BWWM Interracial Romance 8: Mutual Attraction (2 page)

Barbara
slipped her key into the lock and pushed open the front door of the apartment she shared with her mother. Neil had dropped her off at home on his way to work, and she wanted to change her clothes before heading into the office for a few hours of work when the office was relatively empty. She knew her mom would have a thing or two to say about it, but that was the price she paid for still living with her mother.

It wasn’t that Barbara needed to save money so badly that she couldn’t afford a place of her own, in fact, it was quite the opposite. Her mom had worked a variety of minimum wage jobs her whole life, and the years of being on her feet as a grocery store cashier had taken their toll on the woman. Barbara’s mother had done everything she could to save for Barbara’s education, but it had left the woman struggling to cope with the physical and emotional toll of being alone and barely able to make ends meet while Barbara had been away at college.

Barbara paid the majority of the rent in their modest apartment, and even though she was twenty-seven years old, her mother still treated her like she was a teenager. It was a situation that frustrated Barbara to no end, but she also dearly loved her mother and couldn’t stand seeing her unhappy and struggling financially.

“Hey mom,” said Barbara as she walked into the kitchen.

Her mom stood over the stove, flipper poised over a large pancake not quite ready to be flipped. Bacon sizzled in a cast iron pan, filling the apartment with a heavy smokey scent that set Barbara’s stomach growling.

“Wasn’t sure if you were coming home today,” said Lydia without turning around. “But I made plenty of pancakes for you just in case.”

Barbara hung her purse on the back of a chair and went to kiss her mom on the cheek. Lydia barely turned, her posture one Barbara found only too familiar.

“I’m finally feeling hungry again,” said Barbara, trying to keep her tone light-hearted.

The subject of her pregnancy was one of great contention in this household, but it was something Barbara refused to ignore despite her mother’s best attempts to pretend it wasn’t happening. Barbara’s life choices and perceived mistakes were a frequent topic of discussion around her mother, and she rarely had the energy to deal with the judgmental comments snapped her way.

Lydia flipped the pancake over in the pan and clicked off the element heating the bacon. She turned to face her daughter, arms crossed over her chest, and a disapproving look on her face.

“I guess Neil charmed you into believing his lies again,” she said. “What’d he say to get you into his bed this time?”

“Mom!” snapped Barbara. “That’s not fair, and you know it. Like it or not, Neil is the father of this baby, and I won’t have you constantly trying to knock him down. You don’t even know the man.”

“And whose fault is that?” asked Lydia. “You never bring him around here. I don’t know why you insist on hiding him away from me, and I can only assume that it means you’re ashamed of him if you don’t even want him to meet your own momma.”

“Please,” said Barbara, sinking into a chair and holding her head in her hands with elbows propped on the table. “I’m too tired for this right now. I have to go to work in an hour, and last night was tough enough as it is.”

“That’s what I’m talking about, baby,” said Lydia, throwing her hands up in the air. “If that man truly loved you and wanted to support your baby, you wouldn’t be coming home exhausted and unhappy after seeing him. Why won’t he put a ring on your finger? What kind of man is that he’d let you raise a child all on your own?”

“It’s more complicated than that, mom,” said Barbara. “You know it wasn’t like we planned any of this. With Neil’s schedule and my work deadlines, neither of us was really ready to settle down and start a family. I have to deal with this because it’s something that’s happening inside my body, but I can’t ask Neil to play the father if he doesn’t want to do that. I’d rather he not be in the picture at all than stick around out of some bullshit sense of obligation.”

“No need to go swearing at your momma,” said Lydia, turning away to flip the pancake out of the pan and onto a plate.

“I wasn’t swearing at you, mom,” said Barbara. “I just need you to understand that this isn’t as black and white as you seem to want it to be. I need to figure out what’s best for my baby, and I don’t want to do that without taking the time to think it all through.”

Lydia heaped bacon onto the plate and brought it to the table where she set it down in front of her daughter. She then took a glass out of the cupboard, filled it with orange juice, and handed it to Barbara.

“I just don’t want to see you ruin your life over a man and what he’s done to you,” Lydia said.

“Neil isn’t dad,” snapped Barbara. “Just because he walked out on us, doesn’t mean every man is selfish and evil.”

