Authors: Carla Cassidy
Once again Mariah’s hand was on his arm, warming the cold places his memories had brought back into his heart. “But it didn’t work,” she said softly.
“The first time she stayed three days, then left. She insisted she was fine, could quit on her own and all I needed to do was trust her. Of course I didn’t trust her and she didn’t quit and so she tried rehab again. She stayed twenty days, just enough time to give me hope that we could pull it all back together again. On the twenty-first day she was kicked out for using. My bank account was empty, my charge cards were
maxed out, but more than that, my love for her was gone. I knew I had to get out.”
In frustration he looked at Mariah. “Maybe I should have loved her more—maybe I should have forgotten about my work and spent more time with her. I thought of myself as a healer, but all I wanted to do was get out.”
Mariah squeezed his arm gently. “Why are you telling me this, Jack?”
“Our divorce four years ago wasn’t exactly the end of things between us.” He felt Mariah stiffen and quickly added, “It’s not what you’re thinking. Every three or four months she contacts me wanting money. The first couple of times I gave in, then realized I wasn’t helping her that way. The last time she contacted me, I told her no, that I wasn’t going to give her any more money and the next day my house was broken into and some things were stolen, things that could be easily pawned.”
“I’m sorry, Jack, but I still don’t understand why you think I need to hear about this.”
“I’ve been getting some phone calls that lead me to believe Rebecca is about to make another appearance into my life.” Jack took both of Mariah’s hands in his. “I wanted to tell you this because I’m in love with you, Mariah.” Emotion bubbled up in his chest. “Don’t worry, I don’t need to know how you feel about me. It’s enough that you’re here right now.
“I just felt the need to warn you that Rebecca may be someplace here in town. I have no idea what condition she might be in or what she’s capable of. If you decide to walk out of here tonight and never see me again, I’ll understand, but that won’t stop me from loving you.”
She pulled her hands away, her head tilted in the familiar way it did when she was thinking. “You talk like the problems Rebecca had with the drugs were your fault, somehow your personal failure,” she said. “But surely you know that’s a powerful drug and that ultimately you weren’t capable of helping Rebecca if she didn’t want to help herself.”
“On an intellectual level I understand all that,” he replied.
She smiled. “And you know that eventually I’m going back to Chicago.”
“I know that and I don’t have any expectations for what the future might bring. I just want to be with you, to spend time with you for as long as I can.”
“I must be out of my mind, because that’s what I want, too,” Mariah confessed softly. He’d just given her a perfectly good reason to back away from him, no hard feelings. But she didn’t want to. She wasn’t ready to deny herself the pleasure of being with him.
There was no question that knowing he believed he loved her was empowering, and she was savvy enough to acknowledge that selfishly she wasn’t ready to walk away from the way he looked at her as if she was something precious, the way he touched her as if she was something of value. She’d never had that before and hadn’t realized until now how deep her hunger for that had been.
“So, we’re here all alone and I don’t have a curfew,” she said. “You promised me slow and romantic.”
His eyes flared with hunger. “And I always keep my promises.”
He’d nearly been caught that night in her house. If he hadn’t seen the flash of the car lights through
the window, Kelsey and Mariah’s friend would have found him in Mariah’s bedroom.
Thankfully he’d managed to get out the back door before they realized what was going on. He’d watched the house for another hour, surprised when no law enforcement had been called.
She’d heard him on the stairs. He hadn’t realized it at the time, but as he ran from the house her hysterical cries and the sound of her terror had filled him with an omnipotent power.
But it hadn’t been enough. Her terror would never be enough. She’d begun it all and he had come to realize over the last two weeks that the only way he could be normal again, the only way he could completely rid himself of the rage that had transformed him into a monster, was to bury Mariah with all his other girls. She’d been the first and she’d be the last.
And if it took too long to get to her, if she proved to be difficult, there was always her daughter. Sweet young Kelsey looked just like her mother had looked sixteen years ago and the young ones were always so naive, so trusting.
Yes, Kelsey would make a good stand-in until Mariah was his once again.
