Hindy gasped. “Dancing? The rabbis say that’s like having vertical you-know-what.”
Leah grinned wickedly. “I’m not the one lusting after a
treif
hamburger, Hindy.”
Hindy covered her mouth with her hands.
“And don’t forget that free prize!” Leah added.
They all laughed and then dared Rachel to divulge her dirtiest, darkest secrets.
“I want to see the world,” she told them. “I want to backpack all over the place, meet interesting people, learn about other cultures, and write about and paint everything that I experience.”
Her friends stared at her as if she’d gone crazy.
Hindy scratched her nose. “Where would you sleep?”
“I don’t know. On the ground. Or in tents, I guess.”
“Eww, that’s so dirty.” Hindy grimaced.
Leah nodded. “And uncomfortable.” She wiggled her toes to dry them. “And how would you afford it?”
“Guys!” Rachel yelped. “It’s what I dream about, okay? I’m not doing it!”
Leah wasn’t finished. “And where would you find kosher food?”
“You could catch all sorts of germs in those foreign countries,” Hindy added.
“Yeah,” said Leah. “And what if you couldn’t get adequate health care?”
Rachel groaned. “Forget it, okay? Look, I have to fix the shower curtain. It fell down.” She left her friends and escaped to the bathroom.
Leah came in. “Need help?”
“Yeah. Why don’t you hold the other end?”
“You’re annoyed?”
“How should I feel when I can’t even express myself to my best friends?”
“Come on, Rachel, we were just kidding around with you.”
“Right.”
“Nice earrings.” Leah fingered the dangling beads Rachel wore.
“You’re just trying to change the subject.”
Leah smiled. “True, but they
are
nice.”
“I just made them.”
“Cool.”
Rachel took off her earrings and handed them to Leah. “Take them.”
“I can’t take your earrings. They’re yours.”
“I’ll make another pair. I want you to have them.”
“My mother will never let me wear them. They’re too artsy.”
“But you like them.”
Leah nodded affirmatively.
Rachel folded them into Leah’s hands. “Keep them. I don’t care if you hide them in your drawer. I want you to have them.”
Leah took the earrings and put them on, admiring her reflection in the mirror. “So my aunt wants you to go out with Daniel Gold?”
“Yeah. Mr. Perfect Columbia Law.”
“He’s kind of cute, though I could tell he wasn’t into me.”
Rachel snorted. “Suri said you weren’t attracted to him.”
Leah shrugged. “Nope. He didn’t want me — just said that to save face.”
Rachel shook her head. “What kind of a doofus doesn’t want to spend time with Leah Bloom?”
Leah laughed. “I guess I complained too much about my family, even Macy and Yossie. Didn’t get any further than that.”
“That’s awkward,” Rachel agreed.
“I’m over it,” Leah said. “But you should give him a shot.”
“I’ll think about it,” Rachel said and then turned the conversation. “So what happened with Chaim Nudle?”
Leah played with the ends of her hair. “He’s nice, I guess. My mother loves him, so I’m seeing him again.”
Rachel threaded the plastic curtain rings onto the shower pole. “But how do
you
feel about him? Is he interesting?”
“He’s like his name — as interesting as a noodle.”
“Do you want to kiss him?”
“Stop it. I can’t think about that.”
“Why can’t you think about that?” Rachel balanced the plastic curtain holder. “I know with Wolfy — ” Rachel continued.
“It’s not modest,” Leah interrupted.
“It’s not modest to do it, but you can think about it.” Rachel took the hint and decided tonight wasn’t the night to mention Wolfy.
Leah sighed. “I don’t know.”
“What don’t you know? How would you feel kissing Chaim Nudle?”
“I don’t know. Like kissing a wet fish, maybe.”
“That’s disgusting. So why are you going out with him again?”
“I told you — my mother likes him.”
“Does she know how you feel about him?”
Leah nodded.
“And she thinks that’s okay?”
“She says ‘love grows.’ I have to give him a chance. And I don’t want to be an old maid.”
“Leah, you’re only twenty. I think you have a few years to go on that one.”
“No. One thing leads to another … you know how it is.”
They finished putting up the shower curtain to the sound of Hindy laughing from the other room.
“How about we bring up some chips and salsa?” Rachel suggested.
