Brian Friel Plays 2 (50 page)

Another
brief
pause.

Frank
There you are …

Trish
(
breezily
)
Good girl, Berna.

Frank
Never knew that …

Trish
Live and learn.

Frank
Indeed … live and learn …

Terry
Wonderful story, Berna. Well done.

Frank
Terry says this is my colour. What do you think?

Berna
In our second year we had a lecturer in Equity, a Scotsman called – I’ve forgotten his name. We called him Offence to Reason because he used that phrase in every single lecture. We used to wait for it to come. ‘Does that constitute an offence to reason?’ (
She
laughs.
)
He was in
awe of reason. He really believed reason was the key to ‘truth’, the ‘big verities’.

Terry
The sun’s trying to come up, is it?

Berna
No, it’s not a wonderful story, Trish. It’s a stupid story. And crude. And pig-headed. A flying house is an offence to reason, isn’t it? It marches up to reason and belts it across the gob and says to it, ‘Fuck you, reason. I’m as good as you any day. You haven’t all the fucking answers – not by any means.’ That’s what Dr Walsingham’s story says. And that’s why I like it.

She
begins
to
cry
quietly.
Terry
moves
towards
her.
But
Trish
holds
up
her
hand
and
he
stops.
Then
Trish
goes
to
Berna
and
holds
her.

Trish
Shhh, love, shhh …

Berna
(
into
Trish’s
face
)
It’s defiance, Trish – that’s what I like about it.

Trish
I know … I know …

Berna
It’s stupid, futile defiance.

Trish
Shh …

She
moves
away
from
Trish
and
goes
to
the
end
of
the
pier.
Her
narrative
has
charged
the
atmosphere
with
unease,
with
anxiety.

Frank
(
breezily
)
You’re right, Terry; the sun is trying to come up.

Terry
Yes?

Frank
(
sings
)
‘Dear one, the world …’ You and I could do a neat dance to that, Berna. Anybody know it?

Terry
(
sings
)
‘… is waiting for the sunrise –’

Frank
and
Terry
sing
together.

Terry and Frank
‘Every rose is heavy with dew …’

Frank
George?

Trish
George is tired. He (
Frank
)
knows the words of everything. What sort of a head have you got?

Frank
(
brightly
)
Full of rubbish. And panic. (
He
sings.
)
‘The thrush on high his sleepy mate is calling …’ (
He
fades
out.
)

Angela
Did you bring a swimsuit, Berna?

No
answer.
Berna
now
moves
up
to
the
catwalk.

Trish
(
to
Berna
)
I brought mine. You can have mine.

Frank
Or better still, Berna – I say, I say, I say – you may have mine!

Angela
We’re all too tired, Frank.

Frank
Are we? (
He
sings
the
first
two
lines
of
the
refrain
of
‘Lazy
River
’
.
Brief
pause.
)
Right, Trish – all set?

Trish
What?

Frank
You’re next!

Trish
What’s he talking about?

Frank
For a story!

Terry
Yes, Trish!

Trish
I don’t know any –

Terry
You’re a wonderful story-teller. Isn’t she, Berna?

Trish
Ah, come on, Terry. You know very well –

Angela
Go on, Trish!

Frank
Any kind of fiction will do us.

Angela
Myth – fantasy –

Terry
A funny story –

Angela
A good lie –

Frank
Even a bad lie. Look at us for God’s sake – we’ll accept anything! Right, Berna?

Now
Trish
understands
that
their
purpose
is
to
engage
Berna
again.

Trish
You want a story? Right! (
She
jumps
to
her
feet
and
launches
into
her
performance
with
great
theatricality
and
brio.
)
So I’m on then? All right-all right-all right!

Frank
Certainly are.

Trish
(
stalling,
improvising
)
You want a story?

Angela
We need a story.

Terry
Come down and hear this, Berna.

Berna
looks
over
the
wall.

Trish
A story. Absolutely. Yes. Once upon a time and a very long time ago –

Terry
She’s bluffing.

Angela
Terry!

