me.”

He sigh
ed and turned to walk away. “I don't blame you. I wouldn't rest either.”

I roll
ed my eyes. Like he's got any clue what I was going through.

The sky turn
ed dark and I checked my phone for the millionth time, for any notification that Isaac has been found.

Nothing.

The police suggested that I go in front of the camera and ask for a “witness”—if there was one—to come forward and let us know if they've seen my son.

My father already ha
d one foot in the grave, and if they saw this on the television before I told them, I might as well hammer the nail into his coffin myself.

“I need to call my parents first,” I sa
id to the officer.

He
nodded.

“Mommy?” I sa
id, when my mother picked up the phone.

“Riley? Hi, darling. How are you?”

“Mom. I need to tell you something.”

“Ry? What's wrong?” She must
have sensed my rattled voice.

I breathe
d slowly. “
Isaac
...”

“Isaac, what? Has he been hurt! Talk to me, baby!”

“He's missing, Mom! I don't know where he is! We have searched everywhere, but he's just fucking gone!”

She
didn’t even register that I've cursed.

The phone must have dropped because I hear
d scrambling and cursing from her end, crying and high-pitched scream for my father.

“Riley?”
Dad’s voice rumbled through the phone.

“Dad, where's mom?”

“She's right here, she's flipping. What's wrong with Isaac?” He asked, franticly.

“He's missing, I can't find him!”

In an instant my father broke down and it didn’t take bionic ears to hear the tears falling on the phone from his face.

I've broken their hearts.

Through the giant lump in my throat, I tried to explain what the police had told me. I told them I didn't want to them hear about it on the news, so needed to tell them myself.

“We're coming. Now.” My dad
said into the phone, his voice shaky.

“No, dad. You can't.”

“Riley. We are going to find my grandson!”

Chapter
Ten

After I made my statement to the cameras, the police suggested I stay in Buffalo for a few more days. I made my way, on weak knees, back to the hotel to tell Addison that they should go home.

“We're not leaving you,” she said, frowning.

“Go,” I said, quietly.

“I will stay with you.”

I shook my head. “No, you have to go. There's nothing else you guys can do here. My parents will be here in a few hours to get Scarlett and take her back to Maine.”

I managed to convince my parents that the only way they could help was to take Scarlett away from here, and let me and the police do the searching.

Alex didn’t try to talk to me, he just gathered his things and left with Addison, Blaine and Seth. Although, when he closed the door behind him I thought I heard him sniffling his nose.

The police help
ed me make flyers to post throughout Buffalo. Isaac's handsome little face was smiling back at me while I stapled the paper on to a telephone poll.

I love you, my baby.

Mommy's coming.

Scarlett quietly play
ed with the remote control for the TV when I heard a knock on the hotel room door. I jumped off the bed and opened it. My parents almost fell in, grabbing me and bawling their eyes out.

“Gammie!” Scarlett climb
ed off the bed when she saw my mom and dad. “Papa!”

“My baby!” My mom
said, bending to pick Scarlett up, tightly folding her into her arms.

It took a few hours, but they've managed to
convince me to eat. Well, I promised to try to anyway. My mom left the hotel and returned back with bags full of take-out.

Perfect.

Comfort food.

And, I don't even need the extra strength effort of using utensils.
I shoved my burger into my mouth, inhaling it and not even really tasting it. I just wanted to satisfy my parents and wipe away any fear that they'll lose me too from starvation.

I live
d outside of my body—well, I wouldn't call it
living
. I'd call it simply existing until I found my son so I could breathe again. I watched my parents put on their strong faces and entertain Scarlett while I flipped through pages on my dad's tablet of Google search results for missing children. They don't exactly make a
Dummies
book on how to cope with something like this.

Mom and d
ad were leaving at six AM tomorrow morning with Scarlett. Taking her back to Bangor with them so I could search for Isaac, and know that she was safe and sound in their home.

