Cajun Vacation (22 page)

She tried listing all her rules, bright lines, and other requirements in her head: if they refuse or play games then leave. Only rented rooms, never someone’s house, especially hers. All they want is sex, so keep any other emotions besides lust locked away. Don’t drink alcohol on dates, he might take advantage of you. Don’t do romantic dates. Don’t accept a drink directly from a man, he might have drugged it. She knew she had other rules, but they all began to jumble together. Blood rushed to her head as she tried to remember some more, but she squinted her eyes together to keep the rush from exploding into a headache. So many rules. Her relationship with men was like moonlighting a second job. It exhausted her to keep track of everything, yet she had tossed all her rules aside, one-by-one, with Peter.

If he wasn’t going to have sex with her then what did he want? There had to be something, men always wanted something. She just needed to figure it out and make sure he didn’t get it, unless she wanted him to have it. Control needed to stay with her, no matter how difficult it might seem. She yawned again and moved closer to Peter, resting her head on his shoulder.

Her mind continued its warnings while her heart told her everything would be OK. She took another drink, not knowing which part of herself to believe. Her head, her rules, had served her so well for years. She shouldn’t ignore them so quickly. Her heart had only gotten her hurt.

Peter wrapped an arm around her, while his other hand stroked her forehead. “You’re tired,” he said. “Go to sleep. I’ll be right next to you when you wake up.”

She pushed the warnings in her head away and closed her eyes. She felt Peter take the tea from her hand and heard the clink of him placing it back on an end table. Tomorrow she’d have to figure out what he wanted from her, but now she needed to sleep like she had been awake for days.

Peter pulled her closer, enveloping her in his warmth, and she knew without a doubt that he would be there when she woke up, and he wouldn’t have done anything to take advantage of her.
He wants to love you forever — if you let him
. Her mind screamed that it was a lie as she let herself fall into a deep sleep.

***

“Don’t know what you’re talking about. You wanted it. Real bad.”

She stirred, half-asleep as the memory played itself over and over. The school dance. The after-party at Craig’s house. She refused the beer, so he got her a water. Then she became woozy and he took her upstairs. In the half-conscious memories she had next, Craig was on her. Inside her. Taking her virginity. Then she remembered the teasing, and vulgar propositions of all the other boys at school. She was easy. The girl who wanted it. Eventually she discovered that others at the party had known about what Craig intended. No one bothered to stop him or help her. She had learned the hard way what men wanted and promised to never be the one getting used again. In the seven years since, she’d never forgotten it, and always been the one in charge.

She deepened her breath and became aware of her pillow rising and falling underneath her. Her hands moved to fluff and steady the pillow under her head. Then she felt the coarse fabric of jeans, a belt buckle, and hard muscle. She opened her eyes to stare up at Peter, still sleeping with his head resting on the back of the sofa. Her legs sprawled down the length of the sofa, her head rested in his lap.

Her body shook as she remembered yesterday. The excitement she felt at the hotel when she saw him. Modeling for him at his studio. His reluctance to sleep with her. The long walk, dinner, and dancing. Then her request to go back home with him with the promise of nothing other than sleep.

What was wrong with her? What was she doing? She needed to run. To leave right now before he woke up and entangled her in his charm. She lifted her head off his lap and he stirred. His eyes never opened, but his hand moved to stroke the length of her arm. Excitement filled her under his touch and she rested her head back down into his lap.

He could have done anything to her while she slept. She wouldn’t have cared; most likely she would have encouraged it, if he had tried. But he didn’t. Now she felt more refreshed than she had in years. In his lap, his arms, his care, she had slept better then she had in her own bed. She even woke up with all of her clothes on. But with Peter she knew, that she could have fallen asleep with nothing but her panties or bra on, or even naked, and he never would have touched her.

What was wrong with him? A beam of light passed through the shades and fell on his face. His eyes squinted, and then opened. He turned his head down to her. Her heart swelled up and she knew. Nothing was wrong with him. He was just that kind of man. And tonight they’d say goodbye. He stomach lurched.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his smile turning into a frown.

