Bye Bye Love (26 page)

‘There you are.’

He caught her wrist. ‘Scarlett,’ he asked urgently, ‘how are you? Is everything all right? Your father—?’

‘I’m fine. Just fine.’ She refused to meet his eyes, looking away to the waiting customers. ‘Just coming, sir. Hello, Mr Fielding, how’s the wife?’

Jonathan returned to his table with the tray of drinks, feeling as if he’d been through a wringer. Through the muddle of people taking glasses and thanking him, Corinne leaned forward.

‘What is going on? Who is that barmaid?’ she hissed in French.

‘Just someone I used to know, from way back.’

‘Were you lovers?’

‘She was my girlfriend, yes, but—’

They were interrupted by one of the gang raising his glass.

‘A toast!’ he called. ‘To Corinne and Jonathan! Long life and happiness!’

‘Corinne and Jonathan!’ everyone chorused.

Corinne laughed and thanked them all, leaning against him possessively. Jonathan put an arm round her shoulders, all the while conscious of Scarlett behind him at the bar.

‘Thank you! Thank you! It’s great to be back with you all again.’

‘Speech!’ someone called. It was taken up by others.

‘No, really—’

‘Speech, speech!’

Fists thumped the table. Eyes were watching him, mouths grinning. Corinne was looking up at him in expectation. There was no getting out of it.

‘Right, well—thank you for your welcome. You might be glad to know that you’ll be seeing quite a lot of us in the future. Corinne and I—’ Whistles and cheers from the audience. ‘Thank you. Corinne and I are planning to open a restaurant together and, as Corinne seems to like dear old Southend, it could well be here. So I hope you’ll all come and eat with us and help to make it a success.’

More cheers and whistles. Someone was thumping him on the back.

‘Good on you, Jonno!’

‘Great news.’

Everyone wanted to know more about Corinne and about their project. Jonathan was kept busy explaining, translating for Corinne and catching up with all the personal news. When he had a chance to look towards the bar, Scarlett was chatting to a customer. For a moment, their eyes met again, but she instantly looked away.

One of his mates got up to go to the toilet. Jonathan seized his chance to find out who was behind this nerve-stretching situation.

‘So what’s the big idea, then?’ he demanded.

‘What? What do you mean?’

‘Having this get-together here with Scarlett looking on. You must all be killing yourselves laughing at me.’

‘Wasn’t me, Jonno. I’ve never been here before. Bit of a shock for me, finding her here. I haven’t seen her in years.’

‘Shock! It was more than a bloody shock for me. You’ve really landed me in it. Corinne thinks there’s something funny going on.’

His friend gave him a level look. ‘She’ll only think there’s something funny going on if you act like there is,’ he said. ‘It was all over years ago, wasn’t it?’

‘Well, yes—’

Except that it wasn’t. Scarlett still had the power to rake his heart.

‘There you are then. Problem over.’

‘Right.’

But he still couldn’t enjoy the evening the way he would have done if Scarlett had not been there. His spine prickled with the knowledge that she could at any time be looking at him.

The party broke up at the end of the evening with everyone promising to keep in touch. Jonathan and Corinne walked back towards the sea front through the quiet streets.

‘Did you manage to follow what people said?’ he asked.

‘Yes, some of the time. It’s hard when they speak quickly, or interrupt each other.’

‘You’ll get better with practice. Your English is already a lot better than when you arrived. But did you like them? I want you to like my friends.’

‘Yes, they were very nice, very kind.’

‘Good. Another time maybe we’ll go out in a foursome or something, and it’ll be easier for you to understand what’s being said.’

‘Yes, I’d like that. But Jonathan—that barmaid, that Scarlett. You say she was your girlfriend once?’

Jonathan took a steadying breath. ‘That’s right.’

‘But there is nothing between you now?’

‘Corinne, for heaven’s sake! This is the first time I’ve seen her in—oh—three years or so. She’s married. She’s got a kid.’

‘I see.’

Something in her voice told him that she saw far too much.

‘Look,’ he said, ‘I’ve had other girlfriends, you’ve had other boyfriends, but that’s all in the past. We’re getting married, Corinne. That’s the future.’

They arrived at the top of the cliffs, overlooking the public gardens that ran down to the promenade. It was a clear night, and the moon made a silver path across the glistening mud to the deep water beyond. They both stopped and gazed at it.

‘So this Scarlett is nothing to you now?’ Corinne asked.

‘That’s right,’ Jonathan lied.