“M
eth addiction is one of the worst,” Janice said the next afternoon. Kelsey had left for the pool and Janice and Mariah were once again working on finishing painting the kitchen cabinets. “I’ve counseled a lot of teenagers and their families about it. The addiction to meth is as hard to break as an addiction to heroin. The deterioration of the body and of the soul is swift and horrible.”
Mariah used the handle of her paintbrush to itch a spot on her cheek. “It must be terrible, to see somebody you love destroying themselves and be unable to help them.”
Janice lowered her brush and turned to look at Mariah. “He must care about you a lot to confess to that kind of baggage in his background. Did you tell him about your baggage?”
“I certainly haven’t bared my soul to him, but he knows my father was abusive and that my childhood was pretty miserable.”
“That’s not what I was talking about,” Janice said. She put her brush in the paint pan and eased into a kitchen chair. “I think you’ve pretty well resolved
that particular issue while you’ve been back here. I was talking about your rape.”
“Of course I haven’t told him about that and I don’t intend to tell him about it,” Mariah exclaimed. She glanced toward the window to make sure Roger wasn’t lurking outside, listening to their conversation. She set her paintbrush down and joined Janice at the table.
“If anything, my time with Jack has given me the assurance that I can have a normal, healthy relationship with a man. There is no baggage to worry about.”
Janice shoved a strand of her salt-and-pepper hair behind one pointy ear, her thin eyebrows pulling into a unibrow in the center of her forehead. “You hide in closets. You have terrible nightmares that wake you up screaming. You’re paranoid. I’d call that baggage.”
“I’m fine,” Mariah replied, heat filling her cheeks. “Once I get back to Chicago, I’ll be okay. It’s just being here that’s brought some of that up again. Besides, I can’t tell anyone.” Her voice vibrated with the depth of her feelings. “I have too much to lose.”
“Like what?”
A wealth of emotion filled Mariah’s chest, constricting painfully tight and momentarily taking away her breath. A vision of her daughter filled her head. “Kelsey,” she managed to whisper.
“Kelsey loves you. You wouldn’t lose her.”
The constricting band around Mariah’s heart grew tighter as she thought of her daughter and the potential consequences of Mariah’s secret. If the truth came out, it would be like opening Pandora’s box and only darkness and heartache would flow out of it.
“The most important value I instilled in Kelsey was truthfulness,” she finally said. “How could I ever explain to her that everything I told her about her father and our life and her birth was nothing but a lie? How would I ever make that right for her?” Mariah shook her head, the very thought of Kelsey finding out the truth making her want to throw up. “She’d hate me.”
Janice clucked her tongue. “You not only don’t give her enough credit—you don’t give yourself enough credit. The bond you’ve built with Kelsey is strong.”
“It’s a moot point,” Mariah said with more than a touch of stubbornness. “Within a matter of weeks we’ll all be back in Chicago and life will go on without any secrets needing to be told.” She got up and grabbed her paintbrush. “Now, let’s get these cabinets done so Joel can start work on the kitchen floor.”
There were only four people who knew about that night beneath the trees: Mariah, Janice, Mariah’s mother and the rapist. One of those people was dead, one was sworn to secrecy and neither Mariah nor her attacker would tell. Mariah intended to do everything in her power to keep it that way.
For the rest of the afternoon Mariah refused to allow herself to think about the conversation she’d had with Janice. Instead she focused on the night before with Jack.
True to his promise, he’d taken her into his bedroom and made love to her slowly and sweetly. His feelings for her were evident in his every touch, in the way he kissed her so soulfully, so passionately.
And as he made love to her, gazing into her eyes, she’d felt a raw, aching love for him. But as he drove
her home, she dismissed that crazy emotion and told herself it had been nothing more than the intense physical release of the moment.
Over the next couple of days the house began to really take shape. Roger and his crew finished the outside paint. The house now sported a creamy beige color with burgundy shutters and front door. Joel laid the new yellow and white patterned tiles in the kitchen and Mariah picked out a wallpaper border for the dining room.
Thursday evening Mariah was in the kitchen hanging cheerful yellow curtains at the window when Janice came into the room. “Pretty,” she said.
