Burn Girl (25 page)

“You said you couldn't get the money.”

“I lied before. I can get some. Maybe not fifty thousand, but—Frank keeps a little in the trailer. And I can get more from Mo's parents.”

“You're a lying bitch, just like your mother,” he said.

I bit back my anger. I couldn't risk scaring him off. “Just meet me at the trailer. Two a.m. I promise to be alone.”

The line went dead. I could only pray he'd show up.

Warm lights illuminated Mo's house, the glow of family and safety and normalcy pouring from the multipaned windows. Two police cars on the street in front shattered the idyllic scene and reminded me I was essentially under house arrest.

Mo walked up the sidewalk to her front porch and I followed close behind. “Mom's cooked supper. Cody and James are here too.”

“Why are they here?” I pulled on Mo's arm to stop her.

“I told them what happened. They wanted to see you.”

“And your parents?”

“I told them everything too.”

My legs grew weak and I grabbed for the porch railing. Mo didn't wait for me to object or complain. Instead, she walked into her house, assuming I'd follow. So I did.

As soon as we entered the kitchen, Mo's mom pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms even tighter around her waist. During the whole day, no one else had offered any comfort or understanding, and my frayed nerves welcomed the soothing she provided.

Mo's dad stood in the doorway to the dining room, a beer bottle in his hand. When I caught his eye, he turned and left.

I expected a hug from Cody, but he sat down with the others. I took the chair next to him.

“Cody?” My voice shook. I didn't know the extent of the harm I'd done to us. I squeezed his hand, but he barely squeezed back.

“I'm glad you're okay, but let's just eat.”

“Cody's right. I'm sure Mo and Arlie are starved,” Mrs. Mooney said. “They've been at the hospital most of the day.” Mrs. Mooney reached for plates in the cabinet and filled them for us.

After not eating or drinking all day, I was grateful for the warm meal and gave it my entire attention. Everyone else picked at their food and said little except to ask for more bread or tea.

“So we're going to pretend this is some normal get-together?” James let his fork drop to his plate, which caused both me and Cody to jump.

“Cool it, James,” Cody said. “We can talk later.”

“Actually, no, we can't.” James stood and laid his napkin across his plate. “We're leaving now.”

Mrs. Mooney jumped from her seat. “Please, let's stay calm. Arlie's been through enough for one day.”

“Oh, she has, has she?”

James's anger shouldn't have surprised me, but I found myself shaking, barely able to keep it together. I felt cornered and utterly alone.

“Hey, man, lay off,” Cody said. “We're all tired. We're all worried. Blaming Arlie right now won't solve anything.”

Even though Cody came to my defense, his tone suggested a distance that would be difficult to bridge, at least tonight.

“I'm sorry—” I began.

“You should be,” James said, sitting down.

“Let her finish,” Mo interrupted.

More than anything, I wanted to apologize for thinking I could be part of their normal lives. I was the square peg that'd never fit, no matter how hard I tried.

“Why didn't you let us help you?” Cody's tone had softened, but hurt punctuated every word. When he finally leaned in to hug me, I'd never been so grateful.

“He told me not to say anything. I needed time to think of a plan. I was trying to protect you. All of you.” I buried my face in the nap of his flannel shirt.

“And yet your uncle is in the ICU.” Mr. Mooney had come back to the kitchen without me noticing.

“Rob, that's uncalled for,” Mrs. Mooney said. “She's just a girl.”

“He's right. This is all my fault.” I pushed away from the table and ran up the stairs, two at a time, until I reached the hall bathroom. I slammed the door and locked it. Slumping down, I wedged my back against the vanity. The chill in the tile floor seeped into my jeans.

Thankfully, no one followed. I sucked in air, but my lungs refused it. Everyone downstairs expected me to do the “right” thing—let the police find Lloyd, arrest Lloyd, punish Lloyd. Emotions ran high. They were all angry that I hadn't gone straight to the detective as soon as I left the restaurant this morning.