‘And you love me?’

‘You know I do.’

‘Show me.’

She moved into his arms, put her face up to be kissed. Jonathan surrendered to the moment. He had to leave Scarlett behind him. She had her own life, and he had his.

A
FTER
that Friday evening, Scarlett held herself ready to meet Jonathan again. She did not want to be caught like last time, hardly able to meet his eyes. Sometimes she saw his friends. They seemed to have adopted the Horse and Groom as a meeting place. When one or other of them came in, she would look at the door, wondering whether he would be following them, whether he would be on his own or with the French girl, but he never came. She longed to know whether he was still in the country, but was too proud to ask. She didn’t want his friends to gloat over the fact that she was still in love with him. When they bought drinks from her she was polite and friendly, as she was to all the customers, but she didn’t engage them in conversation.

Then one quiet lunch time, when she had just about given up looking for him, there he was. He came straight over to the bar and started talking to her.

‘You here on your own?’ she asked, pulling him a pint.

‘Yes, I only arrived back in England yesterday.’

So that was it. He had been in France since she’d last seen him.

‘Your fiancée’s not with you this time, then?’

‘No, she doesn’t like the crossing. She hates boats. So I’m here on a flying visit to look at premises for a restaurant. When I’ve got it down to the last two, she’ll come over and have the final say.’

Scarlett struggled to suppress an acid wave of jealousy.

‘Oh, you’re opening a restaurant together, are you? That’s nice. When’s this going to happen?’ She tried to keep her voice level and normal, but didn’t quite succeed.

‘As soon as I can find somewhere suitable. It’s not easy. It’s got to be the right size, a good position, not too expensive and have nice living accommodation. I’ve found one or two that are in the right place and a decent size. Look—’

He took a couple of estate agents’ leaflets out of his pocket to show her. Scarlett could hardly bear to look at them. To her relief, she was called away to serve some customers in the public bar, but when she came back to the lounge bar to serve one of her regulars there, Jonathan was still sitting at the bar with the leaflets in front of him, waiting for her. She lingered over getting the one whisky for her customer, but eventually she had to come and look at the choices for Jonathan’s marital home. One was on the quiet stretch of the sea front towards Thorpe Bay, the other was off the Hamlet Court Road.

‘What do you think?’ Jonathan pressed.

‘They’re both nice,’ she said.

‘I know that. They’re both fine as restaurant premises, and they’re both in areas where there’s plenty of money, but what about the living accommodation? What do you think? I need a woman’s view.’

Scarlett forced herself to look at the details of rooms and sizes. It made her feel quite ill. Lucky, lucky Corinne, to be marrying Jonathan. Stupid, stupid Scarlett, who’d thrown away that chance.

‘They’re lovely,’ she said.

Jonathan shook his head. ‘I don’t know. They both look a bit cramped to me. Corinne’s used to living in a lovely apartment in Paris. I’m not sure she’ll be happy in either of these.’

Scarlett could contain herself no longer. ‘If she loves you, she’ll be happy to live with you anywhere. In a garage, or a tent, anything. It doesn’t matter as long as you’re with the right person.’

Jonathan gave her a long, considering look. ‘That’s how you feel, is it? You’re happy to live anywhere as long as you’re with what’s-his-name?’

Scarlett bit her lip. Why was he doing this to her? He had his Corinne now, he shouldn’t be so bitter.

‘No,’ she admitted. ‘It was never like that. And now, if you must know, he’s left me. He went off to Hamburg to play his guitar in the nightclubs, and then just the other week I heard he was living in Liverpool.’

Jonathan looked shocked. ‘He’s done what? The bastard!’ He reddened and apologised for his language. ‘But honestly, Scarlett, how could he do that, leave you and his child?’

‘Children,’ Scarlett corrected. ‘He left just as the second one was born.’

At that point a group of people came in and Scarlett had to go and serve them, and after that Bert came down to take over.

‘I’m going home now,’ Scarlett told Jonathan.

‘No, don’t—I mean, look, can I walk along with you? As far as your road, perhaps? I have to—I mean, we can’t just leave it like this.’

‘Like what?’ Scarlett asked. It would be stupid to agree; it would only lead to more heartache. But somehow she couldn’t refuse. ‘All right. I’ll go and fetch the children and meet you outside.’

It was a beautiful summer’s day. Joanne demanded to go to the cliff gardens. Simon, who copied everything his big sister did, chanted, ‘Cliffs! Cliffs!’

