Bucking Bear (Pounding Hearts #3) (14 page)

G
race loves me
.

Hmph, well, no shit. She has been in love with me since I first kissed her. She just needed time to figure it out. That I love her wasn’t really in doubt either. She’s mine, how could I not love her?

Now that we have the love part out of the way, we need to be talking about this whole moving in thing. She and Hope need to spread their wings and fly their little asses right on over to their new home.

I have been thinking about changing up the place so it’s a little more Hope friendly, kid needs toys and pink stuff for her room. I also have a good spot for a small playset in the backyard. She should love it. Hell, I might even splurge for a new pool. Hope needs to be happy, that’s a huge priority. If Hope is happy, Grace and I should be a lot happier.

Fuck it all though. I have to get through today first.

Today, and the next, and the one after that.

That’s what Krissy said, it’s not today she worries about, it’s the next and the one after.

How much longer was the pain going to be there? How much longer did she have to suffer? I hated those questions because I simply didn’t have the heart to lie. She was honest with me, shouldn’t I be the same with her?

Fuck it all.

Standing in the hotel room, I look at myself in the mirror. I have on a black suit, white shirt and black tie. I don’t look like myself right now. My beard is smoothed down a bit and I actually styled my hair.

I feel like a sham. Like a fake. Krissy hated fakes.

Untying the tie, I pull it off and unbutton the top button of the suit jacket. That is so much better. You can see the tattoos on my neck and hands but that’s about it. I look like a fucking heavy metal singer right about now, except I have muscles.

Grace laughed when she went with me to get the suit. She said something about me looking like grumpy bear. She’s right. I grab my phone and snap a picture of myself in the mirror. Sending it off to Grace, I growl. Time to go.

Turning away from the bed I grab my bag from the bed. Inside it are the clothes I flew out here in last night. I have a flight after the funeral and I don’t think I will bother changing. I just want to get back to my girls. I need to feel the warmth of the desert in my bones again.

I head out of the hotel room to the front desk. The young lady behind the counter stares at me for a long moment after I say I need to check out. I have no clue what’s wrong, I mean she saw me yesterday. I was in jeans and a t-shirt but still, not too different.

“Something wrong…” I look at her name tag. “Casey?”

Blinking her eyes, she shakes her head. “No… Don’t think so.”

Looking down at myself. “Nothing out of place? I look fine?”

She is still staring at me as she says, “Hot. Really hot.”

I smirk then. Ah. Yeah, I am a sexy fucking bear aren’t I?

A deep crimson blush creeps up her cheeks as she says, “Oh my god. I said that out loud.”

“Yeah. That’s okay.”

She checks me out of the hotel on the computer, but she looks up at me every so often, blushing.

“Come back to see me…” she says. “I mean us!”

Nodding my head, I head out of the building and straight to the SUV I rented at the airport. No way am I getting stuck in a small car again.

The funeral is held in a large catholic church. The spires reach high up into the sky. I can see the line of people entering the doors and it is not a small group either. Julie told me about how full the church would be today. I didn’t doubt it, but to see it is something else. There must be at least a few hundred people here.

The girl left a true impression on the world.

Matt, Krissy’s father, nods to me from where he is standing up front, speaking with people as they stop to say goodbye to Krissy. Her casket rests there, before the altar, closed with a white cloth draped atop it.

So that’s it. All the life in her is now gone and we get left with a metal box. Doesn’t seem hardly fair to me.

As I walk back from the casket, Matt stops me and shakes my hand. “Max, we don’t really know how to thank you. You did so much for Krissy these last few weeks. She got to be truly happy one more time.”

I try to smile but I am not sure what it looks like ‘cause I really don’t think I can smile.

“No, it was truly a gift to have known her. I wish I could have met her so much sooner. Thank you for allowing me to come back to say goodbye.”

He pats my shoulder and nods his head. Julie heads over and gives me a giant hug. She isn’t as small as Krissy was but she seems just as frail. “Thanks, Bear.”

Nodding my head, I hug Krissy’s mom, Anna.

I head back towards the back of the church and find an empty spot in the last pew. My hands fidget for a good five minutes before I pull my phone out. Everyone is slowly getting into their spots so I look down at the text chat log I last received from Krissy.

