Breed of Havoc (The Breed Chronicles #3) (35 page)

Dr. Cherry frowned. “Haven’t you noticed any differences in your strength? Speed? Anything?”

“I don’t know.”

“Really, Jade?” Doc said. “You haven’t noticed anything different?”

“Like what? Barely squeezing someone’s hand and breaking it? No, pretty sure I only discovered that today.” They were staring at me the same way, with the same look. It was kind of…unnerving, actually.

“Take a second,” Doc said dryly, “and think about it.”

“Fine.”

I paced around the room. Had there been signs of increasing strength or speed? Was there something I should’ve seen coming? Some hint or clue?

On a daily basis, I pretty much spent my time beating up Linc since he was always my partner in all of my classes. He would have told me if something had been different, wouldn’t he have? And even if he hadn’t, I would have noticed…something. Besides the seeing sounds thing, I hadn’t. My classes had been normal. My workouts had been the same.

Linc had hit me once and then rubbed his hand like it’d hurt him. But punching people
did
hurt, so that wasn’t on me, was it? And I’d hit him once, when he’d been a little too slow to avoid a punch, but accidents happened all the time. Hardly a class went by where someone didn’t get bruised. We were working harder, faster, and more often. The pressure to be better was getting overwhelming.

Doc looked at me when I stopped pacing. “Well?”

“Okay, there were
some
things, but they could be explained by other things, so I don’t know.” I flung my hands in the air. “What does it
mean
? Everyone is more scared of me now.” I paused. “Do they have a reason to be?”

Neither woman answered.

That was the question I’d been avoiding asking. That was the question that had been in the back of my mind since last night. Was I right when I said I wasn’t okay? Was Rachel right when she’d said I was dangerous? Did the others
have
a good reason to be afraid of me? Would I hurt more of them, either on accident or…worse? I’d been working hard to keep my anger in check, because I was afraid to find out.

Greene had been assuring me since last year that I wasn’t turning into a vampire, but what if I was turning into something worse? What if, deep down, I really was a demon? Or at least more demon than I wanted to be already.

Things had been weird for over a year now. When were they going to get to normal?

“Someone say something,” I pleaded quietly.

Dr. Cherry looked at me with sympathy in her eyes. “We’re working on it, Jade.”

“Work faster then!”

“Jade,” Doc snapped.

“Sorry, but this has been going on over a year now. Something has to give. I need to know what’s going on.”
Before I hurt someone else.
“These appointments were supposed to be about figuring out what demons I’d be safe around, with a side of vampire-cure-finding. But people are getting hurt now. Because of me. Because of what I am—whatever that is. Fix it. Fix it now or I’m done.”

“What are you saying, Jade?” Dr. Cherry asked.

Doc’s eyes widened, but she said nothing, only looked from me to Dr. Cherry and back again.

“That I’m done playing guinea pig. No more waiting to see if you find the cure. No more waiting to see how or if my DNA will help others. I don’t care about those people. I’m sorry, that sounds mean, but I care about the people I’m around, the people I’ve hurt or might hurt. I’m the threat now, so find a way to fix it.”

I did care about other people, obviously. I wouldn’t have stayed at the CGE if I didn’t. But I didn’t live with those other people. I didn’t go to class with them or pass them by in the hallway. I wasn’t a threat to them on a daily basis.

A hunter’s objective, if there were civilians around, was to protect them first and get them out of harm’s way. People in the line of danger were always the priority. That put the CGE people above anyone else in my book.

“Jade…”

“You said you were different than Dr. Hamilton. Prove it.”

“It’ll take time,” she said warily.

“You’ve got until the end of my Phase.”

“What? That’s only—”

“Three months. I’m not starting my last Phase like this.” Could I, in good conscience, stay at the CGE knowing I was an accident waiting to happen?

“But the others will be like you, so the odds of you hurting them will be less.”

“And? Do you think whatever’s going on is going to stop? You’ve said it’s increasing, but neither of you have ever mentioned it decreasing. Is it...leveling out or whatever? Can you make it stop?” When she didn’t answer, I rolled my sleeve up. “Take what samples you need, because I’m not coming back until you have real, actual progress. Until you’re working on fixing
this
problem.”

