Cadence (Ruby Riot Book 1) (21 page)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

VIENNA, AUSTRIA

TEGAN

Another morning, another city.

I'm becoming lazy, alternating tiring nights of addictive sex with Jax, and sleeping in until near lunch. Over the next week, my trust in him builds. He hasn't joined Will and Nate on their hedonistic nights out, instead taking me with him to the bar in the hotel, or to any after parties held here. I've told Jax to go out, because I don't want him resenting me for curtailing his tour lifestyle. He explains that my plans have been interrupted; and as long as I'm around, he's focusing on us. Besides, he doesn’t want press scrutiny any more than I do.

The pessimist in me wonders how long his self-control will last. By the end of the first week, he's starting to crack, and I tell Jax I'm cool with him going out. Jax refuses unless I’m with him. This attitude is sweet, but not sustainable. Doesn't he trust himself?

I stand in the window of my gilded prison and stare out at the Viennese skyline as I pace the treadmill in the gym. Today, the sun shines brightly, the cathedral spire central and stretching into the blue sky. In the distance, the Alps dominate. One day I'll come back to Europe and an Alpine resort; ski on a beautiful winter's day like this one. The only fresh air I've breathed recently has been in and out of cars between airports and hotels, and I'm at my coping limit.

I check my watch. Jax is with Will and Nate until later, and he's into his usual sound check, perform, drink routine. I told Jax I'd check in with him before he leaves and then... What? The boredom grows and suffocates.

There's a park a few hundred metres from the hotel, bordered by thick tree canopies. Temptingly close. As I stare at the green oasis from the gym window, I justify my oncoming decision. When we arrived yesterday afternoon at the airport, most fans I saw were closing in on Blue Phoenix while Jax and me slipped into our waiting car without any hassle. Austrian fans could be calmer; I doubt the small group of people following the bands from city to city are part of the mental fan base who post poison on the internet. Most of the bullshit directed at us is from social media.

Everybody is overreacting.

Hell, I'm wearing running shoes, if anybody does approach me I can move fast.

I slip out of the hotel and cross the busy city street. When I reach the Volksgarten park, I jog along the paths bordering manicured lawns; and with each step, a sense of easy freedom pushes in. Other tourists nod in greeting when I smile at them as I pass. Hair in a ponytail under a baseball cap, I’m hardly recognisable unless somebody is a true stalker. One thing I suspect is the most vicious of people probably never step out from behind the keyboard. Most wouldn't know what to say to me if we did meet.

Despite working out in the gym every day, there's something magical about doing the same outdoors, especially in such beautiful surrounds. I track my distance on my watch, annoyed my pace and times have dropped, but I am using a lot of energy on Jax currently.

Jax. If it weren’t for the crap that comes with his fame, he'd be too good to be true. Okay, so much of his attentiveness to me is sex, but there's a definite connection beyond the physical. Otherwise, why else would we be comfortable spending long periods hidden away in each other's company?

Then there’s the fact Scott wasn't as confident a lover as Jax is, or as adventurous. Occasionally, I have to blank my mind of Jax doing the same things with more than a handful of girls before me; but as the days pass, the images are pushed out.

I feel as if I've known Jax months and not weeks.

I pause at the edge of the road, readying myself to return to the hotel and spot a coffee shop nearby. The coffee sold in the hotel is passable, but the popularity of this place and the aroma spilling out onto the street draws me in.

The cafe is busy with tourists and locals, the staff coping well with their diverse clientele. Some tourists attempt to speak German and others shout in English as if this'll improve their chances of being served. I hang back and wait my turn.

Nobody pays attention to the perspiring girl with a pink face.

Unable to resist the array of pastries on offer, I pick two strudels, one for me and one for Jax. With a cup in each hand and a bag of pastries between my teeth, I head to my neighbouring hotel.

When I enter, the elderly concierge studies me with a frown as I nod. I guess I don't look like the usual guests of the prestige establishment.

He breaks into a smile of his own as he remembers who I am. “Good run?”

I nod again.

Filled with well-needed endorphins, I head to the elevators and back into the artificial light and air con of the band’s hotel floor. I can cope with another day stuck inside now. Maybe. While jogging, I ran through the original plans I had for my visit to Vienna in my head. I could go further afield; slip out when the attention shifts to the venue, where fans head to catch a glimpse of - and possible selfie with - the band members if they can catch them outside.

“Tegan!” I stop at Jax's panicked voice and turn.

He strides over, brow tugged into a deep frown. “Where were you?”

I hand him a coffee and take the bag out of my mouth. “I went out, for a run around the park. Picked these up on the way back, do you like –“

His eyes grow in surprise. “You did what?”

“I went out. Nobody was around, the press must be out chasing somebody else.”

“Tegan! What the fuck do you think you're doing?”

I blink. “Excuse me, but don't you dare speak to me like that!”

He rakes a hand through his hair. “I couldn't find you! You said you were in the gym and when I looked you weren't, or in your room. Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

“I didn’t hear it,” I snap back. “Are you stalking me now, too?”

“No! I was looking for you. I have to go to the stadium early and won't be back until late tonight. I wanted to see you before I went.”

“Well, I'm fine.”

“Leaving the hotel was a bloody stupid thing to do!”

“I said I'm fine!”

We stand off, glowering at each other. I don't care how worried Jax is; this is a total overreaction.

“What if something had happened?” he asks.

“Like what? Everybody is too paranoid. Most of these trolls only exist behind keyboards! If there were any paparazzi, they'd have a shot of my ass; but that's about it!”

Jax crosses his arms and his mouth thins, in a gesture all too reminiscent of my brother. “You can't go out on your own.”