How could I explain my fear that Lloyd would slip through the cracks once again, only to resurface later? I couldn't imagine how we'd live day to day. No one could protect us twenty-four seven. Frank was proof of that. And Mr. Mooney was right. I was to blame.

I heard Mo leading Cody up the stairs before I heard a faint knock on the bathroom door.

“Let me in. Please.”

From my sitting position, I leaned over and unlocked the door. Cody motioned for Mo to leave us alone and then closed the door behind him.

“I'm on the floor. Here, take my hand,” I said.

Cody dropped to his knees, his hands outstretched to determine which direction I faced. He sat down, legs crossed and facing me.

“I didn't mean to upset you. Any of you,” I said. “My decisions had nothing to do with you.”

“Do you know how awful it'd be to lose you?” he asked. “And your actions do affect me. Because we're together now.”

With his head bowed slightly, his hair fell in a blond curtain, shielding his eyes. I brushed it out of the way, only to have it fall again. So I grabbed his chin and lifted it up so that I could see his whole face. I ran a finger over his bottom lip and he drew it in.

“Don't,” he whispered. “We should go downstairs.”

I placed my hands on his cheeks. “You're beautiful, Cody. Inside and out. I don't deserve you.”

“Arlie—”

“Shhh.” I kissed him softly. He kissed me back, gently at first, then more forcefully. His tongue darted around mine. I didn't think I could kiss him hard enough to show how much I wanted him.

My fingers fumbled at the buttons on his flannel shirt. He brushed them away with a quiet “no” but kissed me hungrily. I kept at the buttons until I could push the shirt off his shoulders. He struggled to free his arms so I pulled on the sleeves until the shirt came free. He grabbed my T-shirt and lifted it over my head. Goose bumps dotted my skin as Cody pushed me against the cold tile floor, the clasp of my bra digging into my back. His chest was blistering hot against my skin. He leaned on one elbow, keeping his full weight off me.

“We can't do this now, here.” His breath tickled my ear. “With everyone downstairs.”

“I don't care.” I groped at the zipper on his jeans. I felt he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

“Not like this.” He pushed off me and sat with his back against the bathroom door. The distance between us felt enormous. He ran both hands through his hair and closed his eyes.

Embarrassed at what I'd started, I pulled on my T-shirt, but felt chilled through and through.

“I'm sorry,” he said.

“Don't be. I don't know what I was thinking.” But I had known. Lloyd represented death and I wanted to feel alive, supercharged in every cell of my body. To drink every last drop of what Cody represented: love and hope and normalcy.

“I wanted to,” he said. “I did.”

“You don't have to say that.”

He pulled on his shirt, but didn't button it. He helped me to my knees and held on to me as if there was a chance I'd disappear forever. Cody spoke directly in my ear.

“I haven't done this with anyone. I want it to be right.”

He kissed my neck and hair. I closed my eyes and wanted nothing more than to sink into his words like into a warm bath.

“I want you to be my first too,” I said.

Mo's sharp rap on the door wrenched us back to reality. “James wants to leave now.”

CHAPTER 29

Mrs. Mooney had made coffee by the time Cody and I joined everyone back downstairs. Mo's dad was in the living room, speaking to one of the officers tasked with watching the house. I overheard that they'd stationed one car in the front and one in the alley behind the backyard.

“Here.” Mo handed me a steaming mug.

I closed my eyes and breathed in. All those years, I couldn't smell this aroma. Now freshly brewed coffee was one of my favorite scents. Even with everything that had been said at this table earlier, a sense of family filled the room.

“This is just plain old Folgers,” Mo said. “With enough sugar, it's not bad.”

“I remember Rosa used to drink instant,” I said. “She'd have coffee every afternoon with little rolls that had pink sugar designs on top.”

“Conchas,” Mo's mom said. “Rob and Mo love them. The Mexican bakery near the Laundromat on Eighth sells them every Saturday. You'll have to try them sometime and tell us if they're as good as Rosa's.”

I couldn't see Mr. Mooney and me bonding over our love of Mexican pastries, but it was sweet of Mrs. Mooney to try to keep things upbeat and normal on a day that was anything but. And she managed to stay positive, straddling the conflicting emotions of her daughter and husband.

