She’d lost count of the number of times she had taken the blame for the rape and wondered what she could’ve done to stop him, wondered if she’d somehow provoked the attack. Jerra closed her eyes to block out the accusations glaring back at her. She couldn’t stand to look at her reflection; she disgusted herself.
“Jerra!” Darrell knocked harder. He'd pulled on a pair of jeans and was on the verge of breaking the door down when she suddenly opened it. Jerra’s face was calm and unreadable. She had put the frightened little girl back into the impenetrable box she’d safely kept her in for the last twelve years.
“Jerra…?” Darrell's eyes ran over her as if to make sure she was unharmed. Her heart skipped a beat at the worry and concern etched on his face, but she was too busy trying to hold herself together to offer him much reassurance.
“Can we please not talk about…him? The only thing you need to know is I hate his guts. I hate the day he ever came into my life, and I hope I never see him again.”
Darrell wanted to say more, but didn’t want to push. “Okay. Come here.” Jerra flinched and evaded her touch when he tried to put his arms around her. She held up a shaking hand to ward him off.
“Don’t…!” she screamed, then made an effort to lower her voice. “Just…don’t.” Walking swiftly past him, Jerra went to her room and closed the door. Darrell stared after her. Something was definitely wrong.
Jerra hurried to the master bathroom and stripped her clothes off as if they were on fire. She turned the shower on full blast as hot as she could stand it, then stepped inside the stall and began to roughly scrub her body. She didn’t want even a hint of his presence left on her skin. She stood underneath the beating pellets shooting from the showerhead and tried to let the heat of the water cleanse her.
Too bad it can’t do the same for my soul, she cried.
In the bedroom, Darrell pulled on a t-shirt before sitting in a chair by Jerra's bed to wait for her. He stared into space as his mind raced and dissected everything that happened within the last thirty minutes. Before Earl knocked on the door, Jerra had been fine. She’d been playful and relaxed after their lovemaking – before Earl knocked on the door.
Darrell’s mind continued to methodically analyze Jerra’s reaction. She seemed almost frightened to death of the bastard. When she walked in from the bathroom, his eyes softened at her wounded expression. This wasn’t the Jerra St. James he was beginning to care about. The Jerra St. James standing in front of him was almost…broken. He had to fight the urge to pull her into his arms and assure her he’d make everything okay.
Darrell would take the feisty, outspoken prosecutor anytime over the defeated woman standing before him. He didn’t know what internal struggle she was dealing with, but he knew with every fiber of his being he wasn’t going to let anything happen to her. This feeling of protectiveness was foreign to him; with Jerra it felt right.
Darrell stood up as she stared at him in silence. He wordlessly held out his hand, letting her take things at her pace. Jerra hesitated for a moment then walked over to him. She felt safer than she had in a long time when he wrapped his arms around her. Darrell scooped her up and gently laid her on the bed before climbing in beside her. When he pulled her to his chest and simply held her, Jerra’s body slowly relaxed. She melted against him and snuggled close before sighing and drifting off into a deep, dreamless slumber.
They slept throughout the night holding each other. When Darrell reached down to pull the covers over them, Jerra softly cried out and held him tight. He quickly gathered her to him. He soothingly rubbed her back and kissed her temple until her breathing steadied.
By early morning, sunlight began to peek through the window. Darrell hadn’t gotten much rest, had been too worried about Jerra. Easing out of the bed, he went to use the bathroom then came back to sit beside her. He stared at her while running his hand over her hair. He didn’t know how to describe what he was feeling, and to be honest, didn’t even want to try. Jerra stirred under his touch. Her lashes fluttered before they opened and found him studying her. She immediately remembered the events of yesterday evening, but determinedly pushed them out of her mind.
"Hi..." he smiled.
"Hi..."
Staring deeply into his eyes, Jerra realized she needed his warmth….his strength. She needed him to make her feel whole again. She held her arms out to him. Darrell obligingly obeyed her unspoken request and stretched out beside her. He folded her body close and lowered his lips to hers. The kiss was slow and unhurried. Their tongues leisurely twisted and moved together in a sensuous love knot. Darrell groaned at the taste of her sweetness. Jerra’s hand slid down his chest until she got to the hem of his shirt. He hesitated, but helped her pull it over his head. She pressed her body to his and went to unsnap his jeans. This time, Darrell reluctantly pulled back and searched her eyes. He curled his hand over hers to still her movements.