“I know Neil isn’t your father, but you’ve got to be careful with a man like him.” Lydia sat down and sipped from the cup of tea she’d left on the table. “Men like that just want to have a little fun with a piece of exotic fruit before they go on and find some blonde girl with perky boobs to marry and take care of their little light-skinned kids.”

Barbara paused with her fork halfway to her mouth. “I don’t even know what to say to that. Neil cares about me, that much I know for sure, but he’s scared, mom. What I don’t know is whether or not he can get over his goddamn issues in order to be a good father and husband. It has nothing to do with the color of my skin, and it has even less to do with the color of his.”

“Child, I love that you’re so kind-hearted to see the world that way, but that just ain’t how it is.” Lydia shook her head. “You’ve got to be realistic about what this baby means for your future. I worked every day of my life to keep you from being stuck without choices like I was, and now you’re going to throw it all away for a baby with some man who doesn’t even love you?”

Barbara dropped her fork down onto her plate, her food barely touched. She stood up quickly, pushing her chair back so hard that it wobbled and almost fell backwards.

Snatching up her purse, she stormed out of the kitchen and went to her bedroom where she slammed the door shut behind her. She couldn’t believe how ridiculous her mother was being, and she stripped out of her clothes and rummaged through her drawers to find a new outfit she could wear to the office.

Once dressed, Barbara looked at her phone and considered calling Neil. He’d gone to the hospital to catch up on some paperwork, and she knew he’d come get her if she told him it was really important, but what would she even tell him? How could she explain the things her mother had said about him, and worse, how could she ever tell him that the reason she was so upset was that her mother’s harsh words only echoed the feelings she kept locked away in the darkest corners of her mind.

Barbara sat on the edge of the bed and tried not to cry.

That was the worst of it. A part of herself was terrified that everything her mother had said was the truth. Those words had cut so deep because they’d been sharpened with an air of truth and reality that was too difficult to ignore as a black woman growing up in America. For all the supposed equality among those of different gender or skin color, Barbara couldn’t help but wonder if her white classmates had ever had to endure the constant doubt and fear that people were treating them a certain way because of how they looked on the surface.

Barbara plucked a tissue from the box on her nightstand and used it to wipe away her tears. She went to the mirror above her dresser and carefully applied a bit of makeup before steeling herself to put her feelings aside so she actually get something done when she went to the office. She didn’t have time to be disappointed or angry at Neil and her mother in light of the pressure she put on herself to excel at her job. It was ridiculous that anyone would even suggest to her that she couldn’t be a mother and have a stable career at the same time, and she intended on proving otherwise.

All she needed to do was lock in that promotion before her pregnancy began to show too obviously, and she’d show Neil and her mother that she was a strong woman who was capable of making smart decisions when it came to building a supportive life for her and her yet to be born child. At the end of the day, the only person she could really count on was herself, and if Neil didn’t want to be a part of that, then fuck him.

As for Barbara’s mother, she thought as she collected her things and strode to the front door, she’d just have to accept that she didn’t have the right to dictate how Barbara chose to live her life. On the one hand, it was easy to see that Lydia cared deeply for her daughter and was acting out of concern for the woman she still thought of as her baby girl, but that didn’t mean Barbara had to put up with it when it came across as negative and discouraging. Mothers were supposed to be caring and supportive, and if Lydia couldn’t do that, then maybe it was time Barbara got a place of her own. If she wasn’t going to get the help she needed from those she considered closest to her, then it might just be time to start looking out for herself instead of expending so much energy trying to convince her supposed loved ones that she knew what she was doing with her life.

Barbara walked to the bus stop and stood waiting. She hated the fact that she had to go into work on a Saturday morning, and she wished she didn’t have to choose between going home to her mother or to Neil’s place afterwards.

Running a hand absentmindedly over her belly, Barbara pictured her child. She didn’t yet know if it would be a boy or a girl, but she knew she only had a few months in order to carve out a safe and secure life for the little person that would become her whole world.

A chill breeze swept down the street and Barbara shivered. The whole world seemed to be against her in that moment, and if she’d had anywhere to run to, she would have raced there as fast as she could. Instead, she boarded the bus and took a seat, trying to ignore the fear welling up from deep inside her so she could make it through the day without breaking down in a heap of tears.