I
look down at that
, it sucks. I didn’t say anything back.

My fingers move on their own as I give one last message to her.

M
e
: Goodbye Krissy.

I
push
the phone back in my suit jacket pocket as the priest begins the procession down the aisle.

I
get home late
. My eyes and my body are just flat out tired from the funeral and the flight home. I can feel the need for a long, long hot shower and maybe a pepperoni pizza.

Looking down at my phone, I pull up Grace’s text chat.

M
e
: Home baby.

W
ithin seconds
of my text she sends one right back.

G
race
: Can you come over? We need to talk.

M
e
: On my way.

W
ell fuck a duck
. I don’t even bother changing from the suit as I head right back out the door and into the Escalade. Calling Grace as I push the vehicle into drive, I speed right back out the driveway and down the long road to the main streets.

“Max?”

“What’s going on baby?” I ask.

“Carson has gone crazy.”

“Is he there now? Are you and Hope safe?”

“No. We’re safe, but I don’t know if some guy is watching my house.”

“What?” I ask and I know my voice rises significantly.

“Please, just get here. I need you right now.”

“I’ll be there soon. Is Hope okay?”

“She doesn’t know anything, thank god.”

I am flying through the streets now. I know I am pushing my luck with how fast I am driving but as I start to think more about what she is saying I slow my shit down. I hit right at the limits of the speed and that’s it.

We disconnect so she can get dressed and I finish the last of the drive.

When I get to her street I don’t go straight to her house. I take a long couple of passes, watching each of the cars to make sure none have someone just sitting in them. When my very limited skills of observation are satisfied, I pull up in her driveway and get out. It’s not extremely late but I knock on the door quietly.

Grace opens the door halfway before she grabs my hand and yanks me forward, into the house. She continues to pull me deeper, not talking as she leads me right into the kitchen.

Her parents are there, sitting at the kitchen table. Each of them greet me. There is some tension there with the greeting and I am not entirely certain why. Is it me or Carson or what?

Her father motions to a chair at the table.

Grace scoots her chair right next to mine and places a folder right in front of us all. I look at the folder and then her. “Do I want to see what’s in there?”

Grace shakes her head but doesn’t say anything. She is so upset and pissed, I have a feeling I am going to become very mad soon.

Looking to her parents, I ask, “Have you guys seen what’s in the folder?”

They nod and I watch her dad rolling his shoulders. It’s a familiar gesture for a man to do, it’s the one we all make before we start causing terrible violence.

I pull the folder close to me and flip the cover. There is a thick set of photographs. Grace and I are the predominant feature in them but they also have her with her friends. The one thing that stands out about them all is that she, or I for that matter, don’t seem to be aware in any of the pictures that the pictures are being taken. Someone was tailing us. It makes my blood boil. My hands release the photos, I can feel them making hard tight fists.

Rolling my shoulders to get the tension out, I try to relax myself. All three of them are staring at me. Each must have their own thoughts as to what we should be doing, but no one is saying anything yet. Guess I will take lead on this.

Pulling my phone from my pocket I scroll through the contacts list. Picking one, I put the phone up to my ear.

The phone rings twice as I wait then I hear a strong male voice come on the line. “Max, my boy. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, Dad, can you schedule a couple of hours tomorrow for me in the afternoon? I’m having some legal issues I need to consult with you about.”

“What kind of legal issues are we talking about?” My dad asks, his tone worried

“Nothing too serious but I’ll need a good family law lawyer.”

“Hmm, I’ll call Alice Hammonds in...”

“Thanks, Dad. I really would love to talk but there is more to do. See you tomorrow.”

“Got ya, son. Love you and I will see you tomorrow.”

We disconnect and I look at the table. “That’s my dad, Jack Harper. I don’t know if you guys have heard of him….”

“I have,” Grace’s mom says. “He’s that really big lawyer guy right? The one they wanted for governor a couple years back?”

I nod my head. “Yeah, that’s him. Alice Hammonds is probably the top family law lawyer in the state if she is working in his law firm.”

Grace squeezes my hand. “Max… I can’t… Lawyer’s like that are really expensive… I bare—”

Shaking my head, I tell her, “Don’t worry, I got this.”