‘Do you have to go straight home?’ Jonathan asked. ‘I’d love a walk along the cliffs. Paris is beautiful, but I miss the sea.’

Scarlett found herself agreeing again. She was glad of the children’s chatter as they walked down the street. Joanne only needed the odd word here and there to let her know that her mother was listening, giving Scarlett space to come to terms with the whirlwind of emotions that she was caught in. She couldn’t make out why Jonathan had sought her out like this. Was he trying to punish her by showing off his new love, his plans for the future? Was he just treating her as an old friend? Somehow, she didn’t think it was that. His reactions to what she had said were too extreme. She batted down any faint glimmer of an idea that he might still feel anything for her. She had treated him too badly, and now he was engaged to Corinne. There was no hope of reviving what they had once had.

They crossed the road that ran along the top of the cliffs and Scarlett lifted Simon out of the pram and let both children run on the grass. She kept an eye on them, but Jonathan was staring out over the mud to the deep water and the hills of Kent beyond.

‘It’s best when the tide’s out, isn’t it?’ he said. ‘It’s the real Southend. Remember those days we had out in the Ray?’

Scarlett’s throat tightened. She drew a shuddering breath. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘They were wonderful times.’

‘You really took to sailing, didn’t you?’

‘Yes, I loved it. It was so exciting, rushing along like that with the wind and the waves and everything.’ She hesitated, then added, ‘I often think of what it was like, when I see the dinghies sailing out there.’

Simon fell over and she ran to pick him up. She kissed him, rubbed his knees and set him on his feet again. Happy once more, he toddled off after his sister, who was racing around barking, pretending to be a dog.

‘You’re good with them, aren’t you?’ Jonathan said.

‘I’m their mum. I love them.’

They began to walk slowly along the clifftop, while the children ran about.

‘How are things for you, Scarlett?’ Jonathan asked. ‘How are you managing on your own?’

‘Oh, well—’ Scarlett hardly knew where to start. ‘It’s hard work, that’s for sure. I’m always tired.’

She explained her daily routine.

‘—the worst bit is having to leave the children with their grandparents at night. I hate that. And I’m scared they’ll try to take them away. They keep making hints, saying I’m not looking after them properly.’

‘Anyone can see you’re looking after them just fine. I mean, I don’t know much about kids, but they’re happy and healthy, aren’t they? And you’re with them most of the day and they’re asleep at night anyway. It’s not like you’re leaving them alone, or with strangers.’

‘I know, but if they told it from their point of view, you know, taking them to a pub every day—’

‘You and I were both brought up in pubs, It hasn’t done us any harm.’

‘Yeah, that’s true, but the welfare people might not see it like that. And then there’s Dad. The Harringtons are always making a thing about him being a bad influence.’

‘Ah, yes. How is your dad?’

‘Slowly getting worse—Joanne! Not down the path. Stay along the top where I can see you!—I don’t know how his body can stand it, all that drink. He hardly eats anything, just toast and stuff, and tea. I’ve practically given up making him proper meals. And he’s got the shakes something terrible. I feel dreadful sometimes, sending him off to work when he obviously isn’t well, but if he misses one day, then he’ll miss the next, and then it’ll be a week, and then he’ll lose his job. I just have to make him keep going.’

‘You’re twenty-one,’ Jonathan said. He sounded angry and frustrated. ‘You shouldn’t be doing all this. You should be out enjoying yourself.’

‘Yeah, well, that’s a nice idea,’ Scarlett said. She tried to recall the very last time she’d gone dancing at the Kursaal with Brenda, but it was all a bit of a blur now. If she had known it would be the last time, she would have made more of an effort to store it up in her memory.

‘But how do you manage, bringing up two kids on your own and coping with your dad?’ Jonathan insisted.

Scarlett shrugged. ‘I just have to, don’t I? Nobody else is going to do it.’

‘But what about what’s-his-name—Ricky? Doesn’t he send any money or anything?’

‘No. But up till recently I wasn’t sure where he was, not exactly. Well, I still don’t, only that it’s Liverpool. His parents know. They went up to see him only a couple of days ago.’

‘They must tell you, surely? You’ve got a right to know where the father of your children is. He ought to be helping to support them.’

‘I know. I tried to find out but they said he was only in temporary accommodation. They were very tight-lipped. It’s my guess he’s shacked up with some woman they don’t approve of. They don’t approve of me, mind, so if I am right then this one must be pretty dreadful.’

‘If you are right, then you could get a divorce. Then he’d have to pay you maintenance.’

