Both from Daniel.
One a text, sent only half an hour before.
When he’d known she was coming. He’d
known
. I’d mentioned it casually, dropping it into one of our phone conversations at the weekend, so what the hell was he doing sending messages when he’d known I’d have company? And not just any old company, but the girlfriend with whom I wanted to build some type of bridge?
“Damn it, Daniel, thank God this thing was on silent,” I muttered into the ether, pressing the button to read his text.
There had to be something ironic in shutting out Daniel when I was with Georgia, attempting to do the same to her when in Daniel’s bed.
Hey. Hope it’s going okay. I know you think it’s a mess but whatever happens the 3 of us will be all right.
“Glad someone thinks so, Daniel,” I said out loud as if he were actually here, and a shiver ran up my spine. I would have glanced over my shoulder but for the realization Daniel wasn’t an angel after all, not a demon. He couldn’t manifest in a locked room where once I’d been alone. Daniel Cross’s powers weren’t paranormal, and his wings were painted on. He—like I—was only too human.
The other message was a voice mail, and irritation flared in the pit of my stomach. As if a text wasn’t bad enough when it came to risking interrupting me and Georgia. He’d
called
too?
Groaning, I rubbed my dry, tired eyes with one hand, using the other to call voice mail and hold the phone to my ear. And I did so tentatively like it wasn’t a mobile phone at all, but a hand grenade with the pin removed.
“…
wish I was there, but
…” A heavy sigh, or groan. “
But something tells me that would be a pretty bad idea
.”
Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.
“
Look, I’m ready to chew my own face off here
…”
Oh you’re stressed?
“…
gotta know what’s going on. I know, I know what you’re thinking, but I’m involved too, so
…” Another pained sigh and I managed to summon some empathy. Only a little, given the fact
I
was the one in the midst of all this.
Circa Reece tonat
, to paraphrase Thomas Wyatt.
Around Reece, the thunder rolls.
“Oh, hi.” He must have been sitting right by his phone or holding it, staring at the screen, waiting for me to ring, so quickly did he answer. “How did it go? You got my messages?”
“Yeah. Yes, I did.
After
Georgia had left.”
“She’s gone, then?”
Don’t sound so fucking happy about that
. “Yeah, she’s gone.”
“You don’t sound very…”
“Happy?”
“That’s the word.”
“No, well that’s probably because I’m not.” My speech was clipped to the point of being abrupt, and someone less intelligent, alert, or observant than Daniel would still have picked up on that.
He cleared his throat. “What happened?”
“Daniel—you sent messages
while she was here
.”
“Yes.” He probably bit his lip, frowned, looked heavenward, all those gestures I’d familiarized myself with. The moves he made while he, the wordsmith, searched for a word. “Reece, what’s…?”
“I mean, Jesus, sending messages when she—when
Georgia
was here? You
knew
she’d be here; what were you thinking?”
“I assumed you’d have your phone on silent.”
“Just as well your assumption was correct. It wouldn’t have looked too good if I’d halted the conversation to take a call from the very guy who caused all this.”
Silence followed, but it deafened me. I
heard
, rather than saw, Daniel’s wide-eyed look of shock in the complete absence of breath and speech in my ear. The silent question,
what did you just say?
Sorry, Reece. You say sorry. This is where you apologize. Tell him you didn’t mean it
. “I just don’t understand why you had to send messages today, this evening, when you
knew
I was trying to fix things with—”
“And I don’t understand what the problem is if you had the phone on silent, as I
correctly
assumed.”
“Daniel, you—” But wild, choking frustration cut me off. He just wasn’t getting it, and I didn’t even know for sure what I was angry at. Him? Because he was there? Because even when he
wasn’t
there, he was in my head, infecting me like some disease that had worked its way into my every pore. I was hopelessly, incurably painted with Daniel inside and out, and no matter how pissed off at him I got, that wouldn’t take away whatever he’d done to me. If he left, he’d still leave something behind. A scar, a bruise, a shadow, a memory.
“Look, maybe we should talk about this.”
“Yeah,” I whispered, nodding as if he could see me. “We should, once I’ve…”
Eaten dinner. Had some sleep. Thought about this. Had some time to drive myself crazy.
