Bully (34 page)

“Because chicks like pink stuff.” He shrugged his shoulders and made light of his gesture. He didn’t want attention. He never did.

“Jared,” I scolded, waiting for a real answer.

He smiled to himself. “Because she made you.” And he wrapped his skinny arm around my neck and yanked me into his side. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and I wanted to tell her ‘thank you.’”

I felt warm all over despite the April frost on the ground. Jared filled the emptiness and eased the hurt in a way my dad couldn’t. I needed him, and thought for a moment that I’d like him to kiss me. But the idea quickly disappeared. I’d never wanted a boy to kiss me before, and it probably shouldn’t be my best friend.

“Here, take this.” Jared pulled his gray sweatshirt over his head and tossed it to me. “You’re cold.”

I slipped it on, letting the remaining heat from his body cover me with a shield of warmth.

“Thank you,” I said, looking up at him.

He pulled my hair out from under the collar and let his fingers linger as he stared at me. My skin erupted in chills but not from the cold. What was going on in my stomach right now?

We both looked away quickly, a little embarrassed.

I sat up and wiped my nose with the sleeve of my jacket.

Despite everything, I could see the light in one thing. At least I’d given my virginity to someone I loved. Even though we were done, I had loved him when I gave myself to him. What he took from me was honest and pure even if he thought it was all a joke.

“Tate.” A shaky voice whispered behind me, and I stopped breathing. Without even turning around, I knew who it was, and I tore blades of grass from the ground as my fists clenched.

I refused to turn around. And I’d be damned if I listened to any more bullshit from him.

“Haven’t you won, Jared? Why won’t you just leave me alone?” My voice was calm, but my body screamed for violence. I wanted to lash out. Hit him. Do anything that could hurt him.

“Tate, this is all so fucked up. I—” He started to spew his nonsense, but I cut him off.

“No! No more!” I whipped around to face him, unable to reason with myself. I said I wasn’t going to get into it with him, but I couldn’t help it. “Do you hear me? My life here is ruined. No one will let me live this down. You’ve won. Don’t you get it? You. Have. Won! Now leave me alone!”

His eyes widened, probably because I was screaming and madder than I’d ever been. When was it enough? Couldn’t he just be satisfied?

He gripped the hair on his head, looking like he stopped midway combing his hands through it. His chest rose and fell like he was nervous. “Just stop for a minute, okay?”

“I’ve listened to your stories. Your excuses.” And I walked away towards my truck, feeling my heart breaking. He was near, and my arms still hummed with the desire to hold him.

“I know,” he called out behind me. “My words aren’t good enough. I can’t explain any of this. I don’t know where that video came from!”

I knew he was following me, so I didn’t turn around. “It came from your phone, asshole! No, never mind. I’ve stopped talking to you.” I kept walking, feeling as if my legs weighed two tons.

“I called your dad!” he blurted out, and I halted.

I squeezed my eyes shut. “Of course you did,” I murmured, more to myself than him.

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse. I thought that I’d have a few days to get my head straight before I had to deal with my dad. But the storm was going to descend sooner rather than later.

“Tate, I didn’t send that video to anyone. I didn’t even record a video of us.” He sounded desperate, but I still couldn’t turn to look at him.

He continued, “I haven’t seen my phone in two days. I left it upstairs at Tori’s party when we were listening to music. When I remembered later, I went back to get it, but it was gone. Don’t you remember?”

I recalled him saying something about misplacing his phone that night, but we were all dancing, and it was loud. I must’ve forgotten.

I sucked in my cheeks and shook my head.
No.
He wasn’t getting out of this. His phone was pointed at the bed that night, exactly the position it needed to be in to record a video.

“You’re a liar,” I retorted.

While I couldn’t see his face, I felt him approach, and I couldn’t move. Why couldn’t I just get out of here?

“I called your dad, because he was going to find out anyway. That goddamn, fucking video is out there, and I wanted him to hear it from me first. He’s coming home.”

