Authors: Curtis Bennett
There was that doubtful tone again, he noticed. “Yes, Leslie
…
an accident. A nice ole lady lost control of her car. It hydroplaned on the wet surface of the road before it hit a guardrail before coming to a stop. I pulled over to assist.”
“Was she hurt?”
“She didn’t seem to be. Anyway, I left shortly after a married couple claiming to be doctors arrived on the scene.”
“I see.”
“I hope you do, Leslie,” he replied, as he stepped out of the shadows.
“My God, Kurt! You’re soaking wet!” she cried out as she rose halfway out of the chair.
“Yeah, it was raining pretty heavy when I checked on that lady,” he replied, as he pulled his wet trench coat off his tall muscular frame.
Leslie paused wondering if she had been mistaken about her husband.
“Didn’t it rain over here?” he asked as he approached her from behind.
“About thirty minutes ago.”
Gently, he laid his hands on his wife’s shoulders and massaged them caringly, tenderly. She appeared tense, very stiff. “You said you had a few things on your mind. What kinds of things, Leslie?” Then added, “Especially the sort of things that would require divine intervention?”
“Kurt,” she began, then hesitated, wanting and needing to get this off her mind, but also torn by conflicting emotions. “I’m going up to Oklahoma next month to stay with my sister.”
“Yeah, I already know that. Remember you told me a month ago that you were thinking about spending some time there with Lora,” he said, as he continued his impromptu massage session. “How long do you plan on being gone? A week? Two weeks? You know how lonely I get without you.”
Leslie lips trembled, her voice quaked, and her hands shook, as she said, “Kurt, I’m not coming back. I’m moving in with my sister.”
“
What!”
he blurted out in disbelief as shockwave after shockwave hit him full force. He wanted to ask her to repeat herself, but realized he could not face the blunt reality of her words a second time. With a shudder, he managed to say, “Well, thanks for telling me.”
With his head hung low, he walked over to the far side of the room. He was thoughtful. He felt beguiled
…
outright betrayed. He was lost, though not beyond words. And somewhere in between, he was deeply hurt...just plain devastated.
“Kurt, it’s just not working out between us. You have to know that by now,” she said, wanting and needing more time to erase the pain her words surely inflicted upon him.
“Leslie, what in hell’s name do you mean it’s not working out?” he asked, gesturing with his hands. Where did all of this come from, he wondered still? It was time to emphasize the
togetherness
she failed to allude to. “Leslie, we were back into going out
together
, fixing things up around the house
together
, exercising at the gym
together
, taking romantic walks
together
, renting and watching our favorite videos
together
. Just getting along great! Or so I thought! I mean, what was all that togetherness about?”
Leslie rose slowly and just as slowly, closed the gap between them. “Yes, we were doing a lot of things, Kurt, together,” she replied, as she dropped her lashes to hide the hurt. “And you’re right. We’ve been getting along just great the past few months. But right now, I feel like I need a change. There’s a lot more I want to do with my life. Right now, I feel like I’m lacking fulfillment and a clear cut purpose in my life.”
“But what about us?Our marriage? You have to know that some things are worth saving and worth fighting for. Like our marriage. Besides, whatever it is you want to do, you can do it here with me. Right?” he asked, almost pleaded.
Leslie gazed at him, her expression full of sadness, and reluctantly replied, “No, I don’t think so.”
As heavy as a heart could be, he walked over to the chair she had been sitting in and collapsed onto it. Numbed beyond words, he rested his head in his cupped hands, his elbows anchored to the top of his knees. With all of his strength, he fought for composure. He felt as though he’d just rounded a corner and got sucker punched. And it was his wife doing the punching. It wasn’t a good feeling. Not at all.
“Leslie, you’re the woman I’m in love with and cherish above all others. I just know that love has got to be here somewhere in this picture,” he uttered, peering up at her.
“And it is, Kurt,” she said, as a tinge of exasperation came into her voice. “In the past we’ve had our share of problems, our differences of opinions and trouble communicating with one another. And yes, I left before. For two months, I believe. And yes, we got back together. And yes, things looked promising for a while. But a few weeks ago I woke up feeling like I no longer belonged here. I cannot explain it any better than that.”
