Read Brett's Little Headaches Online
Authors: Jordan Silver
Brett’s Little Headaches
All Rights Reserved
"Garret, Dmitri, get over here; no stop that, come on guys work with mom huh." Whatever possessed me to think I could do this?
I have a crap load of laundry waiting to be done, a house that looks like a hurricane sideswiped it, and what am I doing? Spending my Saturday morning in the park with my boys, that's what.
Why? Because mommy is a pushover that's why, and when they begged so sweetly to go swingy what could I do?
They've heard the word no so often in their young lives already it's good to be able to give them this. The park is still free thank heavens, because money was tight.
The dead beat who'd inseminated me has been long gone. Not that I blamed him completely. What eighteen- year old wanted to hang around for that?
Especially when the girl you knocked up was the sixteen-year old daughter of the local police chief, yikes!
Now the twins are three years old and into everything. We were barely making it, what with me trying to finish school while holding down a full time job.
Daycare was almost as much as my weekly paycheck, and government assistance was a joke.
My poor dad tries to help out as much as he can, but there isn't much he can do on his salary. Kids are expensive little bundles of joy.
I wasn’t complaining though, having the boys had changed my life in a way I hadn’t planned for, but each day got easier and the joys were outgrowing the fears and doubts.
I finally caught up to them, as they were about to pet this humongous dog that was almost as tall as me. Holy...
"Hey kid, you might not want to do that." They both stopped at the gruff command from the menacing looking guy that I'd missed, sitting on the park bench.
The dog growled low in his throat and I eased forward to get between it and my boys.
"Gunther cut that shit out." He remained seated on the bench while that thing that was posing as a dog had my kids trapped.
"Maybe you want to get up and grab your dog before he mauls my kids?" Was this guy for real?
"Maybe you want to teach your damn kids to keep their hands to themselves."
What the.... He turned that face my way and just wow. Figures, anyone that hot had to have major flaws, and one of his seemed to be being an asshole.
"Listen you jerk off, they're just kids; kids do stuff like that."
"Don't feed me your shit lady, my dog bite into one of your little darlings I'll be knee deep in law suits and bullshit."
"Watch your mouth in front of my kids, what's your problem anyway?"
"People; too many of the fuckers on the planet; more specifically annoying ass people like you, who can never accept when they're wrong. Now would you please get your damn spawns out of here? You're mucking up my morning routine."
"That's it." I didn't care that he was at least a good foot taller, it didn't matter that he looked like he'd chewed nails for breakfast either.
Right now, at this very moment, he was the embodiment of everything I hated. Like the asshole supervisor who was being a dick because I refused to sleep with his slimy ass.
Or the nasty ass customers who came into the diner and stiffed me because heaven forbid I was half a second late refilling their coffee cups. Before I could caution myself I was in his face fists folded.
My boys of course were cheering mommy on, no sense of danger whatsoever. I'll have to have another chat with dad about letting them watch UFC. For now though, I had this oversized jackass to cut down to size.
Hot or not, he wasn’t going to get away with being a dick to my boys for just being kids. “Look here you, this is a public park if you don’t want people mucking up your day then you should’ve stayed in your cage or wherever it is they keep your breed of species.”
Uh-oh. I guess the finger in the chest was going a bit too far if the way he looked from it to me was any indication.
I had the dumb thought that he had the most amazing eyes I’d ever seen on anyone. Laurie what the hell are you doing? I took a step back when his nose flared like he was inhaling my scent and I felt heat rising up my neck to my face.
Just what had my boys landed me in this fine morning anyway?
Is this chick for real? I could bench press her one handed and here she was flying up in my face. I ought to snap that finger in half, but that would just land me in more shit.
I towered over her and growled when she poked into me. Meanwhile her damn minions were garbling some shit, like they really thought mommy could take my ass.
“Listen lady you might wanna move it before you lose it. What the hell is your problem anyway?”
Granted, I'm not usually such an asshole, and especially not to a complete stranger of the female persuasion.
But a combination of a fucked up workweek coupled with family drama bullshit, has brought me to the end of my fucking rope.
Normally I would've cautioned her kids about approaching any large animal, in a more genteel way; but her whole attitude stunk. I guess women who looked like her thought they should get a free pass; she could kill that shit.
