Authors: Jill Valley
After a long work week, where I
didn’t have the energy to do more than fall into bed at the end of the day,
it’s Friday night. Lizzy has been texting me like mad all day, even though
she’s just as tired as I am from her internship. She wants to go to the
Remember. Now that we know the owner, she wants to take full advantage of the
free drink possibilities.
“We’re just poor college
students, after all,” she texts with a smiley. “We’ll come over for dinner and
then head out.”
Since Nancy’s never around and I
have to the place to myself, it’s easy to cook here. Noah and Aimee are coming
too.
“Hey, I brought wine,” says
Aimee, waving a bottle in the air as she comes up the stairs. “Can’t wait to
party.”
Aimee takes the work hard, play
hard mantra very seriously.
Noah has brought a casserole, and
I’m cooking pasta. We complete the meal with an assortment of vegetables from
the farmer’s market.
For once I’m relieved to be going
out. I didn’t think I would be, since my first few visits to the bar were so
overwhelming, but I want to see JJ. I just hope he was serious when he said he
wanted to see me too.
I also hope he didn’t think I was
crazy when I dashed away from him and that girl.
He did tell me he wanted me to
come in, of course, but after my visit on Sunday I lost my confidence, and I
haven’t gone back by myself.
“You excited to see your boy?”
Noah asks, winking at me.
“He’s not my boy,” I say.
I glance at Lizzy. I’ve felt bad
I that haven’t told her about my connection to JJ, so once we’re settled at the
table and starting in on the food, I do. Lizzy listens in silence. Noah knows
the headlines of what happened and so does Aimee, and I’m sure Lizzy has told
Aimee a lot about my struggles since then. I know that no matter how hard it’s
all been on me, it’s been pretty hard on my friends, too.
“Wow,” says Lizzy when I finish,
while the other two sit in rapt silence. “Just, wow. So, you two have a
history.” Her fingers are tangled together and she looks upset.
“You didn’t recognize him?” Aimee
asks. “I mean, at the bar?”
I shake my head. “I mean, he
wasn’t around much, and the night he pulled me out of the water I literally
don’t even think I looked at his face.”
“That makes sense,” says Noah
quietly, his kind eyes filled with concern. “After that sort of trauma, I would
block it all out too.”
The trouble is that now flashes
keep coming back, including flashes of JJ wrapping strong arms around me and
keeping me safe from my own struggle to follow Michael.
I can’t think about that. It
feels disrespectful to Michael.
“Anyway,” I say to Lizzy, “I
wanted you to know.”
Lizzy nods. “I appreciate that.
Have you talked to him about it at all?”
I shake my head. “Not yet. He
says he wants to if I do. But I haven’t.”
I haven’t told Lizzy the worst of
it yet, that we both knew Jackson’s mother. But Lizzy figures it out on her
own.
She taps her finger against her
lip, thinking. “Wait, wait a minute, is this Jackson Curtis?” Lizzy looks
desperately at me, and I nod sadly. She slaps her hand over her mouth to stifle
her cry.
“That’s awful,” she wails. “So
awful.”
That requires another round of
explanations about Jackson’s own sad history. Noah whistles softly. “No wonder
you didn’t see much of him. He probably wanted to be anywhere else, or his mom
sent him away. That’s probably more likely.”
“I know, right?” Lizzy says,
sighing. “It’s just so tragic.”
“How awful,” says Aimee. “So
sad. It must be really hard for JJ. Still. Like, even today I can’t imagine.”
I nod. “I remember her. She was
such a nice lady. I used to see her around town and she would always smile and
wave.”
We all sit in silence for a beat,
thinking about JJ’s mom and what happened. Then the apartment is filled with
movement again.
“Are we ready to go yet?” Aimee
asks. She’s a very type A personality, always on time.
“Yeah,” says Lizzy, brushing
nonexistent blond strands behind her ears. “Just let me finish my mascara.”
“I like how chill you look,” says
Noah, glancing approvingly at my red t-shirt and jeans. “Very, I’m hot and I
don’t care.”
