“Shh,” he placed a finger to her lips. “Nothing will change. I swear it.”
“You can’t know that.”
“How can
you
not? Do you truly believe you’d not love me without the pull?”
“No, but—”
“All right then, no more of that talk.”
“Are we waiting until the wagons have departed before we leave?” Emariya asked, trying to set her mind to something else. Torian obviously didn’t understand her insecurity, but it still simmered inside.
“No. Everything is ready for us to depart as soon as you are ready. The horses have already been saddled.”
Emariya looked around. She couldn’t leave yet, but she couldn’t she tell Torian why. “What about Rink?” she asked. “Are we sending him to return to the fjord?”
“Not yet. He’ll go with us, to help with the horses and run messages should it prove necessary.”
Emariya sighed, surveying the bustling camp. Between the preparations with the wagons, the moving of the forces to spread coverage to the tunnel, and their own imminent departure, there was much to see. Soldiers hurried in many directions, each set to their assigned tasks. Servants tended the fires, urging a smoky yet comforting aroma to circulate above them as deer roasted. Each sight had become achingly normal over the course of their extended travels, yet the one familiar sight she sought was nowhere to be found.
“Riya, we can’t wait for him.”
“I know,” she whispered, turning heavy eyes toward her husband. “I guess he will be here waiting for us when we return?”
“Perhaps.” Torian nodded, though his eyes betrayed his lie. He didn’t believe it likely. Emariya wondered which part he thought was untrue: that Garith would be waiting for them, or that they would even return.
Unable to think of a reason to delay and confronted with many reasons to hurry, Emariya nodded.
She drifted along, constantly looking over her shoulder as Torian guided her toward the waiting horses.
Jessa didn’t appear to be much happier than Emariya to be in the saddle again. Though her reluctance may have briefly considered Garith, it was more likely a product of her fear of horses and whatever the trouble was concerning her and Blaine. Emariya had to choke back her surprise to find that Jessa was riding on her own, rather than in front of Blaine on his mount.
Well,
Emariya justified,
it is better for the horses that she ride separate, should we decide to push to a faster pace.
Without any fuss or fanfare, they were soon on their way. The hills alternated between sheltering them from the spring wind and exposing them to it. Each time they crested the top of another rise, the wind blew against them, asking them to reaffirm their desire to press on, perhaps suggesting that a wise traveler would turn away. Each hilltop also offered Emariya a new opportunity to scan the horizon, fully expecting to see Garith riding toward them, trying to catch up. But other than the occasional hawk, nothing moved at all.
When they finally stopped for the night, each weary and saddle-sore, Emariya’s grandmother pointed her to a pile of firewood. “Could you light our fire for us?”
Emariya raised an eye skeptically, but turned toward the cold, drab brown logs. Sprinkled amongst them, twigs and dried leaves lay ripe and ready for kindling. Only the single, essential element remained missing. A vital spark of flame. “I’ve never lit a fire without one being there. I’ve only influenced what existed, not created.”
“Perhaps everything you need is already there,” Alara gestured toward the logs before tapping Emariya’s chest, “and in here.”
Emariya gazed at the wood, willing it to catch ablaze. She thought of the gentle, soothing warmth of a fire. In her mind, she tried to picture the comfort and protection the flames could offer. Instead, all she could see was Garith, lonely and lost, unable to find them. Shaking her head to clear away the image, she tried again.
“Well, I guess we’ll not warm ourselves tonight. Keep trying, perhaps you’ll have better luck tomorrow.” Kahl patted her shoulder.
“That’s hardly fair. I’ve some flint.” Torian put his arm around her shoulders, squeezing her to him. He began to rummage in his pocket.
“No,” Kahl said, reaching out a hand to stop Torian’s search. “She’ll learn nothing by having her feelings spared. The sooner the girl knows our very lives rest on her, the more likely we are to survive.”
Numbness crept through her, not from the cold of the night but from her grandfather’s stark words.
She willed herself to be angry with him, but all she found was despair.
“I can’t do it,” she complained, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
“It’s all right,” Torian said, shooting an angry look at Kahl. “No one is expecting you to.”