“You bet. Just don’t you dare mention it to my mother. After it didn’t work out with the Gold guy, she’s been on the warpath, trying to mold me into the perfect catch. She’s already accusing me of gaining half a pound.”
“You have my word.”
Rachel and Leah went down the two flights of stairs to the kitchen. Leah emptied the chips into a bowl while Rachel got the jar of salsa.
Leah looked at Rachel. Rachel knew the look.
“What.”
“I met somebody else,” Leah said finally. “Somebody my mother would never approve of.”
Rachel put down the salsa jar. “Leah, that’s wonderful! That’s amazing!”
Leah leaned over in conspiratorial fashion. “I get goose bumps when I see him, Rachel. He’s charming and sweet and bright. And kind. And funny. He makes me laugh.”
Rachel smiled. “I’m so happy for you, Leah.”
“I met him in my computer programming class at Brooklyn College, and by the time I got to chemistry class, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Whew. Chemistry, all right. We share notes. He wears blue jeans.”
Rachel shook her head. “Your mother will be horrified.”
Leah laughed gleefully. “I know! That’s the best part. Isn’t that exciting!”
“So did he ask you out?”
“Um. Not quite.”
“What’s ‘not quite’?”
“Well, I’m not sure how he feels about me. We just kind of share notes, and we talk a bit between classes. But I am head over heels in love with him.”
“How could you be in love with him? You barely know him!”
Leah lowered her eyes. “I know I don’t know him. But I know enough. He’s a great guy.” Leah looked up, her gaze meeting Rachel’s. “Plenty of our friends get married after only three dates. I’ve been in the same class with him for days —
he’s
the one.”
“You’re kidding. That’s so great!”
“I’m just not sure how to get him to notice me … in that way. Maybe he doesn’t like redheads? I don’t know! It’s so chaotic! I can’t handle this passion!”
Rachel thought of Jacob. “It’s a wonderful feeling, no?”
Leah nodded, her green eyes sparkling. “I’ve never felt this happy in my entire life!” She hugged her best friend. “Will you help me get him to notice me?”
“Of course!”
The phone rang. Rachel turned to Leah. “What’s his name, anyway?”
Leah smiled. “Jacob.”
She paled. No. It couldn’t be.
Rachel’s mother called from her room. “Rachel, you have a phone call.”
“Just a minute, Ma.” She turned to Leah. “Jacob
what
? What’s his last name?”
Ma called again from her room. “Rachel, will you get the phone already? It’s a boy.”
Leah’s eyes widened. “A boy, Rachel?”
Rachel took a deep breath as a huge knot settled in her stomach. Her voice rose an octave. “His last name, Leah. What is it?”
Ma called. “Rachel, come on.”
Leah smiled. “Zohar.”
Rachel walked to the phone in a daze. Leah was in love with the cute waiter.
Her
waiter. And Leah was so happy. Rachel had never seen her that happy before. Ever.
Rachel locked her bedroom door behind her for privacy. A boy calling at her parents’ house? It was probably Fitzgerald. It wouldn’t surprise her if he looked up her parents’ number just to find out what the homework was.
She heard a gentle, unaffected voice on the other end. “Hi, Rachel? This is Jacob Zohar.”
Her heart felt as though it would leap out of her skin.
“Are you there? I’m the waiter. We talked on the train. Remember?”
His voice was sweet and pure, like milk and honey in the Promised Land. Could she ask him if he felt the same way? Did she need to?
“Hi,” she managed to say. The image of Leah smiling flashed in her mind.
“Uh, how was your day?” Jacob asked.
“My day. It was nice.” She longed to talk with him — to laugh with him. But her best friend was in love with him.
“So, uh, I was wondering. Uh … do you like ice skating?”
She realized where this was heading. He wanted to ask her out. She wanted to accept. Could she tell him that she would skate with him forever? She was pretty sure she loved him. But so did Leah. Could she follow her heart? How could she hurt her best friend like that? Especially after what happened in high school. Rachel had encouraged Leah to try to be friends with a boy in order to practice interacting with members of the opposite sex. Only the boy Leah chose was their principal’s son, who spread awful rumors about her when she wouldn’t … put out. Leah had forgiven Rachel for her bad advice — but Rachel knew that fiasco still harmed Leah’s reputation and limited her dating options.
“Yes,” she said coldly, freezing away any thoughts of warmth or love. Freezing her passionate feelings in a Titanic iceberg.