‘I suppose so.’

‘What’s the matter? You’re not still in love with him, are you?’

‘No!’ She had never been in love with him, not the way she loved Jonathan. But it was far too late to say that now. ‘Like I said, I’m afraid of what his parents will do. I’m sure they want to take the children away from me.’

‘They can’t do that, can they?’

‘I don’t know. They’re always saying as how I’m not a fit mother.’

‘You are a fit mother. Anyone with half an eye can see that.’

Scarlett looked at the two children as they played. Joanne was capering about, waiting for her little brother, then rushing off just as he reached her. Simon kept solemnly toddling after her, determined to catch up.

‘Don’t tease him, Joanne,’ she called. ‘Let him catch you.’

The little girl stood poised for a moment, ready to defy her, then at the last minute she allowed her brother to clasp her waist. She hugged him back boisterously while Simon laughed with pleasure.

‘I’m glad there’s two of them,’ Scarlett told Jonathan. ‘They’re a handful, but now they’ll always have each other. Life’s easier when you’ve got family. I’d love to have a brother or sister.’

‘I know what you mean. I was lonely when I was a little kid and Mum and Dad were both working. It wasn’t so bad when I got older,’ cos then I could go and play out with my friends.’

The talk drifted into safer waters. For a while it was almost like old times. They had always got on so well together. The aching sense of regret that Scarlett carried inside her was growing into a great ball. She could almost feel it pressing up into her chest. Anyone looking at them would think that they were the perfect little family—mum, dad and two children. It was how it should have been.

At the end of the gardens, she scooped Simon up and put him back in the pram and made Joanne hold onto the handle. Jonathan went into a sweet shop and bought them all ice creams. Simon got his all down himself and she had to clean him up with the old tea towel she kept in the well of the pram. They wandered up Hamlet Court Road until they came to one of the side streets.

‘This is where one of the restaurants is. Or, at least, I think it’s just been a café up till now,’ Jonathan said. ‘Would you like to come and look over it with me? I’ve got the key.’

That would just be too much. Scarlett shook her head.

‘No,’ she said. ‘No, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I could bear it. I’m sorry. I’ll go now. Good…good luck with it.’

She walked away up the road without looking back, while the tears that had been gathering spilled down her face.

‘…and Tante Sylvie is making the headdresses,’ Corinne said. ‘Of course, I can’t tell you what they are going to be like, not now Jonathan is here, but they are very beautiful. They will set off the dresses perfectly.’

The wedding day was set for mid-November. Already it was July, and preparations were in full swing.

‘That sounds lovely, dear,’ Jonathan’s mother said. ‘Six bridesmaids! Your poor mother must be in a right tizz organising all this.’

‘Tizz?’ Corinne asked, looking at Jonathan.

‘Fuss. Bother. To-do.’

‘Oh, yes, I see. Tizz! What a funny word. I will remember that.’

Jonathan’s father took him aside while the women moved onto the subject of flowers.

‘So it’s a full Catholic do, then? How do you feel about all that?’

‘It’s that or nothing. Corinne’s parents are absolutely adamant, so I haven’t much say. I’m going along for instruction each week, just to keep them and the priest happy.’

‘Rather you than me, son. Still, I suppose they have been very generous helping set you up.’

‘So have you and Mum. Don’t think I’m not grateful.’

‘Not much point in slaving away to earn the money if you can’t spend it on your kids, is there? You’re still going to have a big mortgage and a bank loan, mind.’

‘I know, but we’ve got to have the right place. This is going to be the classiest restaurant in the whole Southend area, Dad. I want it to be everyone’s first choice for all their special occasions. I can’t wait to show Corinne the shortlist. She’s seen the details, but it’s not the same as looking at the real thing, is it?’

Behind them, the women were deep into posies and bouquets. Jonathan looked out at the glory of the Illuminations. Thousands of coloured lights blazed and flashed. Right opposite their window a huge illuminated clown juggled red balls while dancing on his big flappy feet. Below him in the street, hundreds of evening visitors swirled in and out of the amusement arcades, the chip shops and the pubs. Downstairs the bars were heaving. You could hear the noise of the packed customers even over that of the television going full blast. Normally his parents would be down there in the thick of it, but today was special. Jonathan was home to see to the buying and renovation of his new business. Corinne would be going back to France again in a couple of weeks, but he was staying here until the wedding. Then the plan was to have just a few days’ honeymoon before returning to their new home for the grand opening of the restaurant.