Cadence Reflection (Wheels & Hogs Book 2) (8 page)

Grabbing my water, I take a long drink and continue with the rest, “To take this further, I have been in contact with our local Memorial Hospital Cancer Department.  We all know Fern really doesn’t have any real close family. Knowing that, she is going to need a Bone Marrow Transplant, so during the ride, we are going to be asking that everyone be tested to see if anyone turns up as a match for her.  The National Bone Marrow Registry will be present, explaining what is included in testing and donating. What I’ve gathered from my research is that there are two ways to donate.  The first is Peripheral Blood Stem Cell, and the other is a Bone Marrow Donation. I wanted to make sure we had some background on the process and how this ride could help not only Fern, but others battling this fucking disease.”

I walk over to Fern, crouch down and gently lift her chin, “Sweetie, you’ve been fighting so hard and we don’t want you to fight alone any longer. You and Doc are family, and this is what family does for each other. ”

Fern wipes her tears on her sleeve, “Des, you have torn my heart apart with your actions.  It is so full of love for all that you have done. I have never known this kind of unconditional love, besides Gabriel, in my life. I’ll admit I’m struggling with the idea of all the work this will put on everyone in this room. We will never be able to pay you back for taking on such a darn... oh, I can’t even think of a word to express the size of this undertaking.  I don’t understand why you have always gone the extra mile for Gabriel and me. Our own blood hasn’t been there for us, but you always seem to be the one to carry the load for all of us.  You took Doc on as an employee, knowing he had limited skills and that I was sick, wanting and needing the medical insurance.  Never have you once given him a hard time with all his coming and going to be with me during my time in and out of the hospital.  Thank you seems to be such inappropriately simple words and do not express our eternal gratitude. Both of us are forever in your debt, Desmond.”

I go to stand up when Doc grabs my shoulders, “Brother, I have no fucking words.”

“None needed, brother. I already know.” I then walk to the center of the room and ask my crew, “Are you all in or what?”  They all raise their hands, ready to do whatever they can to help. These people are my family.

3 Months Later

M
y life has taken a couple of turns, personally and professionally. My relationship with Dee is going great. We spend as much time together as we can.  We finally told her kids who were as happy as pigs in shit. They both like me and want to see their mother happy. Everyone at the shop seems to know what is going on with us but they have kept their comments to themselves.

The announcement of the Charity Ride for Fern has really taken off.  I was pleasantly surprised at how everyone started working together to get this ride organized. Everyone has contributed. No matter how small or large, all have been a blessing. The raffle has things from haircut gift certificates to the local Harley dealership offering a full set of leathers, along with a gift certificate for new tires and a tune-up. The biggest donation came from the local car dealership, raffling off a base model car. This was huge. If you can name it, it was donated.

Now that the Registry for Bone Marrow was on board, they were advertising the ride, also asking people to stop at certain stops along the ride to register and be tested.  Even if a match wasn’t found for Fern, their donation might save someone else’s life.  The people I’ve been dealing with at the Registry are truly wonderful folks. 

With this entire undertaking of the Charity Ride going on, I’m always watching Fern. She’s not quite getting worse, but she’s not getting any better, either. Her health hasn’t been strong for a while, but she’s really trying to be strong, trying to show everyone if they think she’s worth fighting for, then she’s gonna keep fighting.  Between her treatments not working and her body breaking down on her, this event couldn’t be happening at a better time.

“Have you heard anything from Trinity, boss?” The question catches me off guard so I have to take a minute to think of who Trinity is, and then it hits me. She was the hook-up I walked in on about three months ago. 

“No, as a matter of fact I haven’t, kid. I told her to get in touch with me if she needed anything, but I haven’t seen or heard from her, so I assumed everything was okay. I also never thought to check with everything going on around here. What’s the reason for you to ask me now?”  The kid drops his head and looks defeated, so I ask again when he doesn’t answer, “What the hell is going on Cadence? I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.” 

Cadence looks right into my eyes and angrily tells me, “I’m going to be a Daddy but I can’t find the baby’s momma.  How’s that for what’s going on, Des?” 