“But you do belong here. And if not here, where?” he asked, still swimming through a haze of conflicting emotions.
There was a sudden silence.
But he was not letting her off so easily. “Dammit Leslie, we took a vow! Both of us, for better or worse, baby,” he reminded her. “Please, don’t do this to me…to us. Not now!”
Leslie swallowed hard, as she ran her fingers nervously through her hair. “Kurt, I’ve put in eight years of my life into this relationship. I just don’t see us ever regaining the degree or level of intensity and commitment we once experienced. Besides, I’m just not feeling what you’re feeling anymore.”
“Leslie, I’m in love with you. And I’ve been faithful and devoted and committed only to you! This has gotta account for something! Besides, I didn’t know we only had eight years to get it right.”
Leslie glanced into her husband’s pain-filled eyes then lowered her gaze, as a war of emotions raged within her too. “Look, Kurt, I’m not asking for a divorce or anything like that. Not right now. I just need a change of scenery, of sorts. I need space.”
“Leslie, I’m sure this is nothing more than an early touch of mid-life crisis.”
“I don’t think so. I’m nowhere near fifty. Won’t be for another fourteen years.”
In the fog of misery and disbelief, he began to wonder if another had stolen his lovely wife’s heart. And who knows what else, along the way. But after thinking this one through, in his heart of hearts, he knew this wasn’t so. After eight years of marriage, he knew that much about his wife. Yes, they had their problems, their ups and downs, but every marriage and every relationship has had them. Still he felt compelled to ask her if there was someone else.
“No Kurt,” she replied and convincingly. “There’s no one else.”
Rising up, he approached her from behind and placed his strong arms firmly around her waist, pleading softly into her ears, “Leslie, pleaseee…think this one over, baby. I’m asking you, pleaseee!” For a very brief moment he stood there and rocked her slowly in his embrace, his eyes closed…hers opened and distant.
“Kurt I have thought this over and considerably,” she said, gently pulling away. “Look, I’ve never had the sense of presence, purpose and confidence you seem to have. I want to see if I can do some things that Leslie wants to do. I want to open up my own mental health clinic. This will take a lot of courage and confidence on my part. But I want to give it a try. Besides, I’m tired of working at that damned State Hospital.”
Kurt was trying his best not to fall apart but it wasn’t working. “Look, honey. I know I’m going to be laid off soon. But if this is about money, I’ll get another job. Listen, I’ll work two jobs, if I have to,” he pleaded as his voice cracked.
“Kurt,” she began, using a soothing tone. She could see that he was a bundle of hurt and pain. His eyes, which registered confusion, continued to search and probe her eyes, as if the words she had spoken were incomprehensible. “Listen, this isn’t about money or how much you make or the fact that you’re being laid off or that I earn almost twice as much as you. I’m not that shallow. And before you go there, this has nothing to do with me being the older woman and you the younger man. Besides, there’s only a four year difference between us.”
“Then what in hell’s name is this all about, Leslie?” he asked, almost demanded, as his fingers drummed nervously on the bookshelf next to him. Though she had adamantly denied being involved with anyone else, Kurt felt he could deal with that scenario much better than this one. At least that would be a problem that came with a name, a face, and someone he could face. Mano è mano. But this trendy and corrosive woman’s lib
‘Honey, I need my space’
line was very hard for him to swallow. You just don’t give up and walk away from something this promising just to have a little more space. Especially when his love was not the smothering kind.
Hell, this is not easy for me, either, Leslie thought. Men, they have never understood women or their needs. It seemed to always be about them. This time she made sure it was about her. How else would he know? How else could she explain that she loved him but was no longer in love with him without hurting him?
Before she answered, she drew closer to him, and raised her hand and touched his warm cheek, wondering at the sudden tenderness that swept over her. Gently, she took the palm of his hand into hers and pressed her moist lips against it.
Taking her free hand, she cupped his hand and gazed up into his eyes and gently said, “Kurt, you have been a wonderful provider, a pretty good listener, a shoulder to cry on, and someone I could always rely on. And yes, you’ve been a magnificent lover. I really appreciate all that you have done for me. You’re a man any woman would be proud to have.”
