BROKEN (23 page)

“Porch swing and ice tea or an old classic on television?”

“Neither.
 
I have a surprise for you.
 
The nursery is done.”

“You mean I finally get to enter the sanctuary?”

“Yes,” she smiled as she slipped her hand into his and pulled him out of the kitchen.
 
“Now
,
Hank and I put a lot of time and effort into it and I think you’ll love it, but if there
is
anything you want to change, I’m willing to negotiate.”
 
As they reached the door of the nursery, Jessie pulled out the key and slipped it into the lock.
 
“Close your eyes.
 
I want you inside the room first so you can get the full impact.”

Mitch grumbled a little but did as she asked and let her lead him into the room.
 
She gave his hand a squeeze then told him to open his eyes.
 
It seemed as if he’d stepped into a whole different world
,
and for several minutes all he could do was turn in slow circles trying to take it all in.
 
The walls were no longer simply powder blue; there were soft, billowy clouds and a colorful rainbow on one side and lush, green pastures with horses painted on the other.
 
Matching cribs had been placed on either side of the window and beside them, identical changing stations stocked with diapers and powder, wipes and receiving blankets.
 
His brows drew together when he realized the room seemed much bigger than before.
 

“You knocked the wall out…”

“Before you get yourself all worked up about it, Hank and Kenny did it and they wouldn’t even let me in the room until all the debris had been cleared out.”

Slowly, he crossed the room to the little sitting area she’d created from the additional space provided by the second room.
 
His heart thumped heavily in his chest as he drew closer.
 
There was Jessie’s rocker, the one he’d so carefully chosen because its elegance and beauty reminded him of her.
 
But it was the piece of furniture beside it that
stirred such strong emotions deep inside of him.
 
The coloring of the wood was a perfect match, but the rocker next to Jessie’s was much larger and heavier and had been built to accommodate a man’s frame.

“Do you like it?”
 
s
he asked softly.

Overwhelmed by her gift, Mitch didn’t trust his voice not to crack.
 
Pulling her into his arms, he smothered her face with kisses then hugged her before bringing his mouth back to hers.
 
Her belly, which was now full and round, pressed into him
,
and for the first time since he found out about her pregnancy
,
it didn’t seem surreal.
 
Those were
his
babies growing inside of her
,
and soon they would be a family.
 

He could no longer put off telling his parents and sister about them.
 
His sons deserved to have loving grandparents and an aunt who would no doubt spoil them rotten, but that meant coming clean with Jessie.
 
He had no choice, but he
would
wait until after they were born.
 
He wouldn’t risk upsetting her this late in the pregnancy.

“I guess that means you like it,” she said when he let her up for air.

“I love it.
 
Thank you, Jess.”

Her smile was radiant as she turned to look at the rockers sitting side by side.
 
“Can’t you just picture it; you and me, each of us with a baby in our arms, rocking them to sleep?”
 
Her smile never faltered when she looked up at him.
 
“I’ve put a lot of thought into this.
 
I want our first born son to be named after his father, Adam Ryan Kincaid.”

Mitch felt as if he’d taken a solid punch to the gut.
 
He stood there unblinking, the pain in his chest sharp and raw.
 
“We…we could name our other son after my brother,” he managed to squeeze out.

Jessie kept the smile frozen on her lips.
 
Please, please let this work.
 
“I considered that too, but I’ve really got my heart set on naming him after my father.”

“Your father, of course,” he said mechanically.
 

Mitch stared at the rockers
;
Jessie’s vision of them with the babies in their arms swimming before his eyes.
 
Was it selfish to want his first born son to have his own name instead of Adam’s?
 
And if she wanted their other son to be named after her father, how could he deny her that?
 
Even if they had another son later, it wouldn’t be the same.
 

It weighed heavily on his heart but he didn’t know what to do.
 
He couldn’t tell Jessie who he was, not when the emotional strain could affect the bab
ies
health, but if he waited until after they were born it would be too late and neither of them would have his name.
 
Mitch came to the same conclusion he’d drawn earlier; he wouldn’t risk upsetting her this late in the pregnancy.