“Give m
ommy a kiss!” I didn’t have to force a smile when it came to my baby. I loved her so very much, and I knew that it would be hard to be away from her.

But it's all for the cause.

To find Isaac and bring him home to me.

Wherever that home may be.

Scarlett kissed me.

“I love you so much, baby.”

“Love. Mommy,” she cooed.

“Call me when you land. I love you.” I hu
gged my parents and gave Scarlett one more squeeze before watching them walk out of the hotel room door.

***

“I'm here to see Detective Campbell,” I s
aid, tapping my nails on the desk at the police station.

“He's in a meeting, Ms. Harrison. Can you take a seat for a few minutes?” The woman officer behind the desk
said to me, knowing exactly who I was and why I was there.

“Okay, thanks.”

She smiled sympathetically, and I went to sit down on the uncomfortable vinyl chairs across from her desk.

How many minutes is a
few?

Seems like an eternity when Detective Campbell finally
came out of a room in the back of the station and raised one finger to me when he saw me stand in anticipation. He mouthed “one minute” to me, and spoke quietly to another police officer.

“Ms. Harrison. I was just about to call you,” Detective Campbell
said.

“What can I do today?” I ask
ed. “How many people are out looking right now?”

“Many. Riley...
” he said. “Have you slept?”

“No.”

“Have you eaten?”

“A burger. Yesterday.”

“Go have some breakfast. Something filling…just try. I will call you in a few hours.”

There's that word again.

Few.

So...” I look
ed at my watch. “It's 8:40 AM. I'll hear from you by ten?”

He smile
d slightly. “Yes, ten. My partner, O'Reilly, and I are going out right now to start another search.”

“Thank you.”

“Is there anyone here with you? Didn't you have people with you before?”

I sh
ook my head. “They're gone home. I need to focus.”

“You need support. And not just from us.” Detective Campbell crosse
d his arms.

“She has some,” a
deep voice from behind me echoed.

I turn
ed around.

Oh.

Shit.

***

I nervously pick
ed at my fingernails while I sat, once again, in the chair at the police station. Watching intently as Detective Campbell and Detective O'Reilly questioned Dane behind closed doors.

He just showed up and flipped me right off my axis. When he said he was Isaac's father they took him right into the room, pad and paper ready and eager for information.

Detective Campbell came out of the room an agonizing while later and put his hand to his head mimicking a telephone. He will call me later.

Dane walked out, in his best suit
, and stalked right toward me. “Let's go.”

I clumsily follow
ed him out the old double doors of the police station and tripped down the concrete steps to the black Lincoln Town Car waiting at the curb.

“Get in.”

I did.

Not a single cell in me wanting to put up a fight.

He climbed in behind me, and slammed the door shut. “Winchester Street,” he barked.

The driver shif
ted into drive and we pulled away from the curb. Dane didn’t speak me the entire drive, and I hadn’t tried to make conversation either. We both knew why he was there. This time it isn't for me.

He
instructed the driver to stop when we approached the hotel I had been staying at—the one I stayed at with Alex, Scarlett and Isaac. The pillow that Isaac slept on still smells like him. I would know, I hugged it last night while I tried to sleep...but couldn't.

“Out.” Dane open
ed the door and motioned for me to get out.

In the elevator I stare
d down at my feet, thankful when the door opened and we were on the third floor. I didn’t bother asking when he walked right to my door and produced a plastic card, swiping it and pushing the door open for me to walk in ahead of him.

Stalker
.

Dane unbutton
ed his suit jacket and took it off, tossing it on to the bed. Then he released two buttons on his white dress shirt and rolled his neck, loosening his muscles.

I s
at on the edge of one bed, staring blankly out the window.

“I told you,” his voice growl
ed, low and almost so quiet I nearly didn’t hear him.

“Told me?” I ask
ed, without looking away from the window.

“I told you that this life was a joke. That
kid
couldn't even keep his eye on Isaac.”

“Fuck off.
This isn’t Alex’s fault!”

“
Fuck off?
Don’t test me.” Dane pauses. “I'm going to fix this.”

