By the Horns (21 page)

He focused on unleashing Ox and let the spirit do its thing. Ox and Snake formed the circle, the haze of the two spirits floating through him and Nat as the spirits joined. Within minutes, the luminescent rash spreading across Nat’s shoulder faded. By the time Kassian uncloaked Ox, the glow had disappeared altogether.

“All better,” he murmured, his tension easing. He rose and made for the bathroom to rinse the seawater from his body, but the water didn’t crank cold enough and he seriously contemplated hopping back into the frigid ocean.

He stepped into the cabin, but Nat hadn’t budged. Her small, white-knuckled hands were clasped in her lap. The thin, frayed, off-white towel hugged her torso. Her top teeth were sunk into her bottom lip as she stared at her hands.

Pale and hunched, her slight form looked so bloody vulnerable perched on his bunk. Even though he’d witnessed the brutal fighter, on the inside, Nat was as exquisite in her compassion as any other woman.

Too bad he’d sworn off women.

Chapter 18

“It’s going to be like this forever, isn’t it?” Nat whispered as Kassian sank beside her on the bunk. “Constantly battling for our survival.”

“You’ll get used to it.”

“Only if I pass your tests though, right?” She let the wryness seep through her tone. As a Lotus, she’d faced death before. Death hadn’t scared her. Not
hers
, at least.

“I can’t lose you, Kassian.” Whoa, the words had flown out. She stuttered to cover that verbal vomit. “I work alone. I’ve always worked alone.” She shot to her feet and paced to conceal the conflict inside her heart. “I can’t handle carrying someone else’s fate. What would have happened if I hadn’t saved you? Couldn’t have saved you? If I had needed a breath, it would have been too late for you.”

The words poured out. Her fears and her dread of failing. Working alone was easier. When she and she alone bore the responsibility for whatever outcome she might have to face. Maybe the problem wasn’t with Snake, but with herself. The idea of really letting the spirit in, of giving in to the bonding, terrified her.

“I was scared to lose you, too.” He caught her hand, his large one squeezing hers. “I get it. I really do. I also had a hard time accepting the other Chosen.” His thumb rubbed a circle on the inside of her wrist. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re not much different from the
shuǐ guǐ
.”

“What?”

“You live like a ghost. Alone. Like you’re trying to amp up enough points to break free. From what, I don’t know and you don’t have to tell me, but neither do you have to live like that.”

She flinched. How the hell had he hit on her life so well? As if he bored into her soul…but she hoped he couldn’t. He wouldn’t like what he saw.

“You have a family with the Chosen. People who will have your back no matter what. If you can learn to trust in us.” His mouth curved into a grim smile.

“I do. I trust you.” The words burned in her throat. How could she bond fully to Snake when she had never written “permanent host” into her plans? Kassian promised her a family, but she wasn’t going to stick around long enough to become one of them. She longed to forget her oaths, her final mission. Just for one moment, to pretend like the future could be anything.

With Kassian.

His gaze snapped to hers, those green-brown eyes searching. She met his scrutiny and let her sincerity seep through. Kassian would never hurt her or let her be harmed. There was too much of Ox in him. The protector. He had—and always would—look out for her best interests. They might disagree on what those were, though.

“So, I’m allowed to keep Snake and stay with you as a Chosen?” She lifted her brows in hope. Had she proven herself enough tonight to change this stubborn male’s mind?

He answered her by rising and slanting his mouth over hers. She pushed back right away. “No one’s watching.” She shoved at his hands, which sought to be everywhere on her body.

“I’m watching.” He nibbled along the outside of her mouth.

“Are you going to answer me?”

“Yeah. This is my answer.” He pressed his massive body against hers, and their “little” problem had definitely enlarged.

“But—your—vows,” she panted between his heated kisses.

“I made them. I can unmake them and make them again. I’m not a damn monk. Besides,” the corners of his lips quirked, “if my body isn’t the one receiving pleasure, technically, I’m not breaking any vow.”

