Authors: Suzanne Jenkins
Conversations with her mother exhausted her, but there was a possibility she’d end up living with her some day so she always tried to placate her. Rolling over to look out the mini-window, the sky was clear and the stars shone brightly as they do only in the desert where there are no competing lights. Crawling over to the other window, she peeked out to see if the lights were on in the trailer. She thought she could see shadowy figures walk past the curtained windows; maybe the girls were watching television. As much as she hated to admit it, she was jealous of Laura. Even the oldest boy, the kid with Downs, even he made Laura’s life enviable.
“You make it look so easy,” she once said to Laura, who’d invited her to Easter dinner the previous spring. Nursing a glass of wine at eleven in the morning, Kelly sat at the counter watching her hostess move effortlessly from one task to the next, putting the ham on, tending to tears when Ned fell off his skateboard, trying to comfort Junior who’d found a dead Cardinal. Carin came in with a magazine to show her mother a photo of a dress she liked, and Elise brought a male friend in to meet the parents. While all this chaos was taking place, Laura prepared a cake mix, made deviled eggs, peeled five pounds of potatoes.
“Can’t I help you?” Kelly had asked, secretly hoping the answer would be no.
“Oh no, I’m fine. Everything is under control. My mother-in-law will be here at noon and she likes to take over in the kitchen. I’ll be free to hit the wine at that time.” She laughed out loud, just as Mike walked in. Now it was the
person of Mike,
who moved Kelly’s modest envy of her friend over to green-eyed jealousy. Before she met Mike, Kelly wondered why Laura never spoke of him. Maybe he was a jerk.
“You never mention your husband. What’s going on there?” They were at work. She watched Laura carefully after asking the question, and was sorry she had. It was so obvious they were in love. Laura flushed, red starting over her chest and moving up her neck, little spots of red dotting her face until it finally stopped at her cheeks. It made her look ten years younger.
“My marriage is private, that’s all. ‘Don’t brag your man around town.’ It’s an old saying.”
“So, you’re saying its okay?”
“We’re great.” She smiled at Kelly, and then got a look that Kelly would later refer to as Laura’s
go fuck yourself
look. “Why do you ask?”
“Just curious, I guess. You never talk about Mike.”
“Like I said, he’s private. And, he’s mine.” Laura smiled. “Not that you were implying otherwise.” Kelly thought it was common, if not immoral for single friends to make moves on married friend’s husbands.
Easter dinner would be a turning point in her relationship with the Davis marriage. They’d had too much to drink and Kelly made a flirtatious comment to Mike in front of everyone, including his mother and father.
They’d just come in from an Easter egg hunt and roll, and the noise was deafening. The four Davis children, plus a few extra neighborhood kids ran the adults ragged. Mike and Laura loved every minute of it, jumping up and down and screaming, encouraging the kids, the grandparents making as much noise. The yelling and wine had given Kelly a whopping headache, nothing that more wine, or better yet, a shot of tequila wouldn’t take care of. It led to the adults doing tequila shots with lime and salt after dinner. Carol was hysterical laughing, teetering in the corner of the kitchen on a barstool. It looked like a strong breeze could knock her over.
“Mom, I have you to blame for the madness around here,” Mike said. “What were you thinking, putting squirt guns in the kid’s Easter baskets?” They teased her, howling laughter. Kids running in and out of the house added to the scene.
“Why’d we have so many kids?” Mike asked, mocking. Everyone laughed, Laura shaking her head. There was a lull in the conversation, when Kelly felt a zap of energy flow through her body just as Mike innocently looked at her and smiled.
“If you ever get tired of the confusion over here, my place is as quiet as a church.” The words were out of her mouth in seconds, but it confused her, like they’d been spoken by someone else. Laura stopped what she was doing and looked over at Kelly, her face relaxed and a slight smile on her face. She didn’t react the way Kelly thought she might have in the face of such disrespect. Carol gasped and whispered something to Randy, who frowned. All of this transpired in seconds. Laura was moving to the counter with the relaxed look, unthreatened by the words, when Mike got up and embraced her, and then in front of everyone, dipped her, charming her, and kissed Laura on the mouth. He smacked his lips and pulled her back into a standing position as she giggled.
