Broken Man (13 page)

“Kind of like Matthew,” she interjected.

“Exactly like Matthew,” he laughed. “He reminds me so much of me when I was a kid that sometimes I think I must have slept with Mary one night when I was drunk.”

“Very funny, Jack,” she smiled while not letting him change the subject. “So, why did you guys fight?”

“You know, just kid stuff.”

“I don’t know,” she gently reminded him. “My childhood wasn’t exactly normal, and I didn’t have any brothers or sisters.”

“Well, like I said, I just wanted to be left alone to do my thing, but he always wanted me to help him fix a lawnmower or whatever, and I just hated that stuff, so we would get into fights.”

“That sounds awful, Jack,” she imagined him as a little boy.

“It wouldn’t have been so bad, but I was younger and a lot smaller than him, and he would basically beat the crap out of me. We generally had an unwritten rule that you could only hit below the neck, but I remember the last fight we ever had, I must have been about twelve or thirteen at the time, and I was blocking my body and he hauled off and slugged me right in the eye.”

“Oh my God,” she put her hand on his.

“It surprised me as well,” he grimaced as he seemed to remember exactly how it felt. “You know, when you get hit in the head, it’s not like it is in the movies. You feel your brain rattle against your skull, kind of a vibrating feeling, and it really hurts. Anyway, I got this huge black eye, and I think he kind of realized he had gone too far, and he left me alone after that.”

“I would have never been able to forgive him.”

“I think growing up and getting away from him for a few years when we went to college helped. We’re good now.”

“I’m glad,” she touched a spot just next to his eye and tried to make sure his pain was gone. “Matthew really loves you.”

“Thanks,” he smiled as he seemed to enjoy the touch of her hand and the thought of his nephew. “He is a great kid, but I think he has a crush on you. It was funny how he could barely talk to you, kind of like me when we met. You seemed to do well with Elena.”

“She is really nice, just like her mother,” Amanda enjoyed the thought of Jack having a crush on her. “Mike is very lucky to have her.”

“Yes he is, and I think he knows it. His life would probably be a lot different without her.”

“You can tell he really loves her and that he really loves those kids,” Amanda smiled as she watched him take a sip of wine and again thought about what a good father he would be. “Have you ever thought about having kids, Jack?”

“Of course I have,” he replied as he found a spot on the end table for his glass. “But, I was always too busy, and I never quite got around to it. How about you?”

“Not too much,” she lied, knowing it had been on her mind all day. “I’ve been a little busy also, but maybe someday.”

“Well, I know you would be a wonderful mother.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Of course I do,” he reassured her. “What makes you think that you wouldn’t be.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she hesitated as she thought of her mother. “My mother didn’t do a very good job, and I really don’t have anything to go by.”

“That has nothing to do with you, Amanda, or what kind of mother you would be,” Jack looked into her eyes as he took her hand in his. “I thought the same way for a long time, that I wouldn’t be a good father because my own dad was such a crappy one, but now I realize that isn’t true. I think I might be a better father because of him.”

“How do you mean, Jack?”

“Well, I know exactly what I missed growing up and how it felt,” he looked at her to see if she understood. “My father was never around, and when he was, I could always tell he didn’t really want to be there. Because of that, if I ever do have a child, there is no way I would ever allow him to feel that same way. Does that make any sense?”

“It makes complete sense,” she was secretly glad that he kept the door open to the possibility of having children. “I know exactly what you mean.”

Suddenly emotional, Amanda turned away for a second to retrieve her wine. Don’t blow it, Amanda, she thought to herself as she tried to regain her composure, this isn’t the time to turn into an emotional mess.

“Excuse me for a second, Jack,” she managed to say as she stood up from the couch, not quite able to hide her emotions.

“Are you okay,” he asked as he stood up with her and again took her hand.

“I’m fine,” she fibbed as she let go of his hand and smiled. “Just need to use the ladies room. I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Okay,” he responded as he sat back down. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

* * *

Jack smiled as he watched Amanda disappear into the bedroom.

She is a complicated woman, he thought to himself. So many contradictions, so many insecurities, so many wonderful qualities, everything right there in front of you, so honest, so real. She really is something else.

Jack was taken aback as he thought of Amanda with Matthew and Elena. Elena was already so attached, no phoniness to overcome, Amanda’s kind heart so easily evident to children. And Matthew. Matt could barely look at her, his interest in girls starting to compete with his interest in baseball and statistics. But, Jack could tell how much he liked her. Won’t be long before baseball gets the short stick, Jack smiled as he remembered his first crush in the seventh grade.

She really would be a good mother, Jack thought to himself as he remembered the conversation they had just had. She would be a natural at it, her warmth and spirit all that she really needs. It’s a shame she chose Substance Abuse Counseling as a career, Jack worried about the kind of clients she would have to deal with. She would make a wonderful Child Psychologist, so easily able to listen to and relate to children, her difficult childhood an asset rather than a liability.

I want to be with her, he realized as he stood up from the couch to dim the lights and stoke the fire. I felt it the first time I saw her, I felt it when we kissed, I felt it when I watched her walk out of the room. I feel it whenever I’m with her.

I am ready for this, Jack convinced himself as he took a sip of wine and sat back down on the couch.

I hope she is ready too.

* * *

Amanda looked at the mirror over the dresser and tried to get a hold of her emotions.

“This is supposed to be fun,” she whispered to herself as she unzipped her suitcase on the bed and took out the red nightie she had chosen specifically for this occasion. Sexy, but not too revealing. Suggestive, but leaving something to the imagination. Yes, it was the perfect choice for this evening.