She groaned. “Leave it to you to find a loophole.”

Oh, hell. She didn’t have any more arguments, not while his warm fingers slid along the bottom hem of her towel, caressing the skin on the backs of her thighs.

His lips paved a path down her throat while he tugged on her towel. The flimsy cloth surrendered, pooling at her feet.

He dipped his hand between her legs and rubbed his calloused fingertips over her clit. She moaned and arched into his big palm. As he sank to his knees, her legs quivered in anticipation.

“So bloody beautiful,” he murmured, nudging her thighs apart with his hands.

She closed her eyes. Being exposed to Kassian was different. Unlike her previous lovers, he took his time, admiring her. Stroking her with one finger and flipping his gaze up to peruse her expression.

He touched her like a man determined to remember every second.

“Watch me, Nat,” his deep voice rumbled in warning, his Aussie accent thick. She lifted one eyelid in compliance.

The corner of his mouth tugged in satisfaction. He leaned forward and glided his tongue across her clit. She jolted at the intimacy, but moaned as his lips kissed and sucked, his tongue flicking with masterful expertise.

Her legs buckled as the orgasm built, tightening her sheath. A few more strokes of his tongue, and she exploded. A cry trilled from her mouth. Her knees gave. Kassian scooped her into his arms, dimple flashing in masculine glory.

She’d come for him hard and fast. No denying it. He held her like putty in his hands.

And he damn well knew it.

***

Kassian’s body was ready to explode. Nat had imploded
from his touch
. Every doubt clouding his mind cleared. This attraction between them was real. She couldn’t refute it. Or disguise it.

Couldn’t hide her feelings or hide from him anymore.

He…well, he forgave her everything. Their past. The hurt and anger. Nat couldn’t do anything to make him regret being with her.

Despite his confidence, he wasn’t about to jump into bed with her. His head had definitely been clear as he’d pleasured her, but that didn’t mean he was certain they had a future together. That he wouldn’t return to his vows, and she to her Lotus career. But if they had even a slim chance at a relationship, it would require time to grow. The seed of trust had to be cultivated—on both sides.

He licked his lips and savored the taste of her. Sweet and perfumed. He’d never forget it. He hadn’t touched a woman in years and, yet, Nat had orgasmed hard.

Damn, he still had it.

He stroked the back of his hand down the side of her face. Her wide, questioning eyes demanded answers from him.

Was he convinced she should remain a Chosen? Nope. He had no argument against it, either. What he wanted was to hold Nat in his arms all night long and never let her go.

He combed his fingers through the damp locks on either side of her head, then kissed the top of her head and down her forehead to her nose. He hovered above her lips before pressing a kiss to them as well.

Tugging off his towel, he tossed it aside and nudged Nat to lie down on his bunk. He settled above her, braced his weight on one arm, and swept a hand through her hair. While he gazed at her, he dragged the sheet between them because he wouldn’t ruin this fragile bud of trust with acts that pushed them both too far too fast.

He knew Nat. He’d rushed her once and she’d disappeared for years. His jaw clenched. That bloody text. Though his cock was hard and ready, Nat’s tense body told him she wasn’t. He wouldn’t risk demanding too much too soon again. Even when he’d benched his heart years ago, the organ had refused to leave the game. Despite their role-playing, what grew between him and Nat wasn’t an act. He’d pace this slow. They’d figure out if there was any chance of them being together.

His brain begged him not to take the plunge again without some hint of reciprocation on her part. And his heart, well, his heart might already be fucked. But before he gave up his world for her, he had to be sure she’d relinquish the same.

He laid his head beside hers and inhaled the sweet perfume of her hair, sighing against her neck and calming his erection.

Would she be worth the trade of giving up his vows? Only time would tell.

“Good night, Natalie,” he murmured against her soft skin and drifted off.