“Thanks, I feel like the room is filled with sunshine. In fact, I’m starting to feel like the whole house is filled with sunshine.”
Janice smiled. “I have a favor to ask you. Do you mind if I borrow your car for a little while this evening?”
Mariah turned from the window to look at her friend. “Of course I don’t mind. Is there something you need? Someplace I need to take you?”
“No, nothing like that. I’d just like to wander a little bit down Main Street of this quaint little town before I head back to Chicago tomorrow.”
“You want company?”
“No, I’m a big girl. I know you wanted to get started on that wallpaper in the dining room and I won’t be too long. I know Kelsey is spending the night with Katie. I could drop her off there on my way out.”
“Okay,” Mariah agreed. Although she and Janice were as close as sisters, Mariah knew Janice enjoyed her time alone. They had been together for nearly
every minute of the week and a half Janice had been in Plains Point and it was no wonder Janice might feel the need for some time alone.
At seven thirty Mariah stood on the front porch and waved as Janice and Kelsey drove away. “It’s just you and me, Tiny,” she said to the little dog who clumped around at her feet.
She bent down and scooped him up in her arms. She’d grown ridiculously attached to the dog. She scratched him behind his ears, then laughed as he closed his eyes in pleasure, his mouth appearing to smile at her.
“You’re a mess,” she exclaimed as she put him back on the floor. “Come on, let’s go see if I can manage to put up that wallpaper border without destroying the entire dining room.”
She’d barely gotten started when there was a knock on the front door. A peek outside let her know it was Hannah. She opened the door and greeted her neighbor, who carried in one hand a tray of chocolate cupcakes. “I come bearing gifts.” She held the tray out to Mariah.
“What’s all this?” Mariah asked.
“I baked them this afternoon and didn’t realize the recipe I had was already doubled. I doubled it and wound up with enough cupcakes to fatten up the entire population of Plains Point. I knew you had a friend here, so I thought you all might enjoy some.”
“That’s so nice,” Mariah said. “Come on into the kitchen. I’ll put on a pot of coffee and we’ll sample your wares.”
“I can’t stay but for just a minute,” Hannah said as she followed Mariah. “Finn is meeting some of the guys in town for a few beers. I promised him I’d
be home quickly. Wow,” she exclaimed as she entered the kitchen. “This room looks awesome. You’ve really been busy.”
An unexpected burst of pride roared through Mariah as she set the cupcakes on the table. The kitchen did look awesome, but more importantly it looked warm, like a place where laughter occurred and people were welcome. It looked like a home, the home that Mariah had longed for when she’d been growing up.
“I can’t imagine doing all this work and making everything so nice, then putting it up for sale so somebody else can live in it,” Hannah said. “That’s kind of like healing a man’s wounds so he can fall in love with somebody else.”
Mariah laughed. “But that’s the plan,” she replied, surprised to feel just the faintest stir of bittersweet regret. She was turning this place into the house of her dreams and it felt somehow wrong to just walk away from it.
“Well, I’d better get back home. It’s time to get the kids in bed and if I leave Finn in charge, he’ll have them so wound up they’ll never get to sleep.”
Mariah smiled. “He’s a good daddy.”
Hannah beamed. “The best, but he’ll be a bear if he is late for his beer with the boys.” She rolled her eyes as the two walked back to the front door.
“Thanks, Hannah, for the cupcakes. It was really nice of you to think of us.”
“That’s what we do in small towns. Don’t you remember? We take care of each other. Have a good night,” she said as she stepped out into the evening shadows.
Mariah watched from the porch as she got into her
car and drove down the lane toward the house next door. Thoughts of Finn filled her head. Of course he was a good daddy. He’d had plenty of practice raising his two little sisters.
Funny, as close as she and Finn had been, it had never crossed their minds to be a couple. Their relationship had always been that of friends and confidants. Never once had he given her an indication that he wanted anything different from her, nor had she wanted anything different from him.