She lied. “Nothing. I’m just wondering about my sisters.”

“I make a wicked omelet if you want some breakfast,” he said. “You don’t have to get back right away do you?”

Erica and Sara would be pissed with her by now. She had turned her phone off and been completely unreachable, but it was worth it. “I should go back to the hotel and check-in with the two of them,” she said.

“Could you do it by phone?” he asked.

“I’m afraid if I turn it on that it’ll explode with angry voicemails. I hope they haven’t called in a missing persons on me.” She started laughing. “Wouldn’t that just be the highlight of the weekend? My face up on the news.”

“I think you have to be missing a few days before they started doing that, but you should get a message to them,” he said. “I know you have the tour tonight, but if you can, I’d love to spend some of this afternoon with you.”

Her heart skipped a beat as he spoke and she grabbed his hand. “Yes,” she said.

He cocked his head. “Yes, you need to get a message to your sisters? Or yes, you’ll spend some time with me today?”

“Both,” she said and then sat up on the sofa. She leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. “No real kisses until I can freshen up. Morning breath is awful and you have two killer omelets to make.”

“I’ll deal with it,” he said and pulled her in for a proper kiss, his lips melting against hers. A small moan escaped her throat, even as she pushed him away.

“Ladies choice,” she said, holding a finger up. “No where’s the bathroom?”

“Down the hallway on the left. I’ll get some breakfast started while you clean up.”

“Do you mind if I take a quick shower?” she asked.

“Of course not. There are towels in the closet. Just take what you need,” he said, starting to stand.

She stood frozen in place, looking at him. “You can join me, if you like,” she said. Any other time, she would have started squeezing her breasts, or made some other come-hither sensuous motion. But now, all she could manage was to wring her hands together and wonder if she really wanted him to say yes or no.

His body gave small shake like he’d just been electrocuted and he sucked in a breath. Then he let out a deep breath. “You’ll love my omelets.”

Peter went into the kitchen and she headed for the bathroom. Once she turned the corner and left his sight, she suppressed an urge to skip or hop the rest of the way. Someone in this apartment was crazy. She didn’t know if it was her or Peter, but she couldn’t remember the last time she felt this happy.

Chapter 30

“I don’t know where they could have run off to,” said Alicia, slipping a note under one of the hotel doors.

“Maybe they’re out hanging ‘Have you seen’ posters,” he said.

Alicia’s mouth dropped open, and she lightly punched his arm. “Don’t even say that. I’ll feel so bad if they’ve gone out looking for me.” She took his arm and they headed back to the elevators. “Sara will probably call me after she gets the note.”

“You turning the phone back on then?” he asked.

The look she gave him boiled his blood and the bulge in his pants started twitching. “Not until after our afternoon date,” she said, giving his arm a squeeze.

He didn’t know how he did it. Last night had been so hard, and so easy all together. When Alicia lay down in his arms on the sofa, he had wanted her so much he thought his pants would burst. But then he remembered how tired she looked on the street, a fatigue that increased the closer she got to sleep. By the time she had put her head on his shoulder, she looked worn.

Only her eyes still sparkled, as she looked up at him. Then her eyes closed and she fell asleep. The urges that dominated his body subsided and soon he wanted nothing more than to continue protecting her. Underneath the exhaustion, Alicia was a glittering jewel. During the photo shoot he had seen a part of her shine, but now he knew that it was mostly show. A fa�ade that she put up for others to see. Deeper inside, she was bruised.

Last night, she had acted unguarded. He was certain of it. Even today, she seemed more open with him than when they first met. But some walls had gone back up. Now he was determined to get under her skin so deep that he’d break down her wall permanently. He couldn’t let her go. He knew that now. Something inside him had switched back on when he was with her and he couldn’t let her leave today with nothing more than a memory. Somehow he had to convince her that they deserved a shot together; that they could have a real future. He had to tell her that he loved her.