“Fix this?” I ask
ed. “How exactly are you going to
fix
this, Dane? Isaac is gone. For all I know, you took him!” My eyes bore holes into him. If I could get any superpower right now, it would be to shoot fire from my eyeballs.

He presse
d his mouth tightly and looked away from me. “I have no reason to do that.”

“Oh no?” I snort
ed. “You've been on my heels for weeks. Maybe you thought this would be the only way you could have me. By forcing me with you.”

He almost seem
ed wounded by my words, then quickly adjusted his somewhat kind eyes back to the usual controlling and scary shade of green. “I did not kidnap Isaac. I will find him, and when I do...” he said, walking toward me. “You'll see where you're supposed to be. At my side.”

“Ha.” I laugh
ed. “You're high.”

“I'm done talking. Get undressed.”

I gaped at him. “Umm. No?”

“You need to shower. Have you even looked in a mirror? I mean, I'd fuck you regardless of your state, but now isn't the time for that.”

“Oh, God.” I grimaced. “You're such an asshole.”

***

My cellphone
chirped on the counter in the bathroom when I stepped out of the shower. I quickly dried my hands to pick it up. My mom texted me that they had landed in Maine.

I reply:
Good. I love you.

Mom:
Any more news?

Me:
No. Not yet.

Mom:
OK. You call me first thing.

Me:
I will. XO

I wrap
ped a towel around myself and thumbed through my contacts to find Addison's name to call her.

“Hey.”

“Any news?” She asked, panic in her voice.

“Not yet. I'm going back out in a couple of minutes. I just took a shower.”

“Okay, good. Did your mom and dad take Scarlett yet?”

“Yeah, the
y just touched down in Maine.”

“How are you, Ry?” Addison ask
ed, softly.

I exhale
d. “Okay.”

“Alex is—
”

I cut her off. “I don't want to hear about it. I'll call you later, okay?”

“Okay.”

I
left the bathroom and didn’t give Dane a second look when I opened my small suitcase, selecting a pair of jeans and a t-shirt to wear. I dropped my towel and pulled on panties and a bra.

Dane
sat in the chair by the dresser. I could see in my peripheral vision that he's hadn’t taken his eyes off me once.

“Are you doing that on purpose?”

“You wish,” I hissed.

“Need some help?”

“Nope. I'm good.” I rolled my eyes.

“Well, I know you're
good
. Fantastic, actually. But that's not what I was asking.”

I kn
ew Dane was Isaac's father, but he had no real connection to my son. He didn’t even have the ability to love or worry about Isaac’s well-being, so I wasn’t surprised when he started to come on to me like that. But, you would expect he would at least have the decency to
pretend
to care that I was distraught.

“I'm going out.”

“I'm coming with you.”

“Why?”

Dane looked all around the room, and shrugged. “To help you find Isaac.”

“Keep up.”

He got up off the chair and followed me out the door.

I head
ed for the stairwell, not wanting to spend another second in a confined space with Dane. I took two steps at a time, eager to get to the bottom and out of the building.

Detective Campbell kept his word and called me while I briskly walked down the street, checking to make sure all the flyers were still securely attached to every pole, tree and form of material I could staple paper on.

“We've spoken with hundreds of people. Calls are coming in hourly with tips, but so far nothing has checked out. There were a lot of kids there, many people think they saw something, but most of the time they really didn't.”

“Thank you, Detective,” I sa
id, clutching my phone tightly.

“Did you eat?” He ask
ed.

“Yes.” I lie
d.

I turn
ed on a street. Dane was still behind me, keeping my pace. There was a park just ahead so I quickened my steps and feverishly scanned every single child there, looking for something the slightest bit recognizable.

A
black-haired boy came down the slide and as I saw him I nearly leapt over the fence. The child's face turned and laughed toward the older woman holding her arms out to him. My body crumpled when I realized it was not Isaac.

Dane
caught me. “Fuck,” he hissed.