After
being on shift for nearly twenty hours, Neil wanted nothing more than to go home, have a shower, and to sleep the day away. He hated night shifts more than anything, and they always left him in a foul mood. The morning light shining in through his office window went a long way towards energizing him enough to push through the last of his paperwork, but he was still tired and cranky by the time he scrawled his signature on the last file before tucking it back into its manila folder and leaving it on his desk for Ashley to collect.

Neil looked at the dregs of his coffee and swirled them around without drinking before setting the cup back on the desk. He took his phone out of his pocket and made it only part way into composing a message to Barbara before deciding that he didn’t know what to say. They’d continued seeing each other over the last few weeks, and he’d been trying his best to be supportive of Barbara throughout that time, but he still didn’t know if he was ready to be a father.

Scrolling down through his messages, he stopped at one with an attached photo and clicked on it to enlarge the image to full screen size.

Barbara had taken the photo of herself in her bedroom, and in it she wore nothing but a sexy pair of purple lace underwear and a matching bra that pushed her large breasts up in a sensuously appealing way. Her belly was now obviously swollen with the life growing steadily inside of it, and although the photo had first made Neil a little uncomfortable, looking at it several times over the last few days had awoken something in him that found it undeniably beautiful. He opened the image often, his eyes taking in the full curves of Barbara’s body, and his hands and lips making a mental pilgrimage across her flawless dark skin.

Is this what love is?
He wondered to himself. He had yet to be able to bring himself to say it out loud to her, but there was pain and sadness in his thoughts of living his life without her. As much as the idea of having to be responsible for a wife and child scared the hell out of him, he was gradually becoming more afraid of losing this woman he cared so much about.

Neil’s phone desk phone buzzed, and he picked it up after seeing it was Ashley calling from the reception desk out front.

“Doctor Edwards, I have a Mrs. Woodward here to see you, but she doesn’t have an appointment.” Ashley lowered her voice a little. “Should I tell her she has to come back?”

“No, no,” said Neil. “Send her right in.”

What was Barbara doing here?
He thought as he went to open his office door.

An older woman walked in, and for a moment Neil was confused. It was only when she glared at him that he realized the mistake he’d made.

“I was expecting your daughter,” he said after closing the door behind them. He held his hand out for her to shake. “I’m Neil, but I suppose you already knew that.”

“Lydia,” said Barbara’s mother. “But I suppose you figured that out too.”

“You two look very much alike,” said Neil. “Can I offer you a cup of coffee or tea? Both are terrible here, I’m afraid.”

“No thank you,” said Lydia.

Neil pulled a chair out and motioned for Barbara’s mom to sit. “What can I do for you, Mrs. Woodward?”

“You can tell me what you intend to do about my daughter,” said Lydia, her voice stern and cold.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” said Neil. “Barbara and I are trying to figure this out, but it’s not exactly simple. With her getting that promotion, she doesn’t really need me in her life, and I’m not sure she even really wants me.”

“Don’t be a fool,” said Barbara’s mother. “My daughter is in love with you, and I won’t stand for you stringing her along. What’s wrong with your momma that she raised you to get a woman with child only to leave her wondering if you’re going to be there for her or not?”

“I know you’re upset, but that’s uncalled for,” said Neil. “This is between Barbara and I, and I’ll thank you not to question the parenting skills of my mother.”

“What you have to understand,” said Lydia, her words clipped and frank, “is that this is my baby girl we’re talking about here. I would do anything to keep her safe, and if you don’t plan to do right by her, then I think it’s high time you leave her the hell alone.”

Neil opened his mouth to reply, but he bit his words off before they could leave his mouth. He balled his fists and clenched them tightly, struggling to keep from yelling at this woman and her old fashioned ways.

“With all due respect,” he began, “what’s happening between Barbara and I is none of your business. She’s an intelligent woman who is capable of making her own decisions, and I suggest you show her the respect she deserves when it comes to be able to figure this out.”

Lydia stood up quickly, clutching her purse so hard her hands shook.

“You’re one to talk about showing a woman respect,” she spat. “If I find out you’ve hurt my daughter, there’ll be hell to pay, Doctor Edwards.”