Her face registered shock before annoyance. “You’re being—”

“What?” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Unreasonable? Yeah, I’ve been told that before. But this isn’t about me—or not entirely, anymore.” I looked to Doc. “I don’t like Rachel, and anyone who knows me knows that.
You
know that, Doc. I wouldn’t mind kicking her ass, but not like that. Not on accident.”

Doc nodded. “I understand, Jade.”

My gaze fell to Dr. Cherry again. “I like you. But if you really think this is an unreasonable request, then you’re not who I thought you were, and you’re no better than Dr. Hamilton. If anything, that’d make you worse. Coming here was for me. I wanted answers for personal reasons, so maybe Dr. Hamilton was right all along when he called me selfish. But this needs to be about more.”

“It is about more,” Dr. Cherry said.

“Yes, it is. It’s about you wanting to find the cure for vampirism. But it needs to be about more than that too, at least right now. This is about the people at the CGE that I live with, the people I go to class with and see every day. I barely pushed Linc and he ended up flying across my room. I wasn’t trying to hurt Rachel and I ended up breaking her hand. How do you know I won’t shake someone’s hand and break it? How do you know I won’t just touch you and break something? You’ve both been very careful around me. I don’t know a lot about science, and I’m not the greatest at math, but even I can put one and one together. You’re both scared I’ll hurt you.”

Neither of them denied it, but of the two, Doc was the only one who looked ashamed. Not that she needed to be. I hadn’t exactly been within touching distance myself, except when they wanted blood samples.

“Sorry, Jade—”

I shook my head at her. “Don’t worry about it, Doc, because I don’t blame you. But that’s my point right there. You two are the ones who know more about me than probably anyone else and you’re keeping your distance. What am I supposed to do about the others? They don’t know anything. They think I hurt Rachel on purpose. I don’t blame them for that, either.” Much. “But I can’t risk hurting them. If I’d known this could happen, I would have…done something different. Excused myself from class. Tried harder to…I don’t know, be careful? But I didn’t know. That, in part, is on you. You should have warned me something would happen.”

“We didn’t know, Jade,” Doc said.

“One of you had to suspect something. You said it, Dr. Cherry. My levels are higher than normal, and I know you don’t mean for normal people. You meant higher than normal
for me
.”

Dr. Cherry didn’t comment. Doc looked to her, her eyes widening slightly. “You thought this could happen? You knew?”

“Of course not.” Dr. Cherry shook her head. “I suspected
something
could happen, but with Jade’s DNA workup, quite frankly, anything is possible. What should I have said? Be careful that something doesn’t happen? It would have been more effective, and a lot shorter of a list, to tell her what
wouldn’t
happen.”

“Then you should have done that,” Doc snapped.

It felt like someone sucker punched me in the stomach. “You never said anything, not one word, not even after that seeing sounds thing. No warnings, nothing, not even when I called you.”

“Jade, I wasn’t sure what to tell you, and that’s the truth. You’re the first of your kind. Everything we learn is something new. Every change is unexpected and not something any of us is familiar with. I thought you understood that. I thought you understood that we were all on the same page here, in that none of us are exactly sure what we’re doing.”

“We were, maybe, but you didn’t tell me to keep expecting changes.”

“I’m sorry if you feel I’ve misled or deceived you. That wasn’t my intention.”

Doc, with her arms crossed over her chest, stared at Dr. Cherry. “Whose interest are you looking out for? Hers, yours, or the CGE’s?”

“I wish it were as simple as that, but even you know it’s not, Adria.”

It wasn’t, I knew that, too. Just like I knew that was the problem. And maybe I was being selfish again, but I wished I knew who or what came first. Or that there’d been some line drawn, like X amount of hours were devoted to me, then X to vampire research. But there were no lines and everything was blurred. Everyone had an ulterior motive for helping me, and none of it was really about me anymore. Had it ever been?

“You said you expected something could happen, so have you even tried finding a way to stop it? To prevent these…changes, or whatever they are. Can you fix my DNA? If I asked you, right now, to do that, would you?”

“Your DNA isn’t broken,” Dr. Cherry said with a panicked look. “It’s special. There’s nothing to fix. Any alterations to it at this point would do more harm than good. We could possibly lose any chance we have at finding a cure—”

“That’s a no, then.” Slowly, I took a seat and held out my arm. “Draw your blood, Dr. Cherry, because I’m leaving.”