I’m wearing ballet flats. Lizzy
and Aimee are both in black sequin-style dresses and heels, but I don’t want to
draw attention to myself. At the moment it’s enough that I’m going out at all.
“Um, yeah,” I say. “Totally what I was going for.”
He grins. He already knows how
uncomfortable I am with compliments. “I’m going to walk you over there,” says
Noah, once we get outside.
Aimee puts her hand on his
shoulder. “I’m really sorry you’re an infant who can’t come out with us,” she
says with a wink.
Noah laughs. “Soon enough I’ll be
able to. I can’t wait. You better come to the shop tomorrow,” he says sternly
to me.
“Why don’t you want me to come?”
Lizzy asks.
Noah smiles over at me but
replies to Lizzy: “I do, but you sleep until noon and I know Nora doesn’t.”
“Nora barely sleeps at all,” says
Lizzy, rolling her eyes. “I see your point. I’ll come by once I’m up.”
“Great,” says Noah. “Please save
me from my grandmother . . . whom I of course love dearly.”
“I’ll come by when I’m up,” I
say. I wonder if JJ is going to make another appearance at the coffee shop or
if his bag of baked goods was a one time thing.
There are tons of people out,
mostly twenty-somethings. I’m glad I can get lost in the crowd. Aimee and Lizzy
are walking ahead of us, hooting and hollering already, having a great time.
Noah slings his arm around me.
“Are you okay?” he asks me. “That
was a pretty serious conversation we were having.”
I’ve only known Noah for a week,
but it feels like a lifetime.
I flush. “I’m fine,” I say. “I
think.”
He gives me a sympathetic look.
Truth to tell I’m surprised at how well I’m doing. I know Michael was five
years ago and I do, in most areas of my life not related to love, manage to
function normally, but I’m still surprised that all these reminders of his
death, and my obviously intense attraction to JJ, haven’t sent me spiraling
backwards into the deep end.
“If you need anything, you know
you can talk to me,” says Noah, his eyes filled with concern. “And I like JJ. I
think he’s good people.”
“You’re such an excellent judge
of character?” I say sarcastically.
He gives me a friendly pat on my
shoulder. “Obviously. I watch movies. I know all sorts of things about people.”
“It’s where you learn about
life,” I say dryly.
Once we say bye to Noah, it’s off
the Remember we go. For some reason it’s packed tonight. There are people
streaming outside the doors, and inside I can see lots of bodies moving in the
near-dark.
“This should be interesting,” I
mutter, pausing at the entrance.
Lizzy rolls her eyes. “This is
going to be awesome. Relax. Have some beer. It’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, right,” I say. I’ve only
had beer once and it was with Michael. Obviously we weren’t supposed to have
it, but his older sister Amelia had given us a couple of bottles.
His mother, Mrs. Rockwell, would
have been furious if she ever found out. Luckily I hated the taste of it, but I
knew Michael liked it. From time to time he would drink with Lizzy’s boyfriend
Steven when I wasn’t around.
Lucky for us, the guy checking
ids at the door is Ben. He spots us and grins. There’s a bit of a line out
front to get in, but he beckons us over.
“Hey, how’s it going?” Lizzy
asks, smiling at him. He smiles back. He’s wearing all black and he looks a lot
more like a tough guy than he did last weekend at the block party.
“Great,” he says, shrugging.
“Another busy night making sure you crazy kids are legal.”
He hasn’t met Aimee yet, so Lizzy
introduces them.
“Nice to meet you,” says Aimee,
extending her hand. “Sorry I missed last weekend. We’ll have to hang out again
soon.”
“Definitely,” says Ben. “Katie’s
inside at the bar, making JJ give her free drinks. Not that he puts up much of
a real fight. You should find her.”
Lizzy laughs. “Oh, believe me,
that’s definitely our plan.” It might just be my imagination, but I’m pretty
sure Ben’s eyes flick to me.
“Go on in,” he says, opening the
door for us. “Enjoy.”
“He’s cute,” Aimee breathes.
