Authors: Isabell Lawless,Linda Kage
“Oh, you’re welcome. I haven’t had dinner with an adult for… a very long time. It’s a treat for me.” With a smile she walked up the stairs and through the door to the kitchen. Well inside, and out of view, she placed Nova in her highchair by the counter and instantaneously broke out into a twisting dance, hands pumping up and down in the air, shouting breathlessly: “And I got it, and I got it, and I got it…”
“Uhm… ‘scuse me.” The low sound of his voice made every bone in her body freeze in the middle of the dance.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. No turning back with made up ideas about her outrageous dance moves. Too late for much else than the truth, must face reality. No lying to make up excuses.
“Yes!” She said, out of breath from her happy dance in the kitchen, her face red from both the excitement of having him stay over for dinner, and the complete humiliation of performing a booty shaking dance under his unknown scrutiny. Turned around, facing him, she placed her hands on her hips, and blew a strand of hair away from her face that had fallen over during her very recent disco boogie. Somewhat out of breath she stared into his eyes, trying to make him think she did this dance regularly and wasn’t at all offended he had ambushed her and seen her tush sway swiftly in mid air when he walked in. “Can I help you?” She continued.
“Uhm… I…” He said, smilingly.
“What? Just spit it out.”
“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to make you upset. Did I just make you upset?” He said. His dark, long eyebrows wrinkled in the middle, looking somewhat between annoyed and confused.
“No… sorry, didn’t mean to snap. You just surprised me that’s all. What did you want?” She said, trying a more polite tone, but the hint of embarrassment, turned irritation, still lingered on the tip off her tongue.
“Ooookay.” He said, and looked away at Nova who smashed her hands in a mashed banana on the top of the counter. “I was just going to say that the car will be ready and as new in just a few minutes, and if you don’t mind I’ll check on the old tractor standing inside the barn as well. I was the one to look it over for the previous owner and used to perform regular checks on the engine and everything else, making sure it always ran smoothly. Would you mind me doing that for you?”
“Um, no, not at all. That’s so nice of you. Really. I haven’t even had a chance to look it over, or even sat in it yet. Just happy it’s out there in case I take up plowing the fields out here one day. Not that I’m turning farmer… but… I… I don’t know. Anyway, thanks.” She said softly, turning her gaze to Nova as well.
“Alright, I’ll be back inside in just a little bit.” He said, and turned around to head out the kitchen door. But before he closed the door behind him his dark voice made its way over his shoulder. “Now you can go back to that nice booty shakin’ of yours.”
Her eyes tightly shut, and embarrassment shot all the way through her body, from head to toe.
Damn you, woman. Next time, make sure the door is locked before you shake your ass like there’s a tail back there.
Chapter Six
His plate had been completely spotless, cleaned into the smallest miniscule. Not a drop of gravy could be found on the white china facing him on the table. But he had he said much either. The meal had been inhaled in almost utter silence, except for the few polite phrases one says to keep good company around, and Nova’s cheerful sounds when her hands dug around in the mashed potatoes. He didn’t seem affected being around a child at all, she’d noticed. Some men retaliated when younger ones were close, or made scrunched up faces when milk or food came back out on the plate, when a bite seem to big too swallow.
“So…” She started, nervously twiddling the beads on her bracelet between her fingers like praying with a rosary. “How long have you been into cars?” One had to say something, because if she listened really hard she was almost able to hear her own heartbeat. The silence was killing her.
“Ever since I was born, I guess.” He answered, leaning against the tablecloth on his elbows, while eyeing Nova and taking small sips from the beer she’d poured him before he came inside. “My dad bought the shop where I work today, and until about eight years ago, we worked there together. Might be hard to understand how a car business like mine can survive and make a profit around a small town like this, but surprisingly enough it’s still alive and doing fairly well. With everyone using their trucks not only on the paved surface streets, but off-road as well things break down more often than not. Which is good for me, I guess.” Giving her small glances between watching Nova and sipping his beer, it seemed like he was expecting more of her questions, and that he seemed pretty okay with sharing some of himself with her.
“So, what happened eight years ago? You said, up until then you worked together, you and your dad?”
With a last sip, he placed the beer glass on the table without releasing it from his hand. She watched his fingertips caress the side of the glass.
“My dad was working underneath a car in the shop one day, while I was working on the computer by the desk, and out of the corner of my eye I saw his feet kick lightly. So, I went over to check what the hell was going on and pulled him out from beneath the car. I remember his eyes were still open, and a cold wrench was clenched in his hand. He was… dead.”
“Oh my God!”
With a slight shrug on his shoulders he emptied the beer into his throat by leaning back slightly.
“I’m so sorry.” She said, still sitting with her hand over her mouth. In shock.
“Hey, it wasn’t your fault. But thanks.”
“So, what had happened to him?” She continued.
“There was nothing I could do to bring him back, and believe me, I tried everything. But as soon as I pulled him out from underneath there… seeing his face, the faded purple blue-ish color… the way his hand cramped around the wrench and wouldn’t budge when I tried to take it out of his fist… I already knew it was too late. Still I tried everything I could. Miracles can happen, right?”
“Right.” She said more quietly, running her fingers across her lower lip.
