Broken Cheaters (7 page)

My robe slid off my shoulders and fell to the floor. Tonight was so different from the night we fucked against the wall in that dark hallway. That night was to forget the pain of the past. Tonight was to remember the need our bodies had been denied – the need to be wanted, cared for, and loved.

Loved — I wasn’t sure I’d ever been loved that way. I didn’t expect Axel to… I didn’t deserve him to.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, as if sensing my turmoil.

“I…”

“You’re nervous?”

“Yes and no. I don’t deserve this.”

He grazed his thumb over my lower lip, “It’s just you and me, Trish. Leave everything else outside that door for tonight. Let me treasure your body the way it should be treasured. Let me kiss away that pain I can see in your eyes.”

I nodded. A stray tear rolled down my cheek, and Axel brought me to his body. We tumbled to the bed. I laughed, the sound foreign to my own ears when in bed with a man.

Forget the past,
I repeated in my mind, and this time I took his face into my hands and kissed him. Axel didn’t argue. Instead, he removed his sweats, and his naked skin became one with mine, its heat warming me as his hard muscles provided the perfect support for my soft skin. As we kissed, the movement of our bodies was like a silent dance we’d practiced in a past life. With Axel, I didn’t feel the need to use many words. I didn’t have to speak at all. We understood each other like — dare I say, like soul mates.

His leg was between mine. I rubbed against his thigh, leaving a trail of my excitement on his skin. He grew against my stomach, digging into me. We rolled over so that I straddled him, never breaking our kiss. I slid up and down his length, teasing him. And just as he lined himself up at my entrance, we heard, “Daddy!”

A
xel shot
out of bed and jumped into his sweats. I grabbed my robe, pulled it over my shoulders, and followed the sound of Trevor’s quiet cries.

“I had a nightmawe,” I heard him say. I stood outside the door as Axel turned on the night light.

“Can I get you some water?” I whispered.

Axel nodded.

As I tiptoed downstairs, I overheard Trevor explain that a T-rex was chasing him. I filled a glass of water and carried it back upstairs, but when I got to Trevor’s room, they weren’t there. I tiptoed through the hallway, listening for the sound of their voices, but I couldn’t hear anything. And there were so many bedrooms in the house, I’d have a heck of time finding them.

Maybe Axel went back to the guest room?
On my way back to my room, I passed Axel’s master bedroom.

“Trish, come here.”

I halted, peeking inside. “Is he all right?”

“Yes, but I need to stay here. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. He needs you.”

“Come,” he repeated. “Lie with us.”

I hesitated. Trevor picked up his little head and looked at me with his glazed eyes. “Please.”

How could I say no to that little boy? After setting the water on the night stand, I laid down by Trevor’s other side. He smiled and my heart melted.

“Do you know what I do when a T-rex chases me in my dreams?” I asked him.

“What?”

“I show him my teeth. Dinosaurs are afraid of our teeth because they’re much smaller. And animals are afraid of what they don’t understand. So next time, show him your teeth, and he’ll run away. And your claw. Make sure you show him that too.”

“I’ll gwowl too.”

I looked to Axel. “Yes, growling should definitely help.”

Sometimes it was difficult to understand Trevor because of his mispronunciation of the letter R. My sister had had a similar problem when she was young, and even a speech therapist hadn’t been able to help her. The impairment passed on its own when our house was broken into one night and we hid out in the closet. Well, at least we thought it had been broken into. It turned out that it was a false alarm set off by lightning.

Trevor yawned and closed his eyes. This moment felt unreal. Here I was, with a man whom I had met a couple of weeks ago, yet felt this odd connection to, helping him put his son to sleep.

Why did I feel like I belonged here? He wasn’t mine. Other than the hot sex we probably would have had tonight, I wasn’t sure what was happening between me and Axel, but it was much deeper than a one-night stand and a fuck full of lust. Axel held my hand on the pillow above Trevor’s head, watching the little boy’s breaths slow as his body eased deeper into the sheets. Moments later, Trevor fell asleep, and Axel’s eyes were closed. Fearing to intrude for much longer on this family, I covered them both with the duvet and went back to the guest bedroom. I slid under the covers. Axel’s woodsy scent lingered on the sheets, and I pressed my cheek harder against it, inhaling.

What had I done to deserve all this attention and care?

Axel was so strong and caring, rambunctious, and full of surprises. He was the kind of family man my mother would have loved. His past didn’t scare me; in fact, it excited me. His present intrigued me, and the future held as many questions as my own. What would have happened between us if Trevor hadn’t woken up? Would he have been as rough as that night, or gentler? The atmosphere between us had shifted tonight, as if we’d passed that threshold of friends. He’d introduced me to his mother, trusted me with his son, and welcomed me to his home.