“Damn.”
“You like the muscle-builder
type?” Lizzy asks, raising her eyebrows. Aimee was perfectly happy to go out
and dance last weekend, but she has always gone home alone.
Aimee giggles. “Yup. Now get out
of my way and let me find more football players.” Lizzy and I shake our heads.
Aimee is a hopeless flirt. Kind of like Lizzy, but Lizzy doesn’t follow
through.
Inside, the place seems even more
packed. It’s hard to move, so Lizzy takes the lead, tapping people on the
shoulder or just shimmying past them. Guys usually spot her coming and move out
of her way with a grin.
As Lizzy and Aimee search for a
couple of seats at the bar, JJ spots us and gives us a friendly wave. Lizzy
said that at some point at the block party, when I’d gone to get more food, JJ
explained that he only bartends on Saturday nights and sometimes on Wednesdays
during the day.
“JJ’s motioning to us,” I say.
“Oh, use of his name,” says Lizzy
with approval. “I like it.”
I shake my head at her, unwilling
to admit how hard it is for me to do. It still blows my mind that I’m friends with
a bartender.
He’s pointing to two seats at the
end of the bar. We move through the crush of people just as two guys get up to
leave. Lizzy and I take the seats, while Aimee stands next to us. JJ is busy
with customers, so we examine the drink menu.
I don’t know anything about
alcohol - obviously - and although Lizzy has threatened to make me try a bunch
of stuff, I’ve managed to convince her so far that the Remember, with JJ, is
not the place where I should do that. Aimee disappears in search of “the bathroom
and hot men. Maybe not in that order.”
It takes me a minute to realize
that the guy sitting next to Lizzy is the good-looking cop I met in the wee
hours of the morning at the diner.
“How’s it going?” JJ asks,
appearing in front of us. He has to yell, the place is so loud. He came right
over when we showed up, despite all sorts of people crowding the bar wanting
drinks.
“Good,” says Lizzy. Once we
finish our orders JJ says, “Is this the start of your night or the end?”
“Both,” says Lizzy. “We came to
find cute guys and here you are. Lucky.”
JJ grins at her before turning to
me. “How’s your weekend been?” he asks. “I haven’t seen you at the coffee
shop.”
So he has been going. That sly
friend of mine, Noah, hasn’t said a word about it.
“I’m going tomorrow,” I say,
because it’s the truth. “And, um good.”
He nods and smiles. He looks like
he wants to say something else, but some gorgeous girl in a tiny top is
beckoning him, and he moves away.
“If you’re going to tell him the
truth you might as well tell yourself the truth too,” says Lizzy to me.
“What are you talking about?” I
demand, uncomfortably aware that JJ’s good friend is sitting right next to her,
although it’s so loud in here that Sylvan probably can’t hear what she’s
saying.
“That you like him,” she says
airily. “Despite everything you’ve been through.”
“I barely know him,” I protest
automatically.
“Doesn’t matter,” she says. “When
you know, you know. And judging by that starry look in your eyes when you see
him, you know.”
“You’re forgetting about the
girlfriend,” I say.
“Ah yes,” says Lizzy, appearing a
little disappointed. Sylvan is watching me, so I give him a wave. Lizzy looks
him up and down, looking delighted. Cat meet mouse. Only I have a feeling
Sylvan isn’t as easy as he looks, considered as prey for Lizzy.
“Hey, you’re JJ’s friends,
right?”
Katie is standing there, her
brown hair flowing over her shoulders. She’s holding a beer and ignoring the
guys staring at her.
“Yes, they are,” says Sylvan,
making a point of leaning around Lizzy. My friend stays motionless, but I can
see it’s hard for her.
“Hi,” I say.
As the rest of my friends, new
and old, get lost in conversation I find myself drinking and getting lost in
watching JJ.
He moves quickly and confidently
and never stays in one place long. Some customers he talks to briefly, others
he just serves and moves on. He and the other bartenders are very efficient,
and I have to remind myself that he’s only a couple of years older than I am.