Authors: Pamela Druckerman
strictness, 234–35
trust and respect for children, 247–48
Parents
magazine, 94parent time (adult time), 7, 187–88, 194, 223
patience
attend
command,
xv
, 60baking projects, 63–64
benefits of frustration, 53, 71–72, 75
calmness and resilience, 59
child’s capacity to learn, 74
for child’s own enjoyment, 60–61
coping with frustration, 61–62, 73, 210–11
family’s daily rituals, 56–57, 64–65
learning in crèche, 110
learning through
cadre
, 230modeling of, 66
practice and skill-building, 62–66
saving treats, 64–65
self-distraction, 62, 71–72
solitary play, 66–67
See also
solitem> self-control The Pause, 45–49, 50, 51, 54
perfection as mother, 131, 145–48
perineal reeducation, 183–85
permissiveness,
n’importe quoi
,
xviii
, 68–70Pernoud, Laurence, 202–3
Piaget, Jean, 79–80
play
narrated, 138–40
solitary, 53, 66–67, 83, 144–45
Pleux, Didier, 72
PMI (Mother and Infant Protection service), 100, 123, 177
Pradel, Jacques, 88, 93
praise, 244, 251–56
pregnancy
anxiety over, 16–20
eating during, 18–19, 25, 27–28
fertility treatments, 168–71
pleasure during, 23–26
weight gain, 19, 26–28
weight loss following, 124–28
preschool,
xvii
, 103, 150–53, 156punishment, 240
rapporter
,
xviii
, 249–50rational understanding
in building
cadre
, 228–30children’s capacity for, 41–42, 52, 88–96, 109, 152–53
complicité
,
xvi
, 232, 237–40in discussions about food, 112, 203, 208
language of rights, 110, 229
relation fusionnelle
, 146–47relationship, marital.
See
marital relationshiprespect
of adult for child, 90, 93, 110, 238–39, 246, 257
complicity with child,
xvi
, 232, 237–40greetings and magic words,
xv
, 154–58for needs of others, 41–42, 54, 74, 156, 187–88, 228
rights, 110, 229
Rousseau, Jean-Jacques, 81–82, 84, 86, 241
rules.
See
boundaries and limits;
cadre
sage
,
xviii
, 60–61, 71–72, 86–87self-control
doucement
,
xvi
, 94–95sage
,
xviii
, 60–61, 71–72, 86–87See also
patienceself-distraction
coping with frustration, 62, 71–72
solitary play, 53, 66–67, 144–45
self-esteem, 244, 251–56
self-expression, 70–71, 224–25
self-reliance.
See
autonomysex
perineal reeducation, 183–85
during pregnancy, 20, 23–24
shouting at child, 220, 233
sleep
adaptation to family’s needs, 41–42, 54
child’s capacity to learn, 52–53, 54
child’s frustration and self-reliance, 42–43, 45, 53–54
consequences of childhood insomnia, 51
cycles and rhythms, 42, 46, 48–49
enforcement of bedtime rules, 187, 223, 235–36
nighttime feeding, 50–51, 52–53
norms and expectations, 36–38, 39–42
parents’ lack of, 177–78, 179, 180
The Pause, 45–49, 50, 51, 54
scientific findings on, 49–51
sleep training, crying it out, 38–39, 51–52, 54
sommeil agité
, 48sommeil paradoxal
, 43talking to child about, 52, 223
teaching of, 49–50
Sleep, Dreams and the Child
(Thirion and Challamel), 40, 42–43, 48, 53snacks
chocolat chaud
recipe, 218chocolate, 214–15
gâteau au yaourt
recipe, 77goûter,
definition,
xviiofficial time for, 57, 64
saving treats for, 64–65
throughout day, 199
social development
appropriate use of curse words, 166–67
bilingualism, 159–62
in day care, 101, 103, 105–6
dealings with other children, 248–50
in
école maternelle
, 150–52greetings and magic words,
xv
, 154–58moral messages, 162–64
national and religious cultures, 164–66
respect for needs of others, 41–42, 54, 74, 156, 187–88, 228
solitary activity, 53, 66–67, 83, 144–45
sommeil agité
, 48sommeil paradoxal
, 43spanking, 240
Spock, Benjamin, 91–92, 186–87
stay-at-home mothers, 115, 130, 137, 142
Steingarten, Jeffrey, 206–7
< height="0">
strictness, 234–35
Suizzo, Marie-Anne, 186
sweets, 212–15
talking with child.
See
rational understanding
tattling,
rapporter
,
xviii
, 249–50
Thompson, Caroline, 74–75
Turkle, Sherry, 91
U.S. Department of Defense child development centers, 103–4
vacations without parents,
xvi
, 243–44, 246–47
Vaillant, Maryse, 97
Votre Enfant
(
Your Child
)
on child’s meals and mealtimes, 56, 75, 209
on child’s use of bad words, 167
on parents’ rights and pleasures, 76, 188
waiting.
See
patience
Warner, Judith, 4
What French Women Know
(Ollivier), 191
What to Expect: The Toddler Years
(Eisenberg, Murkoff, and Hathaway), 199
What to Expect When You’re Expecting
(Murkoff, Eisenberg, and Hathaway), 18, 19, 20
White, Edmund, 15
Wierink, Marie, 105
work, return to
baby’s sleep pattern and, 41–42
équilibre
,
xvii
, 147
financial security and status, 136–37
government support of, 136, 153, 192
guilt over, 146
health of mother and child, 146–47
maintenance of career, 135–36, 147
yogurt cake, 64, 77
Your Child
(
Votre Enfant
)
on child’s meals and mealtimes, 56, 75, 209
on child’s use of bad words, 167
on parents’ rights and pleasures, 76, 188
Also by Pamela Druckerman
Lust in Tran
slation
1.
French parents are very concerned about their kids
In a 2002 survey by the International Social Survey Program, 90 percent of French adults agreed or strongly agreed with the statement
“Watching children grow up is life’s greatest joy.” In the United States it was 85.5 percent; in the United Kingdom it was 81.1 percent.
2.
“more attention to the upbringing of children than can possibly be good for them”
Joseph Epstein, “The Kinde
rgarchy: Every Child a Dauphin,”
Weekly Standard
, June 9, 2008. Epstein may also have coined the word “kindergarchy.”
3.
benefit from more stimulation, too
Judith Warner describes this in
Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Arhont filepos-id="filepos796266">
(New York: Riverhead Books, 2005).
4.
has plunged since its peak in the early 1990s
According to the FBI’s Uniform Crime Report, the rate of violent crimes in the United States fell 43 percent between 1991 an
d 2009.
5.
when I discover a research study
Alan B. Krueger, Daniel Kahneman, Claude Fischler, David Schkade, Norbert Schwarz, and Arthur A. St
one, “Time Use and Subjective Well-Being in France and the U.S.,”
Social Indicators Research
93 (2009): 7–18.