I turned on my side, thinking about Axel’s naked body, remembering how hot he felt against my skin. My hand slid to my engorged breasts. I squeezed the right one, the same way he had, and pinched my nipple between my fingers with the exact pressure with which his lips had caressed it not long ago. My mouth parted, imagining his tongue swirling and teasing, and I slid my hand lower, over my belly, until I touched the heat between my legs. I was wet and swollen. I drew the moisture up to my clit and massaged it, thinking about Axel: his tender touch and curious tongue. The circles underneath my fingers tightened. My breath hitched and my body heated, responding to the stimulation. I writhed on the sheets, desperate to find a cooler spot and eager to finish off what I started as fast as possible. Thinking about Axel’s thick fingers, remembering how he’d beckoned me to come toward him and how he held onto my hips, imagining pulling my tongue over the creases of his v-shape underneath his navel while he explored my lower half with his mouth, were driving me crazy. The hot sweat beading over my body turned cold as I felt light-headed. My legs tensed, then released, and tensed up again.

“Axel,” I whispered, stroking faster, concentrating all my energy on the enlarged nub underneath my middle and fore-finger, drawing more juices to slick over its heat.

A jitter coursed through my legs. My upper arm ached from the onslaught. I brought my chin to my chest and opened my mouth. Sweat dripped down my forehead and between my breasts.

A pulse of energy burst out from between my legs, shaking me uncontrollably as every muscle linked by tendons was bound into tight balls. My thighs quivered under the pressure, and the sexual energy coursing through me was sucked from my body and drawn to my pussy. My back arched and my hips pushed harder against my fingers, forcing the fierce touch to ignite my skin until I broke apart, shaking, stroking harder, quivering as the burst of orgasm tore from underneath my fingers, zapping out through my toes.

I collapsed, unable to move, think, or speak. My arms flapped to the sides, my arched back lowered to the sheets, and I became a noodle.

Soaked, I settled into the pillows, hugging one tightly against my chest, and fell asleep. My dreams took me back to a time when a possible happy future was crushed.

“
I
’m so in love
!” Chloe gushed over the new man in her life. “I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

I’d picked her up at the train station an hour before. We were fifteen minutes away from home, northwest of Washington. Feeling the car’s control slip underneath my fingers, I gripped the steering wheel harder. I turned on the wipers as snow and rain plastered the front window, trying to glue itself there permanently. The asphalt glistened underneath the dust of snow, and I paid attention to the tracks left behind by the car ahead. While at this moment I wished Chloe had chosen the morning train instead of the midnight one, I couldn’t be happier that she was here.

“I’m just happy you’re back. Mom and Dad were so worried. If it weren’t for the weekly postcards, they would have sent out a search party.” It had been two years since my sister had left home. The morning after her graduation party, she’d disappeared. And it was all my fault. “I missed you.”

“I’m going to fix things, Pat. And I’m not going to run again – ever. I’m not going to let that bastard get away.”

“Chloe, I’m so sorry about that night—”

“—It wasn’t your fault.”

“Of course it was.”

“No, Pat. It wasn’t. It was all Jack’s fault.”

“You wouldn’t have gone downstairs if it weren’t for me. I was jealous. I’m so sorry.”

“Why were you jealous?” she asked.

I shook my head. “I saw you in the bathroom with Nick, kissing him.”

“Okay?”

“Well, earlier in the night, he was kissing me, asking me out. The asshole didn’t even care. He was cheating even before we went out.”

I’d felt so broken when I saw him and Chloe lip-locked that night, thinking how my sister could do that to me.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

“I know that now. But I think Jack saw you as well. That’s why he came to me, asking to get you to the basement.”

“I broke up with him earlier in the day when I saw him feeling up another girl.”

“Holy shit! Do all men cheat? What is wrong with them?”

“Not all of them.” Her voice became dreamy; whomever she was thinking about must have been pretty special.

“You have to tell me all about this guy who’s making you smile.”

“I will. But I have some unfinished business first.”

“With Jack? Chloe, just forget him. He’s not worth it.”

“I can’t. If he could do all that to me, then he could do it to others. I shouldn’t have run away. I should have fixed it before I left. If Jack thinks he’s paid for his sins, he’s wrong.”

“Paid how?”

“Let’s just say we won’t be seeing him at his father’s side in the office. But I don’t want to think about him now. Now tell me what you’ve been up to. How’s work?”

The swiping motion of the wipers was beginning to strain my eyes as we weaved up the mountain road. On top of that, someone was tailgating me, shining their high beams in my rear-view mirror.

