Broken (8 page)

"I missed you too," he admitted though he'd never admitted such a weakness before.

When he was with her, he felt as if he could do anything in the world. When he was apart from her, he found himself feeling unsettled and more than a little unstable. While she made him feel stronger, he realized she could also become his greatest weakness. He disliked the feeling enough that when he'd been away he'd considered the idea of never seeing her again. Yet upon returning today, he'd been irresistibly drawn here with the hopes of finding her. Maybe it would be best for him to stay away from her but the idea of never seeing her again made his skin crawl and his fangs tingle with the urge to tear into something.

Her head tilted back so that she could look at the sky. "I should go. It's getting late and Camille will be done with the children soon."

"What children?" he inquired.

"She watches the orphaned vampire children in the village during the day."

"I'm sure she'll be fine for a little bit longer."

She shook her head vehemently and pressed her hands against his shoulders. "I really have to go Atticus." He'd just gotten her back into his arms again, he was reluctant to let her go but he couldn't take the distraught look on her face as she glanced anxiously at the sun again. "Please."

He couldn't deny her anything when she said please in that beseeching tone. The water sloshed about his thighs and splashed up against his waist as he carried her from the river and reluctantly set her on the shore. She took a step away from him when he released her and hurried to gather her tunic. The bottom of her white chemise was almost see through from the water but she hastily pulled the tunic over her head and belted it. She glanced at the sky again before scurrying over the log to retrieve the ribbon he had taken out of her hair.

She didn't appear at all ungraceful now as she flitted from one place to another with the ease of a butterfly. Uneasiness filled him as he watched her. "Is there a problem Genny?"

"No, no problem," she muttered as she leapt off the log and retrieved her boots. "I just have to get home to Camille."

He grabbed hold of her arm after she had tugged on her boots and climbed back to her feet. "I'll see you tomorrow."

A hopeless expression flickered over her face as her shoulders sagged. "If you are here…"

"I'll be here," he promised.

"You cannot know that, if your father decides that you must go somewhere again then you must go."

He wrapped his hands loosely around her neck and rested his thumbs against the base of her skull. "I will come to tell you I'm leaving if that happens. I will
not
leave again without letting you know about it first, I promise you that."

Her eyes searched his face before she rose onto her toes and quickly pressed her lips against his. "I will see you tomorrow then," she whispered against his mouth.

She ducked beneath his arms when he went to catch her against him. Casting a playful smile over her shoulder, she gave a brief wave before disappearing with the grace of a deer into the forest. He stared at the leaves that still rustled in the breeze her passing had created but there was no other sign that she had even been there. Turning away, he began to gather his own clothing from the bank of the river. The scent of her lingered upon him, she had only just left and yet he felt lonely without her.

June 29
th
, 1050

I've been meeting Atticus every day for the past two weeks. I know that nothing can ever come of our relationship, we're from two different worlds, but every time I'm with him I feel more alive than I've ever felt before. This can never end well, but when it does end at least I'll have had the chance to spend this time with him. These days will be fond memories I'll get to relive when I'm older.

If I make it till I'm older.

Felix's moods are swinging faster than a pendulum lately. I think it's because Marie has become absent for longer periods of time recently. Before she would always take us with her when she was ready to move on but I think she may be planning to leave us behind this time. I definitely won't be surprised if she does.

There may be no choice but for us to leave before Camille is ready. I'm hoping to be able to hold out for another month or two. Not because of Atticus, though I will miss him more than I would miss my own arms and legs, but because we need more money and I would prefer Camille to be stronger. If things continue the way they are though, I'm not sure if either of those factors will matter. I'm no match for Felix.

I don't know what I'll tell Atticus before we leave; I can't just disappear. I won't do that to him, and it would be impossible as I must inform The Council's Watchmen of our intentions, but I'm not sure I'll actually be able to get out a goodbye to him. I'm trying not to think about it too much right now. The time for that will come, but until it does I'm not going to let it intrude upon the happiness that I've found with him.

Sometimes I contemplate telling him about Felix, but I know there's nothing that he can do. Even more than that, to reveal this hideous secret would be an intrusion of reality into a world that right now is more of a dream to me. I'm not ready to let that go, not yet. I also don't want him to know about this. I don't care what other details of my life he knows but this one isn't something I'm willing to share.

If I were honest with myself, I would acknowledge the fact that I'm ashamed about what Felix does to me, ashamed of my inability to fend him off. Atticus can't know about that weakness, he can't know about the horror that goes on in this hovel. It's my shame to bear, and I couldn't stand it if he looked at me with pity, or worse yet, with revulsion for being so weak.