Yeah, any woman except you
, he thought
“It’s me. Not you,” she murmured. “I just need to branch out on my own right now. And though it may sound trivial, I would also like to lose some of this weight I’ve gained over the past two years. I love the restaurants we go to. But they’re not helping me lose weight. As I said before, I need a change.”
“And what am I to do Leslie? We all have needs.” He shot back, as he embraced her tenderly again.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure Tabitha, or even your ex-fiancée, would love to fulfill those needs,” she slipped in as easy as she slipped out of his first embrace.
Talk about hitting way below the belt. He began to fume, feeling unfairly judged by Leslie. “So, this is about Tabitha and Roxanne, isn’t it?” he said, releasing her.
“Is it?”
“Honey, you can’t be serious. Look, Tabitha is just a good friend. You know that. And whatever Roxanne and I had once was over a longtime ago. Long before you and I wed. And I’ve made no effort, conscious or unconscious, to see or talk to her since. You know that, Leslie. There’s just nothing there.”
“But you two email one another and she calls every so often.”
“What? An email once or twice a year! Two lines perhaps, at the most! Just wanting to know if I was still alive and healthy? What in hell’s name is wrong or even corrupted about that? And when she calls she calls my grandmother’s house and talks to her. Not me! And the last time she called was over two years ago, that I know of.”
“One year ago.”
“Okay. Okaay! One year ago.”
“Yes, she calls your grandmother, but there always seems to be a message she leaves for you.”
“Leslie, you’re being unreasonable and unfair.”
“Look, it was just a passing thought,” Leslie said, in a low composed voice. “You and your female friends. I just cannot keep up with them.”
“That’s hitting pretty low, Leslie.”
“Whatever!”
“Whatever isn’t good enough for me Leslie.”
“Well, it’ll have to do for now,” she shot back in cold sarcasm.
Dismayed by the tenor of their conversation, he shifted it back to the issue at hand…their marriage and her possible departure. With a tenderness he had not rallied to his cause in some time, he approached her and uttered, with supplication in his voice, “Honey, I don’t want to argue. And I don’t want to lose you either. I’d rather channel my energy into telling you how much I care about you. Telling you how beautiful you are. Telling you how much I need you in my world. Leslie, there’s no woman I want to be with as much as I want to be with you, no woman I desire as much as I desire you. Baby, there’s no woman I love as much as I love you. It’s important to me that you understand this.”
“And I do,” she strained to say. But her resolve still seemed intact.
Kurt studied her body language intently. No doubt, she had prepared herself, and quite well for this moment, he thought. She appeared void of any real emotion. Hardcore and removed was more like it. She had a resolve he had not seen before. And he knew that this did not bode well for him. In dire situations like this, he needed to see some humanity and compassion and understanding from his wife. Where was the nurturing woman he had met and fallen in love with? He pondered. This attractive but firm woman standing before him was behaving like a complete stranger, and one not hesitant about leaving him out to dry.
“By the way, I’ve withdrawn half of what’s in our savings today. I’m putting it aside, for now. It will go towards opening up my clinic.”
“Half! But that only leaves me ten grand, baby. How am I supposed to survive? In less than a week I’ll be unemployed and living a two-salary lifestyle on one income. How am I supposed to do that? Hell, the ten grand you’re leaving me will be gone in less than three months. The mortgage alone is $1200.”
“Look, once my business is up and running, I’ll see what I can do to help you out.”
“You’ll see what you can do to help me out. Leslie, I’ll be out in the streets and homeless by the time you get settled in,” he replied, his head swirling with doubt and growing anger. Why was she being so cavalier about this, so nonchalant? He pondered.
“You’ll be fine,” she assured him.
“Hell, that’s easy for you to say.”
She was about to respond but decided not to. She did not want this to escalate into another knocked down, dragged out argument. Though distraught, she was surprised he was taking it as well as he was. She thought he might have sent some things flying her way in a fit of rage. After all, he had once thrown a bag of hamburger buns at her in the past in anger.