Broken Pieces (Cape Isle, #3): A Cape Isle Novel (21 page)

I finish my shift at the fire station and get in my truck to head to Mom’s house. Every day I wonder what condition I will find her in. I'm surprised when I walk in and see that Lexie is already there, sitting in the living room with Korean.

“How is she today?” I ask.

Aunt Korean nods her head. “She's okay, Honey. Go on back.”

I walk over to Lexie and give her a kiss on the head. She looks up at me and it's like staring in a mirror. She rarely smiles at anything anymore. My once happy girl looks drained. She has bags under her eyes and her skin is pale. I hate that she is hurting, but I'm barely hanging on myself. I have no clue how to make her feel better when I'm breaking inside.

I let her go and walk towards my mom's room. I stand in the doorway and take in her sleeping form. God, she looks so small. Walking towards the bed, I kiss her forehead before sitting down and taking her hand in mine.

I'm silent for a while as I stare at her. Every day, I try to memorize everything about her face, not knowing when it will be the last. I think that's the worst part, the waiting. I know now why she didn't tell me about the cancer. I'm still angry that she didn't want me to be there for her, but I understand why she did it. It still hurts though.

She blinks open her eyes and turns to look at me. “Hey, son.” Her voice sounds so weak. She's not the lively mother that I know. She's weak and fragile and it kills me.

“Hey, Mom,” I whisper.

She tries to sit up a little, but she's not able to. I stand up from the chair and pick her body up. I'm extra gentle because I know the least little bit of movement causes her pain. I scoot her up on her pillows, before sitting back down.

“Better?” I ask.

“Yeah.”

“Do you need anything? Some water? Something to eat?”

She shakes her head slowly. “No. I don't need anything but time and I don't think I can have any more of that,” she responds with a sad smile.

Fucking time.

God, I hate time.

I take her hand again and kiss the back of it. “I would give you some of mine, Mom.”

“And I wouldn't let you. You're going to need it. Where's Lexie?”

“She's in the living room with Korean.”

She nods her head and stares at me for a moment. “I told her all of my wishes a few weeks ago, but I want you to make sure you are there for her too. She's hurting.”

I'm confused by her words, but I nod my head anyway. “I know, Mom. Everyone is hurting.”

“I'm sorry for that.”

“Don't you dare apologize.”

She gives me a look and shakes her head. “Listen to me,” she says. She sounds stronger than she has in weeks and I know whatever she is trying to say that I need to pay attention.

“I'm listening, Mom. I always listen to you.” I squeeze her hand.

“I know you do, Zack. You were such a good kid. It was a pleasure to watch you turn into a man.”

“Mom, let's not do this.” I feel tears stinging my eyes and really don't want to hear what sounds like goodbye.

“Damnit, Zackery, listen to me.”

I nod my head and she continues.

“I am so proud of you. I hope I said that enough but in case I didn't, I want you to know that. You have never done anything, but make me proud. You are the best son I could have ever asked for and one day you will make an amazing father. I don't want what is happening to me to define your life. I remember when we lost your father. That was so hard, but we had each other. You won't have me this time, but you will have Lexie. I know you are both hurting. That girl loves deeply and fiercely and when I finally go, she's going to hurt almost as bad as you. Please remember that. Please lean on each other and don't try to push her away. I know how stubborn you are.”

She stops and takes a breath. She closes her eyes and I squeeze her hand. “Mom, we don't have to do this. Save your energy,” I whisper.

“Son, you're driving me crazy. Give me a dang second,” she mumbles.

If the tears burning my eyes, weren't threatening to fall, I would laugh. That's the mom I’ll remember and shit, I'm going to miss her so fucking bad. I'm just not ready to say goodbye to my mom.

I lower my head to the bed and close my eyes. “Mom, what do I do?”

I feel her hand trying to squeeze mine. “Son, I wish I could tell you that, but I can't. All I can tell you is to never stop living your life.”

I lift my head back up and look at her.