Camille will be going into the woods with me today, she's been asking to see Matilda again and I can't keep putting her off. I've told her that Atticus and I have run into each other again but not much more than that. It's the first time I've ever kept something from her but I'm not ready to share him yet.

I think she suspects something though as she keeps watching me oddly. I hope that they get along well together. They're the two most important vampires in the world to me, they're the only two I've ever cared about. They have to like each other.

***

Genny knew he was there even before she turned to find him leaning against a tree with his arms folded over his chest, smiling at her. His twinkling eyes were the same color as the leaves hanging down around him. He dropped his arms down to his side and rapidly moved down the small embankment toward her.

"Genny, come on, I'd like to get there before Matilda leaves," Camille urged impatiently from the other side of the log.

Atticus's head turned toward Camille, he looked questioningly at her sister but he continued walking until he was standing before her. He smiled as he lifted her hand to drop a kiss on the back of it. "You look lovely today," he told her.

She shook her head at him but she couldn't help but smile. "You're a flatterer."

A mischievous gleam lit his eyes. He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. "Not when it comes to you."

A thrill slid down her spine, her toes curled in her boots. His thumb caressed the back of her hand before he stepped away from her. He had a way of making her feel as if she were the most beautiful woman in the world, even though she knew she wasn't. When they were together, they were the only two creatures in the world.

He kept hold of her hand while they walked across the log to join Camille on the other side. Camille's striking blue eyes were troubled as she glanced between the two of them. Atticus smiled as he stopped before her and took hold of Camille's hand. Though he bent over her, his lips didn't touch her skin before he released her hand and took a step away.

Even though she knew there was a strange connection between them, one that neither of them could explain, his lack of a reaction to Camille surprised her. Most men could barely take their eyes away from her sister, yet he immediately put distance between them. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. Camille didn't seem to know what to make of this as her eyes continued to dart back and forth between them.

"How are you Camille?" he inquired.

"Good… I am good milord," she stammered out.

"Call me Atticus."

"Yes milord… uh ah Atticus."

He smiled at her but Camille bowed her head and folded her hands into the sleeves of her tunic. Genny had never seen her sister look so uncomfortable before, or so distant. "We were going into town. Camille would like to visit with Matilda," she said to Atticus in an attempt to try and ease Camille's nervousness.

"I'll join you," he said.

Genny relaxed as she leaned against his side but Camille kept her head down while they walked through the forest. Genny tried to draw Camille into the conversation but her normally talkative sister remained stilted and reserved as she gave only one-syllable answers in response. By the time they stepped onto the road, she'd barely said more than ten words and Genny's nerves were beginning to fray. She didn't understand what was wrong with her sister or why she kept looking suspiciously at Atticus.

"Do you ride?" Atticus asked her.

Genny gave up on drawing Camille into a conversation and turned toward him. "I've only done so a few times."

"Would you like to go for a ride with me tomorrow?"

"I don't have a horse and if I did I'd probably fall off," she said with a laugh.

"We only need one," he replied with a teasing gleam in his eyes. "And I'll make sure you stay seated."

Genny thought she felt an odd little thump in the area where her deadened heart resided in her chest. If she had required breath, she knew she wouldn't be able to breathe right now as everything within her seemed frozen. Without thinking, she rested her hand against his smoothly shaven cheek and leaned up to kiss him. Though they'd been spending everyday together, they hadn't exchanged any more kisses. She was well aware of the fact that they both yearned to do a lot more than just kiss. She was coming to care for him more and more with every passing day but she wasn't ready to give her body over to him. It would only result in her heart being broken. Though, she suspected it was already too late for her to come away from this with her heart still intact.

"I think that sounds amazing," she murmured against his lips.

"So do I," he replied and kissed her again. Now that she'd broken the seal, the dam seemed about to burst as his tongue slid enticingly over her lips before withdrawing. His heated mouth moved over her cheek before his lips rested against her ear in a gesture so intimate that her body instinctively pressed closer to his. Desire curled within her belly, she inhaled the enticing scents of leather, horse, mint and something intrinsically male that drifted from him. "I think you just like to scandalize the humans."

She'd gotten so used to touching him with ease that she'd forgotten it wasn't acceptable in the place they were, or that Camille wasn't used to it, until she heard a startled gasp and outraged murmurs. "Damn humans," Atticus muttered and took a step away from her.