“Jade…”

I didn’t look at her. Instead, I turned my head away and stared at the wall. “Do it or don’t, I don’t care. But if you want more samples, get them now. It’s your last chance.”

When she didn’t move right away, part of me hoped she wouldn’t take any, that she’d take a stand and say she would figure out something that’d help me. Or that she’d tell me she’d figure out something if I came back. Something. Anything. But then I heard her moving around and gathering more supplies. I almost laughed at myself for being gullible or naive. I really did understand how important my blood was or could be. But still, I thought she cared about more than that. That maybe she cared a little about what I wanted or needed, that she cared about the small picture and not just the bigger one.

And that’s what I get for making assumptions.

“With or without you, I’m going to find a cure for vampirism. I still believe your DNA holds the key.”

I said nothing.

Once finished, she looked up. “I’m so close to finding the cure, if you’d just—”

I rolled my sleeves down and stood. “What? Not worry about anyone else who might be hurt? That’s something else that’s in my blood. Worry.”

She gave a little sigh. “There’s always a price to pay for scientific breakthroughs.”

Her words hit me like a fist, and for the first time since I met her, I wanted to hit her. “‘A price to pay’?” My jaw snapped down and my fingers clenched. “That’s your excuse?”

Doc grabbed my arm and tried yanking me away. “Let’s go, Jade.”

“You’re going to want to let go, Doc. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Her grip tightened. “You won’t. But we need to go.”

I let her drag me away, at least until we reached the door. I stopped and turned around. “I guess that’s where we’re different, Dr. Cherry.”

Dr. Cherry was busy putting the vials of my blood away, handling them like they were liquid gold. She looked up.

“Changing the world is great. But you’re willing to sacrifice a few for the many and I’m not, even if I don’t happen to like those few.”

Out of curiosity, I gave her a second to see if she’d respond. When she didn’t, I laughed and walked out of the room with Doc.

After a few minutes, I sighed and said, “It sucks. I actually liked her.”

“She’s not bad, Jade.”

I gave her a pointed look. “No?”

“Well, bad for you, maybe. But her intentions are good and her heart is in the right place. She’s just—”

“What? What is she?”

“Misguided. Maybe even jaded and a little cynical. But scientists…that’s kind of their function for some of them. They don’t look at the little picture. They can’t afford to do that. It’s like doctors. They try to see people as patients and nothing more, because it’s easier to work on them that way. It’s less personal. They have to compartmentalize things or their jobs are too hard to do. Same with social workers. Most burn out after a few years.”

“They’re evil, too. Like doctors.”

Doc stopped walking. She crossed her arms over her chest and fixed me with a hard stare. “None of those people, or their jobs, are evil. You’ve met some bad people, and I’m sorry for that, but there are good doctors and good social workers.” An eyebrow shot up. “Considering you yourself defended a demon last Phase, I’m surprised you’d say that, let alone think it.”

“Sorry.” I sighed again. “You’re right, I didn’t mean it. I’ve had bad experiences and, hell, maybe I’m jaded, too. It’s hard to remember the good when it doesn’t happen much, but it’s no excuse. I’m sorry, to you, specifically, for saying all doctors are evil. I’m just angry. At everything.”

“It’s fine. Now let’s go. I want out of this place.”

I eyed her as we walked. “Why? I thought you’d be in heaven here.”

“It’s too quiet.”

“You’re freaked out by the quiet?”

“Yes. I need sound. Noise. People yelling, banging, complaining. I need the CGE.”

I smiled to myself but didn’t speak for a few minutes. Finally, I said, “I seem to go through doctors a lot. Am I jinxed or a bad-doctor magnet?”

“We’ll figure something out, don’t worry.”

“Maybe I’ll start a Doc-only policy.”

She smiled at me. “I appreciate the thought.”

“You should get into genetics. Or maybe I should study up on it myself.”

She slowed her pace a fraction to glance at me. “Would you?”

“Study genetics? No.” I shook my head. “It’d just put me to sleep. Science gives me a headache. But if I could, I’d loan you my brain—or the memory thing at least—for a few months.”