She stood behind Mo, rubbing her shoulders. She had to know what a rough day it'd been for her daughter. And she sensed that my friendship with Mo was on shaky ground.

James cradled his mug but didn't seem eager to talk. Yet I couldn't let him leave without trying to make him see what Cody meant to me.

“I'm sorry, James. Please tell me what I can do to make this better.”

Cody turned in his brother's direction. Their bond was evident in the way that James reached over and took his hand.

“Sometimes we do stupid things in the name of love,” he said flatly. There was no sign of happy, joking bookseller James. His clenched jaw said he was holding back what he really felt.

Mo's eyes were red and glassy. I reached across the table and offered my hand, palm up. I held my breath waiting to see if she'd take it. When she finally did, I let my own tears spill.

“Well, at least we can all agree that I've been stupid.” I wiped my face and snotty nose with the arm of my hoodie.

Cody and Mo's mom smiled, but James and Mo remained distant. I turned to Cody and he leaned in for a kiss, connecting with my lips on the first try.

“Nice aim, kid.” James's joke eased some of the tension at the table. I found my shoulders loosening a bit too.

“I'm not completely helpless,” Cody said and kissed me again.

I'd underestimated what I meant to these people and what they meant to me. My heart ached to think how they'd react if they knew I still intended to meet Lloyd. It could mean an end to these relationships, but there was no way I'd risk Lloyd slipping away now. I was sure he'd return when we least suspected it to carry through with his threats.

“Can we call the hospital and check on Frank one last time tonight?” I asked.

Mrs. Mooney grabbed our unfinished mugs of coffee and placed them in the sink. “Sure, honey. I'll call right now, but I think it's time for you and Mo to get some sleep. Cody is welcome to come back first thing in the morning.”

James waited on the porch while Cody and I said good night in the foyer. I leaned my forehead against his.

“Promise me … no more secrets,” he said.

I couldn't make that promise without lying. “So, you'll be back in the morning?” I asked.

“I'll go with you to the hospital.”

“Thanks. It'd mean a lot to me. And to Frank.”

He kissed me softly.

“Should I call later?” He nuzzled my neck and then stepped back.

“No, I'm going to turn in.”

“I could stay,” he said. “On the couch, that is.”

James held the door open for Cody so I touched his hand one last time. “Go before I change my mind,” I said.

Mo and I lay on her bed in the dark. Her parents had already gone to sleep, but the caffeine had me wired. That and trying to figure out how I could sneak out of the house without Mo or the police knowing. My plan would destroy the trust I'd built with Mo over the years. But if I thought about the pain my deception would cause her, I'd lose my nerve.

“The nurse told Mom he opened his eyes. That's a good sign,” Mo assured me.

“He's still not talking,” I said. “What if there's permanent damage?”

“They can't know until the swelling goes down. It's been less than twenty-four hours. Give it time.”

Minutes and hours didn't make sense. My world had stopped the moment the police said Frank was in the hospital.

I turned my phone to vibrate in case Lloyd decided to call or text. I couldn't risk Mo finding out that I was still planning to meet him. I kept the phone at my side, praying nothing had changed since I gave him instructions to meet me at the trailer.

“Mo, about today …”

“Let's just go to sleep,” she said. “We'll talk tomorrow.”

“But I want you to know—”

“I do know,” she said. “But you've got a lot to learn about friendship.”

I thought back to our first meeting outside the motel where Mom and I had been staying. Mo had been so bold, so sure of herself. She'd entered my life and stayed no matter how many times I tested our friendship.

“But it doesn't matter how mad everyone is. You're not alone in this.” She turned her back to me and pulled the quilt up over her shoulder.

She was wrong. Tonight, I'd be completely alone.

CHAPTER 30

FOUR YEARS AGO—FRIENDSHIP

Watching cartoons with a growling stomach wasn't working. Mom had been gone two days, and all we had in the motel room were tortilla chips and bean dip—and I'd finished those the first night she was gone.