“Bullshit,” Kahl said. “I am.” He looked directly at Emariya. “And if any of your companions tell you otherwise, they’re lying.”
Blaine shifted uncomfortably. “Princess Ahlen, I won’t fault you if you can’t. But your grandfather is right. We are all counting on you. And I saw your strength when you faced your brother. I believe you can do it.”
Jessa paused, carrying an armful of linens she’d been about to lay out near the fire. Blaine’s kind words seemed to have caught her entirely off guard.
“I’m not as strong as you all think I am.” Emariya’s lip trembled.
“Probably not. More than likely you are stronger than we think,” Alara said. “But sweetheart, you have immense power. More than we could have ever dreamed was possible. Your grandfather is just trying to encourage you to reach for that power.”
“You don’t have to try if you don’t want to,” Torian said.
“Stop coddling her!” Kahl stomped through the wet grass, shoving Torian’s arm from around her.
Torian’s fingers flew to the hilt of his sword, hovering in the air just above it. His fist clenched before dropping at his side. “It exhausts her when she uses her gift. Maybe you can’t see it, but I can.
It utterly drains her. I don’t want her to inadvertently hurt herself.”
Emariya sighed. She both loved and hated Torian’s protectiveness. “Enough,” she said quietly.
Both men turned to her.
“You’re both right. You are counting on me, but it does exhaust me.”
Kahl’s voice gentled. “That is why it is imperative you practice. If you can build up your stamina, you will not feel so drained.”
“It could kill her! We really don’t know anything about her gifts. There’s never been another with so much command of the gift of the Warrens’ as far as I know,” Torian protested.
“I know,” Kahl said, his voice a bare whisper. He swallowed hard, and then continued, “I understand the risk, but if she doesn’t take that risk, what you’ve seen may come to pass. Do you want her to just sit around, conserving herself until the day her brother stills her heart?”
Torian’s shoulders sagged. He shook his head. “I can’t lose her too.”
Emariya reached out and grasped his fingers in hers. His skin was cold to the touch, yet just having that slim physical connection with him sent warmth radiating through her.
She closed her eyes again, visualizing the firewood, picturing it igniting with a puff of harsh smoke. When she opened her eyes, nothing had changed.
“I don’t understand,” Jessa said. “You were able to control fire several other times. Why not now?”
“Those times, the fire already existed before she bent it to her will. Now she has to find the spark of the earth that exists in everything, and cajole it into a flame,” Kahl said.
Can you help me, Father?
Emariya reached for her father’s presence.
No, Em. You need to learn to do this on your own, in case it is not safe to open your mind when you
need the skill. I have faith in you.
Her father’s gentle encouragement, yet unwavering position, reminded her of the times when she’d fall from her pony and he’d put her right back on, not letting her give up.
“Can’t we just light it?” Emariya yawned.
“Milady, Garith would be awful mad if he saw you giving up right now.” Rink scowled.
Didn’t they all realize how tired she was of fighting? Emariya took the bedroll from Jessa, spreading it on the soft ground. She climbed in, keeping her back to all of them. As Torian laid down beside her, not saying a word, Emariya tried to take comfort in knowing that they’d freeze with her.
Moreover, they didn’t have Torian curled up beside them to help keep them warm.
Let them freeze,
she thought, trying to choke back her guilt.
Her guilt only increased the next morning as her grandfather climbed stiffly into the saddle, rubbing at his back. She too felt the aches of the day before more acutely, thanks to the cold air. A soothing fire would have done wonders for them all at easing some of the day from their weary bones.
Despite her promise to herself to let her grandfather suffer his own stubbornness, she found herself vowing to do better that night when they made camp.
Throughout the day her spirits fell lower and lower. Each beat of the horses’ hooves crashed through her subconscious, taking her farther away from Damphries, and farther away from any chance that Garith would suddenly appear. Rolling hills rose steeper, giving hints of the ragged mountains they sought. Gradually the occasional clusters of trees vanished, leaving the ground as wide open and windswept as her heart, which also lay open and unguarded, aching for her friend’s return.