“I called 911 and told them the story, then Brody, the local Sheriff, together with Wayne and Bryce, who work for the fire department all came out barely five ten minutes after I’d made the call, and we all agreed on the same thing; dad had had a heart attack underneath the car and hopefully it took him away immediately without any chance of suffering. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. I can’t stand the chance knowing he might have been struggling under that car while I was just a few steps away working on bills and other crap at desk. If I could’ve just…”
Suddenly she held up her hand across the table and her fingers touched his lips. He went mute the same second, looking at her stunned, but didn’t move away from her hand.
“I’m gonna stop you right there.” She said. “The word
if
doesn’t exist.”
“But,” He started, but instantly she pressed her fingers back onto his lips to silence him once more, letting the dark stubble caress the skin underneath her fingertips. If the room had been a little bit brighter he might have noticed how her pupils must have dilated. Something about touching him gave the strangest signals to her brain. She shook it off and continued.
“The words
if
and
but
do not exist. Please trust me on this. If not me, trust my therapist who I’ve been seeing for some time. It helps not to think of these words. Believe me. Stop torturing yourself with it.”
Slowly she took her fingers away from his lips, but not before she bravely placed her warm palm flat against his cheek and gently rubbed her thumb over the coarse hair covering his face. The moment she retracted it, his hand came up to cover hers, just holding her hand at a halt over his skin for a few more seconds before he let it go. In silence they both sat there, again, watching Nova’s attempt to bite the side of her plate, most definitely having painful teeth coming through.
His hands were crossed over his chest, with his fingers hiding in each armpit. Either warming them up from being cold outside earlier or for cheer comfort. Either way, those hands looked good. Big manly hands adept in any handyman’s job, she thought, before she noticed he was watching the way her eyes wandered across his body. Oops, busted for ogling the dinner guest. Erratically she glanced away tugged nervously on a strand of hair repeatedly falling from the top of her head.
Still watching her, the side of his mouth tugged slightly, revealing the same small hint of a smile she’d seen earlier when he’d caught her shaking her booty in the kitchen. He probably knew she liked what she saw across the table.
“Why are you seeing a therapist, if you don’t mind me asking?” His dark voice rumbled.
That’s right, she thought, she’d already confessed she was doing that. No hiding from that now. She pointed to Nova, who was starting to look more tired in her seat by the second, then kissed her on the top of her head.
“Nova’s dad… he… well, he doesn’t want her.” She nervously covered her hurt with a cough. Not letting any sadness or sorrow shine through. “It was very stressful, I guess I could put it that way: to become pregnant, go through birth, and postpartum with a man who didn’t only cheat on me while I was pregnant, which is when you’re already feeling like an ugly beast with low self-esteem anyway, but publicly dated women while I was home with a week old newborn.” She stood and cleaned the table off of plates and glasses, not looking at him.
Jefferson simply sat there. Frozen to the spot, in the same position as earlier, arms across his chest, hands in his armpits. Those large, muscular, manly, oh so strong hands. She turned away from him at the counter top, placing all the plates and glasses in the sink. Scrubbing a few things away, she continued.
“It was like I didn’t exist. Like those medieval ladies who only give birth to save the throne, but are too ugly or embarrassing to have out in public, you know. It felt like I lived in a fortress. A very nicely and expensively decorated fortress, but it was hell, like the way he would order me around: stand here, don’t do it that way, talk this way, dress like this. Things didn’t get any better when I found out, through media pictures, that he took a few of my closest friends out for dinner, made out with them, ran his hands underneath their clothes… and who knows what else.”
Nova had had it by the table, but as soon as Raylyn turned around to dry her hands on the kitchen towel, Nova was already in Jefferson’s arms. And to her surprise, she was quiet, and just watching him. Her small chubby fingers touched his face, slapped at his nose a few times, and watched with great interest how his lips moved when he made sounds to her.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that. Here, I’ll take her. We don’t even really know each other, you don’t have to worry about it.” She rushed over and tried to grab Nova out of his arms, but he didn’t budge.
“I’m fine, Raylyn.”
She wasn’t quite sure if he truly meant it or not, as he had just heard her sniffle story about her douche bag ex-husband and his lack of commitment to Nova. Reluctantly she dropped her hands to her sides, and watched the two of them interact in their own way. First time close-up after all. And from what she knew about him he was neither a murderer nor evil minded, she’d have to go with her gut feeling on that. Otherwise Truly down at the store surely would have warned her, as chatty as she was.
“So,” he said, and hitched Nova up a little higher, letting her small hands grab a hold of some of that dark hair of his, and suddenly Raylyn felt jealous of her own daughter. Wishing it was
her
hands in that dark hair,
her
body hitched up so high and sitting that close to his chest. Close to his face. Close to those lips…”
“Um, Raylyn, I just asked you a question. Are you okay?” His dark voice woke her from the hot dream scene she’d just experienced and she was instantly aware she was staring at him again. He must’ve thought she had a seizure or something. Luckily she felt no wetness of possible drool on her chin, in case she had forgotten to close her mouth in that far away moment of hers.
“Um… yes, of course I am okay! Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“No reason, really. Just seemed like you froze there for a second. Where should I put her?”
“Put who?”
“Um… your daughter.” He said, and gave a faint laugh, nodding Nova’s way.
God she felt stupid, of course he meant Nova, who else was here to be put to bed? Quickly, in wishful thinking, she thought it would be herself.
“Yes, of course I know you meant her.” Nice save, Ray, she said to herself, and took the few steps across the room until she reached the stairs to the second floor. “You really don’t have to carry her up. I’ll do it so you can be off. I’ve already made you over-stay anyway. It’s Friday after all, you must be off somewhere?”