Authors: Quinn Loftis,M Bagley Designs
Tally is strong, no doubt, but everyone has their breaking point.
“I’m learning something, and it’s a lesson that I don’t think most people learn until later on in life, way past their teenage years. Happiness is fleeting. It hits like a bolt of lightning, and then
it is gone again in the blink of an eye. More life is lived in the valley with the rain, than on the mountain top with the bolts of lightning. That may seem insightful for a seventeen year old, but what is truly profound is this: if you want to have a full life, then you will figure out a way to find joy in the rain soaked valley.” ~Tally
“How are things with Bobby?” I ask Nat, as I lay on the floor of my room staring up at the ceiling. She is on my bed painting her toe nails and humming a Dixie Chicks
’ song about some loser named Earl.
“Good, but almost too good, you know?”
I snort as a huff of laughter escapes me, “Yeah, I totally know. Trey is…,” I pause trying to find the right words, ones that are not insulting, yet truthful, “he’s just intense and I keep thinking what if this is just an act, or if this is how he thinks he has to act, in order for me to date him.”
“I don’t think it is,” she says.
“I mean, think about it, Tal. He comes from a totally different culture and, based on how he dresses and sometimes the way he talks, it’s not like he’s Native American and that’s just his heritage, it’s a part of who he is and part of what has made him who he is. Add to that the fact that his mother is sick and he has had to take care of her. You end up with a guy who never really has been able to be young. He’s a grown man, with grown man responsibilities. He’s a keeper Tally.”
I roll over on my side, bending my arm up, so I can prop my hand on my head. I look up at Nat and smile, “I think so too and I’m trying to keep from worrying about the
what ifs
.”
“Good. Now back to your original question, Bobby has been great. He took me out last night and we just sat at the restaurant and talked. It’s so weird to realize how much stuff we didn’t know about one another.”
I feel my heart swell as I listen to the happiness saturate Nat’s words. Her face lights up every time she says his name and it makes me think about how I feel when I say Trey’s name, or when I think of Trey. This is what seventeen is supposed to be like I realize, boys, my best friend, painting toe nails, and just living. I try to soak it in like a dry sponge seeking out any tiny drop of water. I want to hold on to this feeling for as long as possible, to treasure it for the gift that it is.
“Why aren’t you with Trey today?” Nat asks me.
“I actually haven’t seen him since Friday. He’s had to work and help his grandmother with some stuff. I don’t want him to think that I need to spend every waking moment with him. He’s been texting me and that’s been nice.”
“So, what do you want to do today besides listen to me ramble on about my emerging love life?” She flutters her eyelashes at me dramatically.
“I want to visit Candy; I haven’t seen her since Thursday. You want to come?”
“Sure, but then
afterward we are going shopping.”
I narrow my eyes at her, “Shopping for what?”
She lets out an exasperated sigh, “Tally please tell me you haven’t totally forgotten about the upcoming Fall Ball?”
“Oh yeah, the dance,” I say, attempting to seem totally oblivious to it. “Are you sure I should just assume that Trey and I are going?”
“Oh please, even if he doesn’t ask you, you’re still going.” Nat raises an eyebrow, giving me her
just try me
look.
“Why would I go without him?” I ask her.
“Because, it’s your senior year and you will be going to every dance we have. You have to make memories Tal, memories that you can smile about.”
I can see that she means well. She just wants me to be happy, like Candy. She wants me to experience life.
“Don’t argue with me Tally,” she continues, “just accept that as long as I am here you will be doing things that you might not want to, but that are for your own good.”
“Yes mother,” I say, dryly.
“Yeah, well someone needs to be.” She snaps.
“You done?”
“For now.”
I roll my eyes at her as I stand up. “Good, let’s go.”
~
As we’re walking into Mercy, I feel my back pocket vibrate. I pull my phone out and look down to see a text alert.
Trey: How r u?
Will I try and pretend my face didn’t just break into some stupid grin? Absolutely, but the proof is in the pudding.
Me: Good, about to visit Candy.
It’s several minutes before he responds and just before we reach Candy’s room, he finally does.
Trey: Call me if u need me.
Oookay, I think to myself, that wasn’t really the response I was expecting. I just shrug it off.
Me: K
I tuck it back in my pocket and then knock on Candy’s closed door.
“What?” I hear her snap from behind the door
.
Nat looks at me and I shake my head. “She’s always like that.”
“Candy, it’s Tally and Natalie, can we come in?”
I hear rustling and then the door opens.
She looks so very tired. Her eyes are sunken in and her lips drawn tight across her face. Her usually quick movements are now sluggish, and seem to take an enormous amount of effort for her.
“Candy are you alright? Don’t tell me no, because it’s obvious something is wrong.”
“If it’s obvious, then why bother to ask?” She asks flatly.
“Because, it’s not like you are going to offer the information up willingly.” I point out.
“I’ve had a little cold, it’s nothing to get your panties in a wad about.”
I watch her as she sits on her bed and
I honestly wonder how she is going to push herself back against the headboard. She seems so weak, but she manages it, although, she is short of breath afterwards. Natalie glances at me and I see the same worry in her eyes that I know is in my own.
“It’s good to see you Candy,” Nat tells her and I believe she genuinely means it. I think that Nat’s fondness of Candy
stems from the fact that Candy was there for me all summer.
Candy nods at Natalie, but doesn’t respond. We stand there in front of her bed simply looking at her and it’s the first time I can ever remember feeling awkward in front of her.
