Broken Things (Faded Photograph Series) (37 page)

“Sure.” She stared at the stark ceiling as doubt swarmed inside her soul.

* * *

When Cynthia saw her angel enter the room, she felt a little less depressed, although still fuzzy-headed from the medication. But at least it took the edge off her pain. Breathing had become increasingly difficult and now a clear plastic oxygen mask covered her nose and mouth. The nurse who administered it said it was not a life-sustaining device, but promised that it would make Cynthia more comfortable―and it had.

“How are you feeling this afternoon?” Angel wanted to know.

She shrugged, trying to save her words for a more important reply.

“I have some bad news.” Angel sat on the edge of the bed. “Logan’s fiancée was in an awful car accident last night. As a result of her injuries, she’s not going to be able to have children.”

Cynthia tried to absorb the news into her hazy brain.
No children?

“I stopped by the hospital earlier, and, naturally, Marilee’s pretty upset. She’s in a lot of pain and poor Logan’s exhausted. He won’t leave her, even to get some rest. I don’t say all this to make you feel worse, Cynthia, but I wanted you to know why Logan hasn’t come to see you.”

Reaching up with one feeble hand, she pulled the mask off her face. “Why?” she rasped.

Her angel frowned. “Why, what?”

“Why…does…he…come…here?”

Angel replaced the mask. “I can’t answer for Logan, but I would guess his purpose is twofold. First, you’re his birth mother and he feels a sense of duty to visit you. He’s wondered about you for most of his life. Second, and probably most importantly, he wants to share his faith with you.”

Yes, he’d shared his faith. He read to her from the Bible. He’d told her with tears rimming his brown eyes that he wanted to see her in heaven someday. But Cynthia knew she didn’t deserve heaven. Logan was proof of that―and he was only the tip of the iceberg. All the mistakes she’d made in her lifetime ran as deep as the Atlantic.

She pulled the oxygen mask down around her chin. “Why…was…I…even…born?”

Perched on the side of the bed and wearing a sweater as blue as her eyes, Angel gave a dismayed wag of her head. “What sort of a question is that?

Once again she replaced the flow of oxygen and Cynthia took another raspy breath.

“Funny, though, I know what you mean.” Compassion filled her eyes. “I was once at a point in my own life where I wondered why I was ever born. But at my lowest point, I turned to God and cried out for Him to help me. I knew I was a Christian, but I had pushed God away. I think He allowed me to do things my way just to let me find out what sort of mess I could make on my own. And it was a fine mess, believe me.”

Cynthia would have laughed if she were able. Hard to imagine this woman at a low point in her life. Indeed, she’d have to take her angel’s word for it.

“But you know what God has shown me over the years? He’s shown me that He has a plan for all of us. For instance, if it weren’t for you, Logan wouldn’t have been born.”

Another blade in her heart. She shook her head. Cynthia had been prepared to have an abortion. She pulled on her mask. “No…”

Angel replaced it. “I know the story. You didn’t want to have your baby…at first. But you changed your mind. Rejoice that you changed your mind, Cynthia. Logan was born and he’s such a nice guy. He’s not perfect, of course, but he tries to do right in every situation, and he’s touched a lot of people’s lives. Thank God his mother changed her mind and didn’t terminate her pregnancy.”

For the first time in a very, very long while, Cynthia sensed a spark of hope. Yes, she had changed her mind. Jack persuaded her, but she had made the decision. Maybe she’d done something right after all.

“And as long as we’re on the subject of children,” her angel began, “your daughter Kelly returned the message I left last week. I called her back this afternoon and we talked a little bit. She had no idea about Logan and I don’t think she believed me when I told her that he was her half-brother. But she’s curious and I invited her and Patrice to church tomorrow―and lunch afterwards.”

Cynthia hoped they’d go. If ever two girls needed church, it was Patty and Kelly.

Chapter Twenty-nine

“Logan, I don’t know…”

Jack clenched his jaw, thinking his son asked far too much of him. On the other hand, he had promised Logan he would do anything he could to help.

Slipping four quarters into the soda machine, Jack made his selection and a plastic bottle bumped its way down before exiting the machine. He bent and scooped it up. Standing, he faced Logan and twisted off the bottle’s plastic cap.

