Cadence (Ruby Riot Book 1) (27 page)

“If you’re sure,” says the woman and I can hardly hear her words above the volume of the music.

“Thank you for your help.”

The woman stares at my face. “I never noticed outside, but you’re face is bleeding.” She pulls a packet of tissues from her black handbag.

I touch my forehead and stare at my fingertips. Numb. Blood. The woman passes me a tissue and I hold it against my face.

“You should report this. Here, this is our number if the police want to talk to us,” says the man.

I shuffle from foot to foot, not paying attention. I want to go home. Run away. There’s no point contacting the police about random muggings. The man pushes a piece of paper into my hand and I point at my friends again. “Thank you,” I repeat. “I’ll find somebody to take me home.”

“Get checked out. That’s a nasty gash on your head.”

I smile and nod at the smartly dressed couple who receive more curious looks than I do due to their smart attire. I thank them and walk away with the impression the couple don’t want to leave me. They hover in the doorway as I approach Julian. What would’ve happened if they had walked by instead of interrupting? A shiver trips down my spine. Everybody is right. I’ve underplayed the effect dating Jax Lewis has on my life.

Julian looks up at where I hover, holding the tissue against my forehead. “What’s wrong? Are you all right?”

“No.” I grab my bag and jacket.

He stands and touches my arm and I flinch. “What’s happened?”

“Nothing. I have to go.” I edge away.

But where do I go? What if I walk out of the door and there’re more crazy girls? I curl my arms around my bag, hands shaking. “Can we call a taxi and leave? I don’t want to catch the bus.”

In the bustle of the pub, my appearance passes over everybody apart from the friends in front of me. I don’t want to be stared at, whispered about. The couple who helped me has gone, leaving me to the safety of my workmates.

“I have to go.” I repeat. “Please.”

“Tegan? What’s happening?” asks Claire.

I bite hard on my lip, I will not cry. Not here. “Please. Can we go?”

“Come on.”

I head to the door with Julian, closely followed by Claire and Zoe. Outside, I rest against the bricks and suck in the cool air. The shock hits with the cold as I break down in tears and numbly recount the event.

“Shit. Call the police!” says Julian. “That’s fucked up!”

“They were fans?” ask Zoe. “Jesus!” She pulls the tissue from my head and examines the wound before peering into my eyes. I gasp for breath and Zoe curls her arms around me and draws me close. “Let’s get you checked out.”

“No. I don’t want any fuss.”

Zoe huffs. “Tell her, Julian.”

“She’s right. Get checked over if you’ve banged your head. You’re stumbling when you walk, that isn’t good.”

“Should we call your brother?” asks Claire.

At this moment, my mind reaches in the direction of who I want right now.

Not Bryn.

I want Jax.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

TEGAN

The private emergency department nurses watch with whispers and smiles as I argue with Bryn over whether I should stay at the hospital and be monitored for concussion. Thankfully, once they clean up the wound on my forehead, the damage isn’t too bad.

I sit on the chair next to the hospital bed, refusing to make myself a patient by lying on it and ignoring the fact my head still throbs despite the painkillers. Bryn’s large frame takes up the corner of the room, where he stands arms crossed, scowling.

“What the hell were you thinking going out on your own?” he asks.

“I’ve been out on my own a few times since I arrived back in London! This was wrong place, wrong time.”

“This is insane! Look at you!” Bryn gestures at my head. “You’ll have to be careful. Where’s Jax?”

“Manchester. You know he is.”

“Have you managed to contact him yet?”

“No.”

The hmm noise Bryn makes riles me, and I swear he muttered ‘I told you so’ under his breath. I squeeze my eyes closed. Do not cry. The horror of the evening shook through my body earlier and has now switched to numb shock. Dazed as much by the attack as the bang on the head, I try to contact Jax each time Bryn isn’t looking. 12 a.m. and still no response from Jax. Not even a text or drunken message.