“Everyone is going to lose someone, that's life. We can't predict when it's going to happen. I was so young when I lost your dad. In some ways, I never moved on. He was my soul mate and when he died a part of me did too, but I had to keep moving because I had you, and in the same way, you have to keep moving after I pass. You have a lot of life left to live. You are still so young and, like I told Lexie, I wish I could be here to watch all of the wonderful things you two will do together. The love I see you two share is something that only happens once in a life time. Enjoy it. Okay? Just enjoy your life. I love you both so very much.”

“I love you too, mom,” I whisper.

We sit in silence for a few minutes before she falls back to sleep.

I whisper words of thanks to her. I thank her for being such an incredible mom. I thank her for always being there. I thank her for her wisdom and I even thank her for the speeches that she always made me sit through as a kid. I cry and hold her hand tightly in mine.

Eventually, Lexie walks into the room and sits across from me. We don't say anything as we watch my mom sleep. I mentally wish for my mom to open her eyes and talk to us, but she never does, so I eventually stand up and kiss her cheek, before looking over at Lexie.

“You ready to head home?”

She hesitates, almost like she is going to tell me no, but instead she nods her head and stands. I walk towards the door and look back over my shoulder. Lexie is bent down whispering something in my mom’s ear, as she clutches her hand. Her eyes are closed and I watch the tears stream down her beautiful cheeks, knowing there isn't a fucking thing I can do about it. She stands up and wipes her face and I turn my head, before she sees me watching her private exchange.

I hear her walk towards me and I take her hand.

We walk into the living and tell Korean bye, before we walk outside and get into our separate cars and drive to her house.

I park beside her in the driveway and cut the engine off. I take a second to myself to collect my thoughts before getting out of the car and meeting her on the porch. We go inside and Lady greets us at the door. Lexie scratches her head, before walking to the kitchen, and I bend down to give my dog some attention before walking to the back door and letting her out.

Just like every night for the past few weeks, we eat dinner in almost complete silence, neither of us having the energy for small talk. We sit outside on the patio and have a few drinks, before going to bed.

I watch Lexie undress and pull on one of her t-shirts. She looks like she has lost some weight and that thought kills me. I wish there was more I could do for her, but I'm so caught up in my own mind most of the time that I don't know how to help her. The thing with Lexie is, I know I'm the person she comes to with her problems. She has always shared everything with me and I don't think she does that with anyone else. It's the same for me. She's the one I go to. So, what do we do, when we are both dealing with the same hurt? Who do we go to then?

I walk into the bathroom and brush my teeth. I watch her in the mirror as she does the same. She finishes before I do and she walks to the bed, lying down on her side.

I turn out the lights and climb in behind her. We haven't been intimate since we found out about my mom. Neither of us has really been in the mood for that, but I do still hold her at night and I wake up in the mornings with her wrapped around me.

I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her to me. “Hey,” I whisper into the darkness after a few minutes of silence.

She jolts at the sound of my voice and I realize that this is first time we've spoken in bed in a long time.

“Hey,” she whispers back. I can hear the tears in her voice already.

“Oh, Angel.” I rest my forehead on her shoulder.

Her body shakes and I hold her closer. I feel a tear drip down from my eye and I clear my throat before speaking again.

“Have you thought about talking to Summer or maybe even Katie?” I ask. I don't have to clarify what I'm talking about, she knows. This is the first time we've talked about this, but I just need to make sure she's okay. This is the one time in my life that I can't protect her. I can't be strong enough for the both of us right now.

She shakes her head against the pillow. “No.”

“Maybe you should, Baby.”

She's quiet for a long minute. Her hand finds mine and she twines our fingers together. “And who will you talk to?” she whispers.

I don't have an answer for that. She's hurting enough and I just don't have it in me to lie anymore of it at her feet. I'm not willing to lean on her more than I already do. I stay silent, deciding the best way to answer is to just not say anything at all.

She eventually quiets down and falls into a restless sleep. I hold her to me and let a few more tears fall, before I do the same.

* * *

The call comes a little after five o'clock in the morning. I know what it is before I even get out of bed. I sit up, grab my phone from the bedside table, press accept and put it to my ear. I don't say hello; I just wait for the words that I know will come.