“Dad, I haven’t been able to see her since last Thursday and I’m really burdened for her soul.”

After taking a swig of his cola, he and Logan stepped out of the small vending area in the lower level of Charity Memorial. “That woman has heard God’s plan of salvation from a lot of people. I told her about Jesus, my mother talked to her about eternity, Allie has, you have…what more can I do?”

“I’m not sure. I just think you’re the one who might get through to her.”

“Yeah, right.” Jack sent a gaze upward. “I didn’t behave like much of a Christian when Roxi and I were married. That woman had a knack for bringing out the devil in me.”

“Dad…”

Jack lifted a hand to forestall the mini sermon he sensed was coming. “I know I can’t blame your mother for my actions. But let’s face it. There are people in this world who cause us to react in less than perfect ways. For me, your mother is one of those people.”

Reaching the elevators, Logan pressed the UP button. “That was a long time ago. Things have changed. You’ve changed―and for the better now that you’ve come back to Christ.”

“Maybe, but I’ve still got a long way to go.”

“Who doesn’t? But wouldn’t you say forgiveness is the key that set you free from years of pain and bitterness?”

Jack mulled it over and rolled a shoulder. “Yeah.”

“Well, the hell that imprisoned you has got my birth mother locked up tight. Just like God used Allie in your life is maybe how God wants to use you in my birth mother’s life.”

“I’ll have to think about that one.”

“I’d appreciate it, Dad.”

The elevator doors opened and after a group of people exited, he and Logan stepped inside. Logan selected the appropriate floor.

“Allie’s a lot braver than I am,” Jack confessed. “She puts herself out there and weathers whatever gets hurled at her.”

“We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.”

“Yeah, yeah…” In spite of his sarcasm, Jack recognized the biblical truth.

“For the past week, I’ve known that you’ve got to see my birth mother before she dies. I can’t get through to her. Allie can’t get through to her. But she said she really loved you once, and―”

“Logan, quit!” Jack growled. “Do you have any idea how hard I’ve tried to forget that part of my life?”

“But forgetting isn’t the same as forgiving, and you said you’d do anything to help me out while Marilee’s in the hospital.”

“I know, I know, but I didn’t think you’d ask me to see Roxi.”

“Cynthia.”

“Whatever.”

The elevator arrived at the floor and its doors opened revealing one of the many stark corridors of the hospital. The rubber soles of their shoes squeaked on the polished tile as he and Logan made their way toward the north wing. Logan paused outside the family waiting area. Quite a show of kids and adults with whom Marilee was acquainted had been coming and going all day.

“Will you just think about what I asked, Dad?”

“Yeah, I’ll think about it.” Although Jack felt certain of his answer, Roxi was the last person on the planet that he wanted to visit.

They walked on to Marilee’s room. Eileen and Stan Domotor met them at the door.

“She’s finally sleeping,” Eileen said.

“We’re going to run out and get some supper,” Stan informed them. “Would you two like to join us?”

Jack glanced at Logan, deciding he’d go along with whatever his son decided.

Logan shook his head. “I’ll stay here with Marilee.”

“Look, son,” Stan said gently, “you’ve been here since last night and you need a break. You’re exhausted.”

“I’ll go home later and sleep. In the meantime, you two go get something to eat. You, too, Dad.”

“No, I’m okay.”

“We’ll bring something back for you, Logan.” Eileen tipped her head. “A greasy cheeseburger and deep-fried onion rings…how’s that sound?”

“Now you’re talking!” Logan smiled, but Jack sensed his son’s feigned enthusiasm.

“Something for you too, Officer Callahan?”

“No, thanks. I’m not hungry.” Jack noticed that while Eileen looked as regal as the day he’d first met her, the expression in her eyes appeared weary.

“All right…well, we’ll see you later.”

The couple headed off in the direction of the elevators.

Jack leaned against the doorframe and drank more of his cola while Logan checked on Marilee. When he came back, they ambled into the lounge area where cellular phones were allowed to be used. Logan gave everyone an update and then the assembly for Marilee thinned.

Jack made himself comfortable on one of the vinyl sofas and began flipping through the television stations. Logan sat beside him and started checking his voice mail messages.

