Authors: EMME CROSS
“Not like a brother. Clyde loved Sven like a lover. He wanted Sven and obsessed over him. He was jealous of me . . .” her voice faltered. “He couldn’t stand the thought of us being together. When Sven told him he’d asked me to join him in Los Angeles after
Paradise Lost
wrapped, he went crazy and attacked me. He tried to rape me.” Astrid reached out tentatively.
“Clyde beat me. He shat on me. He tried to sodomize me. He broke my jaw and my ribs and my wrist. I was in the hospital for months. My wounds were infected and they didn’t know if I would live.”
Sunny saw the shock and guilt on Astrid’s face.
“You had no way of knowing. No one knew about it apart from Sven, Judith and the police on St. Barts. Clyde’s remaining family here know as well but they aren’t anxious for it to become public knowledge.”
“Did he get away?”
“At first. For months I couldn’t remember who’d attacked me. Then seeing Sven again helped. Clyde came back to St. Barts to finish the job after the movie premiere. That’s when he tried to kill me again but he injured Sven instead.”
“I heard nothing of this. Not a word. Where is Clyde now?”
“In a mental health facility in France. They convicted him of three attacks on St. Barts including mine.”
Astrid shook her head slowly. “I always thought he was hiding something, that he was wearing a mask. I never imagined anything like this. I thought you sent him away because he was a threat to your relationship with Sven because they’d known each other for so long and you didn’t want to share Sven.”
“I would never do that. I’m really pleased that Sven has so many old friends. I loved meeting them at Judith’s reception. I was looking forward to meeting you, too, but you didn’t come.”
“I couldn’t.”
“Do you still love Sven?”
“I don’t know. I did love him for years. He was my first love.”
“Didn’t you love the fathers of your children?”
“I didn’t love Johan’s father but I loved Liam’s.”
Astrid took a deep breath, her tone resolute and her eyes steady on Sunny’s face.
“I came here tonight to tell Sven he is Liam’s father.”
Sunny no longer heard the storm outside. There was a long silence.
Astrid waited for a response. Sunny sat with a pensive look on her face, while her daughter and the dog slept on.
“You don’t look surprised.”
“I don’t think I am.” She turned over the idea in her mind. “There have been a number of times when I was struck by how much Liam reminded me of Sven; a gesture or a facial expression. I thought it was because you and Sven look so much alike. Even my friend Renee thought they were related. Judith said Liam’s dad was fair as well.”
“I met Nils in Stockholm, after university. My first job was working for a pharmaceutical company. He was one of the sales executives. He was well thought of, polished, older. I thought he was glamorous. He was my mentor.”
Astrid noticed that the phrase made Sunny start. “It’s not so unusual. A novice often takes on a mentor to help them get ahead and gain experience.” Sunny agreed in a strangled voice that yes, inexperienced women often acquired mentors.
Astrid continued. “It was strictly business for a long time, almost a year, and then one night I was working late. He showed up at the office and needed to access some of the confidential files. I was working in accounts and I knew the password so I got him the information. That night we went to bed. It had been a long time between lovers and he was wonderful. I didn’t hear from him for a few days and then the notice went up that he was going to a rival company. That’s why he wanted the information. He was stealing clients and secrets. I didn’t realize right away how I’d been used.”
“He got in touch with me a few months later and convinced me to follow him to the new company. I thought it was for the best. I was worried someone would find out what I’d done and that I’d be fired or charged. Nobody did. They even gave me a going away party. The new job was better — more money, a title and an office. I started investing in bonds and stocks, squirreling away money for the future. Nils kept an eye on me but always at arm’s length. I found out later that he’d put in a good word for me with my boss. But he didn’t make a move. After a time, it was as though that night had never happened.” The electricity came back on so suddenly both women jumped and even Sponge woke up with a bark. Sunny got up and filled the kettle to make tea. Astrid was worrying at the marks she’d made on her inner arms. They were trickling blood again and it began to drip slowly into her palms.
The night seemed endless. Sunny wished that someone knew she wasn’t alone, and that Astrid was here.
Not that she was worried for herself, but she was pregnant and there was Bliss. She realized that both of them were vulnerable. She looked at the knife block on the kitchen counter. They were all there, in their rightful places. Even the fish filleting knife, like the one Clyde used on Sven.
Clyde!
He was the last person who had lusted after Sven and she hadn’t realized the danger until it was almost too late. She couldn’t take chances now, though Astrid didn’t look dangerous except to herself. She was still picking at those marks on the inside of her arms with her long pointed nails.