But it was the look on Camille's face that kept Genny riveted. Her sister was staring at them as if they had just stripped naked and run through the streets of town. "Camille…"

"I'm going to see Matilda now," she blurted.

"I have no money for her yet," Genny reminded her.

"She'll understand. I'll be with her until you're ready to leave."

"Camille…" She took a step toward her but Camille turned away and hurried into the crowd.

"Let her go," Atticus said quietly.

"I don't understand what's wrong," she murmured.

Atticus turned to watch Camille. "Let me talk to her."

"That may not be a good idea."

"Let me try." He squeezed her hand reassuringly and stepped away from her.

Genny anxiously watched him follow Camille.

***

Atticus leaned against the wall of a hut and studied Genny's younger sister speaking with the older woman he'd met before. She smiled and laughed with Matilda but he could sense the tension in Camille as her shoulders never completely relaxed, and she kept glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. He looked back to where he'd left Genny to find her standing on the side of the road with her hands folded before her and a troubled look on her face. Realizing she'd been caught staring, she quickly busied herself by admiring a colorful array of ribbons hanging from one of the carts.

He didn't much care what Camille thought about him but Genny's love for her sister was clear and he knew it was important to her that they liked each other. Resigning himself to having to play nice with the girl, he moved away from the building and approached the cart. He pulled free a small money purse, placed it on top of the cart and pushed it toward Matilda.

"From Genny," he said. Matilda's eyes widened, she glanced at the purse and then at Camille. She slid the purse into her pocket as he turned toward Camille. "May I speak with you?"

Camille stared at Matilda before bowing her head. "Yes milord. I'll see you again soon Matilda."

"I hope so," Matilda replied.

Atticus's teeth had ground together when she'd called him milord again but he stepped away from the cart with her. His eyes went back to where Genny was waiting for them at the end of the road. She'd moved on from the ribbons and was now speaking with an older man trying to sell her some bread.

"May I ask why it is that you don't like me?" he inquired as he walked with deliberate slowness toward Genny.

Camille glanced at him from under her thick black lashes; her blue eyes were vivid in the sunlight filtering over her. She was a stunningly beautiful woman but even as that thought registered, his gaze was drifting back toward Genny. He felt his eyebrows shoot into his hairline when Genny smiled and took the bread from the man. A rumble of laughter bubbled up in his chest, she'd never eat the bread but the man's wrinkled face and words had convinced her to purchase the food.

"I like you just fine milord," Camille replied dismissively.

He stopped walking and touched her arm to get her to stop. The minute his skin came into contact with her, a crawling sensation slid over his skin and he quickly dropped his hand back to his side. He ran a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face as he glanced back at Genny. If he hadn't known she was a vampire he would have thought her a witch with the spell she seemed to have cast on him in the weeks since their first meeting.

When they were apart, he couldn't get her out of his mind. Even feeding had become more difficult, he despised the touch of anyone else and the smell of others, specifically women, was repulsive to him. If it hadn't been necessary for his sanity and survival, he would have forgone the act of feeding altogether. As it was, he wasn't feeding as often as he should. He also hadn't lain with a woman since the day he'd met her. Feeding from them was bad enough but at least he didn't have to touch them much, the thought of feeling their flesh against his made his stomach turn.

There was too much going on between him and Genny for her sister to drive a wedge between them. Camille didn't have to like him, but they were going to come to some kind of acceptance between them. "You're lying," he said bluntly.

"Milord…"

"My name is Atticus." Her jaw clenched, her eyes returned to her sister. "If you continue to insist upon calling me milord then I will treat you as one lesser than I. I don't want to have to do that."

A muscle began to twitch in her cheek as she glared at him. "Permission to speak freely then
Atticus
?" she hissed from between clenched teeth.

"Of course." He folded his arms over his chest and stared relentlessly at the young woman.

"I don't understand what you are doing with my sister, what is it that you are trying to prove?"

"I'm not trying to prove anything," he told her.

"I don't believe you, is this some kind of twisted game that you aristocrats play with us village girls? Make them care for you and then leave them behind so that you can laugh at them afterward? I love Genny, she's everything to me, she's all I have in this world and I'd like for you to leave her alone." Camille's hands fisted as she took a step closer to him. "Even with everything we've been through, she's still trusting of others and I won't let you hurt her any more than she already has been. She deserves better and if you have any heart you'll walk away and leave her be before whatever this is goes any further and you destroy her. Genny's a lot kinder than I am, and if I were mature, things would be different, but I'm not yet. If getting you to go away is the one way that I can help protect her then I am going to do just that."