Caged (23 page)

Since I had moved to London I hadn’t made many friends, mainly due to the fact I was a closed off person and after being stabbed in the back by James and another work colleague – most probably Paula, I found it difficult to trust anyone. I had met Trudy at work; she was a nurse at the hospital’s mental health unit and we had hit it off straight away. Of course, I had met Richard through Dave. Dave had always been accident prone and Richard and I had quickly established a friendship after Dave’s many visits to the vet.

And although I hated relying on anyone, right then I needed a friend. I wouldn’t allow myself to wallow in the hurt or the fury, and Richard didn’t have to know I’d slept with Anderson, even if it didn’t have anything to do with him, but I didn’t want to hurt him either.

I should have phoned him first. I knew he would have been going out of his head with my disappearance, but because I needed a shoulder to cry on I was already in my car and on my way to his before I’d even thought about it.

I was also debating whether to adopt a new dog. I knew no dog in the world would replace Dave, but he’d left a gap in my heart and a silence in the house that I didn’t think I could cope with. Richard was the obvious choice to go through; his contacts with breeders would prove invaluable.

Richard didn’t live far from me and I pulled onto his street within a few minutes. Whereas I lived in a pretty decent housing development, Richard lived in the more upper-class area of London. I’d always been envious of his property. The few detached houses were well secluded by row after row of trees and the neighbours were a damn sight quieter than mine.

Richard’s driveway was cordoned off; a gas company had dug up the pavement in front of it and a square of red tape prohibited access for cars but provided a small space for pedestrians. Noticing Richard’s car parked on the roadside behind a large 4X4, I pulled up behind him. Because the houses were pretty spaced out along the street, I figured the 4X4 was a guest of Richard’s with it being so close to his house, and for a moment I wondered if I should just go home.

However, when Richard’s guest strolled out of his driveway and climbed into the 4X4, I couldn’t move as my lungs gave way. Shock, horror, rage all stormed me, taking my ability to process anything. I swore my ribs collapsed, crushing my heart for the second time that day.

I sat, frozen, with my hands still on the steering wheel as Brian – or fucking Terry Asher – pulled away. I couldn’t look away until his car vanished around the corner at the end of the street.

“What the fuck?” I breathed.

I was struggling to breathe, the air in the car seeming to turn to fire and burning my lungs.

Just when fear caught me, that perhaps Terry had hurt Richard to get to me, Richard appeared at the end of his driveway with three mugs of tea. Handing them to the workmen, he laughed at something one of them said before he turned around and disappeared back towards the house.

Numbly, I sat in the same place for hours until dusk set in and my tears had subsided. If Richard had come back out he would have spotted me, yet fate that day decided I was worthy of a lucky break – for a change.

What was Richard’s connection with Terry? And was that why he had worked his way into my life, because of Anderson? Or that after finding out about my connection with Anderson, was Terry scared I would make the link between us and alert Anderson and the police to the fact he was still alive?

Yet Anderson already knew.

Terry Asher was like a cat with nine lives.

Well this time it wouldn’t be curiosity that killed the cat.

“Hello, Ben.”

My ex-husband shot his eyes upwards, his jaw falling open to accommodate the substantial pull of air into his lungs. Then his eyes closed for a moment, his shoulders sagged and he smiled, almost to himself. “Thank fuck,” he breathed.

He scrambled up from his chair and rushed around his desk, and within moments I was in his embrace, his strong arms once again wrapping around me as he pulled me close to him. Old feelings rushed back with his familiar scent and the special way only he could hold me. It had been four years since I’d seen him, and I was happy he looked good, healthy and happy.

“Jesus, Kloe. I was scared shitless.”

Holding me at arm’s length, he scrutinised every part of me, his brow furrowing when he saw how thin I had become since we’d last seen each other. “The police visited. What the hell is going on?”

“I’m okay.” I took his hands in my own, the gentle warmth of his skin against mine easing the chill that had settled in my bones since I’d found out Brian –
Terry
– was still alive. “I needed a break so I had a holiday,” I lied easily.

A scowl broke across his smile and he clenched his jaw. “Bloody hell, Klo! Some nutter is threatening your life, kills your friend and you go on your jollies.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, hating that I was lying and that I’d caused him this much worry. “I didn’t think.”

“Perhaps next time you should consider telling someone before you take off. Everyone thought this fucker had gotten to you!”

“I know, I’m sorry.” I apologised sincerely because I
was
sorry, especially that my mess had once again come back on him. “It just all got on top of me after Dave…”

“Dave? What about Dave?”

Guilt and grief tightened my chest. Tears filled my eyes and I brought his hand to my lips and kissed his knuckles. “Dave’s dead, Ben.”

His mouth twisted in pain and he lowered his eyes to the floor. “I’m so sorry, Kloe.”

“I know,” I whispered. “Me too.”

He sighed, giving my hand a squeeze then gestured for me to sit down. He moved around his desk and sat in his own chair as I perched on the edge of the other, my nerves once again at the forefront.

“I need a favour.”

He nodded straight away. “Of course. Anything.”

“I need you to put me in touch with the private investigator your firm uses.”

Tensing, he tipped his head and narrowed his eyes on me. “Why?”

“I need him to find out something for me.”

“Kloe?”

Swallowing, I twisted my hands in my lap. “A friend has been… acting weird. I know there’s something off with him and that he’s lying about who he is. I just need to know who he really is.”

