Brody (20 page)

“I don’t think so,” I said, shaking my head as I replayed our conversation. “He went to a treatment facility in Orlando. In fact, I put him in the cab myself.”

Kane chuckled. “A few of the guys on the force had to go to places like that after they went off the deep end. Trust me, it’s like a five-star vacation. He’ll come back well-rested with a great tan, talking about how enlightened he is.”

“Whatever.” My priority now was finding Brody. “The point is, I asked Brody to leave so I could talk to Stephan, and he didn’t take it too well.” I reached for my wine glass and took another sip.

Kane shrugged. “You know my brother’s a hothead, especially when it comes to you and other guys. Did you really expect a different reaction when you asked him to leave so you could spend a little ‘quality time’ with your ex?”

“Look, Kane, I know it looks bad, but I swear I have zero interest in Stephan. I just didn’t want to kick him out only to get a call from his parents tomorrow, blaming me because he’d done something stupid.”

“He knows you’re not interested in Stephan,” Macy said, giving Kane a pointed look. “Don’t you?”

He rubbed his earlobe, avoiding Macy’s gaze. “Of course, everyone knows you’re crazy about Brody.”

“Well, he seems to be the only one questioning that right now.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket to make sure I hadn’t missed a call or text from him. No such luck. “So where the hell could he be, Kane? I drove by all of your brothers’ houses, and his car wasn’t anywhere to be seen. You think he might have parked it in the garage?”

“If he didn’t come here, the only other place he might have crashed is with Gabe.” Kane reached for his phone and fired off a text. “Let’s see if he’s there.” Within seconds, his phone pinged with a response. “Nope, he hasn’t seen him.”

“Then where could he be?”

“You know Brody,” Macy said, leaning forward to grab my arm. “He’s just blowing off a little steam. He’ll be back in a day or two, when he gets over being mad.”

“He can’t keep doing this,” I said, running my fingers through my hair. “Not if he expects us to build a life together. It was one thing when he did this at twenty, but we’re not twenty anymore. He needs to grow up!”

“I don’t disagree,” Kane said. “But you had to expect this when you made him leave you with your ex.”

I looked into blue eyes that looked exactly like Brody’s. “What happens when we have kids and get into an argument? Is he going to take off for days on end? How am I supposed to explain that to our kids? They’d be terrified their daddy was never coming home again.”

“He wouldn’t do that,” Kane said emphatically. “Trust me on that. Our old man used to do that to us all the time. Brody knows what that feels like. He wouldn’t do it to his kids.”

“Then why does he keep doing it to me?” I asked, holding back tears. “I get that he’s mad at me. If our situations were reversed tonight, I’d have been pissed too, but I wouldn’t have run away. I would have stayed close by and made sure he knew where I was when he was ready to talk. Because that’s what people in a committed relationship do, right?”

“Don’t ask me,” Kane said, raising his hands. “I know less about relationships than Brody does.”

“And that’s just sad,” Macy teased.

“Oh yeah?” Kane asked her. “If you’re all about staying and working things out, why are you here with me instead of in Nashville, trying to work things out with your so-called boyfriend?”

She opened her mouth and snapped it shut before glaring at him. “That’s none of your business!”

“Can you guys argue about this later?” I pleaded. “Right now, I need to find Brody. Where do you think he is?”

“My best guess?” Kane said, rubbing the back of his neck. “On his way to Vegas.”

I should have considered that. It was always the first place Brody ran when he wanted to get away. “Where would he be staying?” As far as I knew, he liked to make the rounds, since he got the VIP treatment at all the major casinos.

“There’re a few possibilities,” Kane said, pulling out his phone.

“Don’t you have an event tomorrow?” Macy asked.

“Yeah.” A bridal luncheon I’d planned and couldn’t afford to miss. She was a high-profile, high-maintenance client who demanded a lot from me. Asking my assistant to handle the luncheon wouldn’t fly with this bride. “I’ll have to try to fly out tomorrow night, if we’re able to track him down. He shouldn’t be able to get into too much trouble in twenty-four hours, right?”