Sunny slipped the cellphone into her pocket, making sure it was charged and ready for use. Just in case, she thought, wishing Judith was nearby. Judith or Sven.
Who could she call?
Liam? His job was to keep her safe but she couldn’t ask him to protect her from his own mother. If she were to call him, she’d have to explain why Astrid was here and she didn’t think the boy knew about his real father.
Sunny spied a pile of mail on the counter. There was a letter from Raisa to answer and a Russian stamp Stellan would like.
Stellan! Her pen pal. He was calm and steady and never seemed to panic.
She glanced over at Astrid who was still sitting on the couch, gazing into space.
“The water’s boiling. I’ll just put the tea on to steep.”
With one hand she filled the pot with water and camomile. The other she kept beneath the lip of the counter, hidden from view. She scrolled down the list of contacts to Stellan and quickly texted:
Astrid is here and very upset. Could you come? If you can, text me back about a stamp. If not, text me something about the storm.
She hit send and slipped the cell phone into her pocket. There was no indication Astrid had noticed.
Catching sight of her daughter, she walked as briskly as her belly would allow to the couch and scooped up the sleeping child.
“Help me put her to bed and you can change into a robe. We might as well be comfortable.”
Astrid went ahead of her up the back stairs, like a sleepwalker awaiting instructions. The dog followed, ready to take up her nightly perch by Bliss’s bed. Sunny paused for a moment as she pulled the blanket up over her daughter. Should she leave the dog here to protect Bliss, or have her downstairs in case . . . ?
“Sponge, come. You’ll have to go out again,” she said, keeping her voice cheerful.
She caught Astrid staring through the ‘Jack and Jill’ bathroom into the nursery. It had been decorated in blue and, with its emblems of the Premiere League soccer teams it was obviously a boy’s room.
Astrid sighed. “You’re having a son.”
“Yes,” said Sunny, keeping the dog close at hand. “Just as you have a son — two sons. Boys,” she said, putting a hand on Astrid’s shoulder, “you love very much.”
Astrid’s eyes met hers, the ice blue now red from crying.
Sunny felt so sorry for her then. If this were me, she thought, I’d be imagining the life I could have had. She shook away her previous unease and led Astrid into the master bedroom, handing her a robe that was hanging on the back of the door.
“Put this on. I’ll get socks for your feet.”
Astrid changed in silence, letting her T-shirt and sweat pants lie where they fell. She wrapped the robe tightly around her as if she’d never be warm again.
Sunny noticed Astrid looking around the room at the huge bed, the family photos and a pair of Sven’s dirty underwear that Sponge had ferreted out of the laundry basket and used as a chew toy.
On the bedside table was her No Fear Buddha. Sunny thought back to how she had used it as a weapon against Clyde. She didn’t think she would need a weapon tonight but the statue gave her a feeling of strength.
She kept her voice low and calm.
“The tea should be ready. Let’s go back downstairs. Sponge, come!”
Sunny cursed her bladder. The baby was pressing on it again and she had to pee. She left the door to the powder room ajar, alert for movement. The medicine chest gave her an idea.
When she came out to get the tea, the phone in her pocket sounded.
Astrid snatched it from her. “Is it Sven? Is he coming home tonight after all?” Her face fell when she read the text. “It’s stupid Stellan. Something about a pony express stamp he’s ordered that’s on its way.” She slumped back onto the couch.
Sunny poured tea into two mugs, careful to add an extra strong dose of honey to Astrid’s.
She joined her on the couch. “You were telling me about Nils. You were at the new company,” she prompted.
Astrid looked surprised, as if she’d been roused from sleep. She continued her story.
“When I was growing up, my family didn’t have much money. I had to save every penny I made to afford to go to university and to buy clothes. My family were very strict, and my mother said nice clothes were a temptation. I always wanted nice things. Nils had nice things. He drove a Jaguar and had the most beautiful ties and he even wore cufflinks. I’d never met a man who wore cufflinks before. He was so charming. All the women in the office were crazy about him. I know he went out with a couple of them but it never seemed to last.
I’d been at the company for about six months when he finally approached me, as if it was the first time. Maybe he didn’t even remember, but this time he courted me. There were flowers and dinners at fancy restaurants. He even took me to Paris for the weekend. I thought I was in love. I was so young and he dazzled me.”
“I can see how that would happen,” said Sunny topping up Astrid’s tea from the pot, noticing her guest seemed calmer now. Telling the story seemed to soothe her. Along with the antihistamine Sunny had surreptitiously crushed into the other woman’s mug.