“But.”

“Grace, I said I will handle this. You just worry about what all we need to do to get Hope comfy in her new home.”

“Her what?”

“You are moving in with me. It will be safer and it’s easier that way.”

Eyes going wide, she stares at me for a long minute before she finally asks, “What?”

Glancing over at her parents, they look stunned as well but respectfully remaining silent.

Rubbing her knuckles with my thumb, I say, “Grace I have been thinking about this for a while. I want you and Hope living with me. I want my home to be yours. I want you close where I can protect you and provide for you…”

“But—“ she starts up again and I shake my head.

“No buts. I love you. Life is short, baby. Let’s do this.”

I
know
that Max and my parents aren’t concerned in the least that Carson could take Hope away from me, but there’s a real fear inside of me that he’ll somehow figure out how to pull it off. The way custody is determined is changing these days, many judges are objectively looking at the bigger picture, not just giving preference to the mother.

There’s also the issue of money. Max is insisting on helping me but Carson has always had more money and the better lawyer which has always given him more power. He was never in the picture before so it was never a worry that he would be awarded full custody, let alone want it, but now that he’s making an effort… I’m scared.

He’s painting me as some kind of irresponsible party girl who never went to college and still lives with her parents—and that’s just from the pictures he showed me. Who knows what else he has? Or what kind of spin he’ll put on it? I wish more than anything that I didn’t bend over backwards for him. That I kept records of every time he called me to drop her off early or didn’t want me to drop her off at all.

It all feels incredibly unfair and that if there’s any real justice in the world, he’ll be laughed out of court. But I’m old enough and wise enough to know by now that the world doesn’t always work like it should. Justice will be determined by the judge in court and their opinion on the matter. One man or one woman, a complete stranger, will have the power to decide what happens to my daughter, and I’ll just have to trust that they’ll make their decision based on a true desire to provide what is best for her.

Last night, it was too late to wake up Hope to go back to Max’s so I kissed him good night and he promised he’d be back first thing in the morning. I had the hardest time falling asleep after he left. All my worries and the awful what-ifs kept playing over and over in my head. I tossed and turned for what felt like hours before I finally fell asleep.

Waking up takes a bit of work, but there’s a lot of noise—laughter and things banging—making it impossible to fall back to sleep. Rolling over with a groan, I grab my phone and check the time, it’s a quarter till noon. I’ve slept away the entire morning.

Hope’s happy squeal slices straight through my brain.

Feeling like a cranky zombie, I roll out of bed, pat down my crazy hair and shuffle out my door, heading to the kitchen for some much needed coffee.

“Good morning,” Max grins at me as I shuffle into the kitchen. I stop, take one look at him and turn around, shuffling the other way.

“Hey!” He calls out from behind me and then something small and very fast slams into the back of my legs.

“Mommy! You’re awake!” Hope squeals and hugs me tight, stopping my getaway.

“Good morning, honey,” I croak out and try to take a step forward with her still clinging to my legs.

Her arms only tighten around me as she tells me excitedly, “Max says he has a surprise for me, but he didn’t want to tell me until you were awake.”

“Oh?” I try to lift my leg but with her weight it just isn’t happening. With a sigh, I resign myself to my fate as I hear Max walking up behind us.

“Yes. And now you’re awake!” Letting go of my legs, I get two steps forward before a pair of big meaty tattooed arms wrap around me.

“Good morning, beautiful,” Max rumbles into my hair and hugs me from behind.

I guess it’s better to get it out of the way now and let Max see my morning face. Hopefully he doesn’t run away, screaming.

“She’s awake,” Hope says excitedly, bouncing up and down behind us. “Tell me, Bear! Tell me!”

He spins me around so easily to face him. I drop my chin, looking at the floor, feeling suddenly shy. My hair’s a mess and I washed off all my makeup last night before climbing into bed. I wish more than anything I would have shuffled into the shower before shuffling into the kitchen.

Nudging my chin up, his chocolate eyes pierce right through me. “Okay?”

That one word could mean so many things but now that it’s morning and he’s here with me -not running away screaming - I am
okay
. I take a deep breath and nod my head.