“Baby, believe me. I want to, but I don’t think this is a good idea…”
Jerra covered his lips with her fingers. “That’s just it. I don’t want to think. I just need to feel. Please….”
They stared at each other for a few moments. Darrell was still hesitant. "Are you sure?" Jerra nodded.
Darrell stood up and took his pants off before joining her. No more words were said. Instinctively, he knew what she needed and he wanted to give it to her. Jerra trustingly lay on the bed as he removed her clothes and began to make sweet love to her.
Her mouth opened in silent wonder and appreciation as he reverently kissed her stomach and made his way between her legs. Her fingers clenched in his hair as he loved the very center of her pleasure pool. Her hips answered his unspoken promise by moving eagerly beneath him and moaning as he brought her to a shattering climax. Jerra’s silent tears fell from the corners of her eyes and trailed down to her hairline. Darrell kissed a path along the dips and curves of her body, and when he saw the tears rolling down her face, he used his tongue to gently lick them away.
“Whatever you need, Jerra - I’m here.”
With the utmost tender loving care, he separated her thighs and slowly pushed into her until he was fully sheathed in her narrow, tight, feminine channel. Darrell lowered his head and kissed the remaining tears with gentle lips. Their bodies moved to a slow rhythm heard and understood only by the two of them. There was no rush, no need to hurry. Darrell claimed her again and again as Jerra circled her hips to receive him. The emotion of the age old elicit dance caused her to cry out as she surrendered herself to him and let him do whatever he pleased. She trusted him.
Darrell reached down and placed both hands underneath her backside as he went deeper and made her cum again before he gave in to his own explosion. Moaning loudly, he came hard when he felt her inner tightness flexing around him. Their lips met in a series of small, loving kisses. Darrell closed his eyes and inhaled her sigh of contentment. He‘d never had an experience like this. He didn’t know how to put it into words, and by the way Jerra stared back at him with wonder in her eyes, it was apparent she felt the same. Still connected as one, he lay beside her and pulled her into his arms. They held each other tight and passed light caresses over the other’s body.
“Are you okay, baby?”
She heard the underlying concern in his voice and let out a low grumble of satisfaction. “Yes. I’m very okay.”
They were silent for a few minutes more before Darrell quietly asked her the question uppermost in his mind. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Darrell –“
“Jerra, you shouldn’t keep this inside. It might help if you tell me what made you so upset.” When Jerra remained silent, Darrell continued. “Baby, it’s tempting to try and forget situations that are unpleasant, but doing so only holds us captive to whatever it is that’s bothering us. I’m not saying it’s easy. Believe me, I know it’s not, but we can’t let things that happened in our past affect the present and the future.”
He felt a tremor roll over Jerra’s body. “You couldn’t possibly understand.”
Darrell’s half laugh sounded hard and bitter. “Don’t be too sure. I’ve gone through things most people will never experience in a lifetime. Trust.”
Jerra heard the twinge of pain in his voice and lifted her head to peer up at him. “Like what?”
Darrell hesitated. He rarely talked about his past and was no more used to expressing his feelings than she was, but then again, he couldn’t expect her to open up to him if he wasn’t willing to do the same.
“I’ll be the first one to admit not everyone is blessed to grow up in a perfect household. I can relate to that. When I was seven years old, my mother relinquished her rights as a parent and dumped me off at an orphanage.” He jaw jumped in response to Jerra’s surprised gasp. “She was only a teenager and I guess she felt a kid was causing her to miss out on something, was holding her back from experiencing life. She said it was temporary, but…”
Jerra leaned up so that she could look him in the eye. His voice was cold and matter of fact, but she saw the lingering traces of hurt in his dark gray eyes.
“Found out later she’d hooked up with some joker who gave her a choice: him or me. Guess she made her choice and I wasn’t it.” Darrell's lips twisted in bitter remembrance as painful memories he hadn’t allowed himself to think about in years surfaced.
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry. I guess neither of us had the luck of the draw when it came to parents. Did you ever see her again?”