***

Kassian awoke, but Nat wasn’t beside him. Not in his arms, not tucked into his side. He frowned at the loss of intimacy. Why had she left him? The hairs on the back of his neck pricked. Her desertion reminded him too much of the last time he’d taken a leap with her by his side only to land at the bottom alone.

After tugging on a pair of pants, Kassian wandered to the top deck. Ox’s senses helped him search for Nat—nostrils flared for her scent, ears strained for her heartbeat. He rotated and caught sight of her long auburn hair blowing in the wind.

Hmm
. What the fuck was she up to? He didn’t announce himself. Instead, he spied on the spy.

Nat extended her hands into the air and a bird landed on her open palms.

Damn. Who the hell used homing birds? Oh, yeah. The Matchmaker. Bitch.

Nat plucked a small parchment scroll from the pigeon’s leg before releasing it into the air. The bird flew away, squawking.

Only one reason existed for the Matchmaker to use a pigeon instead of a text. She didn’t want her message to be traced. What could be so important? He had to find out what was on that note.

Nat read the message and clasped the paper in her hands. A second later, she tore it in half.

Fuck.

The wind kicked up and blew the two halves around in a swirl. Nat stormed off in the opposite direction, so Kassian snuck forward and snatched one piece. The other swirled on the breeze before he could grab it.

He squinted at the paper.

Don’t lose y—

He crumpled the note in his fist. His mind conjured one completion of the sentence.

Don’t lose your heart.

Bloody Matchmaker. Every hopeful notion he’d had last night shattered. Nat was a Lotus. Even if she cared for him, even if she wanted to be with him, the Matchmaker would never permit her.

She owned Nat and she wasn’t about to let Nat forget it.

How could he compete with the person who owned Nat’s soul? The sad answer? He and Nat had been destined to crash and burn from the start.

If they could go back in time, maybe they would’ve had a chance. The second Nat had signed her fate away, they’d lost that chance.

The intimacy between them was just a ruse. A mission. Like every other to her. Even if she cared for him, she’d never act on her feelings. In the end, she would leave him. Again.

He’d survived losing his heart to her once. A second time, he wouldn’t be so lucky.

Yet his gut told him…it might already be too late.

***

Nat stomped down the length of the ship’s deck. She might call the Matchmaker a friend but, hell, the woman was meddlesome. So far, she’d done nothing but pluck at Nat’s strings.

Nat was fine with that. She’d signed up for this life. It was the Matchmaker’s interference with her
heart
strings that irked Nat.

The woman’s pesky reminder didn’t make things any better. Worse, the Matchmaker’s words didn’t hint at what she concluded about this entire situation… Or how the hell she had
known
about the situation.

Really? The morning
after
a night like that with Kassian was when the Matchmaker chose to send her little note?

Don’t lose your focus.

Like Nat was an amateur. She snorted.
My focus is just fine, thank you very much.

Either the woman had uncanny timing, a sixth sense, or she’d spied on Nat and Kassian. Nat ruled out the spying. Although it was a possibility, eavesdropping wasn’t the Matchmaker’s style.

Nat halted at the stern of the ship. The wind whipped her loose hair around her face, so she brushed the stray strands aside and tied her locks in a ponytail. As she tugged the elastic tight, she gazed out into the endless, undulating ocean.

A dark blob bobbed in the distance. She squinted. No, not a blob. A ship. She tensed and hoped it was another cargo vessel, not a visitor.

Male voices boomed from mid-deck. She hurried toward them. Price and Kassian pointed into the distance as they conversed. “What is it? What’s going on?”

“Follow me.” Price led them to the observation deck. The small, enclosed glass post had a clear view of the ship, headed in the opposite direction of their vessel.

Price closed the door, shutting out the rush of the wind and water, and encasing them in tomb-like silence. He waved for her and Kassian to sit on the bench facing the open water while he scooted over on a stool. “It’s mirrored glass. No one will be able to see inside. We’re free to observe.” He handed them each a pair of binoculars. “I’m going to check things out from another vantage point.”