“Hey, Dad?” Logan gave him a nudge. “Allie left me a voice mail about a half hour ago to say she’s at Arbor Springs, visiting Cynthia and that one of my half-sisters phoned. She invited both young ladies to church tomorrow.”

Jack really could not have cared less, but he nodded out a polite reply.

Logan turned off his phone and stuffed it into the breast pocket of his shirt. “Allie said she’s going to finish up some work and then she’ll come back over here to the hospital. We’re supposed to call her if we want her to pick up anything on the way.”

“Sounds good.” Jack pretended to be engrossed in some college football game. However, on the inside, Logan’s earlier request festered.

Visit Roxi?
Man, he’d rather have a root canal! It irked him even more to think about how much attention Allie gave his repulsive ex-wife. Yes, at one time, he had been burdened for Roxi’s soul―but that’s what had gotten him into trouble in the first place.
Lord, You can’t really want me to see that woman again…

He closed his eyes and felt that old familiar nudge from above. A prompting, just like the one that told him he needed to attend church last Sunday and go to his brother’s house for lunch afterwards. He remembered that prodding from days gone by―it was the same one that had caused him to be burdened for Allie’s soul, and Blythe and Wendy’s. The same urge that had caused him to volunteer at a shelter for alcoholics and drug addicts in downtown Chicago. He told those broken-hearted men and women about Jesus, read to them from the Bible, and they believed. What on earth ever happened to separate him from the love of God?

Sin. Unforgiveness. Anger. Bitterness.

Jack shook himself. The list seemed endless.

Drawing in a deep breath, Jack knew what he had to do.

“Hey, Logan?”

His son peeled his gaze away from the game on TV. “Yeah?”

“I left my cell phone in the car. Do you have Caller ID on your phone?”

He nodded.

“Great. Will you call Allie back and see if she’s still at Arbor Springs.”

“Sure. And then what?”

Jack stood. “If Allie’s not there, ask her if she’ll go back and meet me there.”

“Yeah?” A hopeful spark entered Logan’s eyes.

“Yeah.” Jack wasn’t thrilled about seeing Roxi, but some inexplicable, internal prodding told him he’d either do it now or feel miserable for a very long time.

* * *

Allie was four blocks away from Arbor Springs when she got Logan’s message. She turned around and drove back to the facility, feeling a measure of shock at the news―Jack was on his way to see Cynthia?!

Pulling into the lot, Allie parked her car. As she walked the distance to the front doors, she noticed the sun was already sinking in the October sky and it was only six o’clock. Fall had officially arrived now, bringing with it the shorter days and a brisk northwest wind. The change in weather combined with the long conversation she’d had by phone with Nick earlier today caused her to feel a tad homesick for sunny California.

She reentered Arbor Springs and let the security guard know she was expecting Jack and that she would wait for him in her office. The young man on duty this evening appeared quite competent and Allie decided the department wasn’t completely hopeless after all.

Unlocking her office door, she still couldn’t believe Jack had agreed to see his ex-wife. She sided with Logan. Jack’s visit might bring closure to so many things, both in his life and in Cynthia’s.

Allie shuffled some paperwork until Jack arrived about a half hour later.

“Thanks for sticking around.” He placed a kiss on her cheek.

She’d seen him at the hospital earlier and they’d talked some more about what happened between them last night. “How’s Marilee?”

“About the same. She was sleeping when I left.”

They walked to the elevators together and Allie noticed the dots of perspiration on his hairline. “Are you nervous?”

“Extremely.”

The elevator opened and they stepped inside.

“I really didn’t want to come, but I felt God wanted me to see Roxi, although I haven’t a clue as to what I should say. Even so, I feel I need to obey the Lord.”Jack ran his fingers through his salt-and-pepper gray hair. “For decades I disregarded the Lord’s promptings. I didn’t realize that until I drove over here. It occurred to me that Jesus had always been nearby. He was just waiting for me to
want
to come back to Him. I just never thought I deserved to.”

“I think Cynthia’s in a similar place. She’s been depressed, thinking she doesn’t deserve heaven. The fact is none of us
deserves
it.”

“You got that right. Salvation is a precious gift. So is our walk of faith. I learned that lesson the hard way.”

Allie took his hand, entwining her fingers with his. “You’re a fine man, Jack Callahan.”