“You want me to come over?”
I stood up straight then, surprised by his offer to make the journey.
And surprised myself with my reply.
“No.” Pause, before a quieter, slightly less vehement, “No. I’d rather just stay in. On my own.”
“Hmm.” I imagined Daniel chewing at his bottom lip, worrying at it as he contemplated his next words. “If you’re sure.”
“Yes.”
Still too aggressive, Reece
. “Yes. I don’t think it’d be appropriate to…” To what? “Go from Georgia straight to you.”
“Again?” he retorted, and it hurt. He had a point, but I didn’t feel like facing up to what a hypocrite I was. Not at that moment.
“Yes, Daniel. Again.”
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” He coughed. “Look, I sent those messages ‘cause I’ve been going out of my mind. Look at it from my point of view. Something’s happening between us, God knows what, but all I know is this evening your ex—”
“Girlfriend.”
“Your
ex
was due round, and you were doing your damnedest to get back with her; meanwhile I’m loafing around at home without a fucking clue—”
“You’ve got work to occupy you, haven’t you?”
“You think I can fucking
concentrate
with all this going on?” Daniel threw at me, and again, silence blanketed us. Oppressively so.
“Yeah. I, uh, don’t know what’s happening anyway. It ended kinda funny.”
Oh, yeah, Hutton. She wants you to choose between the one you’re speaking to and the one you’re speaking
about.
Damn hilarious
. “I need to think.”
Of how to get away with not making a choice.
“Well, keep me posted. Let me know,” Daniel said quietly, adding, “when you’ve figured it out.”
And I wasn’t certain, but I thought there was a twist of sarcasm in his tone of voice, the thinnest sliver of bitter lemon added to the cocktail.
That could take a while
. All I did was promise to get back to him without even knowing if this promise was empty.
His reply came not with words but with a near-musical beep and some static.
I hung up first
, my dead phone said.
I win.
Chapter Fifteen
I didn’t just kill time; I slaughtered it in cold blood. Dishes, ironing, tidying up the DVD cabinet. No job too meaningless for me to use it as a way of not thinking about Dan—about Georgia.
I’d completely fucked up with her by not performing an impossible task—staying away from Daniel. And how likely was it that she’d forgive clichés like
I didn’t mean for it to happen
and
I didn’t want to hurt you
and
But I watched you fuck him and the lust burned me up from the inside?
How could anyone have foreseen the way things would develop? I’d seen Georgia fool around with other guys. She’d even watched me fuck her best mate—several times—right in front of her. And we’d all been very civilized about it.
Thanks for the orgasms, there’s my taxi, have a nice evening.
Daniel, on the other hand? Truth be told, I had never seen him as a third for Georgia. I’d seen him as a third for
us
as a couple, had wanted us all to—
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
“
God
.” Hitting the Mute button on the television remote, I leaned forward on the settee, head in my hands, wanting to tear my hair out. I wanted both. I didn’t
prefer
Daniel. I wanted him. And wanting him didn’t change one fraction of my feelings for Georgia. She saw his presence as something to subtract from “Reece and Georgia.” I saw it as something to multiply. He didn’t take anything away from her at all.
If I had to choose, I’d be as well tearing myself down the middle and giving them each half a man. I couldn’t see how I could possibly be whole again without each of them in my life.
Sacrificing the dark angel for the devil I knew meant I could stay with the woman I’d loved for so long, but there would be no more experimentation, at least involving other people. Whether present or historical, Daniel Cross had changed our dynamic forever and Georgia would insist on ring fencing any possibility of that happening again with a strict no-thirds policy. And every time we fought, her furrowed brow and glistening eyes would be an accusation:
you did this to me.
Even if he was part of my past now, Daniel cast a long shadow into my future. Whatever happened, one undeniable fact remained: I could never go back.
I couldn’t stand listening to the television and couldn’t stand the silence in the flat. Too early to go to bed, it was getting to be too late to go out unless I simply pulled on my jacket and went for a—
The intercom.
I sprang to my feet, rushed to the handset by the front door. “Georgia?”