“I love my life,” Mike said. “We’re never bored, are we?” He said it in such a way as to not embarrass Kelly, but it let her know that he’d never betray his wife.
“We are certainly never bored,” Laura agreed. “I’ll get you some ear plugs, Kelly. They are great when the decibels get too high.”
Waves of heat flowed through her body, embarrassment, and something close to humiliation. A little tremor had started in her lips and she was afraid she would burst into tears. Too drunk to drive home, maybe fresh air would help.
“I’m drunk,” she admitted. “Time for fresh air.”
“I’ll be right behind you,” Laura called.
“Me, too,” Carol said. “I feel like I might throw up.”
“Me, too,” Randy said. “As a matter of fact, I’m going to.” He got up and went into the bathroom. Mike was hysterical laughing, bent over at his waist, slapping his hand on his knee. A crisis had been averted.
“Whose friggin idea was it anyway to do shots of tequila?” he asked.
“Kelly,” Laura said, pointing. “It’s all her fault.”
“Yes, I think we better keep our eye on Kelly. She might be trouble,” Mike said.
“I’ll be on my best behavior,” Kelly answered.
“When?” Laura asked, laughing.
“Whenever I have to be.”
“Well, we won’t hang by our eyelids,” Carol said, coming along side her and putting her arm through Kelly’s. “Let’s go outside before I barf.” The laughter started up again.
By ten, Kelly was sober and ready to go home.
“I guess I’ll see you at work tomorrow,” she said, hugging Laura goodbye. “Thank you so much for one of the best Easters I’ve ever had.”
“Thank you for coming,” Laura said. But Kelly felt like there was little distance, a little coolness. She loved Laura and didn’t want any pink elephants.
“I’m sorry about that comment about my house being quiet. It was the booze.” Laura patted her arm.
“No problem. You can see he’s not going to take you up on it.” She smiled at Kelly, with just a certain look, like she understood she led a charmed life that a lonely, middle aged woman might long for. They hugged again and Laura walked her out to her car, standing by as she buckled herself in and drove off.
Now in the Arizona desert, Kelly rolled over on her back again and looked at the ceiling of the berth, the headliner covered in some kind of synthetic fabric that had silver threads in it, just enough glint to catch what little light there was inside.
A body walked into the bathroom, the camper rocking reminding her where she was. She heard water running, the door opening, footsteps coming toward her.
“Knock knock,” Steve whispered. “Kelly, do you want company?”
She sat up and moved the folding door away. “It’s late,” she said. “Aren’t you tired?”
“I am, but I heard you tossing and turning. I thought I’d make us some tea. I can’t sleep either.”
“Okay, I guess tea would help,” she answered softly, inching to the edge of the mattress and sliding down to the floor. “I’m worrying about those stupid things that have the power to keep you up at night but then mean nothing in the light of day.”
“Oh yes, I know that drill well.” He filled the teapot with water and put it on the gas stove to heat. “Now we have all the reason in the world not to sleep. I’m not even sure we’ll make it through the night.”
“What do you mean?”
“I read on one of the forums last month that this area is vulnerable because of the food producers. One of the things you can do to control your people is to control their food source.”
“You’re scaring me,” Kelly said. “Why’d I think this was the safest place to be?”
“Well, don’t be afraid,” Steve said. “Being aware of these ideas will give you power. You said yourself you wanted to grow food. The only problem is we have no water here. The commercial fields are irrigated with water from the Colorado River by systems that have been in place for one hundred years.”
“So what do we do?”
“We could go to California. Southern California, especially the mountainous region of north San Diego County has a year round growing season and a temperate climate. They’re in a drought right now, but it’s still better than we have here. We get less than three inches of rain a year.”
“Oh boy, water is really an issue, isn’t it?” Nodding his head, he turned the stove off before the teapot whistled. He poured the boiling water over the bags and pushed a sugar jar closer to her.
“I have a friend who has a cabin in the foothills outside of Camp Pendleton that’s been empty for five years. He’s in Florida now. But he offered me his cabin when I told him we were running.”