His name sounded like acid the way she threw it at him, and he flinched at the conviction in her words. He briefly considered apologizing to her and trying to calm her down so they could talk about what had her so angry, but she turned and stalked out of the room without so much as another word, leaving him dumbfounded and frustrated behind his desk.

Barbara
flipped through channels on Neil’s TV, unable to find anything to hold her interest. Neil had been acting unusually withdrawn for the last few days, and even now he sat on the opposite side of the couch from her, his attention on his phone instead of on her or the time they were supposed to be spending together.

“Maybe I should just go back to my place,” she said quietly.

“What?” asked Neil, looking up from the email he’d been reading. “Why would you say that?”

“I came here to spend time with you, but it’s like being alone.” She clicked off the TV and set the remote down on the coffee table. “All through dinner you hardly spoke to me, and I’m pretty sure you weren’t even listening when I was trying to tell you about that awful meeting I had today.”

“I was listening,” said Neil, his tone defensive and short. “Your boss criticized you in front of the client, and you were upset about it.”

“No,” said Barbara, shaking her head. “The client criticized my recent project modifications in front of my boss. Now that everyone knows I’m pregnant and am going to be on maternity leave soon, I can’t afford shit like that. Today was a nightmare for me, and I can’t even get you to care about it.”

“I’ve got a lot on my mind too,” said Neil. “I’m sorry I drifted off at dinner tonight, but I’ve been working way too much overtime lately, and I’ve got some serious issues on my plate, okay?”

“I just don’t understand why it seems like you’re so mad at me all the time,” said Barbara. She picked up a couch cushion and held it to her chest, crossing her arms over it and shrinking into the couch.

“I’m not mad at you,” snapped Neil.

“There it is!” she said. “That pissed off tone of voice. You’ve been acting weird for days now, and I’m getting tired of trying to put up with it. If something at work is bothering you, then you need to be able to talk about it instead of walking around under a damn raincloud and taking it out on me.”

“It’s not that simple,” said Neil.

“Yes it is,” she replied. “Take ownership of your problems for once. If you can’t talk to me about what’s troubling you, then why the hell are we even together?”

“Fine, you want to know what’s pissing me off?” he asked, straightening his back and raising his voice. “It’s your fucking mother sticking her goddam nose in where it doesn’t belong.”

“My mother?” Barbara shook her head in confusion. “What does she have anything to do with this?”

Neil stood up and paced across the living room. “She came to see me a few days ago. She came to my office, Barbara. I guess she wanted to confront me about what a bad person I am or some bullshit.”

“I didn’t know about that,” said Barbara. “But I’m sure she was only looking out for me. I know my mother can be a little overbearing at times—”

“Overbearing?” exclaimed Neil. “The woman is insane. She came to my fucking office to tell me what a horrible person I am for not marrying you. Who the hell does that? What gives her the right?”

Barbara shrank even further into the couch.

“I know you’re upset, but that’s my mother you’re talking about,” she said. “Please show me some respect and calm down.”

“There you go with the respect thing,” said Neil with a choked sarcastic laugh.

He went to the kitchen and took down a bottle of vodka, pouring himself a large glass before slamming it down his throat.

“I don’t know what it is with you Woodward women,” he said, spit flying from his lips, “but you need to get the hell out of my business and figure your own shit out. You want to blame me for all your fucking problems? Well fuck that. I don’t need it from you, and I sure as shit don’t need to hear it from her.”

Barbara rose calmly and collected her things. She didn’t speak as she made her way to the door, and she tried not to make eye contact with Neil when he slammed his glass down on the counter and poured another drink.

“I was offered a job in New York,” he said. “They asked me last week, and I told them I needed time to think about it.”

Barbara hesitated by the door. She’d taken her phone out of her bag and started to dial a taxi, but she paused and listened.

“It’s a huge step up for me, and it’d be a massive pay increase,” he said with a slightly slurred edge to his words. “I think I’m going to take it.”

“That’s probably for the best,” said Barbara as she took hold of the front door handle. “You and I are through, and I don’t ever want to hear from you again. I’ll raise this child on my own, and I don’t want you coming anywhere near us.”

Barbara pulled the door open and ran into the hallway, not bothering to close it behind her as she ran to the exit, tears streaming down her cheeks as she called a taxi to take her home.