“
No, it’s me. Disappointed
?”
Gripping the receiver, I braced myself with one hand against the wall. “No. No.” And I was honest. It was true.
“
I didn’t phone ahead in case, well
…”
I could just imagine him shrugging.
“
You gonna let me in, then
?”
Pressing the Enter button, I hung up and unlocked the front door.
As Daniel’s footsteps echoed up the tenement stairwell, I wondered why he couldn’t get here quicker now that he was here, but the reverberant rhythm lulled me into a half calm. By the time he reached my floor, hands in pockets, head down, there was nothing to do but breathe out and say it. “You’re here.”
“Here I am.” He shrugged, looking through his lashes at me before lifting his head up, and the guyliner on his lower lids took me back to our first encounter. “Are you sure you’re not annoyed it was me?”
“Oh, that. I thought it might have been, you know. But no, I’m not annoyed.”
I’m relieved. Thank God you’re here, Daniel. Thank God you’re here.
“Well if you’re doing okay…” He didn’t grin like I was used to—like I wanted him to—but there was a definite tug at the corners of his mouth. “I’m not needed here, am I?”
Without thinking, I grabbed the front of his jacket in both hands and pulled him over the threshold. “‘Course you are.”
“Hmm. How ‘bout that. I might stay, then.” He hung up his jacket while I closed—locked—the door behind us. “The reason I didn’t call ahead was…” His shoulders slumped, and he turned to face me again. “I thought you might…”
“Ignore the call?”
“Well.” A quiet huff of laughter as if embarrassment tangled his guts. “I didn’t mean to piss you off with the messages, Reece, I—”
“It doesn’t matter—”
“It does matter. Let me finish.” Daniel held up a hand and, with it, held back the tide. He frowned in concentration, the man of letters stuck for words. “I got worried.” A deep, pained groan. “Forget it.” And he smiled, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter. When you picked up that thing…” He gestured in the direction of the intercom handset. “I figured, well, something. Are you expecting her?”
“What? No. No, I just wasn’t expecting
you
either.” I took a step closer. “But I’m glad you came.” And another. And another. And the nearer I got to him, the truer my words became.
“Good.”
I let out a groan of relief when my hands cradled his neck, when my forehead touched his. “I’m so sorry.” It was a whisper, possibly more for my benefit than his.
Daniel held on to my hips and said, “I’ve got no good reason to be here. Especially after you told me not to come. I just wanted to be.”
“That’s as good a reason as any. I can’t…” I cleared my throat softly. “I don’t know…” Taking a deep breath, still with my head inclined, still holding his face, I tried again. “I can’t choose between you.”
“You don’t have to. Reece.” His fingers tightened on my waist, pulling me against him. “I’ll never make you choose.”
“But—”
“I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere.” He wet his lip with the tip of his tongue, and oh how I wanted to kiss him. “Whatever you need from me, you can have it.”
The depth of his eyes drew me in. Like dark infinity pools. “I should have known you’d be trouble.”
Daniel laughed, a short chuckle. “I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or not.”
“You
are
a fallen angel.”
“That’s true. But even before you saw my inked wings, what made you think I’d be trouble?”
“I…” But the unsaid words choked me. And I didn’t understand it. He’d been inside me. I’d been inside him. As physically close as two men could possibly be. And we’d
loved
it. So why this final barrier, this inability to tell him what I’d thought way back when?
Daniel Cross was trouble. Sexy, gorgeous, bisexual, open-minded, insatiable trouble. Good with words, good with his hands, and that mouth did things to me I couldn’t describe.
“Go on.” He nudged me with his jaw against mine, whispered in my ear. “Tell me what was so special about me. Why was I so different?”
I gulped. “I wanted to see you fuck Georgia.”
“Yeah, I know you did.” He nipped my earlobe, sending sparks down the side of my neck.
“And I didn’t know it then, but…” Whether it was Daniel’s closeness or what I was about to say that made my stomach flip, I didn’t know.
Here goes nothing
. “I wanted you myself too.”
Daniel’s hands tightened about my waist, and the breath he let out against the skin of my neck was long, slow, warm.