“Right. Well, uh, okay.”
She waited in silence.
She wanted to ask him how his day went. Why he was in a class with Leah when he was studying to be a rabbi? She wanted to ask him if he’d like to fly away with her to the wilds of Irian Jaya or the Galapagos Islands. She could take photos, and he could … what? What would a rabbi do there? He could pray.
But she didn’t ask him any of those things. She remained silent.
“I cleaned the suit. With the strawberries,” he said.
Strawberries. Forbidden fruit.
“Sure. How much was it?”
“No big deal.”
“I want to pay you,” Rachel said, stifling all emotion. “I’ll send you the money.”
“Hey. Is something wrong?”
Everything was wrong. “No.”
“You seem upset. Have I offended you?”
“Look, I have to go,” she said simply.
“Uh. Right. Okay, then,” he said, and hung up.
She felt like an idiot. She wanted the depths of the earth to swallow her up alive. She was ashamed of herself for being so cold to him. But she couldn’t have handled it any other way. Not when her best friend — practically her sister, really — loved him. Not when Jacob Zohar was the one man in the world who could make her smile. Make Leah feel happy and alive — especially after all the pain Rachel had mistakenly put her through, and all the pain her mother put her through every day.
She wiped away her tears. Passion. Who needed it, if it could hurt so much?
“Rachel?” Leah knocked. “Come on, the salsa is almost gone. It’s time for
Project Runway
.”
“I’ll be right there.” She felt heartbroken. She
had
to get out of the way so that Leah could marry Jacob, but who needed this pain? She would never let herself feel this bad again. Never let her heart get in the way. Maybe she wouldn’t feel the heights of passion, but neither would she feel the depths of hell.
Ma called to her. “Who was that boy, Rachel?”
“Nobody. It was nobody.”
“Do you have an answer yet for Suri?”
Rachel wiped away her tears. “Yes, Ma. Tell Suri I’d be happy to meet Daniel Gold.”
“Way to go, Rachel!” hollered her friends from their listening post in the attic. They hooted as if she had won an Olympic medal.
• • •
The next morning, Leah and Hindy finished their bagels and coffee and headed toward the fabric store on Avenue J. As they walked, they passed a stationery store with a window display of invitations. Leah rolled her eyes.
“What?” Hindy asked.
“Every wedding invitation I get is addressed to my mother ‘and family.’ I never get my own invitation.”
Hindy shrugged. “What’s wrong with that?”
“I’m my own person. Why can’t I be addressed as my own person?”
“I don’t know. Maybe to save money on the invitations?”
“Right. And then when a woman gets married, the invitation goes to her husband — and the wife is tagged on to his name. There’s no room for a woman to be an individual. Doesn’t that bother you?”
“No. I’m happy to get invited.”
They reached the fabric store and surveyed the bolts of fabric stacked to the ceiling in rows. Rolls of colorful textiles lay unfurled on counters, heaped in disordered piles as if they were dresses at Loehmann’s after a fifty-percent-off sale. Hindy gingerly fingered a gold-embroidered damask.
“Imagine how this would look in a two-piece suit. It would be beautiful,” she said. “I would sew on black buttons, and in place of the slit from the
Vogue
pattern I showed you, I’d put in a kick pleat. It would be modest and stunning. Only how would I look in it?”
She glanced at her image in the mirror over the fabric shop door. Pudgy, short, her hair thinning, she looked back at herself with reproach.
Leah knew what her friend was thinking: Hindy would imagine the suit and see the buttons popping off and the skirt riding up, no matter what size she sewed it in.
Leah playfully slid her hands over the fabric. “This is boring, Hindy. Let’s see if they have something that matches your personality better.”
“It’s a beautiful fabric, Leah.”
“It’s for an
alte cocker
, Hind. Let’s find you something glamorous.” She picked up a copy of the latest
Vogue
catalog from the counter and flipped through its pages. “How about this?” She pointed to a pouting model in a dramatic evening gown.
“She’s built like you. That would look ridiculous on me.”
“I don’t know, Hindy. If you’re going to all the trouble of sewing yourself a suit, why not make a statement?”
“I don’t want to make a statement. I just want to be presentable.”
“Well, guys don’t like presentable. They like flashy.”
Hindy shook her head. “I can’t believe one of my closest friends does not understand me!”