“Oh no,” Kelly said. “I’ve read military installations will be the first places to get hit if there’s a war.” Steve smiled at her, waiting for her to grasp what she’d just said. It didn’t take long; lowering her head, she started to laugh. “Right.”
“Yep, this is not the scenario anyone thought it would be with terrorists and outside dangers. It’s like civil war, only the teams haven’t differentiated yet. Or a rebellion. Yes, it will be a rebellion.”
“Only no one is rebelling yet,” Kelly noted. “We’re just running for our lives.”
“Give it time,” Steve replied. “Nothing is going to happen quickly, I’m afraid. Someone in a position of power is going to have to get smacked in the face first. Then something will change.”
Kelly sipped the tea and put her head back against the wall. “I liked my life the way it was. Boring and predictable. I don’t want to think about bombs and killing and viruses.”
“Well, from what I hear, you can set aside any worry about a virus because it doesn’t exist.”
“There’s no proof either way,” Kelly said, defensively. She was tired of men thinking they could make sweeping statements with no proof and that no one would challenge them.
“Why would the hospitals be bombed if there was a threat of a mass epidemic? My own doctor told me. He went to school in Philadelphia. He said classmates of his who practice up by where you live have told him they’ve never had a case. Yet there have been, what did I hear? Ten bombings just in the Philadelphia area alone. Ten. Ten towns in the most populated area of the country.” He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and pointed to the door. Following him outside, Kelly pulled her sweater off the berth and shrugged into it. It was getting cold at night in the desert as autumn progressed.
There were still red coals in the fire pit. Steve arranged more wood over the coals, small kindling and bigger split logs. He crouched down and blew on the fire until the kindling caught. “How’d you know to meet us here?” Kelly asked.
“Laura called me with the message that she was sending me a link she wanted me to read, saying it was life or death. It was a Rumor forum. It was the first time I’d heard of burn districts. Later, I called her and all she said was that they were coming to the desert, and she’d send me an email when the time arrived. I was too antsy to wait around and told her to come whenever she wanted, I’d be here and so I am. I needed to spruce things up for my family.”
“What did you think when you read the forums?”
“I thought it was another conspiracy theory until I had an experience with my brother when we were returning from a fishing trip.” He told Kelly the story about the burn in Florence, South Carolina.
They spent the hours until midnight talking and getting to know each other. Kelly was attracted to him, but very worried about Laura. Steve was attracted to Kelly and didn’t care what Laura thought. But he didn’t make a move and she certainly didn’t say anything. They had the rest of their lives if it was meant to be.
When the moon was overhead, Steve looked at her and offered her his hand. “I guess we should call it a night.”
Sighing, she nodded her head. “I feel like a child, fighting sleep. Like I’m going to miss out on something important if I nod off.”
“Well we better try to get some sleep. Tomorrow is coming soon enough. I’ll wake you if anything exciting happens.” She took his hand, giggling, letting him pull her up. They stood closely and looked at each other for few minutes. She could smell his breath, minty toothpaste and cigarettes. Holding his hand out, he stepped aside.
“After you, my dear.”
Bowing her head, she nodded. “Thank you.” She was a little disappointed that he didn’t at least try to kiss her, but he was just waiting to get inside. He had an eerie feeling they were being watched, like maybe Laura had gotten up to pee and decided to peek out the window. Steve opened the door for Kelly and she pulled herself up into the camper. She needed to use the toilet after all the tea but was embarrassed in front of Steve. So she just pointed toward the door.
“May I?”
“After you,” he said. She went inside and dug for her toothbrush in the makeup bag she’d stashed in the cabinet. Looking at her reflection in the mirror while she brushed, the unreality of their situation magnified; the impossibility that she left her job and her house, running to the desert with people she didn’t know all that well, who in their generosity brought her along, saving her life, and now offered her a place to live. When she came out of the bathroom, he was sitting at the dinette with his back to the door, listening to the radio. She was touched by the effort he made, trying to give her privacy.
“Thank you, Steve. Thank you for allowing me to stay in your camper. It just hit me how lucky I am to have Laura in my life, or I would probably be dead.” He looked up at her as she stood next to the table.