His lips pull up into a smile that lights up his entire face. “Good.” Squeezing me in another hug, he asks, “Can I break the news?”

I nod my head.

“We gotta start packing, Hope. You and your mommy are moving in with me.”

Hope seems to be confused at firs but then she squeals with excitement.

T
hankfully
, Hope is excited about moving in with Max but I can tell she’s also a little confused. Even after all the explaining we do, I still don’t think she fully understands it, and I can’t help but fear that we’re pushing this a little too soon.

But life is short and ever since he’s returned from Krissy’s funeral, Max seems like he’s changed a bit. I know it could also be from the crap going on with Carson, but Max just seems so much more sure now, so much more convinced about this whole moving in with him thing.

Me… I’m just going to have to trust him on this. I’m not so sure this is the best course of action but after talking to him last night, I knew I wasn’t going to win.

We spend the rest of the afternoon packing up our stuff, mostly clothes and Hope’s toys, then we stop at Hope’s favorite pancake restaurant for lunch before heading to our new home.

Home
, it feels so weird to think of Max’s luxurious house as our home as we pull up in front of it and park but as of this minute it technically is.

Max hops out of his Escalade first and eagerly helps out Hope.

“Ready to see your new room?” he asks, and she grabs his hand, half bouncing, half leading him towards his own house.

“Yeah!”

I hop out of the car and follow behind them, feeling a little nervous about how Hope will react. Will she love it or hate it?

If she’s hates it how is Max going to take it?

After punching in a security code, Max opens the front door and stops, holding his other hand out for me. I place my hand in his and take comfort in his strength, in his strong fingers wrapping around me and tugging me close.

He leads us down the hallway, stopping two doors past his bedroom.

“Ready?” he asks Hope.

She bounces and squeals.

I hold my breath, afraid that once he opens that door she might be disappointed by what she finds in the room.

With a grin, Max pushes open the door wide and hangs back. Hope bounces into the room and lets out another loud squeal.

A moment later she bellows, “I love my new room!”

Curious, I peek my head around Max to get a look. Surely her new room can’t be that spectacular. We didn’t even know we were moving in until last night, yet…

Somehow Max has managed to have the room completely furnished for a little girl. The walls are still white and bare but the furniture more than makes up for it.

“How?” I ask as Hope climbs up on her new full-sized pink canopy bed and starts jumping on it.

The entire rooms looks as if it was furnished for a princess in a fairytale.

Max shrugs as if it’s no big deal but from his grin I can tell he’s really proud of himself. “I have my ways…”

“This wasn’t here the last time I was here… was it?” I ask.

He shakes his head.

Hope jumps off of her bed and the concerned mommy inside of me winces and calls out, “Be careful, honey.”

“I will, mommy!” she cries back automatically as if she expected it and races towards her royal toy box. Throwing back the lid, she lets out another earsplitting squeal to find the box already filled with dolls.

“Max,” I frown and poke him in the ribs. “You went toy shopping too?”

He shakes his head. “Nah, didn’t have time.”

“How?” I ask again. Did he hire someone to do this? Or has he had the stuff secretly stashed away, all along planning this?

He smirks. “Brett owed me the favor for that other night.”

“Oh,” I nod in understanding. Finally getting it.

Just before Max’s fight we were lookouts out in the woods for Brett so he could pull off a special proposal for Mandy. “So you had him do all of this?”

“Yeah,” Max grunts.

I laugh, picturing Brett picking out all this stuff for a little girl.

“Told him to put together a room fit for a princess, looks like he took it literally.”

M
ax cooks dinner for us
, and he and Hope spend most of the evening discussing what color she wants to paint her room. She spends most of the night gushing on and on about how awesome her room is, and how much she loves it and all her new dolls.

I shoot off a quick text to Mandy, asking her to thank Brett for me when we all settle down on the couch to watch football. Knowing that Hope is happy here and has no idea of what’s going on with her father makes everything so much easier. It’s one less weight sitting on my shoulders, crushing me.

With Hope snuggled up between the two of us, I glance over at Max expecting to find him watching the game but he’s watching me. There’s this mixture of heat and possession in his eyes that steals my breath.

