Broken Course (41 page)

I let out a loud laugh as her eyes go wide at the sugar coma waiting to happen before her.

"Liv, I’m sorry I was so weird earlier. I was just a little nervous. My name is Leo James and I’m your dad. I know I haven’t been around much, but I’m here from now on. Forever. Okay?" He leans forward to catch her eye.

"Okay." She answers, reaching for the candy.

"Oh, and there are some crackers in there too just in case you don’t have a sweet tooth." He reaches out and snags his own chocolate bar off the table.

"All right, you two. How about, before we dig into this mountain of candy, we grab some lunch. Everything settled?" I ask Leo.

"Yep." He barely tears his gaze away from Liv long enough to answer me.

As I gather my purse and makeup, from the corner of my eye, I see Leo sneakily slide a candy bar across to her before packing the rest back in the bag. She even giggles as she tucks it inside the backpack that’s beside her on the floor.

Just as we get to the door, Liv quickly moves to my side farthest from Leo and grabs my hand. She gives me a wary glance that makes my heart drop. I squeeze her hand reassuringly and her small body seems to relax. Leo watches our interaction and kisses my temple with gratitude. Although I’m not sure why he’s thanking me. I’m loving every second of this.

"THEY’RE ALL dirty," Sarah whispers as we get back to the hotel.

"What do you mean dirty?" I ask for clarification as my head starts to pound.

"Calm down." She pushes me into the bathroom and eases the door behind us.

Lunch was fantastic and entirely too short. I guess Liv hasn’t been sleeping very much recently. I have no idea if five-year-olds still take naps, but it was clear that she was in need of one as her eyelids drooped while we sat at the kid-friendly restaurant Sarah had picked out. As soon as we got back to the hotel, Sarah put on some cartoons, and within minutes, Liv was out.

Sarah started going through the two small bags that consisted of all of Liv’s belongings. The social worker had warned me that the Avilas sent very little with Liv when they’d dropped her off. I hadn’t exactly expected to need a moving van for a five-year-old or anything, but with the exception of one doll and two books, there wasn’t even a toy in sight. Her entire life didn’t even amount to a full suitcase.

Among those belongings wasn’t a single picture of her mother. I have a few pictures of Amy from years ago tucked away somewhere, I’m sure, but I’d be hard-pressed to find them. Thankfully, after an uncomfortable phone call to Max, he agreed to e-mail me everything he still had. He didn’t say much during our brief conversation, but before he hung up, he left his parting words.

"Things had gotten really bad, Leo. I’m just glad she’s with you now."

And as Sarah stands in front of me telling me how half of her clothes won’t fit and the other half are tattered or stained, I can’t help but agree with him.

"What the fuck!" I boom and it echoes in the small bathroom.

"Hush," she urges. "You’re going to wake her up."

"Do you have any idea how much fucking money I’ve been sending Amy?"

She shakes her head.

"I’ve sent her at least four thousand dollars a month in child support for the last year. The minute I got my first big contract after starting Guardian, I sent her a lump some of twenty grand to make up for everything I didn’t send while I was in the program. For fuck’s sake, I didn’t even pay Johnson that first month because I sent it all to
her
."

"Jesus," she mumbles.

"And now my child doesn’t even have clothes that fit? I’ll admit that I’m a piece of shit for not visiting her, but I at least went out of my way to make sure she would never be without the way Amy and I were growing up. Goddamn it!" I roar. "She couldn’t even buy her clothes? Where the fuck did all that money go?" I run a rough hand through my hair.

"I’m going to guess drugs," Sarah whispers, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Awesome. Now I get to live with the guilt that I killed her."

"I’ve listened to you spout a lot of crap, Leo. But please tell me that you don’t believe that."

"No. I don’t. But Christ, it pisses me off." I blow out a breath and look down at Sarah. "So what do we do?" I ask, managing to get myself back under control.

"We go shopping and buy her a few outfits to travel in. She’ll love it. Then, when we get home, we start from scratch." She tosses me an encouraging smile.

I have no idea how the hell I would have handled any of this without her.