She smiled as she returned to the kitchen. Maybe it was because Finn had been the first boy to see her puke after they’d tried to smoke a cigar. He’d been one of the few people who had seen her cry and she’d guess that she was probably the only person on earth who had seen him cry. Or maybe it was because from the time he’d been thirteen, he’d had a crush on Hot Pants Hannah. It was nice that they’d ended up together. It was always nice when the good guy won.
She poured herself a glass of milk and grabbed one of the cupcakes, then sat at the table. She expected Janice back soon and had a feeling this last night with her would involve a lot of talk and too many cupcakes.
The park in the town square was dark, but Janice wasn’t afraid of the deep shadows of the night in this small town. In Chicago she wouldn’t be foolish enough to enter any of the parks at night, but Plains Point was a different animal altogether.
She walked to the gazebo and entered. As she leaned against one of the wooden sides, she remembered that this was where Mariah and Clay Matheson
had professed undying love for each other. Of course few seventeen-year-olds really understood the true meaning of love. How many other young lovers had stood here over the years? Janice tried to imagine what it would have been like to be raised in a town like Plains Point.
Janice was born and raised on the dangerous west side of Chicago. Her mother had been an alcoholic and her father an over-the-road truck driver who was mostly absent from her life. Being small for her age had made her vulnerable, but it also made her street smart. At an early age she knew the only way out for her was education.
She’d studied hard, graduated from high school early, earned a full ride to college and had chosen the nursing profession. She’d left the west side behind, but had never considered leaving the Windy City.
She’d been a nurse for a year when she began doing charity work, making the rounds of shelters to check for children and women in need of medical attention, and she’d never forget the night she met Mariah.
Despite being eight months pregnant, Mariah had been beautiful and scared to death. Initially she’d insisted that she was eighteen years old, that her parents were dead and she’d been kicked out of her boyfriend’s house.
She’d been slightly belligerent with a tough-guy exterior belied by the abject terror that shone from her eyes. Janice would never know what forces pushed her to take Mariah on as a personal project, to invite the pregnant teenager into her home, into her life, but it had been the best thing she’d ever done.
Mariah and Kelsey had become the family Janice never had, and Janice had needed somebody to love, somebody to worry and care about.
Now, taking a deep breath of the clean-scented night air, she stepped out of the gazebo and instead walked to a nearby bench and sat down.
She was losing them.
The minute she’d walked into the house and had seen all the work that Mariah was doing, she’d sensed that a change was about to occur. Mariah was nesting as she’d never done in her high-rise Chicago apartment.
There was a part of Janice that was happy for her friend, that finally Mariah was making peace with a part of her past that had been so tragic. In renovating the house, she was healing the inner child who had longed for parents who were loving and kind.
But there was also a little piece of Janice that mourned the potential loss of Mariah and Kelsey in her life, that feared that once the house was ready to be put on the market, Mariah would change her mind and see her future here.
And Janice wouldn’t blame her. She leaned her head back and stared up at the stars. She never saw stars in Chicago. And the silence was amazing. She closed her eyes and listened. Okay, it wasn’t completely silent, but she wasn’t accustomed to the sounds the night held in Plains Point.
Instead of blaring horns and sirens, there was the click and whir of insects. Instead of police whistles and the squeal of brakes, a dog barked in the distance and a light wind rustled the leaves of a nearby tree.
Life would be slower here, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. She told herself her melancholy
was silly, that if Mariah and Kelsey decided to stay here, Chicago was only an hour and a half plane ride away and another forty minutes in a car. Just a little over two hours. There was no reason why they couldn’t visit each other often.
She frowned, her eyes still closed, as she realized the night had truly become silent. It was a silence as if everything held its breath, a heavy potent quiet that shot uneasiness through her.
Time to head back to Mariah’s. If it grew any later, Mariah might worry. Janice opened her eyes and prepared to rise.
A gasp escaped her as something dark and slick was yanked over her head and she was slammed backward, up and over the top of the bench.
She hit the ground on her back, the air whooshing out of her lungs as a heavy weight fell on top of her. When she caught her breath, her hands automatically rose in an attempt to rip off whatever covered her face, whatever pressed against her mouth and nose, threatening to suffocate her.