Well, I can’t say that I’m surprised. I sit back and let him glare at me. I can’t believe I forgot about the incident and never thought to check on the outcome, but that was Cadence’s responsibility, not mine, so he can look at me like that as long as he wants to. He fucked up, not me.

Cadence has been acting distracted lately, and as far as I know, he hasn’t been bringing his usual stash of bar bitches back to his place or going out much. He comes to work, helps with the Charity Ride, or goes to his apartment upstairs. I also noticed that he’s been doing a lot of work on his apartment upstairs recently, bringing in stuff to fix it up.

He’s one of the most immature man I know who gets what he wants when he wants it, but no one knows that the kid has a real soft side.  People don’t know that he spends his free time coaching kid’s baseball and soccer games. He always makes a stop at the pediatric floor of the hospital after each of his visits with Fern when she’s there. He hangs out and spends time with the sickest children, bringing board games for them all to play.  If there is a chance that he’s going to be a Daddy, I really hope that he would want to be involved, even if he and the mother weren’t together.  He craves acceptance and love, and it’s only when you truly watch him that you see it.

“So how do you know she’s pregnant?” 

“A friend of hers saw me in the bathroom at the bar getting a blow job from one of their friends about four days ago. I’ve been asking around about her but her friends haven’t been back to the bar in months, and no one would tell me anything, saying they didn’t know anything. I don’t even know where she lives or works. I ran out of the bathroom to chase her friend down, I guess so I could try and explain myself, and that I haven’t heard a word from Trinity in months. I asked her if she could tell me if she was okay and that’s when her friend turned around and slapped the shit out of me, telling me that Trinity wasn’t okay after what I did to her and that no self-respected mother-to-be would show her face in a bar. Des, I was floored, but I know this is my responsibility if the baby is mine, so I asked her if it was mine and she punched me in the chest, calling me a stupid, pathetic asshole.  I mean, what the fuck? It was just an honest question I told her then she punched me
again
. She screamed out in front of the entire bar that Trinity isn’t a whore – that I was only the second man she had ever been with. After being beaten by a woman and made to feel like shit, I demanded Trinity’s address. She spit on me then turned and walked away, so I have a chick that I fucked and knocked up who I can’t even begin to find because either no one knows, or no one will tell me. I reached out to that shrink. I have been seeing Dr. Joe for a couple of weeks now and she’s actually helping me get some perspective in my life, but now I feel like I’m losing control again.”

“Cadence, I’m sorry about this whole situation. You gotta know that you can always come to me and know that if there is anything I can do to help, I’m here for you.”

Cadence just shakes his head.  With my hands resting on his shoulders, I feel him start to shake, realizing the kid is actually crying. Grabbing him into a tight hug, he hugs me back even tighter, just letting it all go. 

“Fuck, Des. I am such a fuck up.  All I ever think about is myself. What am I gonna do?  I don’t want my kid growing up without a Dad. I know how much that sucks. I have to find her and my baby, Des. Please, can you help me?

“Let me see what I can do. I’ll call a couple of my buddies and see if we can find her, but Cadence? If she doesn’t want to be found, we won’t find her, so prepare yourself for that, okay? Also, I think you need to see Dr. Joe more frequently. I think she’ll be able to help you deal with this shit you have going on in your head. I don’t know your story kid, but I do know that until you deal with the past, you have no future.” He shakes his head and wipes his face. He turns to leave but I clear my throat, “Kid, you aren’t alone. You have family here that would do anything for you.” 

“Yeah, I know,” he says. I pat his shoulder as he leaves the room.

After he’s gone, I reach for the phone because there is one person who can always help Cadence put things into perspective,  “Fern? It’s me.  How you feeling, honey?  That’s good, I’m glad to hear it. Listen, I need to bring you up to speed with Cadence. He’s got himself in quite a mess and I just want to warn you that he’s gonna need you.”

A
s night falls I sit in my apartment, alone. I look around at all the work I’ve done to make my apartment feel more like a home than just a place to lay my head. I’m finally starting to understand why people want to take pride in their homes, and by the looks of this place now, I can see my hard work is really paying off.  The kitchen is done with new cabinets, granite countertops, and stainless steel appliances.  I’ve even gone as far as to pull up the old laminate flooring, replacing it with hardwood floors all throughout the apartment.  The floors turned out perfect and they shine throughout the place. This was a job in itself because my apartment is huge, covering the entire top of Connelly’s Wheels & Hogs.  Even though I don’t remember the exact footage, it’s mammoth. Besides the kitchen, I have an eating nook with huge windows, a dining room and a family room off the kitchen with an island between the two rooms.  I also have 3 bedrooms with two baths and an office.