Hesitating, he chewed on his lip then sighed. “Okay. Give me a name and I’ll get in touch with him.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, I gave him a grateful smile. “Thank you. His name’s Richard Leyland. He owns Leyland Veterinary Practice in Redbridge.”

He nodded, tapping at his keyboard.

“So, how are you?” I asked when he went quiet.

Glancing at me with a smile, he nodded. “I’m good.”

“And Sarah?” I hadn’t wanted to ask but a part of me needed to know.

“Oh, we’re not…” He shook his head briskly. “She moved away to London around eighteen months ago. She got a job with a huge law firm in…” He broke off and blinked at his computer monitor. Peering closer, he looked confused, his brows almost touching with his severe frown. “Kloe, this guy, what did you say his name was?”

Sensing his puzzlement, I got up and walked around his desk. “That’s him.” I pointed to Richard’s picture that was exhibited on his practice website.

Squinting harder, Ben shook his head and peered up at me. “But…this isn’t Richard Leyland. His name’s Robert Dean.”

“What?”

“His sister did an apprenticeship with me. God, around six or seven years ago now. You remember her, Nina Dean, the girl that went missing.”

I stared at him. “Yeah.” I nodded vaguely. “I remember.”

“I remember Robert because he was strange. He was always turning up as if he was checking up on Nina.”

Tapping my teeth together when my mind went haywire, something clicked and I gasped. “I remember. Weren’t you concerned about her because she kept coming to work with bruises?”

He nodded quickly. “Yeah, I was. I had an inkling her disappearance had something to do with her father, and mentioned it to the police, but maybe her brother…”

My blood ran cold and when my knees buckled, Ben’s arm moved around my waist to support me. “Ben, did you ever see her father?”

“Yeah, a couple of times he came to pick her up.”

Pulling around his keyboard, I opened up the internet and brought up the article of the hotel fire. Scrolling down, my heart beating so hard I was sure Ben could hear it, I stopped on Terry’s photograph. “Is this him?”

The blood ran from Ben’s face and slowly he nodded as he turned to look at me. “Yeah,” he murmured, “that’s him.”

Jesus Christ! How many lives did Terry Asher have? I just knew that Nina wouldn’t ever be found again. I remembered at the time when Ben and I had discussed her sudden disappearance we had speculated that maybe the poor girl had run from her abusive family. But now that seemed highly unlikely.

“Kloe, you need to take this to the police.”

I hated that I had to lie to Ben but I couldn’t risk involving him. I knew he’d try to protect me, and that he’d put himself at risk just for me. “Yes, of course. I’m going now.”

He nodded then walked with me when I made for the door. “Listen while you’re here. I needed to, uhh…”

His nerves were evident and I turned back to him, giving him my full attention. “What?”

Licking his lips apprehensively, he grimaced. “I’ve met someone, Kloe. I’m getting married,” he finished with a whisper.

Although his disclosure ached deep inside me, I couldn’t help but smile. He was happy, and he deserved that. Bringing my hand to his face, I placed it on his cheek and smiled. “I’m glad. You deserve to be happy, Ben.”

“I’m so sorry about us. I was stupid and…”

“Shh,” I quietened him quickly with a finger to his lips. “We both know it was both our faults.”

“No,” he said adamantly, shaking his head. “You never did…”

“Exactly,” I cut him off. “I never did. I never talked to you about my past, and in the end it killed us. I should have trusted you enough to… talk.”

He smiled, albeit sadly. “And now?” he asked. “You’ve found someone who helps you talk?” He could always read me, and for that I would always value his friendship.

“It’s complicated.”

“Then uncomplicated it.” He spoke like it was so easy. “Whoever he is, if you trust him enough to be open with him, then you make him see just how fucking beautiful you are underneath all the scars, Kloe. Although I’m positive he already sees you. You need someone who is strong enough to carry the weight of your broken soul. I wasn’t strong enough…”

“Ben.”

“It’s okay, Kloe. I loved you, and I know you loved me.”

He was right and I nodded firmly. “Deep down, I’ll always love you, Ben. You were my husband, the man I trusted to hold my hand and pull me through life, and you did that. You helped me to breathe every damn day.”

His eyes shimmered with moisture and he grabbed onto my hand. “I know, and to most that’s all that matters, but you need more, and I’m not too proud to admit that I couldn’t ever give you that more. And it will take someone special to give you that more. You find him, then the more he will give you, the more those wounds will start to heal.”

Grabbing him, I held onto him so tightly. His arms held me back just as strongly, and what we had failed to do in the whole of our marriage, we managed to do in that single fierce embrace.

Tears slid down my cheeks when we pulled apart and he wiped them away, his handsome face smiling at me through the blur. “You will have to come and meet Jenny. She’d love to meet you.”

Jenny.
Strangely, her name didn’t hurt me as much as I had expected it to. And I was pleased about that.

“I will.”

He smiled. We both knew that I lied, that this would be the very last time we would ever see each other. Deep down I would always love Ben; he’d been my first love and that love always lives in a part of you forever. But I also knew I was in love with Anderson. Whereas Ben was my first love, I knew within my heart that Anderson would be my everlasting love, the man who would forever hold the shattered pieces of my soul and carry them for me. As toxic as our love was, it was also medicine that soothed the agony that lived with me, and even though he had used me and hurt me, finally surrendering to that love crumbled away something inside me and for the first time in many years I took a full breath.