My shoulders sunk. My dad would be home sometime tomorrow then. The thought both warmed and scared me. The fallout from this prank—I hated to even call it that, because it was so much more—would be embarrassing for my father.

But I needed him right now. No matter what, I knew he loved me.

“I love you more than myself, more than my own family, for Christ’s sake. I don’t want to take another step in this world without you next to me,” he said softly.

His sweet words washed over me, but they were like a hand that was just out of reach. I could see it. I wanted to take it. But I couldn’t.

“Tate.” The weight of his hand fell on my shoulder, and I whipped around, flinging him off. Constant tears, anger, and weariness burned my eyes as I scalded him with my stare.

He ran a hand through his hair again, and I could see the worry lines on his forehead. “You have every right not to trust me, Tate. I know that. My fucking heart is ripping open tight now. I can’t stand the way you’re looking at me. I could never hurt you again. Please…let’s try to fix this together.” His voice cracked, and his eyes were red.

I told myself a hundred times today that he couldn’t be trusted. He was a liar. A bully. But his words were getting to me. He looked upset. Either he was a really good actor, or…he was telling the truth.

“Fine. I’ll play along.” I took out my phone and turned it back on.

He blinked, probably confused about my sudden change of attitude. “What are you doing?”

“Calling your mom.” I didn’t elaborate and dialed Katherine.

“Why,” he drawled out, still confused.

“Because she installed a GPS tracking app on your Android when she bought it. You said you lost your phone? Let’s find it.”

I let out a sigh and shook my head as soon as I hung up with her.

School.
Not somewhere I wanted to go. Ever again.

“So?” Jared inched closer.

“School. It’s at school,” I muttered, studying the ground.

“Son of a bitch. She’s smarter than I thought.” Jared sounded almost impressed with his mother.

What did this mean? Maybe he left his phone at school and was trying to cover his ass. Maybe Madoc or one his pals had it, and they were covering for him. Or maybe it really was stolen.

I’d rather cut off my hair than face those people today. Or any day in the next hundred years. Eating squid or slamming my finger in a car door all sounded more appealing than braving those hallways. A few hours wasn’t nearly enough time for everyone to move on to new gossip. I’d be the talk of the town for a long time. How could I even be considering stepping foot back on school grounds today?

“I see that look in your eye.” Jared looked down at me and spoke gently. “It’s the look you get when you want to bolt. The look you get right before you decide to stay and fight.”

“What am I fighting for?” I challenged, my voice hoarse.

He frowned. “We did nothing wrong, Tate.”

He was right. I had nothing to be ashamed of. Granted, I hated that people had seen what they did, but I gave my heart and body to someone I loved. There was nothing dirty in that.

“Let’s go.” I walked to my truck and opened the door.

Jared had parked in front of me, and I cringed when I saw the damage I’d done to his car.

Shit.

If he was, in fact, guilty, then screw him and his dumb car. But if he was innocent, then I didn’t even want to think about how mad my dad was going to be when he saw the bill for repairs.

“Is…um…is your car safe to drive?” I asked timidly.

A tired smile tugged at his lips. “Don’t sweat it. It gives me an excuse to do more upgrades.”

I filled my lungs with a deep breath, feeling like I’d been suffocated all day. The cool wind danced across my face and gave me a little more energy.

“Stop at your mom’s firm and pick up her phone. I’ll meet you at school.” And I climbed in the truck and sped off.

***

Everyone was still in their final period, so Jared and I walked silently through the halls without interruption.

“Is it still flashing?” I glanced over to his mom’s phone in his hand.

“Yeah. I can’t believe my phone is still on after two days. GPSs use a lot of battery.” He was looking around, but I wasn’t sure what for.

“Well, the video was sent this morning. If what you say is true, then whoever used your phone has probably charged it since Saturday night.”

“If what I say is true…” He repeated what I said in a whisper like he was aggravated I didn’t trust him.

Part of me wanted to believe him. Desperately. But the other part of me was wondering why the hell I was here. Was I really entertaining the possibility that he didn’t have anything to do with this? Wasn’t it a little too farfetched that this was all put together without Jared’s help?