With Hope snuggled between us, there’s just something about this that feels completely right. He’s sitting on his side, all relaxed with his arm thrown over the back of the couch, his fingers touching me. Hope leans against him while she plays with her dolls, her little legs draped over my lap. With the TV buzzing in the background and the lights dimmed for the night, it’s almost like we’re a real bona fide family enjoying our evening together.

It’s not long before Hope falls asleep, her little body curling up against Max, seeking his warmth in her dreams. He lifts her up and she looks so tiny, so fragile in his arms. I follow him as he carries her to her room. Stepping back, he gives me enough space to bend down, tuck her in and kiss her on the forehead good night.

We step into the hallway and I stop Max as he begins to close her door. “Don’t. She might wake up and be frightened if it’s too dark.”

Nodding, he takes my hand and quietly leads me down the hall. We step into his room and I hesitate for a moment as he closes the door, knowing exactly where this is leading.

Tugging me towards his bed, his warm mouth covers my mouth and he begins to push me down while kissing me sweetly.

I kiss him back but refuse to bend, stiffening.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, breaking the kiss when I remain stiff. Staring deeply into my eyes, he strokes my hair back.

I want him. I
need
him. It’s been too long and I’ve been through so much stress I want to get lost in his love, lost in his kisses. But how can I be intimate with him knowing Hope is just down the hallway and she might hear us?

I glance towards his closed door with worry and he smiles, easily guessing what the problem is. “My walls are thick, she won’t hear us.”

I shake my head and poke him playfully in the chest. “But you get really, really loud. I’m pretty sure the neighbors across the lake can hear you roaring in the heat of the moment.”

Max laughs, a great big loud rumbling laugh and I wince, half expecting to hear Hope call out for me. “Want me to put some music on?”

I consider it for a moment before nodding in agreement.

Reluctantly, he drops my hand and walks over to his speaker dock. After hooking up his phone, a Britney Spears song immediately starts playing. Not a big surprise by any means, the guy has to be her biggest fan, literally. It takes me a second to recognize the song though, it’s one of her older ones.
I’m a Slave 4 u
, I think.

As he walks back around the bed to me, I notice there’s a little pep to his step that wasn’t there before. And as he passes beneath the poster of Britney still up on his wall, I’m struck by this sudden fear that wasn’t there a second before, something I remember Mandy mentioning.

“Max…” I gasp and his eyes widen, rushing the last couple of steps to me.

“What’s wrong, baby?” he asks, big paws grabbing me by the arms while his worried eyes search my face.

I glance towards the poster then back to him. How the hell do I even ask it? It feels utterly silly but completely terrifying.

“Grace?”

But it would explain why he’s so crazy for me, and why he’s willing to do so much for me… Why else would he put up with this Carson shit?

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my panicking heart. I’ve just had a rough couple of days and it’s all hitting me now, I’m being irrational.

Letting the breath out, feeling calmer, I’m pretty sure Max loves me for me. Not because I somewhat resemble a pop idol.

Max’s eyes still demand an answer though.

I take another, deep, deep breath and look pointedly toward the poster before I ask. “Are you only with me because I look like her?”

His eyes widen even further and his jaw drops a little. He follows my line of sight and then the big oaf is laughing at me.

I poke him in the ribs, seriously not finding this funny.

“No, I’m not with you because you look like her,” he tries to reassure me and maybe it’s because he finds it funny I begin to relax. Believing he’s telling the truth, I feel even more silly for thinking it. Seriously with everything that’s going on I was worried about this?

“Hey, it was a valid question,” I say in my defense as he keeps chuckling. “You seem to be pretty crazy about her.”

His laughter dies away and his eyes darken as they swing back to me. His gaze slides down, scorching over my body all the way down to my toes before snapping back up to my face. He takes a step forward, pushing me to take a step back.

The bed hits the back of my knees and I swallow back a nervous gasp. Did I piss him off? He looks really intense all of a sudden.

“I’ve thought about it,” he says fiercely, grabbing me gently by the back of the neck and pulling me close like he’s going to kiss me. “And I’ve decided I like her so much because she looks a little like you.”

“Oh,” is the only word I’m capable of saying, all the silliness draining away. It’s a miracle with the way he’s holding me, the way he’s looking at me like he wants to eat me, that I’m still capable of breathing.