“I think it’s a great idea,” he told her.
 
“Adam and…and…”
 
Had Jessie ever told him what her father’s name was?
 
“I’m sorry, honey, for the life of me I can’t remember your father’s name.”

She should have been disappointed he
had
given in so easily, hurt even.
 
Instead Jessie found herself fighting an unreasonable anger.
 
She turned away from him, unable to look him in the face.
 
How could he do this to her, to them, to their children?
 
Drawing in a slow, steady breath, she walked over to the cribs and forced herself not to lash out at him.
 
She wouldn’t have minded naming one of the babies after her father; Jonathan Nathaniel Buchanan would have been proud to have his grandson bear his name, but that wasn’t what she wanted.
 

She thought of Liz and what she’d said about jabbing at Mitch, hitting below the belt so he
would
come to his senses on his own.
 
Well, the first attempt had done little more than put a small chink in the armor
,
and that wasn’t nearly good enough as far as she was concerned.
 
An idea began to form, one she was sure Liz would applaud wholeheartedly.
 
Jessie turned back around, offering a sympathetic smile to Mitch.

“It’s perfectly understandable to have forgotten since I don’t talk about my father much.
 
His name was Buford.
 
Buford Porterhouse Buchanan.”
 

How she kept from laughing, Jessie couldn’t say.
 
He just stood there as still as a statue while the color slowly drained from his face.
 
If he
had
laughed and accused her of pulling his leg, she didn’t think she would have been able to maintain her composure.
 
Fortunately for her and unfortunately for Mitch, he seemed totally convinced she was telling the truth.
 
Some small part of her felt guilty, but an even greater part of her was elated that she
had
at least gotten a reaction.
 
If you could call paralysis a reaction, that is.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
                                         
***

“You didn’t!”
 
Liz exclaimed when Jessie called her the next morning.

“You should have seen his face, Liz.
 
I’m sure he was simply horrified at the idea of his son going through life as Buford Porterhouse
Buchanan
Kincaid.”

“I have to admit, I never would have guessed you had enough ornery in you to do something like this.
 
Buford Porterhouse, indeed,” she laughed.
 
“If that doesn’t make Mitch want to reclaim his own identity, I don’t know what will.”

“It obviously did something because he
 
didn’t say much afterwards and he was pretty withdrawn this morning at breakfast.”

“Keep me posted, Jess.
 
My first appointment is here so I have to run, but I’m here if you need someone to talk to.”

After she hung up, Jessie spayed her fingers across her belly.
 
“Don’t worry little ones, I promise neither one of you will be named Buford.”
 

Pushing herself up from the chair, she wandered around the house for awhile
,
daydreaming about being able to hold her babies in her arms.
 
With the nursery done and Mitch putting his foot down about her doing any work around the ranch, daydreaming was about all she had to do.
 
She didn’t even have one of the ranch hands to talk to because everyone but Hank was gone
,
and after he’d milled around the kitchen for about an hour looking bored stiff, she
shooed him out and told him to go find something to do in the barn.
 
At least she only had to fill half the day because Mitch promised to be back early.

Maybe that’s what was bothering her, making her feel so restless.
 
It wasn’t because he
had
taken off by himself, he often went into town for
 
supplies or ran over to the Sinclair ranch to make sure things were running smoothly now that Tom and Becky were gone.
 
It was because of how quiet he’d been this morning and how vague he
had
been about where he was going.
 

Jessie stopped, an unsettling feeling washing over her.
 
What if what she’d said last night had pushed him too far?
 
What if he was out there now, driving around feeling lost and alone and confused?
 
She’d been so angry at him for not blurting out the truth after
she goaded him about the baby’s name when she should have been more understanding about how difficult the situation was for him.
 
What had she done?

Frantic with worry, Jessie hurried back to the kitchen and grabbed the pager from the counter and dialed Hank’s number.
 
Mitch confided in the older man more than anyone except her, surely Hank would know where he’d gone off too.
 
Pacing back and forth, her mind started detailing all sorts of horrible things that could have happened.
 