If Gunther sunk his teeth in one of them, she'd probably try to take me for hundreds of thousands of dollars. It would only take her finding out who I am for the dollar signs to start floating around in her head. I've seen it too many times to count.
"Listen douchebag, I don't know what climbed up your ass and died but..."
"You need to calm your little ass down lady, and watch your mouth."
We were toe to toe at this point, and I could only be grateful that there was no one else around to witness this catastrophe.
Her little terrors were sitting on the grass looking on, like they were at the circus or some shit, and guess what, my fucking traitorous dog was sitting on his haunches between them, tongue hanging, enjoying the show.
"Don't you tell me to calm down, you overgrown ape." She was really asking for it, and what the hell was she wearing...? More importantly, what the fuck was my malfunction?
You've got to be shitting me. I took a quick look down between us. Yep, my boy sure knew how to pick them, hard as a fucking pike.
Shit, at least she hadn't noticed, she was too busy railing at me, to notice that I'd stopped talking altogether.
I was too shocked by my body's reaction. Seems like everything was working against me today; first my dog and now, well, my other dog.
How the hell was I going to diffuse this situation? There were a lot of gradients at work here all of a sudden.
First, my quick gander at her finger showed no sign of a wedding ring, not even the outline of one.
That didn't mean anything though in this day and age so I have to do some fishing to be sure.
This information is suddenly of great importance, because from my boy's reaction, there was a good possibility that the little dynamo was going to be under me sometime in the near future.
While she railed away at me I stood back and took her all in. Short, just like I like ‘em, built up top, nice ass and gorgeous.
Her hair wasn’t my usual blonde, which is a shocker. I don’t remember dating anything else, not even when I was a kid.
I’ve always had a type; she wasn’t it. So why the fuck was my dick doing the mambo over this raven haired, green-eyed sea-witch?
It was time to get to the bottom of this shit, but she was still going full steam ahead with that lip of hers.
I couldn't very well choke her to cut off her stream of invectives, so I did the next best thing. I placed my hand over her mouth. "It's done."
"Motherfucker if you don't get..." She swore as soon as I started to remove my hand so I had to put it back.
"Ssh, not in front of the kids babe." I grinned down at her just to confuse her even more. It’s perverse, but for some reason I got a kick out of flustering her. I wonder if all that fire transferred to the bedroom?
She looked at me like I'd just dropped out of an unidentified flying object, good; at least she'd stopped threatening my ass with bodily harm.
When I was sure I had her attention I removed my hand again, turned to the boys and my ex dog and snapped my fingers.
"You two over here." I pointed to my vacated park bench and was only slightly surprised to see them toddle on their tiny legs to obey.
Meanwhile, their mother was looking on like a hooked fish, mouth and eyes wide open. My sidekick that I'd spent thousands of dollars feeding, sheltering, and not to mention vet bills, followed them, sitting down next to the bench as if on guard duty. Fucking dog.
When I turned back to her, I noticed she was looking at my hand in a weird way. At first I thought she was checking to see what kind of watch I wore; kinda like gauging my wealth or some shit, but nah, this was a different kind of look.
"What're you doing?" That stare was starting to freak me the fuck out.
She looked up at me with a serious look and said with a straight face.
"I'm looking for that little tag thing they put on people when they let them out the crazy house for a day, because it wouldn't be fair to kick your ass if you're loony toons." She was trying to get in my face again.
"I repeat, calm your little ass down." I towered over her again, my nose damn near touching hers, our eyes boring into one another’s. Damn she’s gorgeous, maybe my day was looking up after all, we’ll see.
I pointed my finger at her one last time before turning to her kids who were now sitting quietly on the bench.
I stood in front of the two miscreants, as I schooled them on dog etiquette; they looked up at me like I had the secrets to Candy land or some shit.
"Name." I pointed to little rascal number one.
"Gawick I's twee." He held up four fingers.
"You." I pointed to his obvious twin.
"Ditri, I's twee too." What the fuck? I turned to look at her, sure that my next words were going to rile her up again. She did seem to be a bit prickly.
"Could you maybe have given these kids some names that they could at least pronounce? And close your mouth babe, you're starting to look off."
Oh she looked like she'd really like to do me in now, but seriously, what was with people and giving their kids fucked up names?
"That's it we're out of here, come on boys." She made to get the little imps off the bench, but she was too late.