Kane laughed. “This is Brody we’re talking about. He could get into trouble before his plane hits the ground.”

Great.
Just what I needed to hear.

Brody

When I’d come to Vegas, this was the last place I expected to end up, but staring at the familiar front door, I realized this was where I needed to be. I rang the doorbell and heard rustling on the other side after a minute or so.

My father hauled the door open. He had a rag in his hand, which he was using to wipe grease off his fingers. “Hey. I was just out in the garage working on something.”

“I know I should have called first—”

“No need,” he said, waving me inside. “You’re always welcome here, son.”

I gritted my teeth, still not comfortable being called his son. Even if it was a fact I couldn’t change. “I came to see Beck and Tanner. Are they here?”

Jack glanced at the digital readout on the TV box as we passed the family room. “They should be home from school in about half an hour. Come into the kitchen, and I’ll get us a drink.”

I wondered what the old man was drinking these days. Water, if he was smart. “Sandra around?”

“No, she’s still at work.” He pointed at a chair. “I’m just going to clean up in the mud room sink. Take a load off. I’ll be right back.”

I looked around when he left the room, thinking how much my mother would have loved this house. It was warm and cozy, perfect for a family. But all he’d ever given her was grief, never a home to call her own.

“How come you’re not at work today?” I asked when he returned. I still wasn’t sold on his story about holding down a steady job. If I knew him at all, he was letting his wife support him.

“Day off.” He grabbed two cans of Coke from the fridge. “I had a long haul earlier in the week, gone for three days. They usually give you a day or two off in between those.” He sighed as he sank into the chair across from me.

“Whatcha workin’ on in the garage?” I peeled the tab back on my can before bringing it to my lips.

“Beck’s got a thing for old cars. He saved up his money and bought an old Camaro, so I’m helping him fix it up.”

“Huh.”

Jack must have known what I was thinking—
why weren’t you ever there to help us with anything?
Seb had learned about cars from a neighbor, then a teacher.
You were never there to teach us anything.
Except how not to be a father.

“I’m just trying to do right by them, Brody,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t take back what went down with you guys, or your mom, but I can do right by Tanner, Beck, and Sandra.”

“Yeah, I guess.” I’d thought a lot about my half-brothers since I visited them. I was still a little envious they had the kind of father I’d always wanted, but I was happy for them too. Maybe they wouldn’t grow up to be as messed up as I was.

“What brings you back to Vegas? Got an event or something?”

“No.” I’d already won twenty grand at the tables that morning. I’d probably go back for more tonight. “This is just kind of my go-to spot, ya know? When things are rough at home, I come here. It’s an easy place to get lost.” Even for me.

“I know what you mean,” he said, his eyes downcast. “Same reason I came here.”

It scared me to know we thought alike, but since I was trying for civility, I didn’t say so.

“You said things are tough at home. You wanna talk about it?”

I felt a slight quiver in my stomach at the prospect of opening up to him. It meant trusting him, something I wasn’t sure I would ever be ready to do.

“You don’t have to,” he said, sensing my hesitation. “You just look like you might wanna bend somebody’s ear.”

“I kind of got into it with Riley.”

“So you took off?” He grimaced. “That was always my response when your mom and I got into it too. She hated that. It wasn’t until I met Sandra that I realized I had to stop running if I wanted a prayer at a normal life.”

My life could never have been characterized as normal. I used to think that was boring. Now I was wondering if I could equate normal with safety and security instead. “I walked in and found her with her ex-boyfriend, and I sort of lost it.”
God, why did I tell him this?
Maybe because I knew how messed up he’d been. No matter how bad I screwed up, he wouldn’t judge me.

“You found her with her ex?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow. “You mean—”

“No.” I squeezed my eyes shut as that disgusting image filtered through my mind. “Nothing like that, thank God. They were just talking.”

“Ah. But it still pissed you off?”

“They were at her place.” I took a sip of the soft drink. “And she asked
me
to leave. Why the hell didn’t she ask him to leave?”

“You’re wondering whether she wants to get back together with him.”