“We’re going to test a camera arm for the space shuttle in the vacuum next week.”

“Next thing you’ll tell me is that you’re going to the moon.”

It was so good to hear the sound of her laughter.

“Nope, not going to happen. My feet are very happy when they’re on Earth. Are you working?”

“I am. I’m a personal interior designer and decorator.”

“Seriously? That’s amazing, Chloe. It’s what you’ve always wanted to do. Wait, does that mean you won’t be moving closer to home?”

“I don’t think so. I have a new life now, Pat. And I’m very happy. I’m ready to put the past behind me. You should too.”

“I’m trying.” I sighed.

“How’s Mom?”

“She couldn’t stop crying the moment you called. She wanted to come pick you up, Dad too, but we didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

“Good. I think it’s better this way. I have a lot of apologizing to do.”

“For what?”

“For leaving without saying a word. Disappearing.”

“Those first few days, we thought you were dead. Mom must have come up with a hundred possibilities of a kidnapping. I’m not sure what would have happened if it weren’t for your postcards.”

“I’m sorry I put you all through hell.”

“Hey, I deserved it. “

“Pat, stop saying that. Please?” Chloe reached for my hand and squeezed it tightly. I felt a lump in my throat.

“Okay.”

That was the last exchange I remembered between us. They told me later that the roads were so slippery, I lost control. All I remembered was the feeling of the back of the car going faster than the front, and I wasn’t sure why. I didn’t remember much after that moment: just a lot of force underneath the steering wheel and a bright flash in the rear-view mirror. I swerved, and our car rolled off the cliff, fifty feet into the valley below, and skidded along the bank into the river. Where Chloe was sitting, on the passenger side, it filled with water. Sometimes I had nightmares, imagining how it all happened; other times, I was sure they were snippets of memories I chose to forget as my sister struggled for breath. Pinned under the wreckage, she couldn’t get out – the water was coming in too fast. I screamed, but it felt like nothing was coming out of my mouth.

“Chloe! Seatbelt. Get it off.”

Her eyes glossed over as the water reached her chin.

“I can’t,” she slurped. She took her last breath and submerged.

Sometimes I could still hear her gurgling. I would never forget the sound of her drowning.

That was all that came back to me later on. And I still wasn’t sure whether it was how it had happened or how I imagined it had happened. The cause of the crash was blamed on the weather, and I took all that blame from Mother Nature and carried it on my shoulders.

My chest squeezed as if my heart had gone hundreds of feet down into the ocean. I faded in and out of consciousness. The feeling of dread and death hovering above me lasted forever, until one day I woke up. My mother was at my bedside. Her eyes were swollen and outlined with dark shadows. Her face so tired, I was afraid she’d fall over. But the moment I woke up, she smiled and my heart clenched with happiness. They didn’t tell me about Chloe at first. I’d gone into cardiac arrest, and my heart was so scarred that I needed a transplant. They were afraid that if I knew the truth, I’d have a setback while in recovery. They were right. A month after the accident, I found out the truth.

I’d been so drugged up on morphine, I hadn’t realized that so much time had passed. They kept me sedated so that I wouldn’t move and all my injuries would heal.

At my one-month check-up, if I got a clean bill of health from the doctor, my parents promised me to call Chloe, who was supposedly in a different hospital. I didn’t expect the news to hit me so hard. Everything from the day of the accident came crashing back as the news of my sister’s death sank in. I ran out the hospital door as fast as the new heart would allow me to, got a cab home, packed a few things into a duffle bag, and never looked back.

At the police station, they gave me more details about the accident. How could I ever look my parents in their eyes? I had taken their youngest daughter from them. It would have never happened if I hadn’t picked her up at the train station. She wouldn’t have run away if I hadn’t guided her to that basement. She would have been fine if Jack weren’t an asshole. Chloe would have stayed home if I’d been the protective older sister I was supposed to be, and had stood up for her and helped her. But I was a coward, and I’d ended up driving the car that took her life.

I killed her.

She was gasping for the air I breathed, choking on dirty river water.

I tried to reach for her, but she was floating further away, her face disappearing under the murky tide.

The gurgling sound echoed in my ears. It wouldn’t stop. I drew my hands to my ears, trying to block it, but it wouldn’t work.

“No!”

“Trish!” Axel’s whisper came out of nowhere and I opened my eyes. “Are you okay? I heard you tossing and turning from the other room.”

Sweat was dripping down my forehead. I looked around the room, remembering where I was: far away from home, distanced from my family, and still without my sister.

“Yeah. I just had a bad dream.”

“Come here.” He lay at my side and scooped me into his body. “Anything you want to talk about?”