Broken Souls (8 page)

She had been so close...
So close to having something she had fantasised about for too long. But she couldn't go through with it. Her pride was at stake along with her morals. This was her best friend's brother she was thinking about.

I
t had only been forty eight hours since Gabby's death and Ashley was emotionally drained and grieving. Did she really want the added pressure of a risky one night stand with the other person closest to her best friend? She weighed up the options in her mind and ultimately came up with the exact same decision as she had earlier. 

Some unusual sounds echoing along the hallway managed to rouse Ashley from her sleep. Sitting upright, she registered the darkened room; it was still the middle of the night. She found it a little odd that she had been woken up by something other than her own nightmares for a change.

Opening
her mouth to release a yawn, Ashley heard a long, rumbling moan that stilled her body instantly. She snapped her mouth closed at the evident pain and distress she could hear.

Marco.

It hurt her to listen to him, but she didn’t know if she could offer him any further support. After all, he was grieving Gabby's death just as much as she was.

“
No... Stop it...”

Ashley
winced as she continued to listen to his piercing cries through the closed bedroom door. She wanted desperately to help him, to offer him some support as he pushed through his own grief. But from experience, the loneliness and depression felt was sometimes better to be worked out alone and in your own time. The last thing she wanted was to bombard him with help that he didn’t appreciate or want.

“
Gabriela... Wait, where are you taking her? No, you can't take her from me! Come back! Bring her back to me!”

Hearing his voice finally crack
after a few more minutes, Ashley couldn't contain her need to comfort him any longer. Stripping the duvet cover from her body, she flung her legs from the bed and headed towards the living room, making sure to pull down the hem of her hooded jumper in the process.

“
She isn't dead! What do you mean?!”

I
mmediately crossing to the sofa, she sought out Marco's shivering form. Crouching down beside him, she placed a reassuring hand against his leg. “It's okay,” she whispered, her fingertips rubbing soothingly across the top of the blanket. She wanted him to know that he wasn't alone in all of this, and if he allowed it, then she would support him as much as she could. “Marco, it's alright,” she continued to repeat.

His body flinched
awake from the contact of her fingers.

“
A-Ashley?” Marco tried to squint at her crouched form in the darkness. “Is everything okay? What is it?” he asked, propping himself up on his elbows.

“
You woke me up,” she replied, letting out a small yawn.

“
I don't think so...”

“
Uh... Yes you did. It sounded like you were having a nightmare.”

“
Oh... Umm...”

Ashley couldn't tell from the darkened room, but she assu
med that Marco was feeling embarrassed. She heard the panic and surprise in his voice. He obviously didn’t know how loud his cries were.

“
Do you have them a lot?” Noticing that she was still touching his leg, Ashley quickly withdrew her hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“
No.”

She heard from the tone of his voice that the matter was no longer up for discussion. He had managed to safely shutdown the conversation before it had even started.
She recognised it as a sign that he wasn’t ready to discuss or admit his flaw.

“
I have started getting them too,” she offered, “over the last few nights since coming back from the hospital.” She was a terrible liar, but she hoped he would buy it and open up to her.

Despite their usual openness,
Ashley had never breached the subject of her continuous nightmares with Marco. She had had them for years, too long for her to even count. But she hadn’t really told anybody about them, only Gabby. She knew that his curiosity on the matter would give her cause to dig up things she had long buried within the vault of her mind.

Even the photo that used to sit on her bedside table had been hidden since the other night. She hadn’t been able to look at it following her return from the hospital. Just the thought alone that another person in her life had been lost was enough damage to her heart. The photographic evidence was just another nail being
hammered into the coffin. 

“
You have been having them too,
cara
?” Marco sounded genuinely surprised by her comments. “Are they... are they bad?”

She gave
him a weak smile in the dark. “They have been,” she admitted. “But I have just let them carry on.”

Although there was some truth to
her words, she didn't want to explain how bad they had actually been. She didn't want to tell him about the reoccurring dream she was having lately of a never ending hospital corridor and the disappearance of his sister. She was still processing the meaning of it in her own head, but for now, it was better than the nightmares she was used to having.

“
I appreciate you coming out to see me, but I think we ought to go back to sleep?” Marco suggested, shuffling himself back into his original position.

“
O-Okay?” Disappointment consumed her as she stood and made her way towards the hallway.

“
Oh,
cara?
”

She
stopped and flicked a glance over her shoulder, nervous anticipation biting at her now tingling skin. “Yes?”

“
I think I’m going to go and arrange the funeral today,” he said quietly.

Ashley took a deep breath as the earlier tingles disappeared from her skin
. A sliver of dread found its way into her bones, weakening her muscles and causing her legs to crumple. “Oh,” she replied, reaching out to grab the wall to steady her balance. “I didn’t think you would have to start arranging it so soon?”

“
I don’t want to do it, but it has to be done.”

Blowing out a shaky breath, she closed her eyes and mumbled the next few words. “D-Did you want me to come wi
th you? Gabby loved yellow roses. What if I helped you with picking out some flowers?”

“I really appreciate your offer, but there isn’t any way I could put you through something like that,
cara
.”

She swallowed. “
I-I would get through it.”

“I
understand you want to try and help, but I know you aren’t strong enough for it yet. Honestly, I’m not sure how I’m going to get through it either.”

In the darkness, Ashley was grateful that he couldn’t see the twisted anguish
on her face. She just wanted to help him as much as possible, but he didn’t seem as receptive to her offer as she had hoped.