“Brat,” she looks up at me. “Go get us some cards or something. You two just standing there staring at me is making me feel like a cockroach you’ve stepped on and are waiting for its legs to stop kicking so you can grab it and throw it out.”
“Feeling descriptive today I see,” I say, as I head for the door.
“I didn’t ask for a running commentary on my behavior. Go get the damn cards.” She growls at me.
This I can take. Candy, growling and snapping means that she’s all right. Subdued, quiet Candy scares me.
Natalie stays while I head towards the rec room to grab a deck of cards. As I enter the room, I see Trey’s mom sitting over in her usual spot. She, like Candy, seems to be withering away. The bright eyes that had glimmered at me with anger, weeks ago, were now foggy and lost.
I grab one of the decks from the table, and then walk over to where she is sitting. I take the seat right next to her and sit silently for a moment waiting to see if she will acknowledge me.
When she doesn’t, I finally speak. “Hi Mrs. Swift,” I say softly.
She continues to stare straight ahead, totally oblivious to my presence.
I try again, “Trey tells me you’re having a rough time.”
It has to be the sound of his name that makes her respond. She slowly turns her head to look at me and there is a flash of recognition.
“Trey,” she whispers, and her voice is dry and scratchy as if it had been a long time since her last drink of water.
“I’m Tally, do you remember me?”
She stares and I think she is trying to place me.
“You came back to him,” she murmurs. “I told him you would.”
Her words surprise me.
“Yes, he can be quite persuasive when he wants to be.” I smile warmly.
“He deserves to be happy,” She tells me, and then suddenly growls. “NO, I will not say such a thing.”
I realize that she isn’t speaking to me, but to someone that I cannot see, and based on how her body begins to shake
, whoever that someone is terrifies her.
“Are you alright Mrs. Swift? Do I need to get the nurse?” I ask her as I lean forward and place my hand on the one she has resting on her lap. It is fisted and she is squeezing it so tight that her knuckles have turned white.
“There is no help for me child. No one can help me.” Her eyes meet mine and I steel myself against the sickness I see there. “They are determined to have me, and I’m tired of fighting.”
I feel a ripple of fear slide down my spine. “Lolotea, please keep trying. Trey needs you here, with him.”
I wait for her to respond but her eyes have once again fogged over and she has retreated back inside. I sit there a moment longer and gently squeeze her hand. As I stand and begin to walk away, I hear a soft voice, “It’s you he needs now.”
I glance back at her, but she doesn’t appear to have moved.
“Did you have to go to the manufacturer to get the freaking cards?” Candy gripes, as I walk back into her room.
“I saw Trey’s mom and sat to talk with her a moment.” I tell her as I grab the only chair in the room and scoot it closer to the bed. I motion for Nat to take the chair and I climb up on the bed next to Candy.
“Her clock is ticking,” Candy mutters.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“There are some who just can’t be helped Tally. I’ve seen it. Some with schizophrenia just don’t respond to any treatment and they just get worse over time.”
“Are you saying she is going to die?” Nat’s eyes are wide.
“Yes, but not from natural causes. They have her on suicide watch, especially at night.”
“What does that mean?” Natalie asks.
“It means that she has to have someone with her at all times.” I explain.
“Trey never mentioned it.”
“It just started.”
Candy deals out the cards to us and we play rummy, the only card game I know besides slap jack.
“No cheating Candy,” I warn.
“Psht, are you kidding? Like I would ever cheat.”
“Liars go to hell, you know that right?” Natalie teases.
“I’m going to hell Natalie, but not because of lying.”
I can’t tell if she meant it to be funny, just one of her off handed statements, but something in the tone of her voice suggests it was more than that.
I spend the rest of our time trying to goad Candy into our usual easy banter, but no matter how many times she responds to me, it’s never quite as light as it used to be.
Seven hands of
rummy, four arguments, and two cussing fits by Candy later, Nat and I decide we need to be going if we are going to get some shopping in.
“We’re going to look at dresses for the Fall Ball,” Nat tells her.
“Well, make sure you buy a dress that’s just south of
my garage is open
, but just north of
the lights are on.
”
“What does that even mean?” Natalie asks.
“Don’t ask,” I tell her.
I tell Candy bye, no hugs. Candy doesn’t do hugs, and we leave.
“She looks anything but alright,” Natalie, says what I’ve been thinking.
“Agreed, but she’s not about to admit there is something wrong.”
~
“Would you say this dress fits Candy’s description?” Nat asks me as she turns in the mirror, looking this way and that. The dress is hot pink and looks great against her tan skin. It comes to the middle of her thigh and the top is a halter with a back that opens to just below the shoulder blades. The dress bunches in strategically placed intervals from the bust all the way to the hem. It does awesome things for her figure.
“At this point Nat I don’t care if the dress screams
take me now right here on this floor
. We’ve been at this for hours and you’ve tried on every dress in five different stores. Buy one already.” I groan as I sit on the chairs provided outside the dressing room. My own dress lay next to me on the adjoining chair. I had decided on a black sheath dress that hit about three inches above my knees. It is off the shoulders with a shear peace of floral lace wrapping around the top. The lace continues down covering the nude satin material underneath, and of course I added a pair of long black gloves to cover my self-decorated arms.
“I want it to be perfect,” she pouts.
“Bobby thinks you’re beautiful already, a dress isn’t going to affect that.”
“Maybe not, but it will make him drool.” She winks at me, and after looking at herself one, more time in the mirror
, she nods, “This is the one.”