“I did. Before I left Philly to move to Vegas twelve years ago, I tracked her down.” He forced a tense smile across his mouth. “I found out I have a sister. Gabriel – Gabby.”
“Was your mother able to make amends for what she did?”
The smile slowly fell from Darrell’s lips. "Amends? Not quite. She was more interested in in making sure I didn't cause any upheaval to her family - a family I clearly wasn’t a part of."
His eyes darkened at the hurt he'd felt, wanting only to hear his mother say she loved him. Instead, she'd looked at him as if he were an unwanted stray who'd shown up on her doorstep. She hadn’t wanted anything to do with him.
“So she denied you as her son?”
Darrell catapulted back to the present when he heard the deep emotion in Jerra’s voice. He reached up and wiped a lone tear from her face.
“Don’t cry for me, baby. It was a lifetime ago, but for the longest while, it ate away at me like a cancer spreading through every bone in my body until I finally confronted it and made a conscious effort to move on with my life.”
Jerra shook her head as a wave of helplessness washed over her. “How did you overcome it? Our pasts aren’t so different, but I don’t think I’m as strong as you.”
Darrell was silent a moment as his thoughts turned to Roni. He didn’t even want to hazard a guess about where he may have ended up if she hadn’t come into his life.
“Let’s just say I had someone who cared enough to help me get over my demons and make me realize we control our own destiny – no one else, Jerra. Never let anyone have that much power over your life.”
Jerra stared at him for a long time before she nodded. She pondered the decisions she’d had to make at such a young age. From the moment that son of a bitch raped her he'd taken so much more than just her innocence. He'd forced her to give up a part of herself she could never get back.
But it had been for the best...
Jerra lowered her head to his chest and felt a newfound strength seeping into her body. She almost felt…empowered. Darrell made her believe that maybe……just maybe…it was possible to reclaim her life. Earl couldn’t hurt her anymore.
She controlled her own destiny.
Chapter 26
For the next couple of days, the two couples spent a lot of time together as well as alone time with one another. Marcus and Aleesha marveled at the noticeable change between Darrell and Jerra. They knew that their friends were complicated people. Neither gave trust or absolute friendship easily, but somehow it seemed as if they’d found a common ground and were on their way to building something very special.
As far as Aleesha and Marcus were concerned, there was no question of their commitment to each other. They both believed fate had a hand in orchestrating their chance meeting again in Las Vegas. Marcus told Aleesha he didn’t believe in coincidences. Everything happened for a reason – they were simply meant to be.
The night before Darrell was scheduled to fly out, the lovemaking between he and Jerra took on a desperate edge. They loved with a wild intensity that rendered them almost unable to move after it was over. Breathing heavily, Darrell turned his head to look at Jerra. He smiled when he saw her struggling to inhale precious air into her near to bursting lungs.
“Damn,” Darrell managed to get out past a grin which stretched wide over his handsome face.
Jerra turned her head to look at him. They’d christened every room and still, the sight of him fanned the flames of a desire that burned to her very core. She couldn’t get enough of him. They couldn't get enough of each other.
“’Damn’ is right.” Using the last bit of strength she could muster, Jerra crawled over and threw herself down on his chest.
Darrell chuckled as his arms wrapped themselves around her waist. His hands trailed down to squeeze the plump globes of her ass before coming to rest on her hip. Jerra ran her palms over the contours of his chest as a sense of loneliness began to engulf her. She missed him already.
Although she hadn’t opened up to him about the hell she’d gone through because of Earl, she appreciated the fact that he hadn’t pressured her. She’d listened and heard his words. The days of letting her past influence her future were over. She had too much to look forward to – starting with the person lying right here beside her…
The next morning, Jerra pretended to be asleep when she heard the shower turn off in the adjoining bathroom. Darrell would be leaving in the next hour or so, but she didn’t want to think about him going home. Not yet.
She listened as he opened the bathroom door and padded barefoot towards the bed. She felt his gaze running over her face as surely as if he were physically touching her. After a few minutes, he walked across the room and started getting dressed. The two of them had made love an hour before he’d gotten up, but her body stilled ached for him.
A little while later, Darrell gently rubbed her shoulder. She looked at him with sad eyes, knowing she couldn’t ignore the inevitable any longer. When the moment came for him to leave, they wordlessly walked hand in hand to the front door.