“I miss her so much,” she whispered, her hand still braced firmly on the wall. “I don’t know what to do without her.”

“I know...” Marco’s voice was croaky as if he was fighting his own emotions. “I want to make sure that my sister has the best send-off I can give. I will do this for her, Ashley. But I don’t want to put you through it too.”

She wished that she was stronger
so she could help him, but inside she felt nothing but weak. He was probably right that she wouldn’t be able to go through it with him. It made her feel completely useless.

“I just wanted to try and help you
,” she said softly, wiping her face free from the silent tears that were now falling.

“Ashley,” Marco wheezed, trying to stifle the clog of grief
she could hear building in his throat. “W-What if... What if you picked out an outfit for me to take tomorrow? My sister and I have such different styles, so I don’t want to pick something that isn’t really her.”

“I’d like that,” she sniffed, a grateful smile touching her lips. “I don’t think that I’ll be able to
go back to sleep, so I’ll go and have a look now.”

“
Thank you,
cara
. Don’t forget that you know where I am if you need me,” he offered quietly as she turned and headed for Gabby’s bedroom.

~

Sucking in a sharp breath, Ashley turned the door knob and pushed inside. Reaching for the switch, she turned on the light and illuminated the room in a bright, warm glow. She inspected the area carefully, her eyes focusing on each little detail of Gabby’s world—scattered clothes on the floor, the messy duvet cover, photographs stuck to the wall. The soft teal coloured room was every inch of her best friend’s amazing, but messy personality.

And now
she was gone.

“Calm down,” Ashley muttered, gently pushing the door closed. She placed her hand against her chest and sighed at the growing misery she could feel spreading deep inside. There wasn’t a chance of trying to stop it, but she hoped that she could at least find the strength to overpower it until she had completed her task for Marco.

Stepping over to the bed, she grabbed the covers and gently smoothed them out. Sitting down on the edge, she looked at the open doors on Gabby’s double sized wardrobe, her hand gingerly pulling at a lock of her hair.

She
could
do this. If there was anybody that knew Gabby and her style inside and out then it was her. All she had to do was pick out something for her to wear.

Something bright.

Having lived with Gabby and knowing her fashion choices, she knew that bright and bold were the only colours she bought; orange and yellow were her favourite of all.

Getting up from the bed, Ashley walked over to the wardrobe and slowly ran her fingers over the
wooden hangers. Delicately she pulled each one to the side to reveal the clothes, each garment bringing a fresh memory to the surface of her thoughts.

The funny tantrums that sprung to mind over half of the outfits were supposed to make her laugh, but it did nothing but cause her further agony and distress. Her body juddered as she fought against the evolving
pain in her chest. Choking back on a sob that was caught in the back of her throat, she pulled out a fitted, canary yellow shift dress that she and Gabby had discussed the night of the accident. It had been a close contender, but had been beaten out by the orange bodycon dress that she had ultimately decided to wear.

Staring at the
garment in her hand was bittersweet. She knew that if she hadn’t relented on the night out then none of this would have happened. Gabby would still be here and she wouldn’t now be looking through her clothes for an outfit for her funeral.

At this point,
Ashley’s body was now juddering uncontrollably and she struggled to see clearly through the watery downpour that clouded her eyes. Her breaths were choppy as she gasped for air with each deep inhale. She had been foolish to believe that she could do this. It was still too fresh and being in Gabby’s room was only making things worse.

“Ashley?”

She didn’t hear Marco enter the room until he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. His encouraging fingers squeezed gently and she turned around to face him fully, her eyes blurry and her skin now red and blotchy.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” she stuttered, her voice faltering as she tried to speak.

Without saying a word, Marco stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. He pressed one hand to her lower back while the other softly gripped at the back of her head, his movements trying to urge her against the lean warmth of his chest.

“I-I can’t do it,”
she cried, disappointment crashing over her. “I w-want to help you, b-but I just can’t.”

“It’s alright,” he soothed, gently b
rushing his hand over her hair. “I know it’s hard. I shouldn’t have asked you to do it, but I felt so guilty when you asked to help.”

Ashley
continued to sob as every muscle in her body ached. She raised her hand and placed it flat against Marco’s chest to bridge the gap between her leaking eyes and his body. Her fingers tangled in the rough hairs across his chest which caused her to choke with alarm.

She pulled back and raised her hand to her mouth to stifle the sound of her now incessant coughing. Her eyes wide
ned as she took in the bare skin of Marco’s chest, the moisture of her own tears glistening under the bedroom light. 

“I’m sorry,” she began repeating over and over, her eyes unmoving from
his lean and tanned torso as she wiped away the dampness staining her cheeks with the sleeve of her hoody.

“
It’s fine. Stop worrying,” Marco murmured, his hand still stroking her hair.

With cautious eyes
, Ashley looked up and found his determined stare. The darkened glow was unnerving and had her writhing within his grasp. Her lips parted marginally to allow the increase in oxygen that her brain was demanding, and her pulse throbbed uncomfortably in her neck. She struggled to think straight as the anticipation crackled steadily in the air around them.

“
Cara
…”

“Y-Yes?”

He gave her a weak smile, his cheeks bunching and his eyebrows rising. It had been an unexpected reaction, but one that she was grateful for. The sight instantly fulfilled the inexplicable need for closeness she could feel growing inside.

She wanted to be comforted; the feeling of warmth from another during this surge of hysterical grief was important to her.
It was the connection that she needed right now. His presence was easing the pain that was welling deep within.