The doctor isn’t on my side; he recommends I stay in hospital overnight. I argue in vain, and eventually give in when I become too tired to bother arguing anymore. Bryn heads home leaving me some breathing space at least. I curl up in the large bed of the private hospital room. I guess the expensively furnished room is more like a hotel and less like the tiled ward with rows of metal beds I stayed in when I had my tonsils removed as a kid. The doctor promises I can leave in the morning and I settle to sleep. I’ll pretend I’m not in hospital.

As the nurses check me every hour, sleep isn’t happening. I groan as the door opens again, waking me, and pull the thin sheet over my head.

“Tegan?”

At Jax’s voice, I sit upright and stare across the room. His unmistakable figure is framed by the light in the hallway and my pulse rate hikes at seeing the man I’ve dreamed about over this last week away from him. “What are you doing here?”

“I heard what happened.” Jax quietly closes the door and crosses to the bed where he sits and pulls me into his arms, squashing my sore cheek against his chest.

Immediately the smell of alcohol envelops me, interfering with the subtle mix of scents I associate with Jax and comfort. “You’re drunk!”

“I’m not. I was. Not now. Slept it off on the drive down.”

I pull away. “Hang on a minute. You’re in Manchester.”

Jax’s face is hard to make out in the dark and I switch the lamp on. He strokes my face. “No. I’m here.”

“You came down from Manchester?”

His eyes widen as the lamp lights my features too. “Of course I fucking did! You’re in hospital! I called someone to bring me straight down to London as soon as I found out from Bryn what was happening. Not that the driver was very happy about his late night trip.” Jax cups my chin in his hands, studies the wound on my forehead, and scratches on my cheek. “Jesus, Tegan. Look at your face.”

“You weren’t answering your phone. You didn’t call back.”

“I did. You must’ve been asleep by the time I called because you didn’t answer.”

I grab my phone from the bedside cabinet. Missed call. 2 a.m. Four hours ago. “Crap. Did I sleep that long?”

Jax places his mouth on mine, the sleeves of the leather jacket cool against my face as he puts his arms around my neck. His kiss is gentle and loving, not the usual lust we reunite with after time apart. I relish the taste of him, despite the bitter edge of his evening drinking, as I’m drawn into us and away from the crazy edging our world.

He strokes my cheek. “I missed you, I’ve been counting down the time until I could to see you, but not like this. Tell me what happened.”

My eyes well with tears I don’t want Jax to see. “Somebody didn’t like me going out with other people.”

“What do you mean somebody? Fans?”

“Yeah. Looks like you can have a night out, but I’m not allowed to go out without you!” I look at my hands. “I needed you. I know you couldn’t be with me but I’ve waited hours to talk to you.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you called. But I came as soon as I heard. Isn’t that better?”

I wrap my fingers around his. “Manchester’s a bloody long way.”

“You’re a bloody special girl! And this happened because of me!” His grip on my hand tightens. “I knew you should’ve stayed with me on tour and not come back to London.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! I’ve spent a night out with people from work before with no problems. Tonight was wrong place, wrong time.”

My dismissive comment is met with a frown from Jax. “Did they say why? The so-called fans.”

“Because I was with another guy.”

Jax’s silence shocks me as much as his next words. “With? Like
with
him?”

“No! Don’t make this worse by accusing me of shit!” I pull my hands away.

“Sorry. Paranoid.”

“I thought I was the insecure one?”

Jax huffs and shifts on the bed, stretching his long legs along the length. “Come here, let me hold you.” He wraps his arm around my shoulder and I rest my head against him. He’s here. With me. The man I never expected to see tonight but wanted desperately to hold me. My body shapes against his, reconnecting. Two puzzle pieces slotting together to create a picture only we can see.

“Did the doctor say you were okay?”

“Pretty much. They’re overcautious because I banged my head.”

“Jesus, Tegan.”

I place an arm around Jax’s chest, snuggling into him. His heart thrums against my ear, beating faster than I expected as he strokes my hair. I relax further, edging toward sleep, until Jax pulls me back to consciousness by speaking. “Does the attack change your mind?”