The day had been better than she could have imagined, everything seemingly leading to this moment. Watching him play with the kids and fantasizing about what a wonderful father he would be. A lovely hike in the woods, his holding her hand for the first time. An excellent dinner with just the right amount of red wine, enough to make her senses come alive, but luckily, not quite enough to turn her too emotional.

I can’t believe I am this nervous, she thought to herself as she pulled her sweater over her head and took off her jeans. I know what I’m doing, she was almost convincing as she removed her bra and panties and stood naked in front of the mirror. I’ve been with other men before.

But never a man like Jack, she realized as she looked at herself in the mirror and imagined the feel of his mouth on her body, exploring every inch of her being. That feels so good, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation as her senses responded to the thought of him touching her, his mouth on her breast, his hand moving up her thigh, the feeling of accepting his touch.

Oh my God, I can’t believe I am doing this.

Her fingers moved to her breast as she felt herself become aroused as his mouth gently touched her. As she moved her fingers down her stomach, he entered her body as she felt herself quiver and heard herself breathing, gradually acclimating to his presence. Her body starting to vibrate, he penetrated more deeply as she finally gave in to him and she felt him deep inside of her. Grabbing a hold of the bedpost, she braced herself as she felt her body surge.

“Not yet, Amanda,” she whispered as she opened her eyes and regained control as she saw her reflection in the mirror. What am I doing? This is crazy, she realized as she let go of the bedpost and covered up with the negligee.

Not too bad, she thought as she turned back toward the mirror, the nightie hiding some of her flaws. I don’t think it is all about how I look with him, she smiled as she unleashed her hair from its bun and strategically fluffed it out, casually covering her breasts. He is definitely interested in me for more than that.

Am I ready for this, she took a deep breath as she glanced one final time at the mirror and gave herself some final instructions. Take your time, stay calm, just be yourself.

And please, whatever you do, don’t blow it.

Chapter Thirteen

“What are you doing, Jack?”

As he looked up from the magazine he had been nervously thumbing through, Jack found himself at a loss of words, unsure of what to say or what to do.

She looks amazing, he thought to himself as he stood up from the couch to welcome her back to the room, standing at attention seemingly the right action to take. As she moved towards him in slow motion, Jack anticipated her arrival and enjoyed the moment. Her eyes sparkling in the darkness, the light of the fire flashing against her skin, the bounce of her hair teased seductively over her breasts, leading to the sheerness of the red negligee draped perfectly over her supple figure.

“You are beautiful, Amanda,” he barely managed to say as he took her hand in his and they stood in front of the fire.

“Thank you, Jack,” she smiled as she moved his hand to her waist and then softly kissed his mouth.

Her tongue slowly found his as her hand guided him on a tour of her body, traveling first from the curve of her hip to the softness of her breast before moving to the smooth skin of her thigh. Apparently comfortable with the start of the journey, she let go of his hand as it moved up the inside of her thigh, lifting the negligee for just a second before again detouring to her breast, her arousal apparent as he lightly touched her covered nipple.

Jack closed his eyes as she retook his hand and slowly moved it down to her stomach, her muscles flexing as she kissed him more deeply. Ready to take the next step, she carefully directed the journey south, before finally, she released him with directions to explore as he may.

As he touched her softly, Jack opened his eyes to see her reaction and was blinded by the blaze of the fire as he tasted the wine from her mouth and suddenly experienced a familiar feeling, a feeling he had known before. Not quite sure what it was, he listened to her breathing quicken as he kissed her neck and smelled her perfume, the scent teasing his senses as she took off his shirt and then finally started to remove his belt. I know this feeling, he thought to himself as Amanda gently pushed him onto to the couch.

As he closed his eyes and again felt the warmth of her body, he was both excited and confused as he felt her quiver softly and his mind drifted to a special place.

* * *

I am never going to get this damn belt off, Amanda cursed herself as she tried to solve the complicated puzzle, her mind distracted by the touch of his hand.

Slow down, Amanda, you are getting way ahead of him, she thought as she stood just in front of him trying to regain her composure. I will in a second, she took a deep breath as she felt his fingers caress her senses, her mind unable to focus on anything other than what his hand was doing.

I give up, her body shook as his mouth moved to her stomach and her negligee dropped to the floor. That feels so good, the warmth of the fire on her back allowed her body to relax and her mind to wander as she felt his hand move to her breast and his mouth travel to her hip. Oh my god, I can’t do this yet, she panicked as her body started to pulsate as his tongue touched her softly and she ran her fingers through his hair. Just a little lower, she directed him towards the spot that needed attention as she closed her eyes and felt him caress her gently as she tried to stifle a moan.

Amanda barely regained control as she pushed his head away and decided she had to address the belt problem. Getting closer to her work, she joined him on the couch and kissed his chest gently, watching his reaction as she moved her kiss to his stomach. His eyes closed in anticipation, she finally unleashed his belt, her touch arousing both of them, her body heating up.

This is better than I ever imagined, she thought to herself as she felt his muscles tense up and she enjoyed bringing him pleasure. I am truly in love with this man, her mind finally told her what her body had known all along, I have never felt this way before. It’s finally time, she thought as she climbed on top of him, now only seconds away from the pleasure she had been anticipating for months.

* * *

Is that you, Brittany?

Maybe is was the negligee. Or the warmth of the fire. Possibly the taste of the wine, the smell of her perfume, the touch of her skin. Whatever it was, Jack suddenly found himself confused, his mind flashing back to his Christmas Eve with Brittany.