For someone like me it’s a lot, but since Des refuses to ever take rent money, I figured this was a good way to pay him back.  When I eventually move, Des will be able to rent this place for a pretty steep price.  I’ve also remodeled both bathrooms with ceramic tile and new updated fixtures.  All colors throughout the apartment are muted, except my bedroom. As I walk down the hallway to my room, I rub my hands through my hair, feeling extremely lonely. 

My bedroom is a vibrant blue with gray accents.  The room is completed with a black dresser and matching nightstands to go with my huge, four-poster bed right in the middle.  If anyone saw my work up here, they wouldn’t think the smart-ass man-whore did the work and picked out the colors.  This side of myself I like to keep from others. 

I lie down on the bed and try to relax, but I can’t stop my mind from thinking of my past and of Trinity being pregnant. Even though the most important thing to think about is Trinity and the baby, Duke always takes over, filling my mind with all the horrid things that happen to people – all the horrid things that happened to me. God I hate that motherfucker.  I wish I could find him, then slowly kill him for all the pain he brought to my family and me. 

My mind starts to wander back to the time I was held by Duke against my will. I had no idea what was going on when I woke up in that cabin alone, cuffed to a bedframe.  I freaked out trying to break free, but I couldn’t. For hours, I tried to wiggle and pull, everything I could do to get free, even tearing the skin from my wrists and ankles until they were raw and bleeding.  When the door opened and Duke walked in, my heart actually felt like it stopped.  The look in my stepfather’s eyes was one of complete and utter madness.  He casually walked to the side of the bed asking me, “How you doing, son?”  I felt the vomit in my mouth at the word
son
.

I looked Duke in the eyes and said, “I ain’t your son, asshole.”  Duke proceeded to beat on me for hours, reminding me that he could call me whatever he wanted to, but more importantly, do whatever he wanted to do to me. He told me from that moment on, I was his own little bitch.  He left me alone, leaving for a bit.  I had to humiliate myself because I had had to release my bladder for hours. When I finally couldn’t hold it any longer, I felt the warmth run under me, onto the bed and down my legs, feeling less than a man because I couldn’t control my bladder. 

When Duke returned, he removed the cuffs, instructing me to clean myself up and to change the bed. I found a bunch of sheets on a shelf in the bathroom, so I changed the sheets first and then washed up.  My body was bruising from the beating I’d just taken. Looking in the mirror, I didn’t even recognize myself.  Both of my eyes were swollen shut, my face and body covered in bruises and scratches.

When I came out of the bathroom, I saw that my nightmare was truly just beginning.  Duke was naked on the bed, his hand running up and down his cock.  His cold ruthless eyes stared into mine as he grinned, “Get your fine ass over here, boy. I have been waiting to do this forever to you, saving the best for last,” he laughed.  My heart did stop as I ran for the door, but Duke beat me to it, pulling me as I fought and screamed while he dragged me back to the bed.  The next few hours of my life were a living hell.  I screamed, fought, scratched, drew blood with my teeth, but I couldn’t get away from him.  When Duke was finally finished with me, I thought that I was going to lay there and bleed to death, feeling like my life was flowing out of every part of my body, but to my utter horror, he patched me up.

Duke repeatedly told me if he allowed me to live, I was never to tell anyone about this or he would kill my mother and Griffin would experience a much worse fate. This went on for days or weeks, I had no idea how much time as I begged Duke to end my life.  I hit an all-time low when Duke brought some
friends
to participate. He explained that they were there to join in on the party with me.  The things they made me do ruined me not only physically, but mentally. After the men took what they wanted from me, I became nothing; a worthless, disgusting no one. I couldn’t wrap my shattered mind around the idea that people could do these things to me, knowing that I wasn’t willing in any way, turned my stomach.  Those sick, perverted men were not human beings at all; they were monsters, just like Duke.