Way to kick a guy when he’s down.
“No, I think she’s over him. I just had a special evening planned for us, and before I had a chance to get a word in, she asked me to leave.”

“And you don’t know why?”

“No, I went straight from her place to the airport.”

“You wanted to teach her a lesson?” he asked, smiling. “Did it work?”

“She’s tried calling and texting a few times.”

“Let me guess, you ignored her?”

I wasn’t proud of it, but I wanted to punish her, to hurt her the way she’d hurt me last night. “Yeah, I did. I wasn’t ready to talk.”

“You weren’t ready to forgive,” he corrected, looking me in the eye. I knew he was thinking about our relationship now. “Forgiveness doesn’t come easily. I know that. But I had to forgive my father before I could have a good life with my wife and sons.”

“Are you saying I won’t be able to have a good life with Riley until I find a way to forgive you?” Sounded like self-serving advice. Not that I was surprised, given the source.

“You don’t have to do anything. Certainly not for me. I’ve just got the feeling you’d do just about anything for her.”

He was right, but I felt compelled to ask, “How do you know that?”

“The other day when you two were here, I saw the way you looked at her when you thought no one was watching. I’ve only loved two women like that in my life, and both times, I looked at them the same way.”

I glared at him. “You expect me to believe you felt about Mom the way you do about Sandra.”

“You don’t have to believe me,” he said, looking somber. “And I sure wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t, but I loved that girl more than anything.”

“Then why’d you treat her like shit?”

“That’s a good question.” He met my gaze straight on, his blue eyes never wavering. “You ever met anyone who made you believe maybe you could be a better man?”

Riley. “Sure. Why?”

“You ever disappoint them?”

“Yeah.” Every damn day.

“Eventually you get angry at yourself ‘cause you just can’t get your act together and make them proud.”

Oh God, he could have been describing my experience with Riley. “What’s your point?”

“You turn that anger inward and outward, Brody. You’re mad at yourself. Mad at the world. You punish yourself with poison, and you punish the people around you with toxic words that are so vile, you know they’ll kill the relationship.”

“And that’s what you wanted?” My mother had been a saint. I couldn’t imagine any man not worshipping the ground she walked on.

“No, it wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to be a good husband, a good father. I just didn’t know how. Every time I tried and failed, I hated myself a little more.”

I knew a thing or two about self-hatred, and I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t hanging on his every word.

“Eventually I convinced myself you’d all be better off without a deadbeat like me in your life.”

“I still don’t understand,” I said, resting my head in one hand, “How you could be a good father for Beck and Tanner, but not for us? If you always had it in you—”

“I learned how to be a decent man first. I started off with small goals—staying sober one day at a time. Then I worked on being a good friend to Bill and Sandra and holding down a steady job. I started to volunteer at the church. After a little while, I was able to look at myself in the mirror again. It felt good.”

There were days when I didn’t want to look in the mirror, and I’d give anything to feel better about the reflection staring back at me when I did.

“I didn’t even consider the possibility of being a father again. I couldn’t. Not after I messed up so bad with you boys.”

“So what happened?”

“Sandra got pregnant.” He smiled. “I was so damn tempted to take a drink. In fact, I ended up in a bar with whisky sitting in front of me. Then I thought about what my old man would have done in that position. I didn’t want to be like him anymore, so I got up, walked out, and resolved to learn all I could about being a good father.”

“How’d you do that?” I asked, leaning back in my chair. “I can’t see you reading a self-help book.”

He chuckled. “No, I didn’t. I talked and listened to people who knew more than I did. I asked for help when I needed it. By that time, I had a few good friends. Good, strong men who were good role models for their kids. I knew if I wanted to be like them, I had to start acting like them, so that’s what I did.”

When I thought about modeling anyone’s behavior as a husband and father, I immediately thought of Ryker. “Ryker wouldn’t have gotten on that plane last night,” I said slowly. “He would have stayed and had it out with Mac. He would have demanded to know why her ex was there. He wouldn’t have run, then punished her by not answering her calls.”

Jack smiled. “Tell me, how’d your brother learn to be such a good husband and father? He sure as hell didn’t learn it from me.”