It wasn’t until the sun began to dip toward the fertile fields that her apprehension truly began to grow. As the sun retreated, it took with it the last of her stubborn hope. Wherever he was, Garith wasn’t chasing after her. If The Three responded poorly to their plea, she might never have the chance to even say goodbye. The sun took its temporary warmth with it as well, allowing the cold evening air to swell around them. Emariya shivered, dreading having to make another attempt at a fire.
By unspoken agreement each of her companions crowded behind her, watching but not saying a word. They’d quickly tended the horses and gathered around the lifeless wood lying ready to be consumed in the middle of their small camp. Though they stood behind her, Emariya could feel the agonizing pressure of each of their eyes watching her, waiting for her to deliver them safely from the cold night. Just as back at Damphries they would be waiting for her to offer them salvation from her brother’s corrupted ways. Were they all doomed to be disappointed when she failed to deliver to their expectations?
Emariya closed her eyes, willing the wood to burn or even smoke. Mocking her with its lack of response, the wood ignored her. Her shoulders began to quake with effort. She could feel the warmth just out of her reach. She understood what her grandmother meant about the spark of life in everything. Yet understanding it was there and bending it to her will were two different things.
Exclaiming in frustration, she opened her eyes.
Torian stepped past her. “I don’t think any of us are eager to spend another fireless night. Perhaps it would also be a useful skill for her to attempt to prevent fire from being lit. It may exercise her power of suppression, helping ready her to keep Reeve contained.”
Her grandfather grunted behind her and Torian reach to strike the flint. Again Emariya closed her eyes and this time she could feel the fire coming, eager to warm the night. Summoning all the control she possessed, she forbade the flames to catch. The eager fire whined, begging her to allow it free, but Emariya remained firm.
“She’s doing it!” Rink exclaimed, startling Emariya. The flame surged, leaping triumphantly toward the wood and settling in as an unexpected victor.
“You’ll need to learn to not let anything, no matter what, break your concentration. But I for one am grateful to spend a night warmed by the fire.” Her grandmother patted her shoulder before folding her legs underneath herself to take a seat.
“What’s even the point? We’re going to ask The Three to take our gifts away. Doesn’t seem to be much use in practicing.” Emariya crossed her arms. Her embarrassment heated her face more than the flames.
“Because if they say no, you’d best be prepared to face your brother upon our return to Damphries.” Kahl met Emariya’s hard look with one of his own, making her feel like a sulking child who’d just been scolded.
“Do you want me to help you practice with your other gifts? We could see if we could use a go-between.”
“No,” Torian said. “That is far too risky. Especially with how tired she is from working with the flames, we cannot risk her mother taking her mental prisoner again. If The Three refuse us, we can consider her practicing then.” He pulled Emariya close.
“If The Three say no, we won’t have much time. Do you want her to be vulnerable to Valencia?”
Blaine asked.
“Let us hope they don’t say no.” Torian stared off into the flames.
At his words, something inside her cowered. Could he be so eager to not be pulled toward her?
Emariya tried to shake off her gloom, reminding herself that he was only trying to protect her—all of them, really. But with Garith gone, the thought of potentially losing Torian too was nearly too much to bear.
Emariya wasn’t alone in displaying a soured mood. As they traveled the hills toward The Cradle of The Three, Jessa became more and more withdrawn.
Where at first Emariya chalked it up to a lovers’ quarrel between her friend and Blaine, Emariya began to wonder if perhaps it was something more. Jessa barely said a word after another long day in the saddle. And if Jessa drew quiet and withdrawn, Blaine slowly drifted out of reach until he was naught but a pillar of silence.
After nearly a week of their distance, Emariya became desperate to see whatever was troubling them resolved. Unfortunately, traveling so close together didn’t offer any tactful way to broach the subject with either of them. In their haste to make good time, they declined to set up tents each evening, instead simply sleeping on the ground. Setting up less of a camp afforded them a faster departure each morning, with less to break down.
The one time Emariya tried to bring it up with Jessa, the red-haired girl’s eyes watered before she looked away. Hating to see her friend so sad, Emariya hadn’t mentioned it again. Seeing no change between them, Emariya resolved to make time to speak to Blaine about it. Or she could try speaking to him now... It suddenly occurred to her that she didn’t need a private moment to try and ask him. If she could control her mind, they could speak without anyone else hearing a word.