“We had been dating for about nine months when I came home to Oslo for a visit. I wanted to show my family how well I was doing. I wanted to show off,” she added with a bitter laugh.
“Sven was home that weekend. We hadn’t talked in some time. He’d been in America trying to get a job in the movies. We all met up at the Barn and told each other lies about how successful we were. We drank a lot of beer and then at the end of the night, Sven and I went to a friend’s place and made love.” She paused to look at Sunny.
“Astrid, I know you and Sven have been lovers off and on for years. He told me you were the only other woman he’d had feelings for.”
“Had feelings for? He couldn’t get enough of me! From the minute we touched he couldn’t keep his hands off of me.”
“Yes, my husband is a very passionate man.” Sunny made herself remain calm and matter of fact.
“That visit is when Liam was conceived. I found out I was pregnant after Sven had gone off to America and I was back in Stockholm. I honestly believed that Nils was the father. We’d been together for so long and I only spent two nights with Sven. What were the odds that he would get me pregnant after all that time?”
“Were you using birth control?”
“I was on the pill, but nothing is one hundred percent.”
Sunny thought of Bliss.
“Were you pleased to be pregnant?”
“I was terrified,” Astrid answered bluntly. “I was worried the pregnancy would interfere with my career but Nils seemed thrilled. He said we’d get married after the baby was born, when I could fit into a dress. But he also kept going on about how much it cost to raise a child, how expensive it was. Just before I was to begin maternity leave he convinced me to access company files again. I didn’t want to, but he insisted. It’s for the baby, he said. I finally gave in and handed over the information.”
Astrid clutched her empty mug with fingers turned white. “They found out. I was called in to meet with the partners and they threatened to sue. They said they would lay charges. In the end, nobody wanted to hurt a pregnant woman; how would that look? So they let me take my maternity leave as planned, swore me to secrecy and told me not to come back.”
“What about Nils?”
“I never told them who I stole the information for. No one knew we were together. He said it was better that way and it was more fun to meet in secret. I couldn’t turn him in; I couldn’t do that to the father of my child.”
“But he let the mother of his unborn child go through the trauma and he didn’t come forward!” Sunny’s voice was tight with anger.
“You’re right. But I wasn’t thinking. I was pregnant and scared. I was sure it was his child and I didn’t want to get him into trouble. The week before the baby was born, Nils went away. He just vanished. I couldn’t find him. He wasn’t answering his phone or email. So I went home to Oslo, to my parents. You can imagine how thrilled they were to take in a pregnant unmarried daughter. They were ashamed of me. Though my mother wasn’t shocked; she always said I was a sinner.”
Sunny let out a surprised gasp. Astrid shrugged. “Everybody thinks that Scandinavians are casual about sex. Not my family. They belong to a sect that says sex is meant only for procreation. I remember being prayed over as a child by our preacher who said my looks were a temptation to sin; the work of the devil. Anyway, I thought about giving my son up for adoption. I didn’t think I’d be able to raise him on my own. In the end, I couldn’t do it. Nils tracked me down in Oslo when Liam was five months old. I had just moved out of my parents’ house and gotten a job in a real estate office, which was a complete change and much better for arranging child care. It even helped if you brought a baby along to some of the showings; clients loved helping the little woman with the infant. Nils would appear, lavish love and time on Liam and me for a little while, then he would leave and I wouldn’t hear from him for months.”
“What about child support? Surely he sent you money when he was out of town?”
“Once in a while, but not regularly and I couldn’t count on the cash. It was just the two of us. My family was appalled that I’d had a child out of wedlock and wouldn’t help financially, though my sister would babysit occasionally. We scraped by. I worked very hard and invested every spare nickel.”
“Where was Nils?”
“When he came back he’d tell me about his investments in Eastern Europe or trips to New York. He made his life sound glamorous compared to my daily grind. He was always nice to Liam, bringing him a present or taking him to the park. I think he was trying out family life to see whether he liked it.” She paused with a half-smile, remembering. “Every so often, Sven would come home to visit and we’d fall back into bed. He made me feel young and carefree for a few days or hours, as though I didn’t have to worry about a future or a child, as if I was still a student. It was different with Johan. His father’s local, a computer engineer. He was there through the pregnancy and after the birth. He never misses an occasion or a monthly support cheque. He even asked me to marry him but I said no. I didn’t love him. By this time I hated Nils but thought I still loved Sven. For some reason I only seem to fall for men who’ll leave me.”