Terry
Look at her eyes.

Frank
What do her eyes say, George?

Angela
(
to
Trish
)
Pay no attention to him (
Terry
)
.
Once upon a time …?

Trish
May I proceed?

Frank
Let the lady speak.

Terry
That’s no lady – that’s-a ma sista.

Angela
Terry!

Trish
Once upon a time and a very long time ago –

Frank
sings
the
first
line
of
‘
Just
a
Song
at
Twilight
’
.

Angela
Please, Frank.

Suddenly
Trish
knows
what
her
story
is.

Trish
The morning we got married, George! OK?

George
OK.

Frank
Good one. Yeah.

Angela
What story’s that?

Trish
May I, George?

George
Go ahead.

Angela
I’ve forgotten that story.

Terry
That’s a boring story, Trish.

Frank
Is it? Boring is soothing.

Angela
Do I know the story?

Frank
Boring reassures.

Terry
’Course you do.

Frank
I’m all for boring. Sedate us, Trish.

Trish
If I may continue …?

Frank
And it came to pass –

Trish
Twenty-two years ago. Saint Theresa’s Church.

Frank
Parish of Drumragh.

Trish
Ten o’clock Mass.

Terry
Best man. (
He
bows.
)

Trish
And little Patricia, all a quiver in gold tiara, cream
chiffon dress and pale-blue shoes with three-quarter heels, has left her home for the last time and –

Frank
(
sings
)
‘There was I –’ George?

George
picks
up
his
accordion.

Terry
You were bridesmaid, Berna. Remember?

Angela
(
remembering
)
It’s the story of the missing –!

Frank
Don’t! (
i.e.,
interrupt
)

Trish
May I? She arrives at the door of Saint Theresa’s. And now her little heart starts to flutter because just as she enters the church on her Daddy’s arm, Miss Quirk begins to play the harmonium –

She
is
suddenly
drowned
out
by
George
playing
the
first
line
of
‘There
was I
’
–
which
is
immediately
picked
up
by
Frank.

Frank
(
sings
)
‘… waiting at the church –’ That’s it! ‘Waiting at the church –’ Terry!

Terry
and
Frank
do
a
dance/march
routine
and
sing
together:

Frank and Terry

Frank
What?

Terry
‘– he’d left me in the lurch –’ Angela!

Angela
(
sings
) ‘Oh, how it did upset me –’

Terry and Frank
(
sing
)
‘Tra-la-la-la-la.’

Angela
Sorry, Trish.

Trish
(
pretending
anger
)
Fine – fine –

Angela
Behave yourselves, you two!

Trish
Have your own fun.

Frank
Please, Trish –

Trish
No point, is there?

Frank
Go on, Patricia: ‘The flutter bride was all a-chiffon –’

Trish
See?

Terry
Anyhow we all know how the story ends, don’t we?

Frank
So what? All we want of a story is to hear it again and again and again and again and again.

Angela
Are you going to let the girl finish?

Frank
And so it came to pass …

George
now
plays
Wagner’s
‘Wedding
March’
very
softly,
with
a
reverence
close
to
mockery.

Trish
Thank you, George. (
She
blows
him
a
kiss.
)
The church is full to overflowing. My modest eyes are still on the ground. Daddy’s gaze is manfully direct. We walk up that aisle together with quiet dignity until we come to the altar –

Frank
She’s a natural!

Trish
And then for the first time I raise those modest eyes so that I can feast on my handsome groom-to-be, my beloved George.

Frank
Yes?

Trish
But lo –

Frank
Go on!

Trish
Who steps out to receive me –?

Frank
But –

Terry
The anxious bookie – the groomsman!

Frank
Groomsman? Where’s the groom?

Trish
No groom. No George.

Howls
of
dismay.

Angela
Shame, George, shame!

Frank
Where can he be?

Terry
(
calls
)
George!

Frank
(
calls
)
We need you, George!

Terry
(
calls
)
Where are you, George?

Frank
(
calls
)
Heeelp!

Frank and Terry
(
call
)
Heeelp!