The tension I’ve contained for the last week threatens to explode at his words and I grip the paper bag attempting to quell the oncoming anger. “I
what
?”

“Don't do it again.”

Too late. My voice rises. “Fuck off, Jax. I'm not twelve!”

His face reddens. “Don't tell me to fuck off!”

“Don't try and tell me what to do! I was in broad daylight, in a crowded place. I'm fine!”

“You don't get it, do you? You're with me and -”

“And you're a rock star? Yeah, you told me. But I'm not going to be your appendage!” I shove the paper bag at him and it falls to the floor. “You sound like my brother!”

When Jax looks down at the pastry that fell out of the bag, a thought hits. “Did you talk to Bryn?” He doesn't say anything. “Jax?”

“I thought he might know where you are and -”

“Fuck!” I yell and stomp past him.

“Tegan!”

My chest constricts with anger, the cloying scent of hotel cleaning products and stale carpets a huge contrast to the smell of nature I left outside. The quiet drives me nuts. I'm suffocating. After a week of semi-isolation, I can't do this anymore.

Jax follows me to my room. I swipe the card and fling the door open, and turn to him. “Leave me alone.”

“Tegan, talk to me!”

“I'm too fucking angry! I need to clear my head!”

I attempt to close the door, but Jax catches it before I can. “Tough!” He pushes past me into the room and I slam the door, turning to look at him. “Why the attitude?”

“I'm going home!” I shout, surprised at my words. I am?

Jax stares at me, wide-eyed. “What? Why?”

“Because I can't do this.” I wave my hand around the room. “Jax, I spent months alone travelling because I didn't want to be stuck in England. I came here because I wanted to experience Europe and a tour. Now I can't go out without permission? This is bullshit!”

Jax places the cups on the table and reaches out to me. I step back and cross my arms defensively. “Tegan, please. This will get better. Don't leave the tour.”

“I'll come back. I need to go away until I can breathe again.”

“You can't! You need to stay.” His tone isn't that of a lover wanting me with him, but a demand.
Not a good idea, Jax.

“Need to?”

“I don't know what I'd do without you here.” Again, the message behind his words isn't romantic, but something else.

I straighten. “You don't know what you'd do?”

“Yeah, I mean, I get drunk and do stupid shit, don't I?”

My chest tightens further. Am I hearing him right? “Are you telling me you'll screw other girls if I'm not here?”

“I don't think so, but I -”

“What the fuck?” I yell. “You don't think so? 'No' was the correct response there, you dickhead!”

“No. I meant no. Fuck!” He reaches out again but my scowl is enough for him to keep his distance. “Tegan, with you around, I don't behave the same. If you're gone, I'll start hanging with Will and Nate more. Drinking, 'cause I'll miss you.”

An image of the Portuguese girl on his lap in the club flashes into my mind. “Your choice, Jax. You can still have fun without getting wasted, and have a great time without screwing the first girl to stick her tits in your face!”

“I will. Won't. Fuck, you know what I mean but things would be easier with you here. I won't be tempted to do stupid shit.”

“Ohmigod!” I take a shaky breath and close my eyes. Calm.
Now
. I don't do this. I don't have slanging matches with guys. I definitely don't let them under my skin. “I think you'd better leave now.”

“Tegan...” Jax attempts to take hold of me again and I push him away, close to lashing out. So much for the calm.

“Go!” I shout.

“What are you going to do? Will you leave?”

“What the hell does it matter to you? I don't fucking believe this!”

Jax backs away as my voice continues to rise. “You won't leave.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Fine. There's no point talking to you when you're behaving like this.”

I make a derisive noise. “Maybe you should think before you open your big mouth!”

“For fuck’s sake, Tegan. Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”

Wrong thing to say to a woman.
Always. This man has a shitload to learn about the opposite sex. Such as not telling someone, who thought she was your girlfriend, you might be unfaithful if she’s not around.

“Go.” I walk stiffly to the door and yank it open. “I'll let you know when I leave.”

He stares at me for a few moments and shakes his head. “Make sure you do.”

When Jax leaves, I rest a hand against the closed door, desperately holding together the angry hurt threatening to tear me apart. I put myself through the bullshit of not being able to live my life properly, to date a guy who's not sure he can be faithful? I've spent a week stuck inside hotels, seven days away from the whole reason I decided to come on tour.

Pissed off over how smug Bryn's going to be when I tell him I'm leaving, I head to the shower where I can wash away the stress and make a final decision.

JAX

I stand outside Tegan’s door, dazed by what just happened. Wow. I know Tegan is a determined, passionate chick who doesn't take crap from people, but I never expected her to be this volatile. Tegan's bloody-mindedness sets her apart in her world. In mine, Tegan’s attitude causes trouble.

Seriously, what the fuck was she thinking going out alone? Tina's monitoring everything press related and is convinced we only needed to wait a few days and things will calm. What's wrong with hanging inside for a few extra days? Hell, I'll take Tegan back to the cities she's missed visiting one day soon.

But spontaneously deciding to leave? Talk about overreaction.

I’m pissed off with myself for speaking my mind too. I said those things in a desperate and misguided attempt to persuade Tegan to stay. She’s right. I’m a dickhead who needs to engage brain before opening mouth. When I walked away, I could've smacked myself; I know Tegan wanted to. I wouldn't touch another girl, not while she wanted me. Us.

Would I?

The rest of the day, I search my heart, asking myself that question over and over. I fought for Tegan and told the world. I'm sure drunk Jax would remember this. Surely, Tegan's buried deep enough into my subconscious that I wouldn't forget her when I was out with the guys and my brain was on standby.