While we were having our stare off, the two spawns of hades had ignored everything I said, and were now busy rolling around with my overpriced ex dog, that seemed to think he was a mascot or some shit.
"Why the hell are you wound so tight anyway, not getting any?" Okay, I know myself pretty well and I'm pretty sure I was antagonizing her on purpose.
Something about the way she lit up like a firecracker just got to me. Of course she started steaming and my boy was on the rise again. Not that he'd gone down much, no, he was playing peek-a-boo or some shit.
It was that shit she was wearing too, some sort of yoga thing I think they call it; fire red around the top and black down the legs.
It hugged her ass like a second skin and the little midriff top showed off a little of the skin of her tummy. She was going to fuck around and get her ass bred again messing with me.
What in the fuck? My dick just creamed pre-cum at the thought of breeding her. Maybe I’d had too much stress here lately, what the fuck was I doing?
She had two kids, was probably more trouble than she was worth, and I’m standing here in the middle of the park on a Saturday morning thinking about fucking a kid into her. I’ve finally cracked under the pressure.
"Are you always this rude? And keep your eyes off my ass douche." She folded her arms and glared at me, bringing me back from where the fuck I’d gone in my head.
"If you don't want men ogling your ass, don't put it on display, by the way your nipples are hard."
Her hands flew up to cover the evidence, but it was too late, the damage had already been done. It was nice to see that she was in the same predicament as I.
Her face was a red ball of fire and she looked almost vulnerable as she looked up at me. I knew if I went soft I would get nowhere with her.
So although for some fucked up reason I had the urge to wrap my arms around her and tell her everything was going to be alright I didn’t.
"So, there're two ways this could end, you and I could both go our separate ways and never see each other again." Good that slight look that flashed across her face said she didn't like that idea either.
"Or, we can decide to be civil, make plans to get together again some time soon, like tonight, and see where this takes us."
She took a minute to compose herself and come up with a way to fuck with me, as if I was expecting anything different from Ms. Difficult.
"Why the hell would I want to go anywhere with you?" That mouth of hers is gonna get her in trouble, I can see it already. I wasn’t accustomed to being talked to like that, and my dick was loving that shit.
"Babe it's a hundred and ten out here and your nipples look like you just left a freezer. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. You want the goods, I'm giving you a way to get them, don't play dumb and fuck it up. Why do you women do that shit?"
"See, now I'm convinced that you're crazy, who talks to a complete stranger like that?"
"I'm not crazy sweetheart, I just call it like I see it." By now I had moved a little closer to her, all the while keeping an eye on the goings on on the ground, just in case my dog remembered what the fuck I bought him for and went on the attack.
"Oh yeah, and what do you see?" she had her hands on her hips, one leg tapping the floor and her lip curled. I could already taste the flavor of whatever she had on her lips that made them shine, probably strawberry.
I took my time looking her over, probably shouldn't have done that, now my cock was thumping in time to my heartbeats.
"I see a sexually frustrated young woman, who is hiding her obvious attraction for me behind false bravado." I was full of shit but she didn't need to know that.
My words had the desired affect and she puffed up like a rooster ready to blast me. Why the hell did I find that so adorable? She opened her mouth and I put my finger across her lips again, risking life and limb.
"Uh-uh-uh, kiddies on deck...hey Garret, Dmitri, how about some ice cream?" I kept my eyes on hers as I addressed the kids.
"Yeah ice queam." The shouts and yells were loud enough to wake the dead. Meanwhile momma was back to looking at me like she was gonna kill my ass.
"Now see what you've done you big ape."
"Not to worry ice cream's on me."
I'm not stupid; I know she was thinking of ways to shoot me down; probably a little over cautious after being burned by the asshole sperm donor.
If the way to a man's heart is his stomach, then the way to a woman's is her little darlings.
I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing, or worst yet, what had gotten into me, but something was going on here.
As a man accustomed to following my gut, I couldn’t just walk away. When I left my house this morning I was mad as fuck at the world, now things seem to be looking up.
It’s been a while since I’ve been on this side of the great divide, I’m usually the one being hunted; it might be fun doing the pursuing this time.
I'm about to play this game right and see how far it takes me. Maybe Gunther was good for something after all; he'd netted me a hot young cutie. Fucking dog.