She's gone.

There was nothing they could do.

I will never see my mother alive again.

I throw my phone against the wall and lower my head into my hands. I feel Lexie hug me from behind. I can feel her hot tears dripping on my skin. I lift my head long enough to grab her and pull her into my chest and together we cry, mourning one of the greatest women I have ever known.

I knew this was coming. I thought I’d prepared myself better, but I'm realizing that nothing in life prepares us for losing someone we love.

Nothing
.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Lexie

T
HAT AFTERNOON
, I
GO WITH
Zack to the funeral home. Joanna had handled almost everything already, but we go meet with the funeral home director, Maggie Sorenson, to iron out all of the last few details.

Korean meets us up there and gives us both hugs.

After Zack and I got the call this morning, we stayed in bed holding each other for hours. Eventually I got up and made us a pot of coffee. We didn't say a word as we sat there staring out into my backyard. I can already feel him withdrawing. He's been doing it all along, but as I sat there watching him, I could see him shutting down before my eyes. I think the hardest part of losing someone isn't necessarily having to say goodbye—I feel like we've been saying goodbye to Joanna for weeks—I think the hardest part is learning to live without them, always trying to fill that void, the emptiness that's left inside your heart when they go.

I called my mom and dad and they promised to be over later tonight. They were so close to Joanna too.

The whole town loved her.

In small town, when someone dies, it's always a big affair. I'm not sure if I love that about our little town right now or if I hate it.

I pull back from Koreans arms and look into her grief stricken face. She looks terrible. I know she was the one that found Joanna and I know she tried to administer CPR, before the paramedics got there. She may have been Zack's dad's sister, but she was very close to her. She saw her as one of her own.

“I'm so sorry,” I choke out.

“Oh, sweet girl. Me too.”

She pulls me back into her arms and we cry together. I look over her shoulder and watch Zack walk back outside. “What do I do?” I ask, still clinging to her.

She doesn't ask what I'm talking about. She knows Zack is hurting the most out of all of us. He just lost his last living parent.

“Exactly what Joanna said,” she whispers.

It's not long before Maggie comes into the waiting room to get us. I excuse myself to walk outside and tell Zack that they're ready.

The funeral home also has the town cemetery attached to it: it's where they laid his dad to rest and it's also where Joanna will be buried in just a few short days.

Zack is staring out at the rows and rows of headstones when I walk up behind him. I touch his elbow and he flinches for a second before turning to look at me—his eyes so hollow.

“Maggie's ready for us,” I whisper.

He nods his head and looks out at the cemetery one more time before following me inside.

It doesn't take long to go over everything. Joanna had handled more than I thought. Zack is silent the entire time unless he is asked a direct question. We are told that Joanna hired an attorney to handle her estate and all of her things will of course go to Zack, but that we should meet with the attorney in a month or so. We plan the visitation for tomorrow and the funeral for the day after.

The drive home is filled with more silence. I know he's hurting, but so am I. I wish he would just say something.

My Mom and Dad are sitting on the porch when I pull into the driveway. Zack gets out of the car first and I watch as he walks towards the steps. I take a deep breath and open the driver side door before stepping out and following him.

My mom wraps her arms around him first. There is a brief second where I think he's going to push her away, but I breath out a sigh of relief when he folds his arms around her and buries his face in her hair.

I was close to Joanna, but Zack was also close to my parents. I'm hoping by them being here it will help him somehow. I see my mom’s lips moving as she whispers to him, but I don't know what she's saying. When I reach the porch, my dad pulls me into his arms.

“How you holding up, kiddo?” he whispers.

I can't talk over the ever present lump in my throat, so I just shake my head.

He sighs and squeezes me tighter. “I know, sweetie. I know.”

After my mom has come over and hugged me and my dad has said a few quiet words to Zack, we all make our way inside. Zack sits down in the living room, with Lady sitting at his feet while I try to help my parents unpack all of the food they brought. I lay it all out on the counter, knowing we will have visitors through-out the day.