"I love you. So fucking much." I kiss her deeply, trying to return to her even an ounce of the way she makes me feel. But the most amazing thing happens—Sarah’s lips somehow give me more.

"Come on. Let’s go take a nap too. I’m exhausted." She opens the bathroom door and the sound of Liv crying meets our ears at the exact same moment.

We rush around the corner to find her sitting up on the bed with her knees pulled to her chest. Tears are rolling down her face.

"Liv?" Sarah says gently, walking over to the bed and sitting beside her.

Liv quickly scrambles onto her lap. I have no idea what to do, so I stand at the foot of the bed and watch Sarah comfort her.

"You okay?" She smooths down the back of her hair as Liv begins to calm in her arms.

"I thought maybe you left," Liv finally squeaks out.

It rips the remaining shards of my heart in half.

"No, we’re not going anywhere, baby," Sarah reassures her as I let out a Spanish curse in frustration that this child would even have to worry about that.

Liv’s eyes immediately snap to mine.

"Sorry," I respond for my outburst and offer her a smile.

"That’s a bad word," she informs me while wiping the tears from her eyes and moving off Sarah’s lap.

"
Hablas español?
" (
You speak Spanish?
) I ask in shock, although I’m not sure why. It should have been more surprising that she speaks English. Amy’s parents were from Mexico and she spoke almost exclusively Spanish at home.

"
Sí,
" she answers, giving me a small smile I can’t help but return.

"
Bien. Ahora ella no entendera cuando nosotros le hacemos una broma
." (
Good. Now she won’t be able to understand us when we play tricks on her.
) I tilt my head to Sarah and Liv begins to giggle.

"
No le hagas bromas feas, pues ella es muy buena.
" (
Not mean tricks. She’s nice.
)

"
Sí, ella lo es.
" (
Yeah, she is
.) I respond with a wink.

"Oh no. I think I’m in trouble now," Sarah exaggerates, making Liv laugh even louder. "Looks like I’m going to have to learn Spanish pretty soon."

"I can teach you," Liv volunteers.

"Really? That would be great. But let’s stick to English until I get the hang of it." She reaches out and brushes the hair off Liv’s neck in the most familiar way. "Hey, so I was thinking maybe we could go shopping. Have a little fun before our plane ride home tomorrow. Maybe I can pick out an outfit for you, and you can pick out one for me. What do you think?"

"Is Leo coming?" she asks.

"Of course. Oh, let’s pick out an outfit for him too!" Sarah responds excitedly.

I let out a playful groan, causing them both to laugh. I swear it’s the sweetest harmony I’ve ever heard in my entire existence.

"I CAN’T afford to keep her," I mumble to Sarah as we walk back into the hotel.

What started out as a quick trip to grab the essentials quickly turned into a full-fledged shopping spree. I had to stop and buy more luggage just to be able to get it all home. My credit card is not just smoking. It’s on fire from the amount of times it was swiped today.

"Well, you could have said no," Sarah responds with laughter in her eyes.

"Jesus. And I thought I had my hands full telling you no. Together, as a team, there will be no way to stop you. I’m going to need a second job."

We walk into the bedroom and find Liv trying to open the box on her new iPad.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Sarah asks quietly as we watch her.

"I think I’m okay. I know it will be different when we get home, but I really think it’s going to be good. For all of us." I finish by kissing her on the forehead.

"Leo," Liv calls. "Can you help me?"

"Absolutely." I smile and head her direction.

NOT EVEN forty-eight hours after we landed in Texas, we leave as a family of three. Liv has definitely warmed up to me, and several times, I’ve caught her watching Leo out of the corner of her eye too. She’s a little more hesitant with him though. As far as Leo and I can figure, she hasn’t had a strong male presence in her life. We aren’t exactly sure what kind of a life she has had at all, but at first glance, she doesn’t seem to be overly affected by her mother’s drug use.

As soon as her iPad was out of the box, Leo spent even more money on games. When he handed it to her, we were both shocked to see that she could already read. She informed us that she spent a lot of time with the elderly woman who lived next door when her mom would go out at night or sleep too long the next day. This time, Leo at least had the good sense to go out into the hallway before exploding into profanities. Although the door didn’t muffle his voice nearly enough.