“About what?”

“Us.” When I don’t respond, his grip on me tightens. “This does, doesn’t it?”

“No and yes,” I whisper. “I never expected anything as mad as being attacked.”

Jax bangs his head against the bed’s headboard. “Fuck!”

Alarmed at the shift from relaxed to this reaction, I look around and he’s staring ahead, mouth pulled tight. “What’s wrong?”

“You. This bullshit, fucking things up.” In a sudden move, Jax turns around and grabs my shoulders. “Do you know how much I missed you? A fucking lot. Worse than when we argued and you left for Wales that day.”

I wince against his hands on me, at his sudden intensisty. I’ve spent days missing him too, sharing the hollow feeling he means. I want his warmth and affection to fill the dull emptiness, and crave the smile that lights his whole face when he looks at me, the one that delves into my heart and pulls mine to his. I missed him a hell of a lot more than I’ve reaslised.

“I know,” I whisper. “I missed you too.”

He reaches out and traces my lips with his fingers. “A month.”

“A month what?”

Jax places his lips gently on mine and as I curl my hand around his head and seek the kiss I’m aching for he pulls away. “A month to fall in love with you.”

Jax’s words stun, harder than the knock on the head tonight. Everything that’s happened in the last few hours is a world away from the planned quiet couple of Friday night drinks with work colleagues. My aching head is forgotten as I attempt to comprehend his words. Fall in love?

Glittering eyes search mine reflecting his heart, revealed and raw. “And that’s why I never told you,” he mutters and drops his hands. “I knew you didn’t feel the same.”

“I’m surprised, that’s all,” I whisper.

“But you don’t feel the same. Shit.”

In a dream I had, Jax told me he loved me and I woke flooded with the warmth of the words. My conscious mind rejects the idea of falling in love and opening myself to hurt again. My subconscious has a different opinion.

“I do. I didn't want to fall in love,” I admit. “It wasn't part of my plans, but you...” I wave my hand. “ But I fell for you and hard and pushed me off the path I was on. I swore nobody would do that. Not yet.”

“Same.” His voice is earnest, as he touches my uninjured cheek and his eyes brighten. “Exactly the same.”

“But can we do this? The pressure on you and us is bigger than we can deal with. Look at what happened to me tonight. I don’t know if we’re strong enough.”

“We can make this work. I want to make us work. We spoke about this before.” He takes both my hands and looks directly into my eyes. “I love you. I want you with me in my crazy world because I don’t want to lose you. We have to try.”

His quiet conviction, the insistence in Jax’s voice, and the fact he came here, tonight, says as much as his words.

I want Jax because I love him in a way that makes my heart hurt and scares me. How often have I backed away from risk? From chasing the thrill of something exciting but unpredictable? Never. But with Jax I’m exposing my heart and standing a step closer to the edge than I’ve ever found myself before.

“We said we’d try,” I say and burrow my face into him again.

Jax rests his chin on my head. “I know you’re probably too tired to talk about this right now, but before you did a Tegan on me, I thought I should let you know how I feel. Especially after the crap that went down tonight.”

I poke his side. “‘Did a Tegan’?”

“Yeah, did something drastic before thinking or talking to me.”

“Hypocrite!”

His soft laugh sends Jax’s warmth across my scalp. This is why I love this guy, because he understands what nobody else does and gets through my defences.

Because he’s a little like me.

“I love you,” I whisper and turn to look at him.

Jax’s smile is bigger and brighter than any I’ve seen before, and our eyes meet in understanding. Others won’t understand how this could happen between us, and will deny Jax and Tegan could work, but we will move in our own direction.

I’ve spent hours recently thinking about the situation, sleepless night fighting with what my heart wants and my mind denies. Look at the insanity that’s hit my organised world. The roundabout of life with Jax. Ruby Riot is on the way up; and if I join Jax, will I be dragged down? Something undeniable has grown between us, but can we have a future?

I have no choice. My heart won weeks ago.