What if he was so distracted by his thoughts he ran off the road?
 
What if he was lying in a ditch somewhere right now with no hope of anyone searching for him for hours?
 
Jessie jumped when Hank came bursting through the door.

“Jess, what’s wrong?
 
Is it the babies?”

“No, no, I’m fine.
 
I know this sounds crazy, but I’m worried about Mi…
Kincaid
and wondered if you knew where he was going today?”

Hank visibly relaxed.
 
“You scared the hell out of me with that page.
 
I thought you’d gone into labor or something.”

“I’m sorry, I really am.
 
About
Kincaid
…?”
 

He shifted uncomfortably, obviously reluctant to tell her what he knew.
 

“Hank, please, he seemed so distant this morning and was evasive about where he was going.”

Hank looked down at the floor.
 
“He had some phone calls to make.”

Jessie waited for him to elaborate but he only stuck his hands in his pockets and started looking around the room as if it suddenly held great interest for him.
 
“What kind of phone calls?
 
Why couldn’t he make them here?”

“I guess they were personal,” he shrugged, studying the pattern of the curtains.

“Personal?
 
So personal he didn’t want me to overhear?”
 
Jessie swayed unsteadily and had to brace herself against the counter.
 
“Hank, please tell me he’s not considering another mission!”

That brought his attention back to her.
 
“Now don’t go upsetting yourself, Jess, it’s nothing like that.”

“Then what?”

Hank groaned.
 
“I can’t tell you, it’s not my place.”

“Hank, so help me God if you don’t tell me what’s going on I’m going to get
in
my truck and scour the county until I find him.”

“All right, all right, but he’s going to skin me alive for telling you.”
 

She crossed her arms.
 
“And I’ll skin you alive right now if you don’t.”

He mumbled something about jumping from the fire into the frying pan then heaved a sigh.
 
“He’s calling his parents and little sister.
 
He…he wanted to tell them about you and the babies.”

Something deep inside twisted painfully.
 
“He’s never told them about me?
 
They…they don’t even know I’m pregnant?
 
Is he ashamed of me, Hank?”

“Hell
,
no, he’s not ashamed of you,” he barked.

“Well, he must be if they don’t even know about me or the babies.”
 

Tears pooled in her eyes.
 
Had she been so self-absorbed, so wrapped up in preparing for the birth that she hadn’t even considered the possibility he was ashamed of being with her?
 
Because she had no family of her own, she hadn’t even thought to ask about his or whether he
had
told them or not.
 
But then, what could he say?
 
Mom and Dad, I have some news for you.
 
I’ve been pretending to be Adam for months now and got his girlfriend pregnant?
 
At least now she knew for certain he didn’t think he was Adam, otherwise he wouldn’t have hesitated at telling his family about her and the babies.

“Jess?
 
It’s not what you think, honey.
 
He loves you and he loves those babies.”

“Then why hasn’t he told them before now?”

“It’s…complicated.”

Jessie stared at him
,
and suddenly she just knew.
 
Whether he’d figured it out or Mitch had told him, Hank knew it wasn’t Adam who
had
come back from that last mission.
 
For months she’d been torn up inside thinking Mitch had been struggling to deal with everything on his own and now she discovers Hank has been his confidante all along.
 

She should have been happy to know he’d had someone to talk to, instead she was hurt because it hadn’t been her.
 
Kincaid
had always depended on her to exorcise his demons, to help him through the rough spots, and though he and Hank had been close she knew he
had
never opened up to the older man the way he had with her.
 
The realization that Mitch didn’t need her the way
Kincaid
had cut like a knife.

“Thank you, Hank.
 
I…I think I need to be alone right now.”

“Jess…”

“I’m going to my room to rest for awhile.”
 

Hank caught her arm in a gentle grip as she walked by.
 
“There are some things he just can’t talk to you about no matter how much he wants to.
 
That man loves you, Jess.
 
I’ve never seen any man love a woman the way he loves you
,
so don’t go getting your feelings all hurt because he confided in me.
 
He’s not the same person he was before
.  H
e deals with things differently now, you have to accept that.”