The words rumbled through his head and for the first time in years he knew he meant them. Long ago, before he settled down with Jackie, he had said them to women, but they didn’t mean anything. For the second time in his life he had been blessed with meeting a woman that he knew he could love for the rest of his life. If Alicia, didn’t feel the same way, he’d be crushed, but he couldn’t let today end without her knowing how strong his feelings had become for her.

But before he got into opening up more, he had to find the right time, and they had things to do. “Would you mind if we made a little detour? There’s a fair over at the park that I’d like to stop by at before we head out for the afternoon.”

“What kind of fair?” she asked. He held the exit door open for her and she gave his arm a squeeze as she walked outside.

He took her hand again, and they walked down onto the street. “It’s put on by a collation of environmental groups in the area. It’s fairly large — food, rides, some art by environmentally friendly artists. That sort of thing.”

“Hmm, and would one of those ‘environmentally friendly artists’ be you?”

He cleared his throat. “Well, I may have donated a few photos to some of the charities to see if they could sell them. I should probably make an appearance, it might sell a few pieces and raise some money for a good cause.”

“OK. But I get a cotton candy out of it?”

He smiled. Alicia might have skipped desert at dinner last night, but if she was showing him her sweet tooth, then he hoped it was a sign that she continued to grow more comfortable around him. “One bag. All for you. I won’t even ask you to share.”

“I’m going to hold you to it,” she said. “Now which way is that fair?”

***

“You took this photo
where
?” asked Alicia. It was a dumb question since a description sat under each frame, but it came out of her mouth anyway.

“It’s the Cascades Mountains in Washington,” he said. “Most people think that you have to leave the US to find the most exotic and breathtaking views, but if you know where to go, they’re right her in America.”

“It’s gorgeous,” she said. “I’ve traveled all over the east coast and mid-west, but I’ve never made it out west.”

“We’ll have to correct that,” he said.

She stiffened next to him at the mention of them possibly being a ‘we’. Peter tensed up as well. He didn’t move as he waited for a response or some form of reaction. Instead she took pulled another clump of cotton candy from her bag, ate it, and moved on to another picture.

The crowd in the arts & craft section of the fair had gotten larger in the hours since they’d arrived, and she needed to take more care not to bump into people. Peter’s photographs seemed to be a hit. Since they had arrived, some of his prints had sold.

He followed next to her as she continued down the line of photos. She took time to examine each one for some clue to some hidden aspect of Peter’s character. But she didn’t see anything except a man who loved his work with a passion.

His words still rang in her head. He had misspoke. There was no ‘we’ future for them. She had already developed feelings for him against every vow she had made. When she said goodbye later tonight it would twist her heart, but it needed to happen. Her own good depended on it. She couldn’t let a man control her happiness.

She needed to take some control of their day together. Since going to his studio, she had completely submitted to everything Peter had wanted to do. Of course, the only thing she had wanted yesterday was sex, so Peter had made things more interesting by refusing, but now they had less than a day together. Being with him, she could almost feel her concerns wiped away. If it wasn’t for the nagging doubt, that maybe she should just make one last attempt to get him as a lover, she’d be perfectly content.

She still wanted him. He had refused her again this morning with the shower, but she knew that she couldn’t let him go without having him. If she said goodbye and nothing had happened then she’d wonder for the rest of her life what it might have been like. The second-guessing that she’d put herself through would be endless.

But every time that she wanted to move physically closer to him, she remembered the real reluctance that he had to initiating sex. It wasn’t just an act to him, or some form of reverse psychology seduction that he was using against her. He really didn’t want to have sex. Or maybe he did, but his will to keep his promise was stronger. She hadn’t seen any man as special as Peter, and she didn’t want to be the woman to hurt him, so she tried to keep her hands to herself.

But every time they held hands or exchanged a small kiss, her resolve to leave him without trying for sex, crumbled a little further, and she wanted be with him at least once. It wouldn’t mean anything, but with Peter she could at least pretend that making love was special and not the meaningless hookups she usually did.