“Look,” I said, trying to change the subject, “this tracker’s only accurate within fifty meters. So…”

“So start dialing my phone. Maybe we’ll hear it.”

I slid my phone out of my back pocket and dialed his number, letting it ring and keeping our ears peeled for any noise. But our school was huge, and we had almost no time until last period ended, and the halls flooded with bodies.

Every time his voicemail picked up, I ended the call and redialed.

“Let’s split up,” I suggested. “I’ll keep dialing. Just listen for a sound. I think it’s in a locker.”

“Why? Someone could have it on them, too.”

“With me calling every ten seconds? No, they would’ve turned off the phone, in which case it would’ve gone straight to voicemail. It’s on, and it’s in a locker.” I nodded.

“Fine.” His voice was hesitant and a little biting. “But if you find it, call my mom’s phone immediately. I don’t want you in the halls alone, not today.”

I started to get my hopes up at his concern for me. This was the Jared from the past week. The one that held me and touched me gently. The one that cared.

In that moment, I wanted to grab him and hold him close.

But then I heard their laughter in my ears again. And I remembered that I didn’t trust him.

Hitting “redial”, I turned and leapt up the stairs, two at a time.

My boots hit the tiled floor with more of a thud than I would’ve liked. Trying to lighten my step, I crept along each side of the main hallway with my ear to the lockers. But each time I called Jared’s number I heard no rings or vibrating noises.

I passed two students in the hallway, both of whom did a double-take when they saw me. Yep, they knew who I was, and in no time at all everyone would know I was on campus. My heart sped up as it became more and more obvious that I’d made a mistake in coming back here today.

The phone was in a locker, probably Jared’s, and silenced. This was just another trick. My throat tightened.

I breathed hard as I paced each hallway, continuing to punch “redial”. Each time the voicemail picked up, I wanted to cry again.

Please, please…

I wanted him to be innocent. I could live with the talk and the look in everyone’s eyes, knowing that they’d seen the video. I would live with that, because I had no choice.

But I didn’t want to be without Jared. I needed him to be innocent.

Because she made you.

His words floated through my mind.

I don’t want to take one more step in this world without you next to me.

Neither did I.

I was hoping we could move forward without looking back.

I caught a tear with my thumb before it spilled over, turned a corner and called his phone again.

And froze.

Limp Bizkit’s
Behind Blue Eyes
echoed down the hall, close to Dr. Kuhl’s classroom. I narrowed my eyes and tilted my head towards the music. When it ended, I tapped the button again to call it back.

Please, please, please.

When the line started ringing, the slow, sad ballad played again from down the hall. I nearly dropped the phone as I took off toward the sound.

I put my hand to locker 1622.

I smiled for the first time since this morning, and with shaky fingers, I texted Jared’s mom’s phone.

2nd floor, next to Kuhl’s room!!

I jerked my head up at the sound of the school bell sounding. My stomach sank. Doors swung open and flocks of students poured out, sounding more like a murder of crows than humans.

A murder.

Yep, that’s about what was going to happen right now. But I didn’t know if I’d be the predator or prey.

I stood facing the lockers with my back to everyone, hoping that I could get away with it for as long as possible. Out of instinct, I put my head down, trying to be invisible. My heart pounded in my ears, and I felt like a thousand eyes were boring into the back of my skull.

But then the flame of cowardice hit me. More than the shame I felt this morning, I hated the way these people made me want to crawl into a hole.

I used to love people. I loved being a part of things and socializing. Now, I only wanted to be alone. Because alone was the only way I was safe.

I had done nothing wrong. Those in my school who had passed the video around or gossiped about it were the ones to feel ashamed. Not me.

But I was the one hiding.

Isn’t it about time you fought back?

Taking a deep breath and turning around, I leaned back on locker 1622 and looked up, daring them to come at me.

I didn’t have to wait long.

“Hey, Tate.” Some kid with stringy, blonde hair walked past, undressing me with his eyes.

“Whoa, she came back!” Another guy taunted.